Page 14

14

Spencer

C haos. My life has become chaos, and not the organized type. Absolute insanity. I’m not used to sharing my life, house, and especially not my bed with anyone else but Gage. At times in their lives, Justin and Nicole have stayed at my house for temporary placement, but I just agreed to keep Katy. And apparently, along with Katy comes three sexy men who…all want me?

How did this happen?

As much as this morning was a complete shock to wake up to, I let it happen. I let it happen because it never does. Lincoln’s hands and mouth on me felt, well, if I’m being honest with myself, it felt right.

“Should we talk about it?” There’s an edge of nervousness to Miller’s question.

“What ‘it’ are you referring to?” He knows full well I know what he’s asking about.

“Okay, Smithy. Let’s be coy. We can talk about the kiss between you and my boyfriend. The fondling between the three of us. Oh! Or how about the orgasm that my boyfriend gave you? Where would you like to start?”

I’m surprised he waited until two hours into our shift before he started interrogating me. Can I confess things to him? Of the three guys, Miller and I have the strongest relationship. He fills in for Justin as my partner when my best friend does things like spend months in rehab or has not one but two babies and takes twelve weeks off each time. I rarely wear my mask around him anymore, and I consider him a good friend.

“I don’t sleep much.”

“Okay? That’s not where I thought this conversation would go. Do you want to talk about that ?” I stare out the front window of the ambulance as we drive aimlessly.

“The past two nights, I’ve slept. I haven’t had any nightmares. When Lincoln and I went into my bedroom last night, he wanted to show me what was in the envelope left at my door.”

“What was in it?”

“I don’t know. I guess we fell asleep. We talked for a while about Katy, and then I woke up to…well, you saw.” I’m not embarrassed by what happened. I’m not even sure I can say I’m surprised. Katy wasn’t wrong when she pointed out the obvious tension between us. While being physically around Lincoln is new, I’ve been attracted to his voice for years.

“I’m not sure I understand why you’re telling me this, Smithy.”

Besides Justin, no one knows much about my past, and I like it that way. I have rough obstacles to hurdle in my everyday life. Being seen as a victim is not something I want to deal with.

I may not know exactly what’s in that envelope, but I know the handwriting that my name is written in.

Shane .

I’ve felt his presence a few times. I wasn’t all too surprised when my father saw him sitting down the street. Shane doesn’t scare me anymore. I’ve built my life around making sure I never had a reason to fear him. He’s the reason for the locks and security system—why I have so many guns hidden around the house. Gage.

“I think Lincoln has helped me sleep. Although, he seems to be a heavy sleeper with wandering hands, so I’m not quite sure why.”

“I happen to like his wandering hands.” I glance at Miller, and he winks at me.

“What should we get for lunch?”

“Spencer, it’s barely ten in the morning. I’m not thinking about lunch yet. What are you avoiding?”

I’m avoiding a lot, but it’s not just me.

“What are you avoiding, Miller?” I hear his chuckle

“I’m jealous. I’ve been pining after you for years, and within days, my boyfriend gets to have you before me. I’m wounded, Spencer.”

“Why?”

“Why am I wounded?”

“No. Why me? I’ve seen you with other women over the years. Why have you been pining over me for so long when you could have your pick? I have the same question for Axel. He does have whatever woman he wants.”

I’ll admit at first, I was oblivious to Miller and Axel’s flirting. They’re both ladies men, and I took their flirting as over-friendliness. I’ve seen how they treat other women and that’s not how they treated me. I’ve never felt like I was a woman for them to conquer.

“Are we really doing this right now? Could you at least pull over so I can look at you and not your profile.” I dip my head and switch lanes. It’s a reasonable request that I can grant.

I pull into a shopping center and back the ambulance into a spot at the rear of the parking lot.

Turning off the rig, I shift in my seat to face Miller. He’s massaging his forehead with his hand, deep in thought.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that would be a stressful question.”

“That right there, Smithy. That’s part of it.” He peers at me with a look of awe in his eye.

“I don’t understand.”

“Exactly.”

I feel lost in a conversation that’s barely started. My apology is a reason he feels emotions for me?

“Can I hold your hand while I tell you all this?” He extends his arm, palm up, allowing me to accept or reject it. I see no harm and slide my hand into his.

His panty-melting smile appears, and I wonder if it was a mistake to touch him until his thumb brushes over the top of my hand, and my body lights up under his touch.

“Smithy, Spencer. There are few genuine surprises in life. Every day we clock in, and as different as each shift can be, it’s a job that I do. Sure, there are surprises from each call, but that’s my duty. You ? You constantly surprise me. Your neurodivergence has never been an issue for me. It intrigues me in ways that make me want to know you better.

“When Justin announced Nicole was pregnant again, I was counting down the weeks until I would get to ride with you. Working with you is a competition for my brain. WWSD. What would Spencer do? You make me a better person.”

“I didn’t know you thought of me like that. You flirt with everyone.”

A guilty look flashes over his face. His thumb continues to caress the top of my hand and my nerves ache to feel his touch in other places.

“I’m not as comfortable with my sexuality as Linc is. Hell, I’ve never been with a man other than him.”

“Are you gay? Bisexual? Experimenting?”

He chuckles and squeezes my hand. “God, this is why. You are exactly who you are, Smithy. There’s no ulterior motive. There is never any hidden meaning behind your words. What am I? I have no idea. I’m Lincoln’s boyfriend. I have been for over six months. I’m not experimenting.” Miller’s eyes take a slow perusal over my body, and I feel the heat of them on my skin as if I were naked. “I’m definitely not gay. I’m Lincoln’s, and he’s mine.”

“And this morning. Were boundaries crossed?” Miller’s boyfriend participated in sexual acts with me. I can’t imagine they’ve ever spoken about it before since it happened while Lincoln was asleep.

Realization dawns on me and I worry if I unconsciously crossed a boundary. “Oh no. Is Lincoln okay? I’m not a man.”

“Thank fuck for that.” He lifts my hand and kisses my knuckles. This is wildly inappropriate behavior for co-workers, and we are on duty in our workplace.

“Lincoln and I were both very okay with what happened. You’ve been the subject of many of his fantasies that he got to play out in his sleep this morning.”

I have no idea where things are going with any of these men, but it’s quickly becoming evident that they aren’t going anywhere. If they will be around, I owe them a version of my truth, even if it’s just for Katy. Since Katy isn’t going anywhere, I don’t think they are either.

“I need to send a text.” I remove my hand from his and feel the loss of his warmth.

Spencer: I need to talk with my three admirers. It’s time. Can I bring Katy to you for a few hours after work?

Justin: Of course. She’s always welcome. When did they become YOUR anything, Spence?

Spencer: They may not even be my friends after they hear about my past. I’ll drop her off around six. Thank you.

Justin: You have nothing to be ashamed of, and those three aren’t going anywhere. Good luck. I’m here if you need me, and I come with free baby puke.

Spencer: Thank you but I think I’ll pass on the baby puke.

Justin: Your loss. See you when you get here.

Spencer: Hello, Annie. Is there any chance you have time for coffee today? I’m on duty but could meet you somewhere close to your building.

Annie: Of course. I have a light day. I can meet you somewhere. Blake is here as well. Is this a business or social meeting?

Spencer: Social. Bring Blake.

“I need to call a house meeting tonight before Axel goes to work. But first, I have to have a quick lunch date.”

Miller looks confused but agrees.