Page 18

18

Spencer

T oday is one of the most unpredictable days in my life. An orgasm, another random kiss, a fight, and now Tucker is sitting in my living room. Tucker smartly chose an armchair while the other three sat on the couch.

Having Tucker here changes things. My mask is on, which it would have been for this conversation anyway, but my guard is also up. He knows nothing about me, and I’m about to reveal the most intimate side of myself.

The most confusing part about this situation is that everything about it feels right. Even Tucker’s presence feels like a piece of the puzzle I was unaware I was missing.

“Tails, talk to us. You’re making me nervous. What was in the envelope? What were the pictures?”

“Me…” They all stiffen, and I pause before sharing the most significant piece of the news. “And Katy.”

“What the fuck.”

“What’s going on?”

“Who sent them?”

“Are you in danger?”

The last question is from Tucker. The playful, flirtatious attitude he’s given me since we met is gone. Fury mars his features. He’s still wearing his cowboy hat, but his blue eyes are hooded.

“Are you and Katy in danger, Dream Girl?” I want to lie and tell them no, but that won’t help the situation. Instead, I add fuel to the fire and retrieve the envelope filled with pictures. I hand it to Lincoln since we were supposed to look at them last night, and of the four, he’s the most qualified to handle this situation as a police officer.

“Holy fucking shit. How far do these go back?” Lincoln continues to flip through the pictures and the rest lean in to look.

They haven’t gotten to the one with the note yet. I know the explosion is coming. I’m preparing and bracing for the outbursts when they do. I intentionally left it on the bottom of the pile.

I see it in their eyes the moment before it happens. Miller isn’t in the picture because he hadn’t arrived at my house yet, but it’s a close-up of me unlocking my front door, Lincoln carrying Katy, and Axel following. The words SHE’S MINE are written across the picture in black marker.

Loud roaring erupts in the room as they all talk over each other. I can’t make out anything they’re saying. Despite being prepared for the noise, it’s getting to me. Sirens, baby cries, screams of pain—I can handle those. The rage and anger of four very different voices as they paw through the pictures, hands, and arms flailing in every direction, is too much.

I slowly retreat toward my bedroom door when firm arms wrap around me from behind in a bare hug. My body instantly locks up before I smell rich leather and Tucker’s calming voice in my ear.

“Shh. It’s alright, Little Miss. I’ve got you.” His drawl is husky through his whisper as he gently rocks me in his arms. Without even knowing me, he read me. He knew what I needed.

One by one, the rest see what’s happening and quiet down. They each approach me and place a gentle hand on my body.

“We’re sorry, Tails. We didn’t mean to upset you. You’re important to us, and seeing those pictures of you and Katy…well, I know I’m fuming.” There are grumbles of agreement around me.

“I’m okay. I just…can I have a moment?”

“Yes.”

“Of course.”

“Whatever you need.”

“Are you sure you’re ready for me to let go?” Tucker tightens his bear hug ever so slightly to let me know he’s here if I need him.

“I-I’m overstimulated and need to do…something to help me compose myself again.” I trail my gaze to Miller and then to Lincoln. If any of them understand, it would be those two.

“Whatever you need, Little Miss.” Tucker slowly removes his arms, and I take a few deep breaths as the air around me prickles my skin.

“There are some—” If I’m going to do this, I have to be honest. “There are many things about me you don’t know.” I take a few steps forward and squat in front of the coffee table. Reaching under the lip, I remove my 9mm Glock Gen 19.

“There’s more?”

“More?” I give Axel a puzzled look.

“Yeah. I, um, found a couple when I was moving around the furniture earlier. I was planning to ask you about them at some point.” He nervously runs his hands through his perfect curls, and I find myself wondering what they would feel like between my fingers.

I set the gun down on the kitchen counter and move to a hall closet to retrieve the box with my cleaning supplies. When I sit at the counter and open the box, Lincoln approaches me.

“May I?” He motions toward the counter, and I nod. He lifts his left leg and rests it on the bottom rung of a stool, pulling up his pant leg to reveal his off-duty weapon. Removing it, he sits next to me at the counter and begins mirroring my motions.

Remove the magazine.

“Right out of high school, I met a recruit during my father’s annual department BBQ fundraiser. He was handsome and charming and despite my…flaws—”

“Smithy, don’t talk about yourself like that.”

I smile at him in appreciation. “As a naive eighteen year old who didn’t fully understand how I was different from others, I felt I was flawed. But Shane never acted like that mattered.”

Check the gun barrel for bullets.

“I was the center of his world. My father thought I had found a fantastic man. He’d made his career in the police force and knew I would be well cared for by a fellow brother-in-arms.”

Remove the slide.

“At nineteen, he told me he loved me, and I gave him my virginity. He had always been so patient with me about wanting to wait until I felt ready. A year and a half later, when I was almost twenty-one, he asked my father for his blessing to propose.”

Disengage the recoil spring.

“Without a doubt in his mind, my father said yes. I don’t know if Shane applied before or after he asked me, but two months after he proposed, he was offered a job in Indiana with more pay and room for advancement.”

Remove the gun barrel.

Lincoln’s hands copy every movement I make and at the same pace. He understands that this is therapeutic for me. It’s calming my nerves and helping me get through my story.

“Since we were engaged to be married and my EMT certification was national, it was only logical I move with him. Being alone in a place I didn’t know was intimidating for me, but I was in love, and Shane was my future. I would go where he goes. Once again, with my father’s blessing, we moved.”

Clear the carbon and any debris.

I take the cleaning rod out and screw on the brush tip. I only have one rod, and Lincoln waits his turn while I run it through the barrel.

“Thirty-seven days. That’s how long it took before I began to notice gradual changes. Things might have started sooner, but we were both in a new place, starting new jobs, and life was stressful. On that thirty-seventh day, he yelled at me. He knew my sensitivity to sudden loud noises.” I hear a throat clear and a sigh. “Please don’t beat yourself up for tonight’s outburst. I understand your reasoning and was prepared. Your reactions were just a bit more intense than I planned for.”

I hand the rod to Lincoln so he can use it to clean his barrel.

“Once Shane realized that raising his voice elicited such an extreme reaction, it continued. If dinner wasn’t done before he got home, his uniform not being properly pressed to his liking, he yelled. Despite his knowledge of my sensory issues with clothes, he decided one day that I needed to cover up my body, even while I was in the house. He made me wear baggy clothes from then on.”

Repeat previous step with a clean cloth.

Lincoln finishes and hands me back the rod. I switch the brush to the clip and add a cloth, to ensure the barrel is thoroughly cleaned.

“While I was there, I didn’t make any friends. I was never brave enough to ask if I could go out when my co-workers invited me. Shane kept asking me when we were going to get married, but I didn’t want to anymore. He must have seen the fear in my eyes and made the decision that if we weren’t getting married right away, we were going to start a family.”

I pass the rod and a new cleaning cloth to Lincoln when I realize he’s holding his breath. In fact, they are all looking at me and hanging on to my every word.

“I was never raped.”

“Thank fuck, Dream Girl.”

“Sorry I gave you that impression. I still loved Shane, or at least I thought I did. He threw away my birth control. At the time, I was willing to do anything to keep the peace and him happy.”

Oil the moving parts.

While Lincoln resumes his cleaning, I use a new cloth and oil to lubricate all the mechanics.

I close my eyes for a moment and take a few cleansing breaths. This next part hurts.

“It took me several months to get pregnant.” I hear their reactions to this news, but I need to keep going. “Once I did, things with Shane went back to normal. We were happy again. He wasn’t intentionally doing things to overstimulate me anymore. He stopped talking about getting married and talked about the son he was going to have. Only the blood work I had around ten weeks told me I was having a girl.”

Reassemble.

I put down all the tools and slowly put my gun back together. Lincoln stares at me, no longer worried about his.

“I didn’t tell him. I was too afraid to disrupt our newfound peace. I didn’t know until it was too late that he was coming with me to my next appointment. There wasn’t a chance to warn anyone not to mention the sex of the baby. When the doctor walked in, she cheerfully asked if we were excited about the news of our little girl. I wanted to act ignorant, but I couldn’t. I had told him the test was inconclusive, and he believed me.”

Without realizing it, the four men surround me in a comforting way. They’re listening and absorbing my words despite the war of emotions on their faces.

“He kept his calm the rest of the appointment and the entire ride home. Once we were home, that’s when it all started. He knew I had lied or, at the very least, had kept the truth from him. He locked me in the spare bedroom upstairs for two days before I saw him again. I had a bathroom and running water, but he didn’t bring me any food.” I stand and replace the gun back in the holster under the table.

Moving around the kitchen island, I open the lower cabinet on the other side, reach under, pull out another identical gun, and begin the cleaning process again.

“At the end of the second day, he brought me a hot dinner and apologized profusely. I was scared and starving, and I accepted both without hesitation. I had no one but him. I didn’t have many other people in my life, and my father thought Shane hung the moon. I felt ashamed that I couldn’t give him the son he wanted.”

“Smithy, you can’t blame—”

“I know this now. I know a lot of things now . Back then, not so much.” I turn my attention to Axel. “Can you bring me all of the guns you found today?” He wanders the house and brings me two more. He retrieves one from my bedroom and one from the guest bathroom. Four of the nine I keep hidden. I continued cleaning for a few minutes, building strength and courage to continue.

“At my twenty-week ultrasound, he came with me to confirm the baby still wasn’t a boy. Several times during the appointment, the technician asked if I was okay because I was trembling so badly. I told her it was nerves and I was cold, but in reality, I was scared. I didn’t want to be locked back up again. Things had already escalated. He would grab me roughly, causing bruises on my arms or hips. Shane talked about wanting to put the baby up for adoption because a girl was useless to him.”

“Fuck,” Axel curses under his breath, and I give him a tight smile.

“I was having a perfectly healthy pregnancy. My daughter looked beautiful on the scans and despite everything Shane was putting me through, I was excited to be a mother. I had hopes he would come around. Shane gave me a week of that hope after our ultrasound. I thought he had made peace with having a baby girl. The man he was when we lived here was back. He was sweet and attentive. He even took me out on a date. I was certain he was turning a new leaf. Until…” My hand trembled, making the gun rattle.

“Fuck this.” Tucker grabs me from behind in his bear hug again, but this time, he carries me to the couch and sits, planting me firmly in his lap. I adjust so I’m sitting across his legs and rest my head on his shoulder. Miller sits at my feet and lifts my legs into his lap. Axel joins us on the other side of Tucker and rubs my hip. Lincoln lowers himself to the floor between Tucker, and Miller and runs a soothing hand on my thigh. These men give me strength in their touch to relive the worst days of my life.

This is wrong…but it isn’t. I allowed Tucker, a man I know nothing about, to control me and my body. He carried me across the room, and I willingly took his comfort. I’m taking all of their comfort, and I feel…fine. It’s calming me. I don’t feel itchy or the need to crawl out of my skin. I feel content. And I need to finish my story.

“It was a Tuesday evening.”