Page 39

39

Spencer

M y alarm wakes me at one forty-five, and I attempt to roll over, but I’m stuck between two large bodies. I momentarily panic until I open my eyes and find Miller and Axel on either side of me, still sleeping.

Someone needs to wake up for Tucker and his alarm friend, and by the looks of these two sleeping beauties, it’s going to be me. As I’m peeling an arm off, Tucker walks in the door, looking refreshed and handsome. I don’t know when he left the bed, but I fell asleep after cleaning up.

“I’ve got it, Little Miss. You can go back to sleep if you’d like. Chip is starting at the big house to give y’all more time to sleep. I know the last two days have been rough.”

“Tucker.”

“I wouldn’t listen to any arguments earlier, and I won’t listen to them now. Let me ask you this, is there enough room for five grown adults in this pool house?”

“No.” It’s the truth. We are cramped here. The guys are living out of duffle bags, and we do laundry daily because of it. And some days, I feel like I need a second refrigerator with how much they eat.

“Is there enough room for a teenager and her baby?”

“No.” The spare bedroom has barely enough space for Katy’s bed and the dresser I bought. There’s no way a crib could fit in there as well.

Logically, I know the switch is needed and helpful, but that’s the house I grew up in, where my mother died, where I ran when my life fell apart after Shane. Despite holding so many good memories, the bad outweighs them in my head.

“Little Miss, can you give me a single, good reason why we shouldn’t take your father’s offer?” I can not, and that’s the problem. Tucker takes my silence as his answer. “That’s what I thought.” He runs his knuckles across my cheek. I know he does it because he likes tracing my freckles. “Sleep more. I’ll come and wake you when it’s time to start here. None of you got much sleep yesterday.”

I smile at him sweetly and try to get comfortable under all the man muscle around me. Gage’s ears twitch across the room when the front door closes. He sniffs the air then lays back down. He’s been oddly accepting of all the commotion around the house despite it being completely different from the life we had before all this chaos.

It feels like I’ve just fallen asleep when a phone rings that isn’t mine. Miller’s arm flails around, searching for it aimlessly before he finds it and sits up.

“Hey, Babe. You on your way home?”

I take the opportunity to pry myself from the bed and sneak off to the bathroom. I’m sore from the morning’s activities. A soreness that’s different from any gym workout I’ve ever done.

Checking the clock, it’s already after four p.m. I feel a little disoriented because I never sleep this late. Sleeping at all at any length is still new to me. Having warm bodies in my bed seems to have taken away the nightmares, or if I’m still having them, I’m not remembering.

I relieve my bladder, brush my teeth and hair, and go into the closet for clothes before reemerging in black biker shorts and a sports bra. When I step back into the bedroom, Axel is awake, and Miller is sporting a wide grin.

“We’re in trouble.”

“Trouble? How so?” I can’t imagine what I’ve done to constitute being in trouble. I’m a grown woman. I don’t do things to “get in trouble.”

“Lincoln watched the videos while at school. He told me to be ready.”

Alright, I can understand how we could be in trouble. Well, them at least. I was just a bystander.

“Oh good, you’re all up.” Tucker comes over and embraces me in a toe-curling kiss. I’m breathless by the time he pulls away. “Chip and his crew are ready to start on the outside of the house. I was coming to wake y’all.”

“How are you so chipper, Daddy Tucker?” Axel appears to be sticking with that name.

“Because I’m an adult that has to function no matter how much sleep I get.”

“Miller said Lincoln is on his way home and isn’t too happy with any of us.” There’s more excitement in Axel’s tone than there should be, but I presume his meds have worn off and part of his enthusiasm is his ADHD.

Tucker’s lip tilts as he looks down at me. “Is that so? I guess we’ll see what happens.”

We’re all standing in the kitchen when the front door swings open.

“Fireball, Spencer, Axel, bedroom, now.” As he comes into view from the foyer, there’s determination and fire in his eyes. “I don’t give two shits about who hears what outside these windows. You don’t get to tease me and get away that easily.” His voice is huskier than normal with lust, and my stomach flutters at his demanding tone.

“What do you need Axel and me for if Miller is the one in trouble?”

Lincoln strides toward me, wrapping one hand around my waist and the other through my hair. He gets inches from my lips before looking into my eyes.

“Because, Dream Girl, they’re going to watch as I make love to you. And then, when you’re satisfied and sated, I’m going to fuck Axel while Miller watches. I’m going to pound him until I find my release, but neither of them are going to be allowed to come.

Tucker chuckles from the other side of the room, and Lincoln’s head whips toward him.

“Don’t think I haven’t forgotten about you. I know you left when I did this morning, so I’m not exactly sure how you got involved in their escapades, but you need to deal with the new alarm system while I deal with them.”

“I look forward to it, brother. May I offer some assistance?” Pure mischief radiates off Tucker. He gestures toward the bedroom, and we all follow. “Where would you like them to watch from?”

Lincoln looks around the room to see what his options are. He pulls over my desk chair and drags over an armchair from another corner.

“Excellent. Sit down, boys.” With quizzical looks, Axel and Miller take their seats.

“I think voyeurism is pretty hot,” Axel boasts as he sits in the desk chair and spins.

Tucker offers me his wrists, showing me the black cuffs he always wears. These are the source of the leather I always smell when he’s around.

“Will you unbutton these for me, Little Miss?” Two black snaps hold each cuff in place. When I unbutton the two on his left wrist, I expect it to come off in one piece. Instead, it unwraps several times around, showing five individual strands of wrapped leather.

“What’s this?” I look at the twelve or so inches of cuff in my hand, and he takes it from me, offering his other wrist. This one unwraps the same, but he lets me hold it while we turn to Axel.

“Give me your hands.” Axel hesitantly lifts his arms, and Tucker holds his wrists together. With the leather wrap, he twines it around Axel’s wrists and snaps the cuff closed.

“What the fuck? You’ve been walking around, casually wearing handcuffs this entire time. Fuck yeah, Daddy Tucker!”

Tucker ignores him and looks back at me. “Would you like to learn how to wrap them?” I’m mesmerized by the leather in my hands. I gently pull the strips apart, and I can’t help but bring them to my nose and inhale.

“Leather. You.”

“Me?” Tucker places his hands over mine, and I watch as he begins to twist the cuff around my wrist, eventually closing the clips and binding my hands together.

“You always smell like leather.” Lifting my hands to my nose, I inhale again and close my eyes. “Now I know why.” As easily as he wrapped my wrists, he unwraps them and cuffs Miller’s together.

“They’re all yours, little brother.” Tucker claps Lincoln on the shoulder and exits the room with a wink and a tip of his hat.

Miller and Axel look feral as they assess their situation.

“Dream Girl, may I make love to you?” Lincoln offers me his hand, and I stare at it.

Every moment with these men chips away at me. None of it is bad, per se. I spent years carefully crafting a home for myself and Gage, a schedule and routine that not only worked for me but wouldn’t inconvenience anyone around me. I’m used to making people uncomfortable, wearing my mask, and walking through life with my head down.

These four individual males in my life watch over and protect me physically and emotionally. Sometimes, they know what I need before I do, and it’s unnerving.

“I…” I take a step back from his offered hand. Lincoln looks confused and drops his arm.

“Spencer?” That’s not what he calls me. I hear the confusion in my name, but I’m his Dream Girl. Or do I want to just be Spencer? Maybe that’s the problem. I’m Tails, Smithy, Little Miss, and Dream Girl. Am I Spencer anymore?

“Code Blue.” I barely hear the words as they hiss over my lips.

“Okay, Spencer. What do you need?”

Spencer. Spencer. Spencer.

I don’t know who asked the question because whoever it was didn’t use my nickname.

Miller and Axel stand from their seats, no longer handcuffed. I can tell by the looks on their faces that they see my panic. Maybe they feel it. It feels tangible to me—something I can cling to or push away.

I look at my hand and find myself rubbing my wrist. It’s a nervous habit I started after my baby girl died. I wore the hospital bracelet for weeks. I would spin it around my wrist until it was raw. My father begged me to take it off, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. One day, when I fell asleep on the couch, I woke up, and he had cut it off. For me, it was a comfort. He saw it as an obsession and a reminder of his guilt. I moved into the pool house the next day.

My. Pool house.

“Get out.” I don’t even recognize my voice. It’s horse and laced with pain.

“Smithy? Let us help you.” I cover my ears, not wanting to hear the nickname. My hands tangle into my hair, and I quickly pull them away. I haven’t braided my hair yet, and the feeling of it on my neck suddenly makes my skin crawl.

My hair ties are in the bathroom, but I have to walk past Miller to get there. I have spare ones in my car. I can sit in my car, braid my hair, and have a moment of solitude.

Will they follow me? They can’t. I need space. I used our safeword. Does that work for non-sex-related things? Lincoln wanted to have sex, so it must work the same way.

“Stay.” I hold my hand up to the three men, who have a myriad of emotions on their faces: scared, confused, worried. I’m feeling them all as well. I take a few steps to the nightstand and pick up my phone.

“Gage, Kommen. ” He’s instantly at my side, and I step backward out of the room. I hear their hushed words as they try to decipher what just happened. I walk straight to the front door, slipping on sandals. When I step out, a plain white van is parked right in front of the door, and I drop to my knees.

“He’s here.” Burying my head in my hands, I rock, waiting for Shane to take me away. My hair falls in my face, and again, my skin crawls. Gage growls next to me, and I can’t appreciate him more.

“Okay, Gage. Ruhig. ” I chuckle to myself at someone trying to tell Gage to be calm when he’s protecting me. He won’t respond to anyone else right now. “Little Miss. What’s wrong?”

Tucker? It’s Tucker. It’s not Shane; it’s Tucker and his alarm friend. The van belongs to his friend.

Tucker steps closer despite Gage’s warning growl, and I stand. “Don’t touch me.” His arms are already outstretched. He’s trying to give me a bear hug to calm me like he always does when I get overwhelmed. It could work. It probably would, but it’s not what I want right now. I need to pull my hair out of my face and get some fresh air to breathe.

“Okay. I won’t come any closer. What happened? Are you alright?” He looks behind me through the still-open door and shakes his head once. I look over my shoulder to see the three men I left behind staring back at me.

“I-I have to go.”

“Go where, Little Miss? We’re right here for you.” Although I’m sure his quiet tone was meant to be soothing, it only sounds condescending.

“That’s the problem!” Did that loud noise come from me? I can feel my eyes, wide as saucers, frantically looking everywhere except at Tucker. “I have to go. Don’t follow me.”

“Spencer, what’s wrong? Please talk to me.” No. Not Tucker, too. My name from his lips sounds like nails on a chalkboard.

“I…have…to…go.” Each word is a struggle to breathe, and I manage to stagger my way to my car. Gage and I get in and make it to the end of the driveway before the tears fall.

My mind races, unable to pinpoint a single thought other than my hair. I never leave the house without my hair braided unless it’s a special occasion. My body must know what I need more than my mind can comprehend because I unconsciously find myself in Justin’s driveway.

“Gage, get Justin.” He understands me, despite my lack of a German command. He trots to the front door and barks a few times before Justin appears. The panic is almost instant on Justin’s face when he looks around and doesn’t immediately find me.

Gage jumps down the front steps back toward me, and Justin hastily follows. Based on the look of panic on Justin’s face when he approaches my door, I must look like a mess. He swings the door open and embraces me in a hug.

“Spence, what’s going on? Is everyone okay?” He’s what I needed for comfort. My body knew, but there’s one more thing I need that he can’t provide.

“Nicole. Is Nicole home?” He cups my cheeks and looks into my eyes. I see the worry laced on his face, but I’m already feeling infinitesimally better.

“Yeah. Let’s go inside.” I walk in with Justin’s arm to support me, both mentally and physically. The last thirty minutes has taken a toll on all aspects of my body.

“Hey, Spe—Oh my god, what’s wrong?” Justin guides me to the couch where Nicole is holding a sleeping Miles.

“Please braid my hair.”

“Braid your…”—her confused expression darts back and forth between Justin and me several times—“Sure. Justin, will you take the baby, and I’ll get the supplies I need?”

I sit on the floor in front of the couch and wait for Nicole to return. When she does, she has a spray bottle, a brush, and a pouch that I assume holds hair ties. I move forward so she can sit on the couch behind me, and she straddles her legs around my torso.

“Please tell me what you’re doing before you do it.”

“Of course. First, I’m going to brush and part your hair. I assume you want your two braids?” I nod. “After I have it parted, I’m going to wet it a bit. It looks like you might have gone to bed with wet hair. The water will help tame the kinks from sleep. Does all that sound okay?” I nod again.

At the first pass of the brush I feel my anxiety ease even more. She’s gentle, almost reverent, as she untangles my knots. Knowing my hair is about to be off my neck from hanging freely, slowly melts away the panic I’m feeling. It wasn’t a conscious decision to come here. I know Nicole is a hairdresser. Despite everything else going on around me, my hair was my first priority to feeling better. It’s something I can control, even if I don’t have the capacity to do it myself right now.

Justin comes into view with a cup of coffee. I take it from him with a small smile, confident it’s exactly how I like it.

“I’m going to start braiding the left side now.”

“Thank you. Where’s Hannah and Katy?” I just noticed there is no exuberant toddler running around, and a pang of guilt hits my stomach at my relief. I’m glad not to have to deal with her emotions at the moment.

“They walked down to the park. Do you want to talk?” Instantly, my panic spikes again.

“Alone? Justin, they aren’t safe. Shane is always watching. We need to get them right now. There has been more pictures.” I try to stand with Nicole’s hands half in my hair, and Justin places a firm hand on my shoulder.

“Never alone, Spencer. I hired someone to hang around when the girls go out.”

“You hired…a bodyguard?” While that thought shouldn’t shock me, I’m impressed he would do such a thing.

“The guys have been keeping me apprised of what’s happening. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with all of this.”

“Spencer, I’m going to do the other braid now. And you don’t need to worry about Katy being here. We will always keep her safe.” Nicole’s words smooth my edges. They’re safe here.

“I know you will. I know.” And I do. My rational thoughts are coming back. Having my hair off my neck is clearing my mind. I take another sip of my coffee while Nicole finishes.

“All done. It’s been a while since I’ve done braids. You’re probably more of a pro at them than I am, but I hope this helps.” She runs her hands down my hair and stops at my shoulders, giving them a reassuring squeeze.

“Thank you. It’s perfect.” I pick myself up off the floor and sit next to her on the couch. She looks more refreshed than the last time I saw her. So does Justin, for that matter. They must be getting the hand of parenthood with two.

“I’m sorry.” I feel ridiculous. I have four extraordinary men who are at my beck and call and willing to do anything I ask of them, and I just ran away to barge in on two overtired parents so I could have my hair braided like a child. This feels like an all-time low.

“Spencer, whatever you feel like you need to apologize for, don’t. You came here in need, and we are always here to help. Can we do anything more? Would you like me to leave so you can talk to Justin alone?”

“No. I just need…” What do I need? I needed air and space, but I came here. I retreated to a house full of kids. Well, a house that should be full of kids, it’s just not at this moment. Did I only come here to have my hair braided? I could have easily done that myself. “Can we go out?”

“Are you asking me or Justin?”

“You, Nicole. Maybe we can see if Annie and Blake can join us? I think I need some female time. I’ve been swarmed with testosterone lately. No offense, Justin.”

He tips his head. “None taken. You ladies go out. Although you might want to put on more clothes, Spence.” I look down and realize I’m still wearing only a sports bra and biker shorts. It’s not necessarily inappropriate, but more clothing would be better.

“You can borrow a t-shirt to throw over that if you’d like. Or you’re welcome to anything in my closet. I know you’re particular about your clothing choice.” Nicole smiles at me sweetly. Justin has always accommodated my idiosyncrasies, and Nicole has followed suit. I’ve never felt uncomfortable around them or my choices.

“If you have a plain cotton shirt, I’ll be fine.”

Justin grabs my knee and stands from where he sits on the coffee table. “I’ll grab you one and call Cole. He can bring the kids over, and you girls can go out. As he leaves the room, I finally feel like I’m back in control of my body and my emotions.

“Thank you for the braids, Nicole. Are you sure you can get away? Miles doesn’t need you? I don’t want to be selfish with your time.”

“Oh god, no. I’ve been dying to get out but have felt too selfish to ask. Justin can’t say no to you. It’s the perfect excuse, and I get to put on real clothes. Seeing Annie and Blake makes it even better.” Her smile stretches from ear to ear.

My phone buzzes, and I’m almost afraid to look. I haven’t heard from any of the guys since I left, which I appreciate. But a part of me is also a little upset. I’m an oxymoron. They are giving me what I asked for, but checking to make sure I’m alright would still be comforting.

Reluctantly I look at my phone, half dread and half hopefulness. I’m pleasantly surprised to see the text is from Blake, and I can hear the bubbliness in her message.

Blake: Coffee and s’mores with my girls!!! See you soon. :)

There’s no need to respond as I see the three dancing dots appear and realize it’s a group message, and a glance at Nicole shows me she’s already typing back.

Nicole: I’m excited for a PSL and some girl chat. Can’t wait.

PSL. Nicole is obsessed with everything Pumpkin, especially her pumpkin spice lattes. Her love of the fruit is the reason Justin lovingly calls her Pumpkin and why Annie makes sure that S’morgasm, the coffee shop we’re going to, keeps the ingredients stocked year round, just for her. Being a billionaire has its perks.

Justin returns and hands me a buttery soft, white v-neck shirt. He knows me well. Nicole excuses herself to change before we leave, and I step into the kitchen to wash my now-empty coffee cup.

“I called them.” I look over my shoulder and arch a brow at Justin. “The guys. I called them and told them you were here and safe and that you’re going out with the girls. They were blowing up my phone, panicking. They demanded to come over and talk with you, but I told them you needed time, and they could come over once you’ve left. What happened, Spence?” I heave a heavy sigh and turn to face him, leaning on the sink.

“I’m not sure. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a relationship. I don’t believe I’ve ever been in a healthy one, and now I have four men who treat me like I hang the moon. I need to talk to the girls about everything. I got overwhelmed. Being treated well is new. For the longest time, I lived in fight or flight. I panicked at being treated like a decent human being. No. That’s downplaying it. They treat me like I’m their queen.”

“As they should.”