Page 88 of My Sweetest Agony

He never would have lied to me?—

But he did, didn’t he?

Instead of telling me it wasn’t him out in the garden that night, instead of coming clean and exposing what Cam had done, what I had allowed to happen, he simply maintained the lie.

He took that memory that I made with Cam and made me believe it was ours.

He lied to me as much as Cam did.

Why?

To spare me the shame of what I did?

To spare himself that embarrassment?

Or because he was afraid of losing me to his brother?

As I stand here now, staring at the man who slid into my damn heart, pretending to be someone else that night, everything I thought I knew crumbles away to ashes.

And all I want is to let myself float away the same way Drew did on that dark beach.

I squeeze my eyes closed, a sob tearing from my chest, cracking me open, splintering the last four years of my life into fragmented lies, unspoken truths, meaningless words and promises filled with deception and deceit.

“Ivy…” Cam shifts his hold on me, swiping at my tears with his calloused thumbs. “Please look at me.”

It’s the last thing I want to do.

Because I don’t trust him.

But more importantly, I don’t trust myself with him.

He waits.

Holding me steady.

And eventually, I force my eyes open to look into his again.

The sadness floating in them twists my stomach tightly. “All I’ve ever wanted since that moment was you, but I’ll never be good enough for you. I’ve done horrible things, Ivy. Things…”—the tortured waver in his voice makes my knees give out, only his hand dropping from my face to wrap around my waist keeps me upright and pressed to him—“you need to stay out of my life. You need to stay far away from me. All I do is bring pain to people I love, and I won’t keep doing that to you. I can’t. Not after everything you’ve already suffered.”

The past two months have been a living hell.

Moving through each second, each minute, each hour, each day with forced breaths, dragging steps, false smiles, and fake strength I never had.

Time passed, but I felt like I was standing still.

Stuck in quicksand sucking me down into the black abyss created by a world without Drew.

One where I was alone forever.

But as Cam gazes down at me, the warning written in his darkened-blue eyes, red flags waving violently like on the beach with a dangerous riptide, I can’t help noticing the heat seeping into my body and the unwavering power of his hold.

He prevents me from completely collapsing the same way he has every time I’ve needed him since he arrived in my life.

Every moment I’ve needed him—he’s been there.

Offering me what I could never have found on my own.

Laughter.