Page 3 of My Sweetest Agony

Shit.

My hand trembles as I snatch the offensive device off the end table and swipe to accept the call. I release a long breath to try to steel my voice, at least making an attempt to get my lungs to cooperate enough that it isn’t readily apparent I’ve been sitting on the floor sobbing. If I don’t, she’ll know. She always knows.

I bring my phone to my ear and lower myself onto the couch. “Hi…”

“Hey, girl!” Something rustles in the background, and she grunts slightly, muttering something unintelligible under her breath. Likely a completely inappropriate curse. Considering she’s at work at the shop right now and any customer could overhear her, I should probably be more worried about it, but I can’t bring myself to care. “Sorry, just trying to get some restocking done before we close.”

Which is where I should be.

Instead, I’ve abandoned the business Nonni and Mom spent so many years building into what it is today…and left it in Marlo’s hands.

Acid that tastes an awful lot like guilt climbs my raw throat, and I swallow it back with a wince.

“Take as much time as you need…”

It doesn’t matter how many times she says those words to me; I can’t help but feel like I’ve failed Nonni, Mom, and their memories by not being able to get my shit together enough to go in.

Buds & Blooms has always been a second home to me. I took my first steps in the greenhouse with them watching, but putting together bridal bouquets and dealing with husbands stopping in to purchase flowers for their wives proved far too difficult when I did make the single attempt to return to work since Drew’s death.

I inhale deeply, trying to fill the lungs that failed me earlier and prevent myself from sobbing again because I can’t do company tonight, no matter how well-meaning Marlo is. And if she hears my voice crack, if she thinks for one instant that I’m anywhere near crumbling, she’ll be here in an instant.

“Was everything all right the rest of the day?”

Not that I think much has changed since we spoke a few hours ago, but things can get crazy this time of year, with people doing summer planting, throwing parties, plus all the weddings…

So many beautiful flowers for so many stunning brides.

My eyes drift to the box on the mantle—pale brown with darker spots where the rain outside hit it during the driver’s race from the truck to the porch and into my hands. All while I stood frozen at the door, for who knows how long, watching the storm.

A boulder lodges squarely in my throat, and this isn’t something I can so easily swallow down.

Not tonight.

Drew would have loved the flowers I chose for our ceremony…

White peonies—a symbol of new beginnings.

What we should have had…

Together.

Marlo makes some very unbecoming grunting noise, then sighs. “Of course. Trina and I have everything under control. I was just calling to see how you are doing.”

What she’s really asking is if the ashes came.

I keep staring at the box, trying not to think about what’s in it.

It’s just a cardboard box.

Just a box.

Just a box.

“I’m…” I squeeze my eyes closed, drawing in a ragged breath. “Not great.”

Whatever Marlo was doing in the background stops, the other end of the line now dead silent. “What happened since the last time we talked?”

It’s incredible how much can change in only a few hours.