Page 64 of My Sweetest Agony

I let out a shaky sigh, pushing my hands through my hair. “I have been, just not well.”

Though definitely better since Camden’s been leaving me meals, essentially forcing me to eat by bribing me with all the delicious foods I love and can’t turn down, even when my stomach doesn’t want it.

She offers me a tight smile. “If I’m being honest, I haven’t been, either.”

That admission from her takes me aback.

Nancy has always been such a rock for Drew and for me, so to hear those words from her brings a combination of relief that I’m not the only one struggling and concern for the woman I’ve come to love so much.

Tears start to well in my eyes.

I have to tell her what I did.

If I don’t, I feel like I might burst.

“I, uh…” I bite my lip, trying to limit it to the necessary words and not everything that seems to want to spew out, including Camden’s secret and my own new one. “I spread Drew’s ashes yesterday.”

Her back stiffens slightly, but she forces a smile and nods. “Good. Where did you do it?”

When he died, she made it very clear—despite my protests—that she wanted me to make that decision. To her, it didn’t matter that the ceremony hadn’t happened yet. For all intents and purposes, I was Drew’s wife in her eyes, and it was up to me to determine where he spent the rest of eternity.

The only requests she made were that I didn’t tell her when I was going to do it because she already said her goodbyes to him and that I did it somewhere that meant something to him…and to me.

I think I succeeded in that.

“Strathmere Beach.”

A single tear slips from the corner of her eye, and she bats it away and offers me a smile filled with so much affection it makes my own tears fall. “Good. That’s how he would have wanted it. The perfect place.”

I nod, fingering my lemonade glass even though the thought of drinking it makes my stomach churn slightly.

Will I ever stop smelling Cam’s scent and remembering how intensely he kissed me last night? Or the way his body jerked and trembled beneath mine? Or how tightly he held me afterward as we both cried?

Wiping away my tears, I force myself to take another sip just to clear my throat. “He deserved to be there instead of in a box on my mantle.”

Nancy gives me a sad smile and nods. “I’m glad you did it. I hope…” She draws in a deep breath. “I hope it gives you some sense of closure. Not on your love for him because that will last forever, but in terms of being able to move forward.”

That’s what she had to do with two young sons when her husband died.

She didn’t have the luxury of falling apart and wallowing in her misery the way I have been. Because she had Drew and Cam to take care of. She had to take on two roles and be everything for them. And she did it so damn well.

Her hand slides across the table and over mine. “If you ever need me for anything, now or ever, I’ll be here. Always.”

Drew said similar words to me so many times.

Promises that he would never leave me.

That he would always be there for me.

But he’s gone…

And if Nancy knew what I’m keeping from her, it might change everything between us.

Just like what happened last night with Cam will with him…

I let my gaze drift over to the family photo of the three of them hanging in the living room off the kitchen. The same one I often caught Drew looking at in his office before he would try to hide it away from me, almost like he was embarrassed to be caught with it.

They look so happy.