Page 71 of My Sweetest Agony

A vision of the dark, deserted beach, the moon peeking through the billowing clouds overhead, and the waves lapping at the shore flashes through my head, along with the feel of Cam’s hand clasped tightly in mine.

“In the middle of the night so that nobody would catch us.”

“Jesus, girl.”

I cringe. “I know.”

“And…?”

Stopping my pacing, I face her and find her watching me intently like a child waiting for the magician to finally pull off the big reveal. “And it was good. It…” My throat tightens on the words, not wanting to say them even though they’re true. “It needed to be done. Staring at that thing was driving me crazy.”

“I noticed.”

And every time she came over, her eyes drifted there, too, like she couldn’t look away from the unopened box. It held too much power over me. She and Cam both knew it well before I was ready to admit it and do something about it.

“I’m glad you did it, Ivy, but I don’t understand why you didn’t just tell me.”

I chew on my lip again and return to my pacing. “Well, because…” Shit. “Um…”

“Whoa, you’re kind of freaking me out.”

“Sorry…” I shake my head, pressing my palms into my temples as the intrusive thoughts that have been bombarding me for days come back full force. “I don’t mean to, it’s just…” I glance around to ensure no one’s close by, but all the customers are lingering at the front of the greenhouse or inside the main store and we’re alone in this corner. The perfect place for me to spill my dirty secret. “Well, when we got back, I didn’t want to go in alone, so I asked Cam to stay with me for a while.”

“Okay…”

She watches me expectantly.

“And…I fell apart. I was sobbing and a real fucking mess.”

Marlo nods, her gaze softening. “Understandable, given what a big step that was.”

It was.

I can forgive myself for that part, for not being able to hold it together once I stepped back into the house where I built my life with Drew, but what happened after is eating away at me like a cancer to my heart and soul.

“And he pulled me onto his lap to hold me…”

Her blond brows pop up. “He what?”

Squeezing my eyes closed, remembering the feel of his arms around me, his chest pressed to mine, his strong body beneath me, his cock settled between my aching legs.

Shit.

I clench my thighs together against that dull throb that always reappears each time I let my mind drift to that night. “And one thing led to another and?—”

“Holy shit!”

My eyes snap open to find Marlo gaping at me.

“You two didn’t…”

“God no. No.” I hold up my hands and shake my head. “No, we didn’t, but we did kiss. And?—”

“There’s an and?” Marlo practically screeches, then slaps her hand over her mouth and scans the greenhouse before leaning closer and lowering her voice. “Ivy, what did you do?”

I wince, unable to look at her as I make the confession.

It feels like something I need a priest for. Like I should be on my knees, begging for absolution. Though I don’t know if it exists for me, for what I’ve done.