Page 50 of My Sweetest Agony

He fires up the bike, and the rumble of the engine below me makes me jerk. His low chuckle fills the night, blending with the sound of the bike as he revs it. “Ready?”

His firm chest and abdomen ripple beneath my palms, and I bury my face against his back and nod. And it’s all the confirmation he needs. He pulls away from the curb with my heart in my throat and my life in his hands…and in his saddlebag.

14

IVY

Warm summer air whips around us as we shoot down the Atlantic City Expressway toward the coast.

With my arms wrapped tightly around Cam, the miles fall away too fast to process.

And it feels like we’re flying.

Really.

Truly.

Flying.

The single most exhilarating rush I’ve ever experienced.

Despite pulling back my hair, loose strands get ripped from the low ponytail and float around my face like feathers caught in the wind, tickling my skin. And the farther we move away from Philly, the closer I find myself shifting toward Cam.

I lower my head to press my cheek between his shoulders.

Smooth, warm leather slides across my skin, and I inhale the scent that’s all him, somehow heightened by the swirling wind as we cut across New Jersey toward the ocean.

My eyes drift closed, and the engine rumbling beneath us, his solid presence in front of me, and this strange sensation of floating melt away the tension in my body, despite what we’re on our way to do.

For a brief moment in time, grief doesn’t overwhelm me.

It doesn’t rear its ugly, snarling head, trying to snap at me and bring me to my knees.

It doesn’t gut me and make me feel like I can’t breathe.

It quiets.

It floats on the wind like we do.

Cam reaches down and slides his hand over mine, where they rest on his taut stomach, entwining our fingers and squeezing. That simple gesture sends warmth flooding through my body, and I press in even closer, until every breath I take is all air and speed and Cam.

Now I understand…

This.

Why he loves it so much.

Why he wanted to do this for Drew.

Because it feels like freedom.

Freedom from all the questions. Freedom from all the pain. Freedom from all those agonizing things that were keeping me pinned in place, unable to move an inch in any direction without crippling me. Freedom from the blistering reality of life without Drew.

Time and everything else weighing me down disappear the farther we pull from Philly. The more I concentrate on the feeling rather than what we’re doing, the easier it becomes to just be.

But it can’t last forever.

And far too soon, Cam pulls his hand away and slows the bike.