Page 52 of Mutual Obsession (Rivals of Blackthorn #2)

Jake winces, looking uncomfortable, but after a short silence, he lets out a huff and voices what has been on his mind.

“I’m just wondering how you are so comfortable with what we did?

I was really nervous, but you seemed to know exactly what you were doing.

I was thinking about asking you, but then I thought it might be one of those questions where I don’t want to know the answer. I’m a fucking jealous guy, Miles.”

I let out a dark chuckle as I lean over and press a sweet kiss to his lips. “We all have a past, Jake. I have had to watch your past mistakes parade through here like a conveyor-belt. So, I’ll answer your question if that’s what you want, but you can’t be jealous over the past.”

“I fucking can be,” Jake grumbles, making me smile.

“Do you want me to answer?” I ask firmly, before giving him time to think.

Honestly, I’m not sure I want to answer. We all go through dark times, and that is usually when we make the most mistakes. I’d had my heart broken, not once but twice, and I wanted to numb the pain in any way I could.

I may not completely regret my actions, but that doesn’t mean I feel comfortable telling Jake and Indie everything.

Although I told Jake he couldn’t be jealous about the past, I was whenever he brought a new girl home.

And if Indie were to tell me about the men she’s been with since she left, I’d probably want to hunt down and kill everyone who ever touched her.

Since I know that’s not a healthy approach, I’m giving Jake the choice. If they can trust me in the ways they’ve already shown they do, then I can tell them about my past.

“I want to know,” Jake says, though his voice wavers a little.

I let out a sigh, before steeling my nerves with a deep breath.

“When Indie left, I was heartbroken and confused. I knew I didn’t want to fall in love again, but I was still unsure about my sexuality.

Although you, Jake, are the only guy I’ve ever had feelings for, I knew I was attracted to both men and women.

“As my depression spiralled, I started to wonder if Indie left because there was a part of me that subconsciously never gave her enough, because she wasn’t a man,” I say, voicing fears I’ve tried to ignore for the better part of seven years.

Indie’s words rush out quickly. “That’s bullshit. It’s not?—”

I cut her off, not needing her to tell me what I already know. “Even though I know that now, at the time, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I couldn’t understand why you left me, so I found any and every excuse, and my sexuality was an easy one to blame.”

Her lips turn into a frown, and there are tears in her beautiful emerald eyes. She no doubt blames herself for this the way I blame myself, but we have to move past that now. We both made mistakes, and now we have to put them right… Even if that means telling the hard stories from our past.

I give Indie one last small smile before turning back to face Jake, as he’s the one who deserves my full attention for this. After taking another deep breath, I continue with the hardest part of my story.

“For about a month after I realised Indie wasn’t coming back, I slept around with both men and women. I hid it from everyone, not even Marcus knows about that time.

“Part of me wanted to see if I leant more towards one gender than the other, but the other part of me was willing to use any method to block out the pain.

“After a month, I didn’t have any sort of big revelation. Although I hated every sexual experience I had during that time, and most of them I can’t even remember as I was blind drunk, I knew enough to be sure I didn’t favour one gender over the other.

“I also realised that fucking around wasn’t helping me in any way. All it did was make me feel dirty, and I still didn’t fucking forget. Every woman I was with I compared to Dee, and every bloke I compared to you, Jake. None of them even held a torch to the two of you.”

Both of them squeeze my hands, passing their strength over to me, giving me the encouragement I need to finish my story. Laying my soul bare doesn’t come easy for me, but with Jake and Indie, they make me want to be better for them.

“The one good thing about that time was that it helped me learn about the type of sex I enjoy. When you don’t really care about the person you’re with, there’s an element of freedom, to just be whoever you want to be, safe in the knowledge you won’t ever see them again.

“I learnt about being with men. What I like to do, and what I like to have done to me. It wasn’t a surprise when I learnt I’m a top, as it fits with my dominant nature.”

I watch a range of emotions flicker across Jake’s face, just the way I expected. I don’t even try to keep up with them all. He tries to settle for a blank mask, but I can tell by the way his eyes bore into mine that he’s uncomfortable.

I wait, giving him the time he needs to process everything I’ve just said.

Eventually, he lets out a long, drawn out sigh.

“I can’t deny hearing that makes me incredibly fucking jealous…

and sad. If I had been braver, we could have explored together.

We could have had our firsts together. Instead, I need to hunt down every guy who has ever touched you, peel their skin from their bones, and kill them for daring to touch what’s mine. ”

Some people might think Jake is just saying that for effect, but I know him. If he knew the names of the men I’d been with, he would stop at nothing until he’d taken them all out.

It may be a massive fucking red flag, but I can’t help smiling over his possessiveness. I’ve waited a long time for him to want me like this, so I’ll take it.

Indie chuckles beside me, clearly thinking Jake is joking, and I’m not going to be the one to set her straight—she’ll learn on her own with time. “Technically, if you two had gotten together the first time around, I wouldn’t be here now.”

We both pause for a second, contemplating the accuracy of her statement. “That’s true,” Jake says. “I wouldn’t want that either.”

I nod in agreement before turning to Jake to soothe his worries. “Look, you may not have been my first for everything, but there’s a lot you were the first for.

“You were my first kiss with a guy. You were the first boy to give me a blowjob. You were also the first person I ever fell in love with. And I got to be the first person to take your arse, which is a big fucking honor, as I’ve never let anyone do that to me.”

Jake’s eyes widen in shock. “You haven’t? Why?”

I shrug my shoulders. “Honestly, I’ve had fingers in there, and I wasn’t sure it was for me. I knew I was a top, and I didn’t think I’d enjoy being a bottom.”

Flush spreads across Jake’s cheeks and he drops his gaze, refusing to look at me as he speaks, his voice barely above a whisper. “Would you want to try with me? That way, I could be your first, too.”

I pause for a long moment, considering what he’s asking of me. When he lifts his shy gaze to meet mine, his beautiful chocolate eyes are staring at me with an intensity I didn’t expect.

This is more than him asking me to go ahead with something I might not enjoy. He’s asking me to give him a part of myself that I’ve never offered to anyone else.

“I will try anything with you, Pretty Boy.”

Jake’s smile lights up the whole fucking room, and he slams his lips against mine, kissing me with everything he has, to let me know how much he appreciates the gift I just gave him.

I might not enjoy the experience, and it doesn’t have to be something we ever do again, but I will go into it with an open mind. I never stopped loving the boy who got away, and now I’m willing to give him all of me.

We slowly all move into Indie’s room, the three of us snuggling together in her bed as we fall asleep wrapped up in each other. As I drift off, with a smile on my face, I can’t help but think maybe this is the first day of the rest of our lives, and if that’s the case, I can’t fucking wait.