Page 39 of Mutual Obsession (Rivals of Blackthorn #2)

I feel Miles’ breathing stutter beneath me, and that gives me enough strength to pull back slightly to look up at him. I hate seeing how confused he looks, his brows pinched together like he’s doing a complex math problem.

I can tell he wants to comfort me, but doing so is hurting him—which I never want to do again. Though, when I try to pull away from him, to give him the space I can see he needs, he tightens his hold on me and won’t let go.

“It’s okay. I’m feeling better now,” I tell him, giving him the out he needs to walk away without feeling guilty.

Miles shakes his head, letting out a harsh, humourless laugh as he rubs his hand soothingly over my back. “I’m not,” he whispers. “I need to hold you until I’m sure you’re safe. Is that okay?”

“Yes.” It comes out as barely a whisper, sounding like a prayer that he never lets me go.

I let him hold me for a while, and although there’s a part of me that just wants to enjoy it, I can see the opportunity I’m presented with. This might be my only chance to have this conversation with him, so I take it.

I twist on his lap, so I can look up at him easier. His eyes seem heavy, like he’s fighting off sleep, and it makes him appear younger than ever. There’s a softness to him that I’ve not seen since I came back, and it reminds me of the boy I loved.

His bright-blue eyes are full of emotion as he stares down at me, reminding me of how he used to look at me, back when I was his world. Seeing that same expression now makes my heart race, and I’m even more worried my words are going to ruin this, but they have to be said.

I take a deep breath to steel my nerves, before giving him the explanation he’s waited a long time for.

“I really am sorry for the way I left. I’ve gotten pretty good at monitoring police chatter, keeping track of Gregg’s movements, things like that, all so I’ll know if he’s anywhere near me.

“The night I left, my phone alerted me that his car was near enough to trigger the alarm. He may have been nearby for work, nothing to do with me, but I can’t ever afford to take that risk. So, I packed and left.

“Trust me when I tell you, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I considered telling you everything, but back then, I thought you were just a cute guy who had just graduated university, and was taking the summer to decide what to do with his future. I had no idea you were part of this life.

“I hated the idea of bringing you into my dangerous world, putting your life at risk, just so I could keep you. I told myself that letting you go was for the best, that it was the only way to keep you safe. If I knew then what I know now, of course, I’d have done things differently, but I was a scared twenty-two-year-old that just wanted to keep you safe. ”

Miles lets out a long sigh, and much to my amazement, the way he’s looking at me doesn’t change at all. If anything, his expression seems softer when he gives me a small smile.

“I understand now why you did it. I massively regret not properly communicating with you at the time. If I had asked more questions, or told you more about myself, I think this could have all been avoided.”

I reach up and lay my hand on his cheek, his stubble scratching against my palm as he leans into my touch. “You thought we had time. Besides, I trusted you so much more because you didn’t push me or ask too many questions. It meant I didn’t have to tell you too many lies.”

I can’t say that I’ve not thought the same thing as him over the last couple of weeks, but that’s the great thing about hindsight.

At the time, we were two very broken young people who were falling in love when we least expected it.

Of course, we made mistakes, but we did the best we could in the moment.

Miles nods in understanding, though his smile does falter, which makes my nerves spike. “I know you leaving would never have come at a good time, but it happened at the worst time imaginable, and that influenced how I felt a lot.”

My eyes narrow, assessing him as I try to find any clues to what he’s not saying. Since we’re trying this new open communication thing, I bravely ask him, “What do you mean?”

At first, I think Miles is going to clam up and avoid answering my question, which sets my nerves on edge even more. But eventually, he lets out a long huff that turns into a sigh, and he tells me everything.

I listen as he tells me about his mum’s overdose, and everything that happened whilst she was in her coma. Tears slide down my cheeks when he describes the moment he and Courtney said goodbye to their mother.

No matter how awful she had been to them before she died, she was still their mother, and my heart broke for him.

He almost shattered me when he told me all the times he’d tried to reach out to me whilst she was in her coma. How he had been desperate to have me by his side, to help him through one of the most difficult times of his life, and instead, I only added to his pain.

I remain silent as he details how he killed Bruce, following Maximus’ instructions to make it look like an overdose, brought on by the grief of losing his partner.

I should be shocked to hear about his first kill, but I’m not. I’m proud of him for having the strength to get the revenge he needed, and to do whatever was necessary to keep his family safe.

When he gets to the hardest part, that’s when my heart truly breaks, and it hits me just how much I hurt him. When he should have been planning his mother’s funeral, or taking care of his grieving little sister, he was preoccupied trying to find me.

I distracted him from his own mourning period, and I pulled him away when his family needed him the most. Hearing him say that the pain of me not answering his phone calls, and learning that I had left, was worse than anything else he suffered at that time almost killed me.

I have no right to cry, yet I can’t stop the tears from silently falling. I knew leaving would hurt him, but it did so much more than that. I stole time from him that he can never get back, and I don’t know how he will ever be able to forgive me.

I understand now why he hates me so much, and why he was so angry when I came back. I’m a reminder of that time, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make this right. It’s so much worse than I ever thought.

Miles lifts his hand to my cheek, and softly brushes away my tears. How can he bear to touch me, to look at me, knowing everything I took from him?

“I’m so sorry,” I cry. “I should have been there for you. It was a time you needed me the most, and instead of being there for you, I added to your stress. I took you away from your family when they needed you. I understand now why you can’t forgive me.”

The words get caught in my throat, and I choke on the intensity of them. Even though I understand, it doesn’t stop my heart from breaking at the realisation.

Miles places both hands on my cheeks and tilts my head back, forcing me to look at him. His expression hasn’t changed at all. “I never said I couldn’t forgive you. It’ll just take some time. Knowing you didn’t really want to leave helps.”

My stomach flutters as something very similar to hope blooms inside me, and I can’t stop myself from smiling at Miles.

“I thought about coming back every single day for seven years. I didn’t think about much else.

When I heard about what you do now, who Marcus really is, it was the excuse I’d been waiting for.

“I knew coming back wouldn’t be easy, but I wished more than anything that I could earn your forgiveness. I didn’t come back just because I needed your help, I wanted to see you too.”

Miles’ lips tip up into a smirk, lighting up his eyes. “I think I’m glad you came back,” he admits.

My cheeks flush and I bite my lip to try and hide my happy grin. “Really?” I’m not even bothered that I sound desperately hopeful. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for.

He nods. “Really.”

I know I should leave it there, taking the win for what it is, but the words slip out before I’ve even had a chance to process them. “What about this thing with Jake? Are you really okay with it? He told me what happened between you when you were younger. I know he really hurt you.”

I mean, I know we’re going for open and honest communication, but I could have tackled this part another day. Haven’t I brought up enough traumatising life events for one night?

Nevermind, it’s too late now, I think to myself.

Miles grimaces, shifting uncomfortably, but to my relief, he doesn’t shy away from answering honestly.

“He did, and I’m still not sure he’s ready for whatever is happening here.

I know he’s been working through his own thoughts and feelings in therapy, which is great, but what happens when his parents find out?

Or Marcus and Chloe? I’m not sure he’s ready for the fallout.

But watching the two of you together was hot as hell, and I can tell you like each other. ”

I reach up and grab one of his hands off my face, lacing our fingers together, while he continues stroking his other thumb over my cheek. His touch is soft and comforting, but I want him to see our hands joined.

“Jake knows I won’t choose. If he wants this, he has to face all of that, and he knows that. It’s hard for him, but I think he’ll do it. You have to know, I don’t just want Jake, and he doesn’t just want me. We both want you too.”

Even though he overheard us saying something similar earlier, I think it’s important that he hears it from me, so he can see how fucking serious I am.

He squeezes my hand as his lips curve into a blinding smile that makes me feel like I’m floating.

“I’m not going to lie, it might take some time to build back the trust I had with the two of you.

You both broke my heart in different ways, and that’s a lot to get over, but I’m willing to try, if you and Jake are. I want to be with you both, too.”

His words don’t just give me hope, they’re more than I could ever have dreamt of. I’ve been dreaming about getting Miles back since I left, and now I get to keep Jake, too. How the fuck did I get so lucky? I don’t deserve even one of these men, so to have them both is mind-boggling.

Without thinking, I let the happiness that’s radiating through my body guide me as I reach up and press my lips against Miles’. It’s just supposed to be a short, quick kiss, but as soon as I feel him melt against me, I lose all self-control.

I deepen the kiss, pressing my lips against his with as much force as I can. I open when he asks, letting him devour me with his tongue, while I savour the taste I could never forget.

Kissing Miles again feels like I’m finally home, and I can’t get enough.

When my brain finally catches up, and I realise I’m rushing things, I reluctantly pull back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to go that far. I lost my head for a minute,” I admit, still feeling a little drunk from his kiss.

Miles grins, his eyes sparkling, almost like he’s proud of the way he affects me. He grabs hold of a rogue piece of hair that had fallen into my eyes while we were kissing, and he gently tucks it behind my ear.

“Don’t ever be sorry for kissing me,” he says. “But we better get some more sleep, or we’ll both be exhausted tomorrow. Will you be okay on your own?”

I hesitate, wanting to tell him I’ll be fine, but after all the progress we’ve made tonight, he deserves the truth. “You can go back to bed. I probably won’t get back to sleep again.”

Miles’ eyes narrow at me, assessing me the way he always does when he’s looking for whatever I’m not saying. “Would it help if I stayed?” he asks nervously.

I pause for a moment, wondering how to word what I’m thinking without coming across as too needy. “I’d sleep, I think, as I always feel safe with you, but you don’t have to stay. I know that would be moving too quickly, and I don’t want to rush this and risk it not working out.”

Miles rolls his eyes. “Don’t talk bollocks. I watched you suck another guy’s dick earlier tonight. I think we threw the rule book out around the time Jake licked your pussy. Let’s get under the covers and get some sleep.”

He doesn’t even wait for me to respond before he lifts me up like I weigh nothing. He shuffles under the covers and pulls me against his side, tucking me underneath his arm. I lay my head on his chest and slide my arm around his waist, pulling him closer.

“Thank you,” I whisper, smiling as I snuggle into his warmth.

“Thank me when I’ve got rid of Gregg the Wanker, and The Cunt, as Jake so eloquently has labelled them. We have a meeting scheduled with Marcus and Jake’s boss, Bree Doughty. I promise you, this will all be over soon and you can finally stop running.”

As I snuggle into his chest, feeling secure with his arm wrapped tightly around me, an overwhelming sense of peace that I’ve not felt for a very long time surrounds me.

“I’d like that very much,” I tell him, my eyelids already feeling heavy as Miles helps me relax.

“Sleep well, Gorgeous Girl. I’ve got you.”

He presses a kiss to my forehead, and I fall asleep safe in the knowledge that I believe him. He’s going to keep me safe, and with the promise of a future I couldn’t even dream of, slipping into a blissful sleep is easy.