Page 11 of Mutual Obsession (Rivals of Blackthorn #2)

- TEN YEARS EARLIER -

T he end of my teenage school years is supposed to be a happy time, filled with excitement now that exams are over and the end-of-year prom is nearing. Soon, we’ll be graduating, moving on to university, getting the freedom all teenagers crave.

Yet, for me, the end of school just puts me one step closer to a future I’m not even sure I want. I’ve been raised to take over from my father as one of the rulers of Blackthorn, and no other future is available to me.

As part of an agreement made with the Morellis, we’re allowed to finish university, but after that, we have to take our place by our fathers’ side, learning the ropes on the job until they hand over to us permanently.

While I’m grateful that I get a few more years of freedom, there’s a constant, loud ticking clock hanging over my head, putting me one step closer to a destiny I never got a say in.

No matter how much I try to focus on prom, the fun summer we’ve organised, or our plans for when we move to university, there’s always a part of my mind that’s somewhere else…somewhere darker that’s filled with expectation and pressure.

“Are you listening, Jacob?” my father snaps, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I lift my gaze from where I’m absentmindedly staring at the meal I’m picking at with my fork to meet my father’s hard glare. “Sorry, I zoned out,” I mumble, not able to say anything else, as I have no fucking clue what he was talking about.

My mother tuts as Father rolls his eyes, and I’m sure Chloe starts to chuckle before turning into a cough. I glance over at her and she’s deliberately looking down at her meal, trying not to draw any more attention to herself.

Father huffs once more, clearly annoyed at having to repeat himself. “I asked you about prom. Who are you taking?”

I wince, but quickly straighten my face, so he doesn’t notice. This is a subject I was hoping to avoid, and given my parents are hardly the most involved when it comes to parenting, I was almost certain they wouldn’t ask. I should have fucking known better.

I pull back my shoulders and look Father in the eye, hoping my confidence will distract from what I’m sure will be an answer he doesn’t approve of. “I actually haven’t asked anyone.”

I keep my answer deliberately vague and cross my fingers that he doesn’t ask me to elaborate. I’ve barely got them crossed when he glares at me and snaps, “Why not?”

I bite the inside of my cheek, giving me a few precious seconds to come up with a good answer. I can’t exactly tell him the truth. I can’t tell him that I don’t want a date, as then I’ll be able to go with my friends—more specifically, I’ll be able to go with Miles.

My silence stretches on, and it doesn’t take long for Father to grow bored. “What happened to Haley? Why can’t you ask her?” he asks through gritted teeth.

This time, Chloe doesn’t even try to hide her scoff, or the way she rolls her eyes, making her hatred known. Father turns his glare towards her, giving me a moment's reprieve.

Before anyone has the chance to speak, Mother makes her opinions known, shocking us all. “You can’t take that gold digging whore. Someone with our status deserves a lady, not a tramp.”

Chloe chuckles, once again covering her face with her hand to hide it, as Father continues to glare at her. I speak up, pulling his attention away. “I wasn’t planning on asking Haley.”

It’s not just that I wasn’t planning on asking her, I doubt she’d come with me even if I did.

After the night in the club, when I dumped her arse to chase after Miles, she made it clear she’s done with me.

And if I’m being perfectly honest, I couldn’t give a shit.

I’m kinda glad she’s no longer in my life, giving me a headache.

I have enough stress and confusion without adding her into the mix, too. I can’t stop thinking about that night, and it’s not because I upset her. Things between Miles and I got pretty heated in a way they never have before, and it left me reeling.

My head is all over the place, and I’m more confused than I ever have been. I’ve never been attracted to another guy before, but there’s no point in denying that I feel something for Miles…what it is, I’m not entirely sure. If I should act on it…well, that’s a different question entirely.

All I know is that I enjoy spending time with Miles, more than I ever have with anyone else. Marcus is my best friend, and he probably knows me better than most, but I still hold a piece of myself back with him.

Whereas, when I’m with Miles, he sees me. He sees the pieces I try to hide, the dark side I’m not always proud of, and he makes me feel alive. He makes me feel more like myself…and that scares the shit out of me.

“Then who are you taking?” my father snaps again.

I shrug my shoulders in a way that makes one of his eyes twitch. “Honestly, since none of us can find suitable dates, Marcus, Miles, and I will probably just go together.”

Father shakes his head as he continues to glare at me. “Well, I heard from Maximus just yesterday that Marcus has a date. He set him up with the daughter of one of his business associates.”

Chloe drops her fork, and the crash of it hitting her plate has all of us staring at her. Usually, my sister is good at masking her emotions, but for just a fraction of a second, several flash in her eyes, and they look suspiciously like jealousy and sadness, before settling on being pissed off.

Chloe has had a crush on Marcus for a long time, but it’s just a schoolgirl infatuation that is most definitely not reciprocated. I don’t think Marcus is even aware of how she feels, and she normally does a much better job of hiding it. I’m hoping she’ll grow out of it soon.

Luckily, our parents are too busy interfering with my life to notice, and they quickly turn their attention back to me.

Mother clears her throat. “Well, now you really will have to find a date. If you go with just that Miles boy, people might jump to the wrong conclusion.”

She says Miles’ name like she has a bad taste in her mouth, and I have to bite my cheek again to stop myself from saying something I shouldn’t.

A sinking feeling sits in my stomach as I ask, “What do you mean?”

I don’t know why I bothered asking, as we all know what she was hinting at, but maybe I just need to hear it said aloud.

“Well, we have a reputation to uphold, and we can’t have people thinking you’re one of those people.” Her nose wrinkles as she emphasises the word ‘those.’

“One of what?” I grind out.

“You know…the gays .” She whispers the last word, almost like she’s too disgusted to say it any louder, and my stomach twists into knots.

As nausea twists up my insides, my heart begins to race, and anger at her blatant homophobia makes ice flood my veins. I bite so hard on the inside of my cheek that I draw blood, making me hiss.

Father scoffs loudly, pulling my attention over to him.

“Nonsense, Fiona. Everyone knows Jacob is a ladies’ man.

Even if Miles has gotten himself that kind of reputation, which I’m not sure he has, as I’ve not heard anything, and Maximus would have told me, nobody would be stupid enough to think that of Jacob too. ”

Anger thrums through me and I have to purposefully keep my voice calm, to not draw attention to it. “Miles hasn’t got a reputation. He just likes to keep his private life private.”

Mother rolls her eyes, tutting loudly. “That sounds like he has something to hide.”

“He’s had girlfriends,” I retort, hoping that will end this infuriating conversation.

Chloe cuts in, glaring at me fiercely. “Would it be a problem if Miles was interested in men?” Although she asks the question to everyone, her eyes are fixed on me, like she’s challenging me, and my heart almost pounds out of my chest.

“Of course, it would be bad,” Mother says, sounding absolutely appalled that Chloe would even ask a question like that.

Father adds on, “I wouldn’t trust a gay to watch my back. I’d prefer a real man to do the job, and I’m sure Maximus will feel the same.”

Fear hits me like a brick wall and I’m frozen to the spot. If Father has this conversation with Maximus, he might refuse to hire Miles. Marcus has made it clear for a while that he wants Miles to be his bodyguard, and he’s unofficially been doing the job for a while.

Maximus arranged for Miles to be trained by his men, with the intention of Miles taking on the full-time role when we finish university. But if Father has this discussion with Maximus, it might ruin Miles’ future.

I need to think fast, to put this right, but panic is setting in, and my brain is moving at sloth-like speed.

Mother agrees with Father’s statement, sounding appalled as she says, “It would be social suicide for you to be hanging out with a poofter. They go against everything nature intended, and I’d hate for you to lose a good marriage prospect, simply because they’ve judged you for your incorrect choice of friends. ”

“It absolutely is a sin.” My father sounds much more righteous than he has any right to be.

I’m torn between needing to defend Miles, to protect the future he’s worked hard for, and raging at my parents for their blatant, disgusting homophobic comments.

Chloe, looking more annoyed than I’ve seen her in a long time, shifts her glare from one side of the table to the other, staring at our parents in disgust. “You’re giving very religious answers for a family that doesn’t go to church,” she adds, somewhat unhelpfully.

Mother straightens her shoulders and lifts her nose into the air, looking even more haughty than I thought was possible. “We may not be actively religious, but we were all christened, and we know what a sinner looks like. This is one rule you don’t have to be religious to follow.”

The conversation seems to be snowballing quicker than I can keep up with, and I’m very aware that if I don’t regain control, Miles’ future may be in jeopardy.

As casually as I can make my voice sound, I say, “This whole conversation is irrelevant. Miles is not gay. He’s had girlfriends in the past, and is probably just waiting to ask the right girl to prom.”

I stare at my sister, hoping she can read my expression clearly enough to hear what I’m trying to tell her. Please don’t argue with me on this one, just let it go.

Although she doesn’t look happy about it, she gives me a slight nod and keeps quiet.

“You should be doing the same. Finding the right girl to ask,” Mother points out, and I breathe a sigh of relief that we’re back on safer ground.

Father nods, agreeing with her. “It’s true. It won’t be long until you take over as my heir. With that comes responsibilities you cannot avoid. You will need to get a wife and have an heir of your own to secure the future of this family.”

Fuck! I didn’t think this conversation could get any worse, but it just did.

Although I nod and agree with my father, putting on a front as I simply go along with everything he says, on the inside, panic is setting in.

It feels like the walls are closing in around me, as the ticking of the clock hanging over my head gets louder and more daunting, making me feel claustrophobic in my own body.

Thoughts of a future I don’t want, and the horrible things my parents said about Miles, when they thought he liked men, rattle around my head, deafening me as the pounding of my heart rings in my ears.

I play along with my family, hoping they don’t suspect that I’m no longer mentally present, just biding my time until they say I can leave the table.

As soon as the meal is over, I dash to my room, slamming the door closed.

I wince as the loud noise adds to the screaming in my head, and I throw myself onto my bed, covering my head with a pillow.

It does nothing to quieten the noises or dull the panic. I throw the pillow to one side and sit up, looking frantically around my room, even though I’m not sure what it is I’m trying to find.

I see a bottle of vodka sat on the side, next to the present bag I had intended to put it in. It’s Maximus’ birthday soon, and I always gift him some form of good alcohol, but as I eye up the clear liquid, I know my need is greater than his.

Without hesitating, I stride across the room and grab the vodka. Once the lid’s off, I waste no time bringing it up to my lips, taking a gulp straight from the bottle. It burns as it slides down my throat, sitting heavily in my already delicate stomach, but I ignore that and take another mouthful.

With each gulp, a different thought leaves my brain.

My sinful feelings for Miles, my parents homophobic comments, the pressure of finding a date for prom, the expectations I have to live up to in the future, the wife I have to marry, the kids I have to raise…

These thoughts leave me with each burn of vodka sliding down my throat.

I try to embrace the silence, to focus on the relaxing, empty sensation the alcohol is coating me in, but some of my thoughts are too stubborn. I consider suitable girls that I could invite to prom, thinking that’s a fairly safe subject, but fuck was I wrong.

All I can picture is the hurt on Miles’ face when I tell him I’ve got a date, instead of going with him. My heart aches as I imagine how broken he’ll look, and how mad he’ll be.

So I do the only thing I can to get rid of those images… I drink. I keep drinking until my mind is blank, and the whole world goes black.