Page 62 of Mate

I did this , I think, nauseous. I did this to him.

“I don’t know,” he says, soft, barely audible. He stops. Restarts. A lock of hair falls on his forehead, dark against tanned skin. “I don’t think I can go on without you. Above all, I don’t think I can go on knowing that you need me, and I’m not by your side.”

“I’ll be fine,” I lie.

“I wish . . .” His mouth has to work to shape more words. “I wish I could believe you, but— ”

“Hey!” Amanda’s voice pierces through the narrow space between us. I shift my attention to her, even as Koen’s eyes stay on me.

“What’s going on?” he asks.

“The Human girl, Nele? She just asked to meet in person with Serena. But I think it might be better if you came, too, Alpha.”

He finally turns away from me. “Why?”

“She mentioned something about Irene. And her . . . plans.”

ON THE PLUSH, CLOUDLIKE COUCH, I WRAP MY ARM AROUND Nele’s shoulders and let her lean into me, squeezing her tighter whenever her heartbeat grows more erratic.

Koen sits across from us, an obvious attempt at giving her space.

When it doesn’t ease her anxiety, he says, “None of what has happened, or will happen, is your fault. No matter what you say, we’re not going to hurt you.

” It’s his reassuring tone, the one that works wonders on Weres, but I’m not sure Nele buys it.

“What about . . . What about my grandfather?” she asks feebly.

“You said he was in prison,” I point out, curling her hair behind her ear.

“Yes. But Irene s- said that you would f- find him and k- kill him, and that . . .”

“Nele, I have no authority in Human territory.” Koen’s voice is firm but kind.

“She said that it doesn’t matter. That you would . . .”

“I’m sure she did. Here’s why it makes no sense: Who do you think turned your grandfather over to the Human authorities twenty years ago?”

“I don’t . . . You?”

“Correct. We did not kill Humans unless they were active participants in the attacks on the Northwest, or standing between us and Constantine. More importantly, we discovered soon enough that there were no birth records for Humans who were born within the cult. You understand what that means?” Nele is silent, so he continues, “We could have done whatever we pleased with them. If we had wanted to kill them, they’d be long dead. ”

Nele’s eyes widen, and she starts shaking uncontrollably. I shoot my best thank you for that tactful explanation glare at Koen, whose response is an unironic You’re welcome nod .

“What Koen’s trying to say is that he believes that your family has been punished enough, and holds no resentment toward them.” Koen appears to have minor quibbles with my translation but wisely keeps them to himself. “Is everything okay?” I clutch her hand tighter.

Is this what Fiona felt like among the Favored? Constantly scared? If someone had been kind to her early enough, would she still have made the leap from victim to accomplice? By the time I was born, was she already both? Did I tip her over?

“In the last few months . . . Since we found out about you in the interview, really, we’ve been . . . It’s been different.” She casts a quick, skittish glance at Koen. It shimmers with unshed tears. “Things became more . . . And then they sent Job to get you.”

“Job?”

“The boy by Silas’s house,” Koen explains.

“Oh.” My heart squeezes. “Were you two . . . ?”

“He was my friend. And they told him that if he couldn’t bring you back, he shouldn’t bother returning at all.” For the first time, the hurt in her voice is tinged with anger. “So he didn’t.”

“I’m sorry, Nele.”

She nods. Casts a lost glance around the room, taking in the impersonal but welcoming decor.

“It’s not like they said it would be. Here, with the Weres.

I thought you’d hurt us and treat us like we’re unworthy, but we’ve been able to come and go as we please.

It’s not dangerous for Humans. The Weres are . . . You have been kind.”

It’s so depressing , Amanda told us in the car. Every time I bring them clothes and food and books and tell them that they don’t need to ask for permission to walk around nature, they look at me like I must be drinking mercury. Can you believe it?

A cult lying to its members to control them , Koen mumbled, driving with his elbow hanging out of the window. Unheard of.

Honestly, fuck Irene and Constantine and the Favored. Fuck them all. “The Northwest is kind,” I say, “but what they are doing is the bare minimum. You deserve respect, and more. You should have had it your whole life.”

I can see the cogs in her head turning as she tries to grasp the concept of basic decency.

“I know . . . I know we’re Humans. But would it be possible .

. . Could we maybe stay here for a while?

I think that if we did, the others would see it, too, that maybe there can be a life for us, even outside of the Favored. ”

“You can stay for as long as you like,” Koen replies before I can turn to him.

“Thank you.” Her smile wobbles. “Maybe you and I could be friends, E— Serena. I enjoyed the afternoon we spent together.”

“I did, too,” I say, instead of We could be friends if I stayed, but I won’t. I can’t. You’ll be fine, though. And so will Koen. And so will I.

Good liar, and all that.

“Maybe I could help you,” she adds, tentative. “I could show you where some of our hideouts are. We could go together— ”

“No,” Koen and I say in unison, forcefully. We share a glance, and he continues. “How old are you?”

“Sixteen.”

“Son of a bitch.” He briefly hangs his head. Massages the bridge of his nose. “You’re way too young to be caught in this. We don’t know if they are guarding their hideouts, or whether they will treat you as a threat. You’ve been through enough. Your involvement in this bullshit ends now.”

Nele blushes, looking scandalized.

Koen cocks his head. “Did you really just offer to escort me into a life- or- death situation, only to balk at the word ‘bullshit’?”

The flush deepens. “The thing is, after what happened last week, there are . . . a little less than fifty Favored left. About half of them are Weres. And . . . my older sister, she’s currently with them.”

My stomach sinks.

Koen sighs. “Could you write me a list of the members?”

“I already have. It’s in my room.” She averts her eyes. “What will you do to them?”

“Provided that the Weres don’t resist, we’ll capture them alive and put them through a tribunal. Humans are not our concern.”

“Will you . . .”

His face softens. “We’ll do our best not to harm anyone. Humans are easy to subdue. However, if my pack is in danger, we will defend ourselves.”

Nele exhales slowly. The silence stretches until she says, “I just want it to be over, you know? A normal life, for me and my family.” She lets go of my hand and wraps her arms around herself.

“I don’t know where Irene is right now. But the prophet’s birthday is in two days, and it’s our most important day of worship.

Irene might call it off this year, but she never has.

In fact, I think that she might . . .” At once, she smells intensely guilty.

“None of this is your fault,” Koen reminds her.

She nods. “Ever since Serena’s interview, there has been a lot of anger toward the Northwest. More than usual.

Many Favored saw that as proof that they’d been right all along, and people have been thinking about the Harrowing.

” She swallows. “In the past few months, they’ve been accumulating weapons.

Firearms. Some bigger ones, too. And . . .”

“And?”

“And . . . they’ve been teaching us how to use them.”