Page 48 of Mate

It’s me. Or it’s not. But it is. The tilt of her head.

The dark eyes and darker hair— straight, long, just a hint of wave at the end.

The smile, the full lips, the straight line of her nose.

There are differences, too. She’s on the taller side, her jaw squarer, her complexion olive toned.

But I recognize my softness in her, rounded edges that we shared until the last few months wreaked havoc on my body.

The necklace at her throat is unnervingly familiar: a silver moon, scratched by a full set of claws.

I glance up at the cottage-core witch. Who has my attention and fucking knows it.

“I have a box full of photos. I was always very partial to Fiona. Out of all the girls . . . I like to think that part of me knew how special she would be. However, if you want to see the rest, I would like for us to sit down.” A smile.

“Don’t worry. You’re not making a commitment by hearing me out.

I know your friends make us out to be a dangerous terrorist organization.

In truth, we are very reasonable, and that’s why they’ve been keeping you away from us.

We are not attempting to convert you and ask for tithes.

This is not Hades. I won’t serve you pomegranates. ”

I don’t believe a single word, but my fingers burn to touch the photo. That must be why I find myself sitting at the head of the dining table.

“Irene,” the woman says, taking the chair next to mine. “Is my name. I forgot to mention it, since I know yours.”

“Actually, you have the wrong one.”

“Forgive me. It’s out of habit. You prefer Serena?

” Her tone is so perfectly sensible, I briefly feel guilty about acting rudely.

Then I remember that I’ve been abducted and swear that if I make it out of this alive, I’ll go back to therapy and divest myself from my people-pleasing tendencies.

“I don’t want you to think that we didn’t care about you.

We would have searched ceaselessly, if we’d known that you survived. ”

“How exactly are you and I related?”

“Ah, right. Constantine, the leader of the Favored, was my older brother. Which makes me your aunt.” Her smile seems genuine.

This should be a heartwarming moment, but I shiver anyway.

“I know your memories are lost, and even if they weren’t, you couldn’t possibly recall this.

But I held you on the day you were born and adored you from the very start.

I will continue to do so, no matter what you decide. Welcome to the family, Eva.”

So much for using my real name. “Does this mean that Constantine was my father?”

“Yes, naturally. You were his miracle. His ‘little sunlight glint,’ that’s what he called you.”

A sudden chill runs down my spine. I wait for the shock of Irene’s revelation to fully sink in, but it never does.

Given the cult’s interest in me, I was near certain of my connection to them.

Constantine being my father . . . well, it was just the worst possible scenario. “Of course it materialized,” I mutter.

“Pardon?”

“Nothing. Just excited to hear that the weird jingoistic nutjob everyone hates was my father.”

“Is that what they told you about him?” Her head tilts. “What else? That he was insane? Violent? Power hungry? Because I can explain.”

I’m sure she can, but I’m not biting. “I’d rather discuss . . . Fiona.” Calling her my mother feels wrong. Even if my hands itch to touch the photo. “Why was she with the cul— excuse me, this totally legitimate social club?”

Irene chuckles. “Your father would have enjoyed you. This humor of yours, you get it from our side of the family.”

“Actually, I get it from the need to proactively cope with a staggering amount of unprocessed trauma. Back to Fiona, please.”

“Of course. Your mother was born among us. Her family was very devoted to the Favored. They aspired to become Weres. They would have been so proud of what their granddaughter accomplished.”

“You mean, my college degree? That time I ran a half-marathon?” I’m starting to get impatient.

My temples throb, and I’m almost certain I’m running a fever.

I want the box, I want out of here, I want answers.

“Because if what you mean is me being a hybrid, there was very little accomplishing on my part, and a lot of me twiddling my not-yet-existent thumbs as morulation and blastulation happened.”

Irene must be getting tired of the family humor, because her lips purse, but she continues, “It’s an interesting story.

When Fiona became pregnant, she maintained that the baby was Constantine’s.

At the time . . . there were a lot of women in his life.

He was a hardworking man, often in need of rest and comfort.

Fiona was one of many who saw to that, and Constantine was a reasonable leader who didn’t demand exclusivity.

But Fiona was loyal. No one could picture her with another, and no one else would admit to having touched her. ”

She pulls the box closer, still out of my reach, sifting through photos until she finds a square one.

When she shows it to me, I don’t lean forward, but rather wait for her to set it in front of me.

The smile on her face tells me that she knows what pissing contest I entered us in but doesn’t mind humoring me.

The woman in the picture is the same as before. This time, though, she’s not posing. She looks up at a handsome older man who stares into the distance, absorbed by other matters.

“That is Constantine. Your father.”

My interest in him is subterranean. He could be wearing a fresh lobster costume, and my eyes would still be drawn to the curve of Fiona’s belly, clearly visible under the stretch of her top.

She cups it with both hands, a gesture that seems more intentional than a simple I don’t know what to do with my arms .

And then there’s her profile. Several weeks ago, Ana asked Lowe to draw girls-only portrait: Misery, Ana, and me.

And, somehow, Sparkles. He chose a three-quarter view for me, and it could have been a tracing of this photograph.

Maybe that’s why in an odd, inexplicable way, I feel like I am her, and she is me.

I don’t owe her anything. Having given birth to me doesn’t buy her my love or my gratitude or my compassion, but the problem is—

“How old was she?”

“When she had you? I cannot say for sure. Around twenty.”

That is the problem. She was younger than I am now. Pregnant with the baby of a Were cult leader whose restraint was worthy of Caligula’s orgies. Lost girl to lost girl, I cannot help wondering whether she felt alone. Overwhelmed. Scared. Proud , I’m sure Irene would say, but . . .

Am I just projecting? Because we have the same fucking cheekbones?

Get it together, loser. She didn’t love you because she’s cupping her bump. Lots of people like babies in theory but not in practice.

“No need to make that face.” Irene’s tone is gently reproachful.

“She was very happy to become your mother, Eva.” More pictures slide into my field of view.

Smiling lips pressed to a baby-fat cheek.

A tiny infant foot, much smaller than her palm.

A candid, breastfeeding. Sitting in a meadow.

Smiling up at the camera while a toddler fists the stem of a columbine.

I see the splotch of tears on the mahogany before I even realize I’m crying.

“She was very good with numbers. So are you, I am told. And she loved the ocean. Even though she had little access to it.”

I look up, unsure of how to deal with all of these— these feelings . Irene, though, seems genuinely sympathetic.

“She also kept a diary where she logged all your milestones. First step, first word, favorite foods. I believe it was destroyed, because I couldn’t locate it.

We had to be very careful with our records— the downside of being constantly ostracized and persecuted.

It was a wise choice, since the Northwest’s inability to know the full extent of our ranks is the only reason we were able to rebuild.

But I can tell you that she adored you. And you adored her back.

You were such a little angel. Very well behaved. ”

I try to swallow a sob. Fail. This is ugly . Shoulder-shaking, tear-slick, full-bodied crying. For a woman I’ve never even met. What do I care about the tragedy of her life? And why, when Irene covers my hand with hers, do I allow it?

“You may not have any memories of the Favored. But you must recall what it was like, being alone. Away from your people. I can assure you, Fiona didn’t let go of you. You were taken from us when the Northwest decided to hunt us down, snuff us out— ”

“Why did they do that?” I snatch back my arm. Curl it into my lap. Allow myself one last sniffle before I confront her. “What was the reason?”

“You are too young to remember— ”

“But I’ve been told. Is it a lie that Constantine targeted the Northwest leadership and killed thousands?”

Her mouth curves in a displeased line. “Did they tell you why ? Did they explain that Constantine won the challenge against their Alpha, but the Northwest refused to allow him to step into the role that was his right?”

I lean forward. “And what about Koen’s father, Irene? Did you not use him to lure Koen’s mother?”

“Koen Alexander is an illegitimate leader.” Her dark gaze sharpens. “Your father . . . he may have used the Alpha’s mate to draw her to himself. But after, he won fair and square.”

“That’s not how the challenge works.”

“And who decides that? Who establishes the rules? The Alpha. The pack. The system was rigged in their favor— but Constantine outwitted them. He should have been the leader of the Northwest, not hunted down like a beast, forced to hide in more and more remote locations, and then killed in cold blood.” She closes her eyes.

Collects herself. “I struggle to understand why you do not see that Koen is your enemy. But maybe it’s your approaching Heat talking. ”

I recoil. “How do you know about that?”

“Oh, dear. Jess has been good to us. Very helpful indeed. She was one of the Favored, did you know that? They slaughtered her parents and gave her to a Were family. But unlike yours, her memories remained. She gained access to your clinical file and told us that you lost the ability to shift. She delivered the necklace. And, of course, she let us know about your Heat.” The line of Irene’s mouth softens. “You are very close, I hear.”

Fuck this. “I want to go back.”

“Ah, yes. That injection. You know, there’s no need.

We have a handful of Weres who’ll be happy to service you.

You may choose whoever you prefer among them.

And who knows, there might even be a baby from this Heat.

Constantine’s heir. He has performed bigger miracles than that.

After all, we’re close to the anniversary of his birth. ”

“I think I . . .” Just threw up a little in my mouth. “It’s a pass for me. I’ll be fine.”

“No, you won’t. Heats in human form are dreadful.

I must say, I was surprised to hear that the current Alpha was willing to allow you to avoid yours.

But then again . . .” She sighs. “Koen Alexander was always unpredictable. We could never take him by surprise. Before you arrived, that is. We are very grateful to you, for making him a little more like his mother. And his mother, we were able to deal with.”

I clench my teeth. “If you’re thinking of using me to trap him, he won’t come. He’s smarter than that. He has spent his entire life aware of how you ruined his family, and— ”

“Eva. There is no smart when it comes to falling in love. Haven’t you learned that?”

“Koen’s priority is the pack. He won’t jeopardize it.”

“We’ll see.” The tilt of Irene’s head gives me goose bumps. “You should ask him when he arrives. He won’t be long, dear. But you’ll have all the time you need.”

“Time for what ?” I hiss.

“To read your mother’s last letter.”