Page 49 of Mate
He is afraid— not only of what might happen to her, but also of what he might do to the world in retaliation.
A S AWARE AS I AM OF IRENE’S MANEUVERS TO KEEP ME IN THE asscrack of nowhere, I still allow it, and I can’t help wondering why.
It’d be a good case study. An interesting dive into hybrid behavior.
Unfortunately, my temperature is climbing, and I’m starting to feel too shitty to ponder the wonders of the halfling mind.
“You should drink,” Nele tells me, holding out a glass.
She’s the youngest of the women I spotted downstairs.
When I returned to my room, Irene instructed her to follow me.
I assumed she’d be my designated jailer , but Nele doesn’t have the look for it.
Could be her homemade cutoffs, or the way her braid reaches nearly past her butt.
She seems too sweet and innocent to be part of this mess.
“It’s not drugged or anything, I promise.
” She takes a seat across from me and swallows a big, performative gulp to prove it to me.
But I’m not thirsty or hungry. Layla mentioned that the closer I got to my Heat, the harder it would be to keep food down.
She didn’t say anything about hammering headaches and the burning desire to bite the flesh off my skeleton, but that might just be a side effect of Irene keeping me here by holding Fiona’s letter hostage.
“Have you read it?” I ask Nele.
“Um . . . what?”
“The letter.”
“Ah.” She shakes her head. “I didn’t even know Fiona existed until you gave your interview. Hundreds of people died in the Harrowing, and I wasn’t even born, so— ”
“The what?”
She bites her lips in confusion. I don’t think she’s had many interactions outside of the cult. “The Harrowing? When the Weres from the Northwest came after the Favored and murdered Constantine.”
“Do you know why they did that?” I ask, toneless.
“We were growing in size and power,” she recites. “They felt threatened. And Constantine had won a challenge against their Alpha.”
This girl is as much a victim of Irene as I am.
There is something disturbingly familiar in her mannerisms, something that reminds me of the boy on the cliff.
I try to be gentle when I ask, “Why would a pack with tens of thousands of Weres feel threatened by a cult with hundreds of members, no political influence, and no allies?”
She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “People don’t always act rationally.” That, too, comes out a little singsongy. “The unwise is not moved by reality. His behavior is a product of wishes and delusions.”
She looks so cogent, I almost wonder if I’m the one who has it all wrong. “Do you really believe that you can be turned into a Were?” I ask her.
“Oh.” She blushes. “I wouldn’t presume to know if that’s what he wants for me. Not everyone will cross that river. Some of us are just here to aid the most favored. Such as yourself.”
“Okay. Let me rephrase this. Do you think that a Human can be turned into a Were? Has anyone explained to you that we are different species? Do you study science at all?”
“I . . .” She looks around. Her voice drops to a whisper. “I read a book, once.”
I’ll take that as a no. “Who gave it to you?”
“It was at one of our hideouts. I . . . We aren’t supposed to, but I was bored, and . . .”
“And now you know that it’s impossible.”
She lowers her eyes. Then lifts them again, to intone, “There are many things that science doesn’t yet understand. And there have always been tales, among us Humans. Stories about being bitten during the full moon and becoming Weres. And there’s you. You are proof.”
“I was born half Human and half Were. I’m a hybrid.”
She leans closer, so sorry for me, it’s impossible to resent her. “If hybrids were a possibility, wouldn’t we have thousands by now?”
“That’s not how random genetic mutations work.” I need Juno. Here and now. To lend me credibility with her doctoral degree and her stern looks.
“It was Constantine,” Nele says, with the same gentleness I attempted earlier. The condescension hurts more than the headache. “He proved himself through you.”
“Is that why you’re here? You’re hoping that’ll happen to you?”
“I’m here because my grandparents joined Constantine’s father, and I grew up among the Favored.
But . . . I understand that our beliefs can appear unorthodox.
” I don’t point out that the clinical phrase would be nuttier than banana bread .
“Every society has its own idiosyncrasies. My parents told me Humans do odd, incomprehensible things all the time. They hoard resources others require to survive. They sometimes murder members of their own groups. They destroy the very place in which they live.” Her head tilts.
“You were among them. Does that still hold true?”
“Oh, yeah. Big time.”
“See? And I’ve heard that other species are no better.
Weres kill their babies for fun, imprison their women, and are violent and cruel to those who are weaker.
” She must not notice my confused expression, because she continues.
“I don’t know enough about Vampyres, but I’m sure they have their issues.
My point is, the longer you remain with us, the deeper your understanding of our beliefs will be. ”
Remain . “How many of y— of us are there left?” I feel a tinge of guilt at her delighted smile, but it’s too good a chance to find out more.
“About fifty or so.”
“Do you all live here?”
“No. This hideout is very close to the northernmost border of the Northwest, and to the Canada pack, too. We almost never use it. But we have better ones. Mostly, we live scattered, hideout to hideout. We meet often, but we cannot live clustered in a compound like we once did.”
“Why?”
“Because of the Harrowing. If the Northwest knew, they would come after us. Separate us from our families. Did you know that my grandfather has been in a Human prison for decades? I have never hugged him.” Her eyes shimmer with tears.
“But we are getting stronger. We’ll grow our numbers again.
Irene says that you’ll bring us visibility. ”
My throat feels like sandpaper. “Is that her plan? Keep me here like a symbol of the Favored?”
“There is no plan,” Nele reassures me, her pretty face guileless.
“Come on, Nele. Did you not hear her downstairs? If nothing else, she’s using me to draw Koen here and hurt him.”
“Oh, no. You don’t know her.” Quickly, she comes to kneel beside my chair, taking my hand between hers. My gut churns.
“What does she plan to do to him?”
“Nothing! We’re not like that. We just want to live in peace, Eva. We abhor violence.”
“You abhor — Nele, I was taken against my will. I was assaulted and drugged and— ”
“That’s different!” Her grip tightens. “We had to bring you here so that you could decide whether you want to be with us.”
“I don’t ,” I say sharply.
“But you don’t have all the information.”
“There is nothing that— ”
“You can’t be sure. You’ve only heard Koen’s side of the story. There are others. And when Irene reveals them, you might change your mind. See that he and his seconds are inhumane.”
We are not Human. Funny that if Koen were here, he’d probably agree with her. I shiver and pull my hand away from Nele’s to hug my knees. That’s exactly what I need— Koen, here. With me.
“I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted you to know that you are one of us. Will always be.” Her smile is apologetic. Young. “Irene sent me up to help you prepare for your Heat.”
“Prepare?”
“She said it’s coming soon.”
My stomach drops. My mind races with horrifying possibilities. “Prepare how?”
“The ceremonial markings.” She picks up a small jar full of a thick black liquid. When she holds it closer, I realize that it might be closer to a dark blue. Or green. “Don’t worry, the dye will stain lighter.”
“Stain . . . what?”
“Your skin. Are you not familiar with the tradition?”
“I’ve been a Were for about twenty minutes.”
“Oh. Well.” She glances at the door, clearly considering getting Irene.
“I— I don’t care about traditions, I mean.” I bite my tongue. To punish myself. “No need for the markings.”
“But Were customs are important. And if you don’t . . . Irene might be angry.” In the slight tremble of her lips, I hear what Nele doesn’t say. At me . And I don’t want that. Irene is a stand- up gal— good to know.
“Eva— ”
“It’s not my fu— ” I stop. Take a deep breath. The abduction/Heat combo isn’t doing my temper any favors. Or maybe I just take after Irene. “Nele, will you please call me Serena?”
“The name the Humans gave you?” Baffled lines appear on her forehead. “You want to honor it?”
“It’s not that . . .” Deep , I want to say. Except, isn’t it?
Serena is the name by which my sister calls me.
The name on my diploma. The name Koen whispered in my ear last night.
Eva might be what Fiona chose when I was a child, but it belongs to someone who was at the mercy of others, someone who doesn’t exist even in her own memories.
Serena was a spur-of-the-moment decision by a nurse, but it’s my name because I made it so. Everything I built is attached to it.
“Yes. I do.” I glance at the jar in her hand. “How do I know it’s not poison?”
“It’s not at all! Look.” She smears a large quantity of the liquid on the inside of her wrist. When she wipes the excess away, the stain is a dark, brilliant green. It reminds me of a forest at night.
It reminds me of Were blood.
“Can I, then? Irene taught me, just for you. I’ll do good.”
I nod and let her guide me into the bathroom.
FOUR HOURS LATER, THE RAIN HAS YET TO STOP, AND IRENE HANDS me Fiona’s letter.
She calls me from downstairs and asks me to join her for tea, addressing me as dear once again. I put on the hoodie that Nele laid out for me and stumble out of the room, stopping by the hallway window to press my burning forehead against the glass.