Page 46 of Mate

“But what about an Alpha’s siblings? Those bonds can be just as strong. What about parents, or friends? What about platonic relationships, or— ”

“Believe me, I know. It’s old-fashioned, flawed reasoning, and that’s why most packs did away with it a while ago.

But the Northwest had no reason to worry about it for decades after most packs began having these discussions.

My mother was the moment of reckoning. The huddles didn’t stand for it.

Became independent. But we didn’t close the borders.

Socially, we were still one pack, even as each huddle leader made their own decisions.

But we wouldn’t always share information.

And we had different perceptions of what constituted a threat.

And that’s where things started to go wrong.

“I was born. About five years later, my sister was born, Anki— she lives with her mate in the south.” His mouth twitches.

“My parents figured that if one of us was going to inherit all those Alpha traits, it would be her. But she took after my dad, who was a musician with no interest in pack leadership. And when it became obvious that I was likely to be the next Alpha, they were relieved. My mother was beloved, and I would take over when she was ready to step down. No need for challenges. The shit Lowe went through with Roscoe? I didn’t have to worry about that.

Until the cult, at least. Because Constantine was out there, taking advantage of fools, promising them they’d run with the wolves, and .

. .” He snorts. “Only Humans would believe this shit. No offense.”

“None taken. Well, some taken.”

He doesn’t smile. “Constantine was intelligent. And greedy. And as the cult grew and he kept making promises that he couldn’t keep, he decided that what he and his followers needed was an enemy, and maybe a kingdom that was their due but had been wrongfully taken from them.

He told his followers that as soon as they took back their birthright, they would become all-powerful, immortal Weres. ”

I’m starting to feel nauseous. “Was that kingdom the Northwest?”

“And the villain, my mother.” He runs a hand through his hair, and the movement angles his face just so, enough for me to see his expression.

I was sure he would look angry, and he does.

I didn’t expect so much sadness. “The details aren’t important.

But Constantine and his followers exploited the lack of communication between the core and the peripheral huddles.

They killed my mother and made sure that the pack knew it was under threat.

When the adults in the pack gathered to discuss how to react, Constantine carried out a series of coordinated attacks that wiped out all our leadership and most of our adult members.

Thousands of people died. And . . . we just had to step up.

Amanda, Saul, Jorma, Brenna, me— hundreds of us.

We didn’t even have a chance to mourn our families.

There was a power vacuum, and the cult was trying to use it to take over, and we had to react quickly.

Those are some pretty fucked- up memories for a bunch of teens to have to carry.

But when I’m about to fall asleep at night, that’s not what I think about.

” He swallows. “You know what is, Serena?”

I wish I didn’t. All I want is to have come to the wrong conclusion. “What your mother did.”

He nods, and it breaks my heart. “They used my father to lure her out. And even though everyone told her it was a trap, even though her seconds were forming a plan, the idea of my father suffering was so untenable, she refused to wait. And honestly?” He squats down again.

Locks eyes with me, so that there is no misunderstanding him.

“Now that I’m in the same position, I’m not sure that I wouldn’t do the same. ”

And this is how it all fits together. This is the crux of the issue, and why I can finally make sense of it all.

To Koen, the covenant is not something that’s been imposed by the huddle leaders— an arbitrary, unjust restraint. To him, it’s a guarantee that history won’t repeat itself. And that guarantee has never mattered more than it does now, with the cult threatening the Northwest once again.

And the last thing I want is to ask him to make an impossible choice.

So I reach out. Run my hand through his hair, trying not to sigh at the way he leans into it, like my skin is his North Star. “You know me as a liar, but . . .” Laughter bubbles out of me, sticky. “Can I try honesty? For once?”

He nods, patient, open, in the morning air, like he rarely is. Making it so easy .

“I like you more than anyone I’ve met since Misery.

And when I’m with you, I feel . . . a little less like half of two things, and a little more whole.

And when you touch me, it feels right. So right that I forget it’s wrong.

I forget that you’re the heart of this pack.

I forget that thousands of people rely on you, and that every moment I spend with you, I’m taking something away from them.

” I manage a labored gulp. My throat is tight and dry.

“So this is what’s going to happen. I’m going to walk in there and take the drugs Layla gives me.

This Heat won’t happen. And as soon as the issues with the Vampyre council are officially over and Ana is safe, which will be any day now .

. . I’ll go back to the Southwest, where I won’t be keeping you from the people who need you.

And you and I . . . we’ll make sure to avoid each other in the next few decades. Won’t we?”

Koen doesn’t nod, but I smell his assent. His head bends for a long, silent moment. When he looks up, his eyes are emptier than the space between the ocean and the cliffs.

And all he says is “Layla is waiting for you. You should go.”