Page 17 of Mate

She is braiding her hair. Bends her head forward, sectioning the strands and paying no mind to the world around her. Doesn’t notice him lingering at the door. Her bare nape is there for him to stare at, pink and vulnerable and accessible.

It’s so flagrantly indecent , he must excuse himself.

I T’S MISERY WHO ASKS THE ONLY SENSIBLE QUESTION: “HOW DO you lose a genetic database? I mean, Koen’s temperamental and all that, but even he wouldn’t just misplace— ”

“?‘Destroyed’ is a better word for it. I believe it was an accident.”

“What kind of accident?”

Juno hesitates just a fraction of a second. “A fire, I think. Twenty years ago.”

I remember what Alex told me. “Does this have anything to do with the fact that the Northwest was divided into different factions?”

“I’m sorry.” Another infinitesimal pause. “I don’t know much about the circumstances.”

I exchange a wordless glance with Misery, who picked up on the same offbeat vibes. “What about my . . . mother?” The word sounds disturbingly odd in my mouth. “Do the Humans have data bases?”

“Nothing as thorough as ours. Their registries are mostly opt-ins, biotech companies that offer personalized screening. That covers a small percentage of the Human population on this continent, but I’ll try.”

I scratch the side of my neck, weighing my options. Taking the temperature. I’m disappointed, more than I thought I’d be. But it’s fine. I don’t need to know—

“Serena, I realize that this is a sensitive question, but . . . Misery mentioned that you do not remember much from your childhood. Is that true?”

I nod.

“Is there anything about your earliest memories that might help us refine our search?”

“Not really, no. I barely . . .”

What’s your name, honey? Do you know how we can get in touch with your parents?

She’ll be in the car for several hours. Let’s make sure she’s not conscious for that.

Are you stupid? I hate the dumb ones. Can she have a different bed, away from mine?

It’s no big deal. Just the desert. Have you not seen a prickly pear before?

I shake my head. “I started linearly encoding my childhood memories when I was seven or eight, but I have some spotty recollection from before. The earliest is being in Paris, a small Human town north of The City. It was April, and I was . . . They estimated my age at about six. I was told that I wandered into the Child Services office with no idea how I got there.” My tone is always detached when I talk about this, because I never feel as though I’m the one who went through it.

“No one local knew me, not even when they expanded the radius of their search. I couldn’t remember my own name, and the nurses got tired of calling me ‘the girl.’ One of them named me Serena, after her mother, and .

. . Well, it stuck. Two decades, and still going strong. ”

“Sadly, not all of us can be named after the literal state of being in agony,” Misery says. Her grin pulls me back into the present.

I return her smile. “A missed opportunity. It pains me to admit how inflated my ego has become, but given the years of cloak-and-dagger surveillance, I assume Humans have thorough files on me.”

“There are none, Serena,” Juno says.

“Well, that’s certainly humbling.”

“We believe they were destroyed by Governor Davenport’s team.” She purses her lips. “That’s okay. For now, at least. If you recall anything else, give Lowe or me a call.”

“Or me .” Misery scowls. “Now that I think about it, Serena, send me your new phone number. So I can keep you updated on Sparkles’s bowel movements, as you requested.”

“I requested cute pictures. Please, stop sending cat turds.”

“Nah.” Her gaze flicks somewhere past my head. “I know it must be symptomatic of either overwork or severe depression, but I’m loving the shipwreck survivor with no access to blades look, Koen.”

I turn around so fast, I nearly pull a muscle. Koen is behind me, standing at the door.

“Be good, Vampyre,” he tells Misery, in that affectionate tone that he uses only with her and Ana. It should be at odds with his usual orneriness but somehow fits him like a glove. And sends odd pangs to my chest. I bet he does care, whether they like him or not.

“I’m never good,” Misery replies, and a beat later I hear the video call being shut down.

“How long have you been here?” I ask him.

He lifts a shoulder. Widens his arms. “What is time?”

“How much did you hear?”

“I don’t know. Everything?”

I frown. “Pretty sure being Alpha of this pack doesn’t give you a pass to eavesdrop on people.”

“Pretty sure being Alpha of this pack gives me a pass to run people through the paper shredder and make dinosaur-shaped nuggies out of what’s left.”

He may have just threatened to macerate me, but at least he’s funny about it. “You heard the plot twist, then?”

“Which one?”

“I might be part of your pack.” He stares, unreadable, until I continue. “We could be related. I could be your cousin.”

He scoffs, unimpressed. “You’re not.”

“How do you know?”

“I have a cousin. Looking at her does not feel like looking at you.”

I glance down, hot all of a sudden. Hang on. Am I flattered? None of what he just said could be construed as nice .

“Come on.” He directs me with his head. “We’re leaving.”

“For where? You’re not taking me back to the Southwest, right?” I ask as I rise.

“We’ll see.”

“Koen.” I hurry down the stairs after him. “You said that if I told you the truth, you’d go along with my plan.”

“Did I?”

“Yes.” I fist my hand in his flannel. It looks like yesterday’s, but green, and without Vampyre blood. “Please,” I say when he graces me with his gaze. He’s standing in my space. Or maybe I’m in his. “Let me come to the Den with you. For all we know, it’s where I was born.”

“You wanna be my cousin that bad, huh?”

I roll my eyes. “You know, being all secretive and mastermind- y is not really as charming as you— ”

“Relax. I’m not taking you back to the Southwest.” He must know that I’m this close to hugging him, because he leans closer and orders, “Dial it down.”

“What?”

“That look— like I’m about to take you to the shelter to pick out a new kitten. It’s not going to be fun. I won’t put you up in another isolated cabin in the middle of nowhere.”

“Where are we going, then?”

“You said you want to be bait.” His smile is anything but pleased. “Time to put you on a hook, killer.”

“YOU NEED TO EAT,” HE SAYS ONCE THE CAR IS OUT OF THE driveway.

I stare up at the hemlock-spruces that line the road, nose pressed against the cool glass, and murmur, “I’m good.”

The thing about this place is: the farther north we push, the more beautiful it gets.

Dramatic. A little mysterious. Lush and rich.

I spot a million shades of green. Everything towers.

Endless jutting trees, spongy moss, water flowing always, everywhere, vibrant and otherworldly and so alive , it makes me feel alive, too.

“You’re lots of things, and good is not one of them.”

I glance at Koen, who’s not unlike the landscape: outdoorsy and remote and moody. Wild and overcast. “Must be nice,” I muse.

“What?”

“Being you. Knowing everything .”

“It is, yeah,” he agrees.

“Any other unfulfilled strata in my pyramid of need that I should know about?”

“You’re sleep deprived. A little dehydrated. But the hunger is what concerns me the most.”

“I told you. My appetite has been— ”

“Low. That’s fine. We’ll find something you can keep down.”

Behaviors like this used to be an instant date-ender— Yeah, you do want another drink ; I promise you’ll love this movie ; You need someone who really gets you, babe, let me take care of you .

But with Koen, they don’t really faze me.

Maybe it’s because with my exes it felt like posturing, little kids playing dress- up.

Koen, though, takes care of thousands of people.

His job, his vocation, the mission statement of his entire life is to figure out what the Weres in his territory need.

It’s not so far-fetched that he could take on one more person.

Even if I might just be the most burdensome yet.

“Are we ever going back to the cabin where I was staying?”

“No. It’s hours away.” He scowls. “Why? Want to bring flowers to Bob’s grave?”

“First of all, you left Bob’s corpse in the very place where it dropped. He’s probably been eaten by the beavers.”

“Eh. Beavers are discerning.”

“Secondly, no . It’s just, all my stuff is there.”

“Your what?”

“My clothes.”

“I’m sure we can buy you a new burlap sack.”

“Okay, well . . . Thank you. But I have other stuff there that I can’t replace.”

“Like what?”

I quickly cast around for a good answer.

The infamous sat phone? My sports drinks?

Neither is worth driving hours for. Maybe the strong painkillers that Dr. Henshaw gave me for when things get really bad, Serena.

And they will . But I cannot tell Koen about them, just like I cannot tell him what I really want to go back for.

So I lie. “My plushie.”

“Your plushie.”

“Yeah. Ana gave it to me.”

“Did she, now?”

“She bought it for me with her monthly allowance.” Which is nearly as high as my salary used to be. Misery is not strict with that child. “I sleep with it every night.”

He looks at me like he’s considering laying down a tarp and butchering me on it.

“It’s important to me,” I continue weakly. “What? You don’t believe that a family can be a girl and her pink stuffed penguin?”

“I emphatically do not.”

“You’re so bigoted.”

“Glad you finally noticed.”

There’s no point in arguing with him. I perform a huge, dramatic yawn and let my head fall sideways against the window, pretending to take a nap.

His snort spells out how little I’m fooling him, but I don’t care.

As much as I’d love to stab him, his scent is safe and warm, as shrouding and all-consuming as the Douglas fir.

I try to forget the cabin— above all, I try not to think about the letters I stuffed at the bottom of the dresser. And after a while, I sink into the first restful sleep I’ve had in a long time.