Page 33 of Mate

He wants to abscond with her. Fuck the rest of the world— it’s incapable of giving her the safety she so clearly deserves. He’ll fix that. He’ll make up for everything she has been put through.

I T’S NOT YOUR FAULT, SERENA.

He was clearly unwell. Very unwell. On some crazed mission.

Not your fault.

People— people who are not Koen— have been repeating variations on this for a while, and for a while I’ve been nodding and telling them, Yes, I know. Thank you, I’m good. No need to stick around, if there’s somewhere you need to be.

The sun is about to set. There are a dozen cars parked by Koen’s cabin, and more of his seconds than I even met last night milling around.

I struggle to keep their names straight, but it doesn’t matter.

They’re not here for me, except for the ones on babysitting duty.

Because it’s obvious that Koen tasked them with making sure that I’m not left alone.

Still, I act like I don’t notice the way they sit next to me, on the second-highest porch step. In ten-minute shifts.

I try to pretend that Koen isn’t the only person with whom I’m interested in having any kind of conversation, but my belly is made of lead. He was there with me. He would know if it was my fault.

“Would you like something warm to drink?” I ask Saul when he comes over.

“Thanks, honey, but we’re leaving soon.”

“Anything else I can help with?”

“You’re doing it.”

I glance down at myself, and the stolen hoodie that might be my only tether to sanity. If I’m doing something, Saul and I must have a different definition of doing . But he’s shaking his head.

“Just the fact that you’re keeping your cool, helps K— all of us.”

“Oh, great. I just figured I’d scream my little heart out later, into my pillow.”

Saul laughs. “That’s some grade A compartmentalization.”

“Thanks.” I toss my hair back. “It’s the childhood trauma.”

Saul chokes on his spit, and Koen arrives just in time to thump him firmly between the shoulder blades. “Give me a second with Serena,” he orders. “Alone.”

Unlike everyone else, he doesn’t sit. Instead he squats in front of me, eye to eye.

“So,” I say. What would happen if I were to demand the hug I so desperately want? Since I really can’t, maybe I’ll just ask him if he thinks that I—

“No,” he says simply.

I blink. “What?”

“No. There is nothing you could have done to prevent him from killing himself. No, it’s not your fault. No, you shouldn’t have agreed to go with him.”

God. I needed to hear it. From him . “He’s the second person to die in front of me in three days, Koen.”

“I know. I’m starting to think that you might be bad news, killer.”

I laugh. And laugh. And then force myself to stop, because there is a sense of fullness behind my eyes, inside my throat, and it threatens to overflow.

“Bob was bad enough,” I whisper. “But this guy . . . he wasn’t trying to hurt me.

He was so young, and it feels like such a waste, and .

. .” I take a deep breath. “It’s just been a lot.

In very little time. I think I’m ready for the musical episode, you know? ”

“I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about.”

I laugh again. This time he smiles, too.

Until I add, “He seemed so lucid. And then, all of a sudden, he was saying all this weird shit, and it wasn’t . . . He didn’t sound normal.”

Koen reaches up, long fingers combing through my hair. Pressing against my scalp. The warmth of his touch has my eyelids fluttering closed. “It wasn’t normal. But I won’t insult your intelligence and tell you that he was talking gibberish. This is bad, Serena.”

Of course it is. “Because of Constantine?”

“Among the rest.” A sigh. His fingertips massage the skin at the back of my head. “Yeah.”

“Can you tell me who he is?”

“He was a Were. About two decades ago, he was directly responsible for the deaths of thousands of Weres and Humans in the Northwest.”

I clench my fists so hard, my nails leave imprints in my palms. “And now he’s back.”

“He’s dead .”

“Could reports of his passing have been greatly exaggerated?”

“I ripped his heart out of his chest, chewed it for half a minute, and then spit it into the ocean.”

I nod slowly. “A simple ‘no’ would have sufficed.”

Koen’s mouth twitches. “Constantine’s dead, no doubt about it. But he was the leader of a very destructive group.”

“Another Alpha?”

“Nothing like that. But some considered him a prophet.”

I chew on my lower lip, mulling it over. “I didn’t know Weres have cults.”

“Everybody has cults. They’re the weeds of sentient civilization.

And Constantine’s was the worst of them, because .

. .” He shakes his head and turns back to where his seconds are idling, waiting for him.

He’s borrowing precious time, just to explain shit to me.

“Constantine’s dead. But his right hands .

. . Our understanding of their power structure may have been incomplete. ”

“The boy who killed himself . . . ?”

“He was in his late teens. Too young to have been part of the original cult. I doubt he ever met Constantine.”

“Could he be a relative of mine?”

Koen sighs like he’s been wondering the same. “We have the boy’s body,” he says evenly. “Lots of DNA to compare with yours, and we are already on it.”

“And Constantine?”

“I . . .” He shakes his head, at a loss for words, and in this moment— when he looks as confused as I feel, when he chooses to share his lack of understanding with me, I think I love him. Just a little bit.

“Okay.” I swallow. Glance into the distance, at the ocean waves crashing into the shore. The glow of the last few sunrays.

“Clearly, they think you are connected to them. Most likely, you are somehow related to one of their former members. You’re very high profile, and if they’re rebuilding, they’ll want you back.”

Right. “I might be the Eva person he was talking about.” The prospect is disorienting. Makes me sick to my stomach.

Koen’s hand shifts to my cheek. “Look at me.”

I do. His eyes are dark and steady. Make me forget what led us here, and what’s to come.

“Your name doesn’t fucking matter. You are my killer. Okay?”

A laugh hiccups out of me, a little wet. “Okay.”

“Good. I need to meet with the Assembly.” His thumb swipes against my cheekbone. “Do you want to come with me?”

Yes, with every single cell of my body. “Why would I come with you?”

“Because the idea of having you out of my sight makes me want to flip those cars one by one.”

I stifle my chuckle. “The Assembly is very concerned that you’re breaking your covenant. I doubt me coming with you would help your case.”

“Good point.” He seems to consider it. “On the other hand, fuck my case.”

I snort. Watch him rise to his feet. Feel my heart grow heavier as he walks away.

Then, just a few feet from me, he turns around. “Killer?”

“Yeah?”

There is a false start. Like the words are too foreign to flow out with ease. But then he says, “Before I leave, I think I need to hold you for a minute.”

I’m in his arms before I know how I got there. He bends down to scoop me up, and my forehead fits so perfectly into the valley of his already-prickly throat, this cannot be anything but fated . He lifts me higher, my feet no longer touching the ground, and hides his face in my neck.

A long, deep inhale. My pulse begins to dance.

He’s— I did not plan on this. I have no business caring so much about him, but I can’t remember the last time I felt this close to someone. Koen is warm, as solid as any rocky cliffside. So what if people think we’re fucking?

So what if his heart ends up broken when I die in a few weeks?

So what if the Alpha’s authority becomes questionable right at a moment in which the pack is suffering from violent threats and political turmoil—

No. No.

“I’ll be fine,” I force myself to say, slowly ungluing myself from his body, pushing him to let me down and let go of me. I cover the stench of the lie with some truths. “I’m tired. I should probably sleep. Just . . . say hi to Karolina from me.”

He looks the kind of unhappy that comes from knowing that I’m hiding something. I feel, in the lingering of his hand on my shoulder, that he wants to press me back into him. But his muscles relax, and that’s the end of it. “I’ll be back tomorrow morning. If anything happens to me, what do you do?”

“Buy a black veil, pretend I’m a widow, cash in on your life insurance.”

“You call Lowe. Ask him to come get you.”

“What about your seconds?”

Koen’s jaw shifts. He seems to come to a bitter realization.

“I trust them with my life, but apparently not with yours. Lowe can protect you better than anyone.” His hand lifts to my cheek.

Falls back to his side without touching me.

“Well. Anyone but me. You’ll be safe tonight.

I have people patrolling around the cabin— ”

“The two cardinal points, yes.”

“I have twelve guards.”

“That is . . .” I close my mouth. I’m assuming he can spare the manpower. Clearly, the headline here is Big Man Needs Peace of Mind . “Excessive, probably. Anyone watching out for bald eagles?”

“There’ll be someone on the roof.” He nods like he’s about to leave again.

I can’t let him go without saying, “I’m sorry.”

He frowns. “None of this is your fault.”

“I know. But this is difficult for you, too. And he dragged your parents into it, which I can’t even imagine . . .” I swallow. “I’m sorry that you have to deal with this.”

His teeth clench. There’s a flicker of something unreadable in his face. “If I come back and something has happened to you, Serena, I’m going to be so fucking pissed.”

I bite the inside of my lips. “That sounds like a you problem.”

“Yeah. That it is.”

I turn and walk inside the cabin. I do not watch Koen leave, nor do I listen to the engine softening in the distance.

Instead I go to my room, dig into the mountain of blankets and pillows the bed has somehow accumulated, sit cross-legged with my phone in my hands, and do the only thing that makes sense.