Page 44 of Love Is a War Song

Lucas nudged me awake with his nose on my cheek, sprinkling kisses across my face.

I didn’t want to wake up. I wanted to stay in the dream Lucas had woven for us last night.

I wanted to keep pretending that this cellar was our beautiful home, and the old futon was our bed. I wasn’t ready to go back to reality.

“I’m not ready,” I whispered. Tears started falling from my eyes.

“Baby, everyone will be worried sick about us. I’m sure they are gathering in groups to come look for us. We haven’t had a storm that bad hit our area in years.”

“I’m not ready to say goodbye to you and there is no way my mother will leave here without me.”

“It doesn’t have to be a forever goodbye,” he whispered in my ear, pressing a kiss below my ear.

“The woman you do end up with will be so lucky. I want you to know that. You are worthy of the world too.” Whoever she was, I was insanely jealous of her. I wanted her life, and she was imaginary right now. I was angry at a pretend future woman.

“You think I’m not sick with jealousy at whatever model yahoo you end up with? There is no way on Creator’s green earth that it wouldn’t kill me to see you on TV on the arm of some pretty boy while I am here, craving you.”

“Lucas, what are we going to do?” I turned over, tangling myself with his limbs, needing to be closer.

“We do the next right thing,” he said as his morning wood throbbed against my belly.

“And what’s that?” I asked, voice low and sultry as I caressed his hardness.

“I take what small part you can give me before we go back to the house.”

And he did. I laid myself bare, giving him all of the promises of the future we couldn’t have. He took and he gave generously, and when we were finished, we were glistening, our sweat like drops of morning dew.

We walked hand in hand back to the house, keeping our pace slow to remain in our fantasy a little while longer.

It all shattered when we got to the main house and heard the shouting between my mother and Lottie.

“This is all your fault!” my mother shrieked.

“Mine? If you had been honest with her, this wouldn’t have happened,” Lottie fired back.

Lucas squeezed my hand in support as we walked up the steps together.

“We’re back,” Lucas called into the house.

“Avery!” Mom came flying out, throwing the screen door open and letting it slam shut on Lottie’s concerned face. She flung herself into my arms, forcing my and Lucas’s hands apart. “You had us worried sick. How could you do such a thing?” She peeled herself off me to grab my face.

The porch door slammed shut again as Lottie came out.

I pushed her off. “I’m sorry you were worried, but I needed space.”

“Thank you for finding Avery, but you can go now. We need to talk privately.” She dismissed Lucas without even looking at him.

“No, Lucas can stay.”

“Oh?” My mom crossed her arms and finally gave her full attention to Lucas. “So, you’re gonna throw your whole career away for a ranch hand? Some future, Avery.”

“Mom, stop,” I warned. Lucas had heard enough lies from his parents about how he didn’t measure up. I wouldn’t let mine add to the chorus.

“No, I want to hear from him. How does he think he can possibly provide the life you want? Don’t you live in one of those trailers behind the barn?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Lucas stood there, his hands clasped behind his back, his face an emotionless mask.

“What future do you have? What do you aspire to be? When Avery’s being booked for tours, are you going to guilt her into turning down opportunities we have worked years for just because you’ll miss her? Or would you tag along and ride her coattails?”

“Stop.” I threaded my arm through his, anchoring him to the present and what we just shared.

“She’s right,” Lucas said, taking his arm out of mine. “We knew this couldn’t work and I’d never let you sacrifice your dreams.”

“She isn’t right. What about this morning and what you said?”

“I said we had to do the next right thing and that is you talking to your mom and grandmother. I have to give you the space to do that.”

“But we’ll talk after, right? What about the fundraiser and saving the ranch?”

“Avery, you don’t need to worry yourself about the ranch,” Lottie said as she stepped in.

“But Lucas has plans, amazing plans.”

“And I can talk to him about that, but your mother is right. He should go and the three of us can talk as we were always supposed to do.”

“But Lucas.” My voice cracked. Anxiety bubbled up within me as everything was coming to a close, the pressure of it all signifying there was no hope for me and Lucas.

Even though I had felt our time with each other was ending last night, I refused to accept it now in the light of day.

I was willing to try anything to make it work.

The fantasy he’d painted was so beautiful I didn’t want to let the illusion go.

“We can catch up later,” he said gently. He gave me a long, sad look before jogging down the steps and walking away. I stood there watching as his figure retreated down the hill.

“Come on, it’s for the best,” my mother said, ushering me through the door.

“Why were you so mean to him?” I snapped.

“You can’t be serious, Avery. It was a fling, and he said you’ll talk later.” She rolled her eyes.

I marched to the living room with my mother and Lottie on my heels.

“You dismissed him, told him he was basically worthless. Why did you have to do that?”

“It’s the truth. He isn’t good enough for you, honey—your lives are too different. You are destined for bigger things and some cowboy ranch hand in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma, would only hold you back. You have opportunities.”

“What opportunities? I thought the label was dropping me after the Rolling Stone cover backlash.” I threw myself down on the couch.

“That’s water under the bridge. I booked a flight straight here when I heard the news. Your single is number one on the Official Charts Top Forty in the UK!”

“What?!” I screeched as I jumped up from my seat, momentarily dazed. Number fucking one!

“BBC Radio 1 is begging for you to come perform live. The Graham Norton Show has booked you to perform on next Friday’s show.

That’s why I’m here. We have to get you ready.

You need to pack up, because I have tickets to fly to London tonight.

It’s all over now, honey. No one hates you in England, they don’t care about the cover at all.

They all love you. When your performance over there goes viral, everyone in America will turn around too. ”

My brain processed everything one at a time. BBC Radio 1 show? A performance at The Graham Norton Show ? That all sounded fine, great even, except—“Next Friday?” I stopped jumping. “I can’t do it.”

“What do you mean you can’t? Of course you can. You have absolutely nothing else going on. Now come on and get ready.”

“No, I really can’t go. The fundraiser is next weekend.”

My mother waved off the thought. “We already said you don’t need to be troubling yourself about the state of affairs here.”

“Your mother is right, Avery. We have it all taken care of here.”

“How can you say that? Without the fundraiser, you have to sell.”

“That’s not the worst thing, honey,” Lottie said with pity, as if I were a child who couldn’t understand adult things.

“Letting the past go isn’t a bad thing,” my mother added unhelpfully.

“Oh yeah? Are you going to come back and help her let go of the past? Your bedroom is exactly as you left it. The attic is full of generations of memories. Who is going to help Lottie go through it all?”

“Your grandmother has employees, Avery.”

“But she also has family. Us.”

“I appreciate you wanting to help, but I’ve survived just fine these last twenty-odd years, and I can keep on going.” Lottie put on a brave face, but I could see how tired she was, shouldering this huge property all on her own.

“But that was before I knew you. I don’t want you surviving. I want you thriving. I don’t want you alone here emptying this huge house full of memories. It’s a tomb. Can we help you pay the bank?”

“I’ve already told you that I don’t need or want your money.” Lottie started tidying the space, stacking old magazines on the coffee table.

“What about Lucas’s business idea? Converting this place into a ranch to help kids who have gone through trauma. Horse therapy.”

“It’s a fancy dream, but I don’t know the first thing about doing that.”

“But Lucas does. He has a whole business plan figured out and has grant applications ready to go. He can do this. You can do this.”

“Just drop it, Avery.” Mom slumped onto the couch, rubbing her temples with her forefingers, drilling into the sides of her head.

I ignored her and continued, “Think of every person you have helped. Think of a ranch full of kids like Lucas.”

“Pfft. That man looks like he can barely read or write,” my mother mumbled.

“Shut up, Mother,” I snapped, her rude comment hitting too close to the mark with his dyslexia.

She had no right criticizing him; she didn’t even know him.

I did, and I knew Lucas could do anything.

I’d bet my entire career on it that Lucas could turn this business into something that helped so many and make it flourish.

“All right, Avery, we have entertained this long enough. We really don’t have time for this.

You need to pack and get ready to go or we’ll miss our flight.

Niles is going to meet us there and I hired Chelsea to do your hair and makeup.

You just need to leave all the baggage this place carries here.

You have a bright future, and I won’t let you squander it.

I sacrificed so much to get you to where you are. ”

And there it was. The story she had told me over and over again. She sacrificed everything, went through so many hardships to bring me into this world and provide for us. But what about all of my sacrifices? Why must I always continue to sacrifice? When would it ever be enough?

“What if I want to stay?”

Lottie gasped.