Page 42 of Love Is a War Song

A siren from somewhere far off was wailing and Rakko froze, raising his head with his ears pointing straight up.

I leaned down to pet his neck, trying to calm him down, but he was breathing hard.

I squinted in the rain and noticed his nostrils flaring wildly in fast succession.

I had made a huge mistake taking him with me.

It was selfish and now he was stuck with me, terrified, in this awful weather.

I had no idea what the siren meant but it was gone now, and I tried to kick Rakko’s sides to get him going, but he refused to budge.

Sheets of rain came down and I tried to remember what Lucas had taught me about the directions.

It was impossible to see anything, and I was so turned around, I couldn’t remember the way I’d come and where the house was to determine south.

If I could find south, then I could figure out the rest. But it was all gray and windy.

I never should have come out here. It was impulsive and childish and now I placed Rakko in danger.

Why couldn’t I do anything right? My tears mixed with the rain that pelted my face.

“Avery!”

I looked up, searching around for the source of the voice.

“Avery!” It was Lucas. Relief flooded within me, and I frantically looked around to find him.

“Lucas! I’m here!”

“Stay put, I’ll find you!” He already sounded closer.

Thunder rumbled again, and finally Lucas reached me.

“I’m here!”

He pulled the reins up on Peso and quickly jumped off his back, slapping his flank, and Peso took off running.

Lucas jogged to me, reaching up and grabbing my waist. He pulled me off Rakko’s back and set me on the ground; it all happened in a blur.

“What are you doing?” I shouted over the rain.

Lucas slapped Rakko’s rump and set him off galloping.

“It’s tornado weather,” Lucas yelled back. “Didn’t you hear the siren?”

“I didn’t know it meant there was a tornado.”

“You have to set horses free to run or else they panic, and you could get thrown or worse.”

“Will they be okay?”

“They’ll be fine, it’s us that we need to worry about. Come on!” He clasped my hand and started running, and I did my best to keep pace. The wind started picking up, leaves whipping me as we ran past the trees.

“Are we going to make it back to the house in time?” I didn’t even try to hide the panic in my voice.

“No, but there’s a safe place not too far. We can make it.”

He veered left through the trees, and all I could do was follow. I had no idea how Lucas knew his way up from down in the chaos, but I trusted him. The trees opened up to a small farmhouse. We sprinted to the side, and Lucas threw open the old, creaky cellar door.

“Feel your way down, but there are a few steps,” he instructed. “Be careful.”

“When was the last time anyone was down here?” I knew we were in the middle of a tornado threat, but the spiders or whatever else was in the creepy dark almost felt scarier.

“Yesterday. This is my house and property.”

I paused midstep. What? He was a property owner? What the hell was he still doing in Lottie’s trailer?

He must have sensed where my mind was. “I bought this last year with every penny I had saved since I was sixteen. It shares a border with the ranch. It’s bare bones, but clean—it’ll be okay, don’t worry.”

With his reassurance, I slowly made my way down the stairs, missing the last one and slipping, but Lucas jumped down, forgoing the five steps, and caught me.

“You okay?”

“Yes.”

It was pitch-black and rainwater was getting in. Lucas let go of me and climbed up to close the cellar door. Once it was secure, he came back down. The underground cellar muffled the sound of the storm. Our scared breathing was louder by far.

“There’s a lantern around here somewhere.”

I heard him shuffle around for a while and mumble swear words as he groped every surface, looking for the light.

“Aha!” he exclaimed in victory. The small light illuminated the space. There was not much by way of furniture or anything, really. In the corner was a simple futon sofa that looked clean.

Lucas handed me the lantern and opened a cupboard and took out a folded quilt.

He brought it to me, draping my shoulders with it like a cape.

He began rubbing his thumbs over my arms in circles.

It was comforting, and I didn’t think he knew he was doing it.

He dropped his hands and went to the futon, moving it out from against the wall and flattening it out to a full-size bed.

“Why did you run off like that?” he asked gently.

I could trace no judgment in his tone. He stood in front of the futon.

“It was stupid. I’m sorry.”

“Something must have really upset you to do that. What happened?”

“Just some stuff my mom said. I don’t really want to get into it.”

He spread his arms out open. “Well, if you do want to talk, I’m here. We don’t really have anything else to do, as you can see.”

I set the lantern down on the ground between us; our shadows were contorted and exaggerated against the walls. Caricatures of who we really were—how befitting, considering my life was an absolute circus.

“How come you never mentioned you owned a house before?” I asked, delaying the inevitable of telling Lucas the truth around the circumstances of my entire existence.

“I’ve only had it a year and it needs so much. It needs all new plumbing and electric, so I can’t even live here until that’s fixed. But the fifty acres shares a property line with Red Fox Ranch.”

“It looks really cute from what I can see.”

“It has a lot of charm.”

We sat in silence for a few moments.

“You ready to tell me what happened?” he asked in the quiet.

“My mom told Lottie I was conceived by some random white guy in a dirty bar. She gloated that I tarnished the family’s bloodline and good name.”

Lucas frowned as he took this in. “You can’t believe that bullshit. The women here have hearts of gold but are catty and petty when they want to be. Has your mom ever told you about your dad before?”

“No. Never.”

His hands were on my cheeks in an instant, wiping away the tears mixed with the water dripping down into my hair.

“If there is anything I’ve learned since cutting off most of my family, it’s that where you come from is only a tiny portion of who you are. Who do you want to be, Avery?” he murmured, his face so close to mine.

“I don’t really know anymore.” I whispered the truth.

If he had asked me two weeks ago, I would have said the most successful singer-songwriter pop act out there.

But now that dream rang hollow. I didn’t want insincerity in my interactions, and I didn’t want to be viewed as a commodity.

I wanted my dreams to have meaning; the people in my life to be meaningful.

I wanted to fall headfirst into love and not be scared because I didn’t know what tomorrow brought.

I wanted so many things and they all felt destined for someone else.

“Can I tell you what I see when I look at you?” he asked, wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me into a caress.

I nodded into his chest as he stroked my wet hair.

“I see a woman with kindness in her heart who sees the good in everyone around her. A woman who, when faced with skepticism, mockery, or even getting her tooth knocked out, has stared down every challenge without cowering. You are brave, talented, and the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. Your father could have been the boogeyman and it wouldn’t make a lick of difference, because you are you and you are incredible. ”

“Sure, I’m so talented except for my music and styling choices.” I rolled my eyes, trying to step away, because it was too good to be true. But he held me there, against his beating heart.

“Just as you are. Loincloth and all.” He squeezed me tighter and held me as the tears that poured out of my eyes rivaled the storm above us that felt a light-year away now. Inside this old cellar was the whole world.

“I have never worn a loincloth,” I giggled into his chest.

“There’s my girl.”

“Why couldn’t we have met before all this?” I asked.

“I think we met exactly when we were supposed to.”

I sniffed. “Even though we can’t be together.”

“I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, Avery. I told you I can only work on taking my life one day at a time. I know that tonight, I’m with you and I’m not going anywhere.”

“But you said you didn’t want me leaving here—leaving you—and going back to my real life, to leave us both devastated.” I looked up. A single drop of water beaded on the tip of his nose. We were shivering and still wet. I wrapped my arms around his waist, engulfing him in the quilt for warmth.

“Maybe you do leave here and forget all about me,” he said slowly, voice rugged and low, “but I know I’ll regret it until I am lying on my deathbed, kicking myself for never having you. Tasting you.” He slowly moved us toward the makeshift bed.

“What do you taste like, Avery?” He kissed just under my ear. “Are you sweet like honey?”

“Lucas,” I moaned.

“I’m here, baby.” He cupped my face, kissing me, moving his lips over mine in lazy, luxurious movements, as if he was savoring every moment.

I refused to hold back when this man had given me so much. I kissed him with everything I had. All the feelings I had been harboring away inside, afraid of spilling over and getting too attached.

The back of my calves hit the low mattress of the futon, and instead of letting me fall down onto it, Lucas swooped me up into his arms and he laid me down gently onto the bed.

It was a simple full-size mattress, but with how reverently he placed me, it was as if it were a bed of roses.

He lay down next to me, perching on his hand in a fist as he looked down at me, the other hand moving a wet strand of hair off my face.