Page 29 of Love Is a War Song
“I’ve been known to crack a joke or two.” She smirked, then turned around to keep riding.
“Oh yeah? Are those jokes before or after threatening to shoot people?”
“That’s usually the joke.”
“Most don’t find that funny…” I let my voice trail off because what else could I say? Her relationship with guns was way different from mine.
“Shall our next lesson include some shooting?”
“No. No, thank you. That is…I have no interest in holding a gun…ever.”
“Hah! What about archery?”
“Can’t say I have ever had the opportunity to even hold a bow and arrow.”
“All right then. I’ll ask Red to get the target and old bow out and we can practice shooting one of these days. Arrows.”
“Only arrows? You promise?”
“I promise.”
I smiled. “Then yes, I’d love that.”
“Lucas tells me he is helping you adjust to our culture.” I tensed at the mention of Lucas’s name.
Her tone was casual, almost too casual. Was there a trap in there?
We were following her rules explicitly. Since dancing at the honky-tonk, he had kept his distance from me.
I busied myself with the work in the attic to see if this little crush I developed would fade away with time and distance.
It didn’t.
“He did? Did he say anything else?” Did she know about the deal with saving the ranch? Was this outing an ambush to put a kibosh on our plan?
“Just that you are too gullible.”
Phew.
“Oh well, I’d like to think I am learning to be less gullible. It feels like everyone purposefully baits or misleads me.”
“Probably.” Lottie pulled up slightly on the reins with her right hand and Rakko turned right and we continued to follow the path.
“I won’t always be a fish out of water.”
“You stayin’ then?” she threw over her shoulder.
“I don’t know. Is that an offer?”
She stopped Rakko in front of a small pond and rested her hands on the horn of the saddle and Peso stopped beside her.
“Avery, you are always welcome here. This is your home.”
I took a breath and mustered my courage, or stupidity, to finally ask my most burning question. “Then why did my mom leave?”
Lottie’s head reared back as if the question were a slap.
“Your mother had her reasons.”
“What were they?” I pressed.
“That’s not my story to tell. You’ll have to ask her.”
I threw my arms out wide. “Do you see her here? My whole life she never said anything. Why?”
“Drop it, Avery.” Lottie’s voice was low and quiet, a warning.
I ignored it.
“No. I have been here slaving away for weeks, desperate for any breadcrumb you will drop for me about this family, this life. Yet when I ask you point-blank, you clam up and get mad. Why? What was so bad? It was over twenty years ago; surely enough time has passed that we can have an honest conversation. Maybe even heal this rift. If that’s what you want too.
” Didn’t she want to? This was her only daughter and grandchild.
“You know nothing about time. Some wounds can never be healed. Some betrayals are too hard to forgive.” She gathered her reins and urged Rakko to turn around. “Peso knows the way back.”
Lottie kicked her heels in and took off, leaving a thick cloud of dust in her wake.
I was left in the hot sun, next to a murky pond, surrounded by flies.
Why was everything with this woman so difficult?
Why was it so wrong to ask for clear communication?
Did she not trust me with it? Did I not deserve to know?
I just wanted to fix everything—my career, my family, my self-image.
I wanted to be a better version of me. One with a family who loved me and answers about where I came from.
It was looking more and more that I couldn’t fix shit, except a good batch of biscuits.
Peso knew the way back, but he sure took his lazy time with it. The sun was high and I was soaked through and through. My braided hair crown was now a tangled mess, lying limp against my neck.
Lucas was leaning against the barn, arms folded across his chest. He looked good in clean jeans, a short-sleeved button-down in a light sky blue, with his boots polished to a shine.
“We’re late.”
Shit. His dad’s birthday dinner. The one I invited myself to and confirmed our attendance. What a lousy first impression I’d make. I could smell my pits without even getting close. Gross.
“I’m so sorry. I pissed Lottie off again and she left me out in the middle of nowhere and this lazy bum kept stopping and starting to get back.”
Lucas pushed himself off the barn and stalked toward me and Peso. He grabbed the bridle, stroking Peso’s snout.
“Go get cleaned up and meet me here in fifteen.”
“But I have to brush Peso down and put all the tackle away.”
“I got it, just go.”
I threw my leg over the saddle and slid myself down Peso and to the ground.
“Thank you.”
Lucas nodded in response, so I started to walk to the house, but doubled over in pain after a few steps. “What did that saddle do to me?” I groaned, straightening and walking forward on bowed legs.
Lucas laughed. “You’re saddlesore. It will go away. A hot shower will help.”
I waved behind me as I kept waddling to the house, then I stopped. Turning around, I asked, “What should I wear?”
He looked up, confused. “Whatever you want.”
“So if I showed up in a rainbow clown wig, you’d be cool with that?”
“Do you have one of those in all that luggage?”
“No. I found one in the attic.”
Lucas laughed and shook his head. “You now have thirteen minutes.” He looked more relaxed already as he led Peso into the barn.
I rolled my eyes and slowly made it inside and up the stairs to take the fastest shower of my life. Tonight, I was pretending to be Lucas’s girlfriend. The thought sent a thrill through me.