Page 16 of Love Is a War Song

We lay like that for a few moments, until both of our heart rates slowed down and I grew too aware of the fact that I was lying on top of the most handsome man I’d ever seen, feeling all his muscles under my thin silk nightgown.

When I pulled away, he let me go. I turned onto my back, but my arm and shoulder were still touching his.

“You really received death threats?” Lucas asked me. His tone was soft, kind.

“Several. My team believed them to be credible, so here I am.”

“I’m really sorry. I had no idea.”

“No one does, not really. People see me on TV, or on their feeds. People start to think I am not a real person, but a brand or product that they own. It’s a weird parasocial relationship and when the people love me, they really love me.

But as you saw, at the flip of the switch, it turned very quickly into hate. ”

“It’s not all hate. I have seen quite a few people sticking up for you.” He nudged my shoulder with his.

The motion and sentiment made me smile. I really did have some ride-or-die fans and for that I was grateful.

When I didn’t say anything, he asked, “Why did you think coming here was the best thing for you?”

“It was my mom. No one knows about this place and we figured if I could learn my roots then it would get this ‘Pretendian’ label off of me.”

I could feel Lucas tense as he listened to my answer. “What? Did you hear the Kolowa again?”

“No.” He moved away from me just a fraction, but I could feel the loss of his heat.

“What’s the matter?” I turned on my side to look at him.

He didn’t turn to face me, he lay there now with his arm under his head, staring up at the pitch-black ceiling.

“It sounds like you and your mom just want to use us.”

“What do you mean, use you ?”

“Exactly that. You only showed up here because your career took a turn for the worse, and you just want to connect with us and take that back to the media as…I don’t know…clout?”

“That’s not what this is. I’m sorry it took this whole shitty mess for me to finally come here.

I have never had a family. It was always just me and my mom.

Now I have a grandmother. Red is my cousin.

I want to know these connections. My family.

My heritage . Am I not allowed to discover what that means for me? ”

“Yes.” He sighed. “It’s just we are a community. We look out for each other, so for us to welcome you into our fold and show you our ways only for you to just up and leave…What then? How are you helping your community?”

“I hadn’t really thought that far,” I admitted.

“I am just getting through things as they come. I have barely had a single civil conversation with Lottie.” Hearing my predicament and purpose for being here through Lucas’s perspective gave me a sinking feeling.

He was right. I was just hoping to get my affiliation secured and go back to my life in the city.

“I might regret saying this, and will deny it tomorrow, but I think you’re right. ”

With my eyes fully adjusted to the darkness and the little light shining through the window of the barn, I saw Lucas’s eyebrow arch in complete surprise.

“Of course I am,” he said with a smile.

“I’ve tried talking to Lottie, but she shut me down.

I saw the late notices and heard what the banker said the other day.

I think I could easily save this ranch and business, but she wants nothing to do with me or my money.

” How much could property in Broken Arrow cost, really?

I was sure it was a fraction of the price tags for houses in LA.

“Lottie is a proud woman. She has had to run this entire place by herself for the past decade. Don’t repeat this, but the business isn’t worth saving. It’s not profitable and we will be in the same place in a couple years.”

“So you think Lottie should sell it?”

“No, I think she should evolve with the times. There are so many horse breeders and land is so cheap, people aren’t boarding their horses like they used to. Building a stall isn’t hard and horses can be outside all year round.”

“It sounds like you’ve given this a lot of thought.”

“This is my life.”

“How would you suggest Lottie evolve the business then?”

“Easy—turn this place into a youth horse-rehabilitation center. We have horses and there are so many kids who need help. They could come here and help take care of the horses and ride them as therapy. There are government grants and business loans. Really make Red Fox Ranch into a true legacy that means something.”

“Is that your dream?”

“Yeah.” Lucas rubbed his eye. I was tired too, but I had a feeling he was being bashful.

“Why haven’t you gone off on your own to start this business?”

“I don’t have the capital. I’ve been living here and working for Lottie since I was sixteen. She needs me.”

“I’d help you start this ranch.”

“What? You’d give me money? Nah. You don’t even know me.”

“I’m starting to find out you aren’t as big of a grumpy jerk as you led me to believe.”

“No, I’m an asshole.”

We laughed. “Have you ever had someone believe in your dreams before?”

He didn’t answer.

“That first yes is magic. I remember when I landed my agent after I did a few nonunion commercials. Having someone say yes opens so many doors and it changed my life.”

“I wouldn’t take your money, Avery.”

“Where will you and Lottie go then if she has to sell and it’s all gone?”

“I’d try to find another job on a different ranch.” He shrugged.

“It’s too bad you can’t try to convince her to convert this ranch to a rehabilitation center. I’d be your angel investor or something. She wouldn’t even have to know.”

“You’d do that?” He turned around to face me now.

“This is my family home. I may not know this family, but I have the means to help. I don’t want to see her lose all this history, especially before I can even learn it.

My whole childhood I dreamed of having a family like this.

I pretended my Kermit the Frog stuffed animal was my uncle for a solid year. ”

“I don’t want her to lose this place either. I know we can get this ranch right side up and help people in the process. What would you want in return? Fifty percent of the profits or something?”

“What? No. This is my grandmother. I wouldn’t take money from her pocket.”

“Then what do you want? I’d want to make sure you get something out of this too.”

What would I want? I had money, but what I lacked were people.

All I had was Chelsea and I could barely contact her.

She was with My$teriou$ Money now since this scandal screwed her over.

She had to earn a living. “It would be nice to have a friend. Someone who can show me the ropes on what it means to be Muscogee, what our culture is all about.”

“You want someone to teach you to be Indian?” He sounded dubious.

“Not someone. You.”

“You help me save this ranch and I show you the ropes?”

“Yes. You have to genuinely and patiently teach me our ways.” I held my breath in hope.

The moment stretched in silence as Lucas considered my proposition. “Ancestors help me, but you got a deal.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Yay!”

“Shh, keep it down.”

“Sorry.”

We lay there, inches apart, in silence. Just when I thought he was already asleep, he said, “Kermit the Frog would make the best uncle.”

I smiled to myself.

“He was the best.”

I could tell he was nodding in the dark. “We should really get some sleep.”

“Thank you, Lucas,” I whispered.

“Consider this your first lesson. We don’t ever whistle at night.”