Page 13 of Love Is a War Song

Lucas walked out of a room from the far end of the barn carrying a full white plastic five-gallon bucket, his biceps flexed and strained holding it by the thin wire handle.

There was really nowhere else to look, so I wasn’t checking him out.

I was stuck next to the horse and Lottie, and it wasn’t fair that this judgy man was so handsome.

He rolled his eyes as he passed me through the door.

Handsome and mean. I hated him.

I rolled my eyes back at him, but it was too late.

He was already out the door and had the last “word.” He may have won this particular battle, but I was going to win the war.

Before I left this hellhole, he was going to become my biggest fan, humming and singing all my songs to himself as he went about his work here at the ranch.

This new mission gave me some confidence—enough to deal with the Lucas problem—but not enough to want to be near a horse. I slowly inched my way to Lottie.

Lottie finally looked at me. “What in the Sam Hill happened to you?”

“One of your demon horses ate my hair.” I crossed my arms protectively across my chest.

Her lips wobbled and I braced myself for the sting of humiliation.

I went my entire life never knowing her and now that I knew she existed, a piece of my soft, hopeful heart really wanted her to like me. I wanted them all to like me.

Her mouth spread into a wide smile and she laughed a full-belly cackle, sounding like a witch from an old cartoon movie.

“Ha-ha. It’s funny, I know. Can I do something that doesn’t involve me being near these things?” I nodded to the big horse nuzzling her face. The beast smiled, as if it too thought my humiliation was the best thing to happen to this ranch.

Lottie dabbed her eyes with the back of her hand and nodded her head toward the horse. “Come here.”

I shook my head, feet planted in my spot. I wasn’t going to move any closer, this right here was close enough.

“Now, now, come on. Rakko won’t bite.” Lottie grabbed my wrist, gently, and pulled me closer to the horse, depositing the brush into my shaking hand.

“Thlock-go?” I tried to replicate the name, but my tongue tripped over the first part. “What does it mean?” I asked as I warily eyed the horse, making sure it wasn’t enticed to take a bite of me.

“Horse,” Lottie answered simply.

“You named your horse Horse ?”

“No, I named him the Mvskoke word for horse, Rakko.”

“It’s beautiful.” I gave the thing a timid smile.

“A beautiful name for a beautiful horse.”

Rakko could tell he was getting praise, because his black tail started swinging and he made a pleased chuffing sound.

“His black fur and tail are pretty, I guess,” I conceded.

“Horses don’t have fur, they have a hair coat. Hair that needs to be brushed—so go on then.” Lottie placed her aged hand over mine and brought the brush to Rakko’s huge torso and started brushing from the top of his back and down toward the floor. “Like that, keep going.”

She released my hand and I stood awkwardly, a little too far with my arm outstretched, brushing the same spot a few times. Rakko brought his big head around and nudged me in the gut, pushing me closer.

I shrieked a nervous laugh being so close to a beast of this size, but Rakko just stood there, contentedly flicking his tail, so I continued to brush.

“There you go, you’re getting it.”

“Do we have to brush all the horses’ hair? This could be my job, as long as they don’t try to eat me.”

“Yes, we brush down all the horses every day, but as I told you, you need to be pulling your weight. I can’t have you playing hairdresser.”

Even though my mother kept me from our family, she did raise me to respect my elders, so it took everything within me to not huff and roll my eyes.

After a beat I said, “I don’t want to play hairdresser.

I want to not be afraid of the horses so I can work as you said.

” I stepped away from Rakko, handing the brush back to Lottie.

“Red mentioned a spare hat I could use and I’ll take it and head back out to help the guys. ”

Lottie tsked, ignoring the brush, and moved to the wall lined with horse equipment—lots of leather dangly things, blanket-looking things, and saddles. I was sure before I left here I’d know exactly what each item was. She picked up one of the small blankets and walked back to me and Rakko.

“You want to get comfortable around the horses then we will start with the basics. This is a saddle pad, it keeps the saddle from chafing. Rakko is my personal horse—he is a stud, but I ride him.”

“Heck yeah you are, buddy.” I tentatively tapped the only horse who had been nice to me so far.

“Stud means we use him for breeding and impregnating the mares.”

“Oh, Rakko gets around.” I giggled at my joke, but Lottie was back to that unimpressed stank face.

She returned to the wall and grabbed an aged saddle, the buff leather showing the patina of years of use and care.

I loved a good leather conditioner as much as the next leather goods enthusiast. I took care of all my boots and bags, so they would last forever and keep their resale value in case of a rainy day.

Looks like that rainy day came a lot sooner than I thought, what with my career tanking.

I had to take a steadying breath to bring me back to here and now. There were lessons I could learn here, about who I was and where I came from. If I had to suffer being around horses, then I would make it worth it and learn as much as I could.

I watched, mesmerized as Lottie tossed the saddle onto Rakko’s back and began securing the buckles, pulling the straps tight.

“Grab me the bridle,” she ordered without looking at me.

“Okay…” I went to the wall and assumed the dangly leather things were reins, but I was lost with what a bridle was. “What am I looking for exactly? Could you describe it?”

An arm brushed past me.

“This,” Lucas said, holding the requested bridle. I would never have guessed it in a million years.

“Thanks.” I took the leather-and-metal contraption from his weather-tanned hand and gave it to Lottie.

“I’m going out for my ride. Lucas, you’re in charge till I get back. Give Avery your old hat and show her how to change the water in the troughs.”

Lottie made quick work getting Rakko ready for their ride. Lucas and I awkwardly stood next to each other, watching. I was new, but I wasn’t sure what Lucas’s excuse was.

She made a clicking sound with her tongue and kicked Rakko with her heels and took off out of the barn.

“So where is this hat?” I turned and asked my new manager . Seriously, what the fuck?

“Back here.” I followed Lucas to that same room on the far end of the barn. It was a boring stockroom full of bags of feed and shelves lined with boxes and canisters. Lucas took an old cowboy hat off the top shelf and dusted it off.

“Here,” he said as he handed the hat to me.

His fingers brushed mine as he plopped the hat in my hands.

I decided to ignore the static from his touch and instead examined the old hat—the straw loosely woven together, the light tan color that was aged to a dark brown around the edges.

I balled up my hay-encrusted ponytail, twirling the ends around into a bun, and plopped the hat onto my head.

He didn’t watch me; instead he reached up and grabbed a small bucket full of cleaning supplies.

“How do I look?” I beamed my most winning smile at him, mustering up a cheerful tone.

“Who cares when we’re surrounded by horse shit?” He brushed off my attempt at levity, turning on the heel of his boot, and walked past me and out of the barn.

What was with this guy?

“Hey!” I called after him.

He refused to stop, just kept walking to the paddock with the fewer horses, opened the gate, and let it slam shut as he walked in.

“I said hey!” I shouted, running now to catch up to him, throwing the gate open.

Lucas was at the big tub of water, squatting as he reached down with the bucket and then pushed the tub over. Scummy water full of debris flowed out and onto the dry red dirt.

I maneuvered to avoid piles of horse poop and the flood of nasty water and planted myself right in front of the judgmental asshat.

“What is your problem? At this point it has to be about more than just my song. You have a vendetta against me, and I can’t work under these conditions.”

“What work? All you have been doing is making a mess and complaining.” He frowned and looked over my head.

“You can at least look me in the eyes.”

“Where are the horses?” He was looking frantically now around the paddock. “Fuck!” He took off running.

I turned around and saw the gate wide open with four horses galloping away in the distance.

Lucas whistled to Red and Davey. They stopped their chores and came out to meet Lucas. On unhurried feet I went over to see what the commotion was all about.

“Tack up Peso and Tiny and get the horses. I’ll deal with the liability.”

“Excuse me?” I just knew he was referring to me.

“Why the hell would you leave the gate open?”

“Umm, first time on a ranch, remember?” Were there rules? Why wouldn’t they tell me the rules first? This was one hundred percent on them.

Davey snickered, his hand covering his mouth. He looked like he was ready for some live entertainment.

“C’mon,” Red said, tugging Davey away.

“Hell no, I gotta stay for this.” Davey laughed.

“Get the horses, man,” Lucas ordered, his tone brooking no room for rebuttal.

The men left to wrangle the horses, and once Lucas was sure they had it handled, his head whipped to me.

His flinty eyes were on me like a hawk and I was his prey.

He stepped closer, taking a breath to steady himself, but he clenched his fists, like he was using all of his willpower to contain his anger.

“Never leave a gate open. That’s rule number one. Now I’m going to show you the basics so you don’t cost me or my guys our jobs, but you better pay attention because I ain’t repeating shit.”

“That never would have happened if you didn’t insult me, storm off, and then ignore me.”

“My job isn’t to be your friend. Hell, I’m not even your babysitter. We all have jobs to do and limited hours in the day to do it. It’s not my fault you lack basic common sense.”

“Lack common sense? Do you hear yourself? I’m not an idiot, Lucas. I was thrown into this new environment having never been around a horse in my life. The least you can do is walk me through the basics to make both our lives a little easier.”

Lucas closed his eyes, breathing in through his nose, then slowly released through his mouth.

“Fair enough. The guys are getting the horses, but the next time that happens it will be you tracking down each and every horse, roping them, and bringing them all back in. Got it?”

“Peachy.” I gave him a saccharine smile and hoped the Fuck you I was thinking was clearly communicated through my eyes.

He narrowed his eyes like he got the message.

“I dumped the first trough for you. You saw how I did it, you can do the rest. We have three in the western paddock and four in the eastern…What’s that look?”

“I don’t have a look?”

“You most certainly do. As soon as I said ‘western paddock’ you no longer had two eyebrows, they converged to one. You do know what directions are, right? North, south, east, west?”

“Yes, Lucas. Never Eat Soggy Waffles.” I rolled my eyes.

“Then ask your question.”

“I don’t want to, you’re mean.”

Lucas settled his weight onto his right leg and crossed his arms, as if he were making himself comfortable. “Ask your question.”

“Not now.”

“Avery.”

“Lucas.” I settled my weight onto my right leg and crossed my arms to mimic his stance.

“Fine…I promise I won’t be mean.”

“No, promise you won’t judge me.”

“I don’t judge you.” Now he rolled his eyes, clearly exasperated.

“That’s all you’ve been doing since I met you, bucko.”

“Did you just call me bucko? What is this, 1997?”

“See right there. You are a judger.”

He took another breath. “I promise I won’t be mean and I won’t judge you based on your question. I want you to understand what you have to do to limit any more disasters that follow you wherever you go.”

“Well, the last part of that sentence was unnecessary.”

“Just ask your question.” Lucas lifted his hands in resignation.

“You and Lottie keep saying eastern and western paddocks. How do you know which one is east and which one is west?”

“Easy.” He moved behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders firmly but not roughly, and physically pivoted me left and right.

“Facing the barn this way toward the front doors is north. To our left is west and to our right is east. So that’s how you can tell them apart and if you get lost on the property you can find your way. The house is south.” He leaned his head close, lips nearly brushing my ear. “Make sense?”

My breath hitched at his proximity and shivers cascaded down my spine. “Yes. Thank you.” I cleared my throat to hide the effect he had on me.

“Okay, good.” He released me quickly, almost as if he hadn’t realized he was touching me. “Now get to scrubbing. We need all these troughs scrubbed and later I’ll take you around the property to clean the ones we have out in the pasture.”

“How big is the property?”

“Roughly two hundred acres.”

“How many troughs cover two hundred acres?”

“We have some of the property fenced off, but there are six out there.”

“I have to scrub fourteen troughs? And are they all that big?”

“No, the ones along the fence in the pasture are bigger. Better get scrubbing.”

I shook my shoulders, brushing off the negativity, and turned east. Take that, Lucas, I know east now and I am unstoppable. The ranch really was beautiful with the sky so blue.

Squish .

Oh no.

I looked down. My Golden Goose sneaker was ankle-deep in horse poo.

Shit.