Page 33 of Love Is a War Song

It felt weird to say Sonics like the locals, and Lucas only laughed when I asked if the s was possessive, like Sonic’s burgers. I mean, it made sense in my head. When I asked if this place was related to that fast blue hedgehog, he ignored my question and kept eating.

I liked the drive-in style of dining. It was retro and just needed a big projector and a fun movie and it would be the perfect date spot.

We were starving, so we focused only on eating and purposefully didn’t mention the intense make-out session that my body was desperate to continue. This cowboy could kiss .

Soon the meal was over and we were in the farthest parking spot in this big lot, facing an open field. Lucas gathered our trash and left to toss it, giving me a few moments to gather myself. I flipped the visor down to check out my reflection.

The berry lip stain was still on my lips and my hair had air-dried with a little wave to it; I tried flipping it over to the side each way to see which looked sexier and more voluminous. Neither did and I blew the errant strands away from my face.

At least I picked out the raw onions from my burger. I wanted to be prepared for when the kissing started back up again—which I hoped was really soon.

The truck shook as Lucas got back in. He sat in his seat, looking at the steering wheel.

Oh no. He had that same panicked look he was giving the plate at his parents’.

He was stressed and didn’t know how to communicate it to me.

Who could blame him? He’d just had an awful experience with his terrible parents.

They belittled him, judged him, and tried to warn his girlfriend off him—pretend girlfriend, but they didn’t know that.

All they knew was that I was Lucas’s significant other, and instead of highlighting all of his son’s many great qualities or keeping things polite and nice for his own birthday, his father had chosen to be nasty.

Lucas must be feeling so humiliated and angry to have experienced that in front of me. Then I, his employer’s granddaughter, practically threw myself at him after sticking up for him. He must’ve just been lost in the moment. Emotions were running high, and he now probably regretted kissing me.

I stole a glance at him again and saw that he was focusing on his breathing. He was no doubt trying to think of a way to let me down easy. I had to save him and myself the embarrassment. I couldn’t let this man go through anything else today.

“I’m sorry about the kiss,” I said.

He looked up at me. His eyes were hard to read as they discerned me.

“I’m not.”

“You’re not?” Not what I thought he’d say. I thought he would be relieved I was making this easy for him.

“No. I’d like to do it again.” He blew out a breath and looked out to the open field. His demeanor was closed off. I knew what he was going to tell me.

“But you won’t?”

“I won’t.”

“You don’t have to explain. I get it.” I too looked out at that field. It was easier to have the conversation this way, to hide my emotions. He’d just had a horrible evening with his parents. Kissing should really be the last thing on both of our minds right now.

“Avery.” He paused for a long moment. “Thank you for what you did back there. No one has ever defended me like that before in front of my parents.”

“Parents should never speak to their kids that way. You are their flesh and blood, and for them to judge you like that—I don’t know how you coped growing up with them.”

“I didn’t cope well. It’s why they kicked me out at sixteen.” He clenched his jaw, looking down at his hands.

“They just put you on the street?” I turned to look at him, completely in shock.

“No. They paid Lottie to take me. It was supposed to be temporary. Get me straightened out, but I never left.”

“You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to. You don’t owe me anything.”

“After that dinner, I have to explain a few things.”

“Like how you come from the richest family ever.”

He let out a mirthless chuckle. “Hardly, but they like to pretend as if we are.”

I waited, giving him the space to tell me what he wanted to on his own time.

“Growing up with the pressure to be great fucked with my head. I could never be enough for my dad. I never read fast enough. I couldn’t get math right away.

I’m dyslexic and when teachers tried to tell him, he refused to accept it.

Said I was stubborn and not trying hard enough.

I love being outside, so I played a lot of sports, but I was a little shit.

I would talk smack to rile up my opponents, and while I was playing basketball, I pushed another kid too far.

He shoved me and there was a crack in the asphalt.

I fell and landed on my ankle wrong. It completely snapped.

I had to have two surgeries to correct it and I have a metal screw keeping my joints together. ”

I gasped, but Lucas pressed on.

“The healing took forever and the pain was relentless. The doctor gave me Vicodin and my mom couldn’t bear to hear me in so much pain, so she let me have more when I asked.

I was hooked on painkillers at fourteen.

It was all I could think about, chasing the high.

The pain was gone, the anxiety with my parents—especially my dad—was gone.

At fifteen, I started stealing money from his wallet.

Then my mom’s jewelry, and by sixteen, they’d had enough.

I had one rehab stint, and I was back to getting into trouble. ”

He stopped, breathing slowly through his nose, eyes closed.

I placed my hand over his, resting on his thigh. He turned his palm over under mine and clasped my hand, as if I was anchoring him to the present.

“I’m so sorry, Lucas.”

“It’s the past. I’ve been clean and sober for four years.

The longest stretch in my life since I was fourteen.

But it’s not easy. I think about drinking or pill-seeking every day.

I just focus on one thing at a time, one day at a time.

Working on the ranch gives me purpose. No matter what self-pity shit I got goin’ on in my head, the horses still need to get fed, they still need water, they still need to get brushed down and exercised.

Only Lottie knows this, but I got my GED.

But I have no desire to go back to school.

They can just live with the fact their only son doesn’t want to be a lawyer or dentist.” Lucas’s laughter had a dark edge to it, not that I could blame him.

“So, this is why you want to help kids who have had a hard life? Your dream of having a ranch to help kids like you?”

“This healed me. It won’t work for everyone, but no one is a lost cause.

Everyone can turn their life around and I wish society understood that.

It’s so easy to label us as ‘troubled’ kids and forget about us.

We need more tools to help us do what is right.

I know I can do it. And I’m grateful you’re willing to help save the ranch and make it happen. ”

He lifted our joined hands and brought mine to his lips. My stomach did a somersault, but it confused me.

“Why can’t we kiss again, Lucas?”

He looked at me with raised eyebrows, as if to say, Are you serious?

“This isn’t your real life, Avery. The internet is already moving on to new things to be mad about. Your life is going to catch up with you and where would that leave us?”

“I hadn’t thought about it that way.” His thoughts echoed his mother’s, and as much as I didn’t want to believe anything out of his parents’ mouths, that was the most honest thing she had said. I looked at our joined hands. They looked perfect together. His dark, tanned skin, and mine.

“It’s all I have been thinking about.”

“For how long?”

“Since you called me a dirty cowboy.”

With my free hand, I playfully pushed his chest. “Shut up. Liar. You hated me on sight. I’ll never forget the car ride from hell hearing you drag me and crap on my music.”

“Your song was everywhere, and I judged you based on the image you gave to the public. It didn’t take long for me to see the real you and slowly, despite my brain telling me it was stupid, I started to like you. You are also the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life.”

“And you said you weren’t a fan.” I laughed.

“Oh, I was being honest. I wasn’t a fan.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Are you a fan now?” I hedged.

“I still hate that song, but everything else about you is all right.”

“Such high praise.” I rolled my eyes.

“What do you want to hear? That you drive me crazy traipsing all over the property in little shorts that leave nothing to the imagination? Or that when I see your light on late at night, I just want to talk to you for hours like the night in the barn, but I stop myself so that I don’t get too attached, knowing any day now you’ll leave and not think twice about this place again. ”

“How can you think that, knowing I am working with you to save this ranch? I’ve been trying to get in touch with my financial adviser to see how I can buy this property. How could you think I’d forget about it, about you?”

“Your life is a galaxy of difference from ours. You will be going on tours, starring in movies, and who knows what. There is no way on Creator’s green earth that you could ever think about this tiny town once you leave.”

I didn’t want it to be true, but he was right.

Not that I wouldn’t think about Broken Arrow again, but that my real life was busy.

My days were scheduled for me and it was always go, go, go.

This was the first time I’d had a chance to just be me, and while Lottie kept me busy, it was still so much more restful here.

But I had to go back. I couldn’t hide here forever.

There would be a million priorities in front of me, and I’d spread myself thin getting to them all, and any plans to visit Broken Arrow would be the first to be postponed to make room for some “incredible” opportunity.

This was why so many of my relationships never lasted.

My mother drilled it into me from the beginning—my career came first, always.

Lucas took my silence as confirmation, and he slowly let go of my hand.

“I know myself too well. My last breakup wrecked me. I was an ass and she left me, rightly so. I went on a bender for a week. Davey and Red found me outside the River Spirit Casino, passed out in this truck. My dad was right, I’m a fuckup.

But I know my purpose is to help this ranch and help kids like me.

I can’t do that if I’m heartbroken over a celebrity I didn’t deserve anyway. ”

“You deserve happiness and love too, Lucas.” I looked down, feeling a small pit in my stomach start to form.

“Maybe at this point in our lives it’s not the right time and I’m not the right woman, but don’t write yourself off.

People make mistakes, and you said it yourself, no one is a lost cause.

I really like you, Lucas—I have for a while now.

For the sake of the ranch, I can put that aside and focus on keeping our home out of the hands of greedy businesses. We can be…friends.”

“Business partners. You and me can never be friends.” He whispered it with no malice; I could see the fire in his iron eyes. There was too much sexual tension to be “just friends.”

“Business partners then.” I stuck out my hand to shake on it.

Lucas took mine in his and it was like no business handshake I’ve ever experienced. Granted, the businessmen I’ve shaken hands with were all older than Lottie, but feeling Lucas’s warm hand in mine gave me butterflies no matter how hard I tried to calm them.