Page 8 of Love Beyond Reach (Morna’s Legacy #11)

A lasdair slept until midday . While I napped briefly, I spent most of my time impatiently tending to the horses.

I wouldn’t wake my brother—not when it was so clear how desperately he needed the rest—but it took every bit of willpower I possessed to keep from doing so.

There were so many things we needed to discuss.

When at last I heard him stir, I left the horses and carried the small piece of parchment over to his blanket and plopped down in front of him, waving it in his face.

“Is Grier the lass to which this man refers?”

Still not fully awake, Alasdair stretched his exceedingly long legs and slowly pulled himself up to a seated position.

His light brown hair fell in a mess of lovely waves around his shoulders.

It was no wonder the female servants of the castle doted on him.

Their ridiculous behavior made me hope I would never meet a man that turned me into such a fool.

After a few blinks, Alasdair seemed to realize both what I’d said and what I held in my hand. Regret etched his face as he spoke.

“Where did ye get that? ’Tis not the way I wished ye to learn of her death, lass. I’m so verra sorry.”

I wanted to be certain before I said what I intuitively knew. I repeated my question.

“So Grier is the woman mentioned in this letter, aye?”

His eyes downward, Alasdair nodded.

“Aye, lass.”

Waving the parchment excitedly, I smiled and laid it down in front of him.

“Whoever wrote this is wrong. Grier is no more dead than ye or I.”

Interest piqued, my brother’s brows pinched together as he leaned forward and stared at me.

“How can ye possibly know that?”

I wasn’t sure, but I knew with absolute certainty that I was right.

“I still feel her somehow. ’Tis as if our shared magic bonds us in a way I doona have the knowledge to understand. Grier is still alive.”

Alasdair took in breath so quickly that his lungs made a painful noise at the sudden intrusion of cold hair. Relief seemed to roll off him as I looked on in wonder.

I assumed Alasdair’s distress had come from his worry over how I would handle the news of Grier’s death, but I could see as I watched him that I had missed something in my assumption.

“I dinna know ye cared for Grier so much.”

A half-hearted, restrained smile crossed my brother’s face as he leaned back on his arms and looked across at me.

“Grier was the first woman I ever loved.”

Still not understanding, I dismissed him.

“Everyone was in love with Grier.”

“No, lass. Ye doona understand. I wanted to marry her. I asked her more than once but she denied me every time, never giving me an explanation that made any sense. She held my heart in a way that only Elspeth has ever surpassed.”

My mind reeled. While a kinder sister would have been more sympathetic toward her brother’s heartfelt confession, I couldn’t help but find it anything other than hysterically funny.

“Alasdair, I know why she wouldna marry ye.”

His brows lifted again as he twisted his head in doubt.

“Do ye now? Please, do tell.”

“Grier is at least four times yer age—older than our grandmother was.”

I bent over and lost myself in a fit of hysterics as Alasdair’s eyes all but bulged from their sockets.

“Trust me, lass. I know that canna be true. I saw more of Grier than I had right to at such a young age, and there was no part of her that was aged in any way.”

I struggled to speak between bouts of laughter as I lifted from my doubled-over position to look at him.

“Aye, ’tis true. Her magic allows her to appear whatever age she pleases. She told me that I would someday be able to do the same. We doona age like the rest of ye.”

I watched Alasdair’s face carefully change from an expression of horror to amusement. Before long, he sat laughing even more loudly than I was.

“I hardly know what to say. While I canna rightly express how pleased I am to hear that she is alive, I doona believe I’ll ever be able to think of her in the same way again.”

With my own laughter finally subsiding, other obvious questions came to mind.

“Why were ye looking for her, Alasdair? We’ve barely spoken of her since she left.”

Alasdair’s face grew grim once more as he corrected me.

“She dinna leave, Morna. I doona believe she ever would have left if Father hadn’t sent her away. I saw her face that day in the field. It broke something in her—not only her heart but nearly her soul—to leave us that day. Ye’ve need of her now. I thought it past time I saw her home.”

Alasdair always believed he knew more about what I needed than I did. Most of the time, he was right. The same age difference lay between me and Alasdair, as did between Alasdair and our father—sixteen years. Oftentimes, it seemed that while Father was Alasdair’s da, Alasdair served as mine.

“Why do I have more need of her now than ever? Has something happened to me that I canna see?”

Alasdair let out a frustrated growl as he stood and paced in front of me.

“I knew he wouldna do it. He told me he would tell ye, but he’s said nothing of what he’s done, has he?”

“Father? No, I spoke little to him while ye were away. ’Tis usually best for me to keep my distance.”

“He’s sent for suitors, Morna. He expects ye to be wed by year’s end. While I’ve no objection to ye marrying if ye wish to, and blessings to Mother for what she made him promise before her death, I doona believe men of Father’s choosing should be pushed on ye.”

Alasdair continued to stomp around in the field before me, speaking so quickly I had no chance to interject on any point.

“Ye are different than other women, Morna. Ye are special. Father will choose fools. There is little I can do to stop him from forcing yer hand in the direction he wishes it to go. If I was laird, I would protect ye. Ye’d be free to practice yer magic as ye wish it, and if ye never wished to marry, ye would have a home in my castle.

“I sent men in search of Grier in the hopes that she could return, and I could hide her away so that she could teach ye. That way, when ye are married, ye would at least have the aid of yer magic to ensure that ye lived yer life as ye wished it.”

I thought back to that last day with Grier as Alasdair spoke. Though I spent little time thinking of marriage, I seemed far less frightened of it for myself than those around me.

When Alasdair finally exhausted himself from talking, I spoke.

“Is marriage so terrible? That day in the field—the last day we saw her—Grier warned me of the same thing.”

With a reddened face and trembling hands, Alasdair joined me on the ground. Anger didn’t suit him. My brother was good through and through.

“With the right partner, marriage can be a joy, but Morna, ye’ve been more sheltered than ye know by the life we’ve lived.

Oftentimes marriage is a prison where women are abused and used and treated like property.

And this is true for the plainest of women.

For a lass like ye, for one with yer powers, the wrong sort of man would take advantage of yer abilities.

If ye doona know how to control them, ye will be powerless to protect yerself from it.

I suspect Grier knew that firsthand. What did she tell ye that day?

And what was the spell Father interrupted?

I’ve always wondered, though I think some part of me was too afraid to ask.

While I know the goodness of Grier’s soul, I always sensed a hint of darkness in her, hidden just beneath the surface of her smile. ”

I knew just what my brother meant. Even though I’d adored her growing up, even though I’d graciously accepted any knowledge she was willing to bestow upon me, there was a complexity of soul about her that always made me more nervous than I was willing to admit.

Something about her frightened me deeply.

“I can scarcely remember, though I believe ’twas a love spell.”

Alasdair’s voice was incredulous.

“A love spell? At twelve?”

“No. She dinna mean for it to take place then. She was worried about who Da would choose for me later, just as ye are. I doona know what she meant to do. I canna remember her words, only a verra vague image of a man. ’Tis evident though that Father’s interruption kept it from working.

I’ve never seen the man in real life, and it seems ’tis too late if Father is inviting men of his choosing to the castle as we speak. ”

Alasdair nodded.

“I expect the first suitor will be there when we return. Doona allow Father to push ye toward any man ye doona love. While I can do nothing to keep him from seeing ye married, he promised Mother long ago that the choice of whom ye marry would be yers. So wait until ye find a man worthy of holding yer heart—a man who will never misuse yer powers. Da may be many things, but he does keep his word.”

I didn’t wish to think or talk about suitors.

I knew nothing of love. How would I know when a man was worthy of holding my heart?

My sheltered life had left me ignorant of so many things.

While my discernment for the attractions in others’ hearts seemed engrained in my nature, I had no faith in my ability regarding my own love life. I had so much to learn.

“Alasdair, will ye continue looking for Grier now that ye know she is not dead? I would give anything to speak to her now—to have her help in learning from her journals.”

My heart sank as he shook his head.

“I willna leave ye alone with Father once the suitors arrive. For now, ye must use the books and the books alone to learn.”

“Where did ye put the books before we left?”

It surprised me that I’d not spent every waking moment worrying over them until now.

“I’ve a surprise for ye when we return. There’s no more need for ye to spend yer nights toiling over Grier’s spell books in yer bedchamber. I’ve readied a place—a safe place—where ye can learn as much as ye wish. I’ll make certain that Father never learns of its existence.”

I threw my arms around him in gratitude. I never wanted to live in a world without Alasdair.

If one of Father’s suitors could love me half as much as he did, I would consider myself lucky.