Page 37 of Love Beyond Reach (Morna’s Legacy #11)

C ome morning , as we packed and loaded everything onto a dozen different horses, Jerry was absent from the stables. Without a word to end things, he’d left me for Grier.

Mary approached me tenderly, placing a hand on my back as she spoke in soft tones. She was furious at everyone—at Jerry for what he’d done, at Alasdair for letting me leave, at Kip for agreeing that they would come with me—but she was treating me with unnecessary kindness.

“Ye left the dress ye wore yesterday out of yer belongings, but I added it to yer chests, so ye needn’t worry. ’Twill all get better, lass. With time, everything will be better.”

“I know, Mary. I’m fine. Truly. Go and scream at Alasdair and Kip if ye wish it. Once we leave, ye willna be able to.”

She looked at me with the same concerned gaze Alasdair had given me the day before, but I turned away and ignored it until she left.

There were only two people who occupied my mind—two people who even with my frozen emotions, I would be desperately sad to leave—Eoin and Elspeth.

Eoin threatened to break through my resolve most of all. The poor lad was already so saddened and confused from his grandfather’s death that I worried what my sudden absence might do to him. I wanted him to be certain he would see me again.

I found him on the floor of his bedchamber stacking small stones he’d gathered from the woods into piles.

“Eoin, lad, do ye mind if I join ye?”

He smiled and waved me to the floor with his chubby little hand. As I sat next to him, he pushed a few rocks in my direction.

“Da found them.”

“Oh, yer da found the rocks, did he? Did ye help him?”

He nodded, but said nothing else. He was unusually quiet.

“Eoin, did yer da tell ye that I must leave here for awhile?”

He kept his head down, fumbling with the rocks on the floor. His voice was soft and sad when he spoke.

“Will ye leave like Grand Da?”

A lump swelled in my throat, and I hurried to lift Eoin from the floor and into my lap before every emotion I was holding inside broke loose in front of him.

“No, lad. I’ll never leave like Grand Da. I’ll only be away for a time, and then ye will see me. I shall visit ye here. Mayhap ye can come and visit me at my new castle.”

Simply knowing he would see me again seemed to relax him, and he lay his little head against my chest as I held him.

With every person in the castle dealing with grief over my father’s death and Elspeth dealing with the exhaustion of her pregnancy, little Eoin had been left to fend for himself more than he was accustomed.

When he began to snore, I carefully stood and carried him to his bed. Kissing his brow, I whispered a spell of protection in his ear and bid him farewell.

E lspeth was even more upset by my decision than Alasdair. Never one to mince words, Elspeth rained a stream of curse words down on me that I wouldn’t have thought her capable of.

“Ye are a selfish wee bitch, Morna. I doona wish to see ye. I doona wish to say goodbye to ye. Ye can burn in hell for all I care.”

Undeterred by her rage, I moved across the room and climbed onto the bed next to her where she sat resting.

“Ye needn’t be angry with me. Ye should be pleased that I’m leaving. Ye know Alasdair worries too much for me. Ye and Eoin should be his priority.”

She screamed at me between sobs. Her eyes were bloodshot, and she dabbed at her nose with a cloth.

“Do ye think Alasdair is the only one in this damned castle who cares for ye? What will Eoin do? His heart has already been broken once this week. And what of the new babe? Do ye have no desire to know it, to love it as ye have loved Eoin? And what of me, Morna? I know I am not yer closest friend, but ye know ye are mine. I doona care what Jerry has done to ye. ’Tis selfish of ye to do this, and ’tis pure lunacy for ye to marry a man like Henry MacNeal. ”

So what if Henry could be unkind? I could be unkind, too. So what if he hid something? I was hiding something from him, as well. Everyone seemed so much more concerned about my fiancé than I was.

“Elspeth, I canna stay here. Ye wouldna stay here if ye were me. I know ye wouldna. Ye would want yer own life, with yer own family. Is it so wrong for me to desire to have just what ye do?”

She collapsed into a hysterical fit of tears. As I moved in to comfort her, she turned her swollen eyes up toward me.

“O’course ’tisn’t wrong. ’Tis only that I will miss ye so much I doona know if I can bear it. I wish ye would be here for the birth, Morna. I’ve not said a word to Alasdair, but I’m frightened. So verra frightened.”

I pulled back to look at her more fully. Her confession alarmed me.

“What do ye mean? Do ye feel as if something is wrong with the babe?”

She continued to cry as she spoke, and I pulled her in close to stroke her hair.

“No, the babe feels strong, but I feel weak. I doona have the same strength I had when carrying Eoin.”

I tried to rationalize her worry.

“Ye are older now. ’Tis no wonder that ye doona feel as strong. All will be well, I’m sure of it.”

Elspeth pulled away from me and turned to grasp my hand. She squeezed my fingers so tightly I couldn’t help but devote every ounce of my attention to listening to her.

“Ye must hear me, Morna. I doona believe I will survive the child’s birth. Where will Alasdair and Eoin be if we both leave them?”

“What?” Horror washed over me making me dizzy at Elspeth’s suggestion. It was absurd for her to even allow herself to think it. I pulled my hand away and grabbed her shoulders, shaking them gently as I yelled at her. “Doona say anything like that again, Elspeth.”

“My denying it will help nothing. Yer father knew, ye know? He knew that death was coming for him.”

Glimpses of him tucking me into bed flickered through my mind. I knew Elspeth was right—he’d suspected he would be gone soon, and he wanted to make his peace with me before he was.

“What does Father have to do with any of this?”

“I know how he felt because I feel it now, and ye are the only one I mean to tell. Ye must promise me not to tell Alasdair.”

Just like with the news of her pregnancy, there was no reason for her to feel the need to ask me not to say anything to him.

I would do anything to keep my brother from pain.

There was no way Elspeth could possibly know for certain she would die in childbirth, and I wouldn’t worry my brother over something that would very likely turn out to be irrelevant.

“O’course, Elspeth, but ye must not give in to this feeling ye have. Ye must try to stay strong. We all need ye.”

Tears fell freely down her face. She was still so stunning that I found myself jealous of her even with her face splotched red.

“I know ye feel ye must go now, but will ye try to be back for the birth in three months’ time? If I am to die, ye will need to be here for Alasdair’s sake. He can bear so much, but this would test him in a way I doona believe he’s prepared for.”

I would go to MacNeal Castle and make preparations for my wedding, but there was no way I would possibly miss the babe’s birth now.

“I’ll be back in two, Elspeth, and all will be well. Ye will see.”