Page 23 of Love Beyond Reach (Morna’s Legacy #11)

J erry

E ven if I rode back from the Allen territory without stopping, I would never make it back to Conall Castle in a fortnight.

The date loomed in my mind with a sense of dread comparable only to that I might have if it were the date of my own death.

For in a way, if I returned to find Morna married to another, most especially to the utter fool Seumas McCabe, it would be.

I considered turning back at least a dozen times in the first days after leaving Conall territory.

The stupidity of my words and the unnecessary harshness of them haunted me every night and day.

What sort of madness had driven me to them?

Desperation? Fear? A longing for her so deep I couldn’t bear it?

Whatever the reason, I knew I couldn’t turn back to apologize for them. For it wasn’t only my own destiny that lay in the druid’s hands, it was Morna’s ability to unlock the power within her, as well. If I could find him and convince him to help her, everything would be worth it.

All of it had been for nothing.

The man I sought was not there, and no one within the territory had any inkling of when he might return. I couldn’t wait. If I couldn’t bring the druid back to her, I would at least return myself.

I swore to myself as I embarked on the long journey back that if Morna was unmarried when I arrived, I would never let her go again.

M orna

“ S o …how do ye feel? Different—now that ye’re married?”

Only Mary could thaw my father’s icy heart enough to convince him to allow her and Kip so many days away after their wedding. Alasdair arranged a lovely cabin for them a day’s ride from the castle. So she and Kip had escaped to enjoy only each other for a full seven days after their wedding.

Upon her return to the castle, I awaited her in the kitchen. I’d missed her dreadfully.

“Oh, Morna.” Mary patted the top of my head as if I were a child, smiling guiltily as she did so.

“While ye will surely feel verra different after yer wedding night, I have never pretended to be the well-behaved lass ye are. I feel quite the same, only more sated and rested than I’ve been in years.

’Tis Kip who is a different man now. Poor lad was as innocent as a wee lamb. ”

Eyes wide with shock, I laughed and pulled out the stool next to me so she could sit.

“No? Do ye really mean it? Kip was a…a…he...” I was the innocent little lamb. I had so much more difficulty discussing such matters than Mary did.

“A virgin, lass. Aye, he was. I wouldna have believed it either, but the poor lad was terrified of me. Doona worry for him, though. I made certain he overcame his fear quickly enough.”

I opened my mouth to ask her about their journey but stopped short when I noticed how she was watching me. Her arms were crossed and she had her head turned oddly to one side as she looked me over with just one eye.

“What is it? Is there something on me?”

She smiled, slow and wide. “Ye look different. Verra different. Is it possible ye and Henry have shared a similar experience as of late?”

Horrified at her implication, I nearly fell backwards out of my chair.

“No! O’course not. Whatever made ye think that?”

“Doona act so shocked, lass. Something happened whilst I was away. I can see by the way ye are bouncing in yer seat that ye wish to discuss it. Come on now. Out with it.”

Consciously, it hadn’t even been the reason why I’d gone to the kitchen, but I knew she was right. Mary was the only woman in my life with whom I could discuss absolutely anything. My mind was so muddled as of late, I feared I would grow mad from the confusion I constantly felt.

“Aye, fine. Can ye tell me why every man kisses so verra differently?”

Amused, Mary’s smile remained as she scooted back in her seat and placed her hands on both my legs, effectively pinning me to my seat.

“Every man? I only know of the one ye’ve kissed. Have ye truly been so busy while I was away?”

“Only two others. Henry kissed me the night of yer wedding,” I paused, realizing the dishonesty in my words, then finished, “and many times since. The other lad was some time ago.”

Moving to cross her arms again, Mary stood and began walking in circles around the room. Mary was so used to spending every waking hour working that she could not sit still for more than a few brief moments.

“Ye canna mean Fulton, can ye? If that lad had the bravery to kiss ye, I shall be shocked. Even Hew is less shy than that poor bloke.”

I’d spoken to no one of my conflicted feelings for Jerry, but it was killing me to keep them to myself.

“No, ’twas not Fulton. ’Twas Jerry.”

“Ah.”

She didn’t look the least bit surprised.

“What do ye mean, ‘ah?’”

“O’course ’twas Jerry. He’s been in love with ye since the day ye found him.”

My heart rallied against her words. I couldn’t bear for them to be true. He wouldn’t have left so easily if they were.

“No. Jerry used me in the hopes I could get him home. He doesna love me. The moment he learned of another who might be able to aid him more quickly, he left. He will never return here.”

“Do ye truly believe that? ’Tis not why he left, lass. He left because his feelings frightened him. Men often run from such things. Ye doona have to believe me, but I’d wager two toes on the fact that he will return to ye. When he does, he will have realized just how foolish he was.”

I couldn’t spend my days hoping for his return. I thought about him enough as it was—even with the distraction Henry so willingly provided.

“Ye dinna answer my question, Mary.”

She chuckled and leaned against the wall behind her.

“With the count ye’ve gathered over these past weeks, I’m not sure I have much more practice kissing men than ye do. Tell me what was so different about each man’s kiss, and mayhap we can work through the whys of it together.”

It amused Mary to see me so flustered over men. She was one of many who worried I would grow old alone.

“I hardly know what to say about Seumas’ kiss.”

Mary interrupted, laughter erupting between every word. “I saw that kiss with my own eyes. No need to say anymore. What of Jerry’s kiss?”

Jerry’s kiss repeated itself in my dreams. It seemed etched forever in some warm corner of my soul where all of my most precious memories remained.

“Jerry spoke to me with his kiss. ’Twas as if each touch of his lips was meant to tell me something—the way he held me stirred more than my body—it stirred something within my soul.”

Mary’s suspicious gaze was back. I cleared my throat in my haste to move on.

“I canna think when Henry kisses me. ’Tis as if I am consumed by him, and I disappear beneath his touch. I canna breathe nor think nor move, and I doona want to do anything other than keep kissing him when his hands are on me.”

When I finished, Mary stood silently for a long time. I couldn’t tell if when she spoke it would be through bursts of laughter or tears.

“Say something, Mary.”

Eventually, she moved to sit next to me once again. Her voice was soft and serious when she spoke. “Have ye told Henry of yer magic?”

It had never occurred to me to tell him. “No.”

“Why do ye think that is?”

I didn’t know. I shrugged.

“When ye think of marrying Henry, how do ye feel?”

“I feel nothing. I doona ever think of marrying him.”

She continued her inquisition as my head began to throb. “And why do ye think that is?”

Again, I shrugged.

“Lass, ’tis not a why, ’tis a whom.”

His name slipped out before I could stop it. “Jerry.”

“Aye. Ye already know the answer to yer own question, Morna. One man has awakened yer heart and soul, the other simply yer body. ’Tis up to ye to decide which ye desire more. Now, get out of my kitchen. The lassies who cared for it in my stead left it a fair mess.”