Page 20 of Love Beyond Reach (Morna’s Legacy #11)
J erry
I cursed myself every step of the way back toward my new home in the castle’s outer cottage. I would feel her lips against mine every day until I died, but I couldn’t allow my own selfishness to ruin the sweet lassie’s life, and it very well could if I wasn’t careful.
While I tried to cling to my desire to return home to my own time, it lessened every day.
And what did that mean for me? What did it mean for her?
If I stayed here, what life could I give her?
Nothing like the life she deserved. Nothing like the life to which she was accustomed.
If her desire for me half matched my own, there was only one thing I could do to correct what had passed between us.
I would have to break her heart and keep my distance until I could return to the time from which I came.
M orna
I didn’t sleep at all after Jerry left. I spent the night lying blissfully awake, and when morning came, I felt rested and well. All I wanted to do was see him again.
I took extra time and care readying myself for the day. When I left my room mid-morning, I nearly retreated back inside as I saw Seumas standing at the end of the hall. But he saw me before I could escape so I was forced to approach him.
“Good morning, lass. Ye look beautiful. Are ye ready to tell yer father of our plans to wed?”
He offered me his arm, but I refused it. He would have to be told eventually. Now would have to do.
“I am sorry if I misled ye, but I willna marry ye. I doona think we suit each other. I know ye traveled far, and I doona doubt that Father will allow ye to stay here as long as ye wish to prepare for your journey home, but ye willna leave here betrothed to me.”
I wouldn’t have thought it possible for his already shockingly pale face to lose any more color, but it did. He stepped back as if I’d slapped him.
“I’ll give ye the day to change yer mind. Only a fool would refuse me.”
He was so much like my father. It was so impossible for him to see or relate to how anyone else might feel.
“I doona need another day, Seumas. I’m a fool.”
I left him balking as I went in search of the man I really wanted to marry.
I found Jerry in the stables, stroking Father’s horse, with Kip nowhere to be found.
He looked different than he had the night before. The warm glow inside me dulled as I neared him. He grew rigid as I walked the length of the stables, and he didn’t smile as he looked at me.
Jerry smiled at everyone.
“Titus is a good horse. He deserves a better rider than Father.”
Huffing, Jerry turned away and continued to run his hands down Titus’ neck.
“I canna disagree with ye, though I believe the horse to be rather fond of him. Animals are devoted creatures. Their hearts are so much more pure.”
I didn’t know what I’d intended by coming to the stables. I just wanted to see him, to feel his lips against my own once again.
“Do ye enjoy the stable work? Ye wouldna have to do it, ye know? ’Tis not what Father requires of ye.”
He moved to the other side of the horse. I couldn’t reconcile the feeling of intimacy between us the night before with how the distance between us felt now. It was as if Jerry had built a wall of stone up between us.
“I prefer it. ’Tis possible ye could find the spell I need while I’m away for yer father, and I doona wish for that to happen. As soon as ye find the spell, I must leave here.”
I don’t know why it hadn’t occurred to me—why his kiss had so completely obliterated all thought of Jerry leaving from my mind—but it had.
“Ye…ye still wish to leave then?”
He glanced up, locked eyes with me, and laughed.
“Aye, o’course. Ye dinna think…ye dinna think that last night changed anything, did ye, lass?”
He paused, and a bone-chilling pain swept through my body. I watched in horror as he continued, shattering something deep inside me with every new word.
“Doona feel badly if ye did, lass. ’Tis my own fault. ’Tis easy to forget when looking at ye just how young and ignorant ye are.”
Despite the sudden deep ache in my chest, my pride wouldn’t allow me to fall apart in front of him. If he meant to make me feel foolish, I wouldn’t allow it. Inexperienced as I was, I knew he cared for me.
Opening the door to Titus’ stall, I moved to corner Jerry. Smiling, I leaned in close to him. He didn’t move away, and I didn’t miss how his breath caught as I reached out to touch his chest.
“Do ye think ye are the only one with the ability to tell when someone is lying, Jerry? While ye may verra well return home when I find what we need to get ye there, there is no sense in pretending things are no different between us now. Aye, I am young, which is no fault of my own, but I am not ignorant. Doona be an arse, or I’ll never let ye kiss these lips again. Do ye understand me?”
I didn’t back away as I watched him. Slowly, as his breathing quickened, the iciness in his gaze fell way to one of hunger. I readied myself for his touch only to feel a sudden breeze as he stepped away at the sound of footsteps. From the other end of the stables, my brother’s voice called to us.
“Jerry, Morna, are ye in here? I looked in the spell room and even asked Mary where ye might be. I need to speak with ye.”
I remained in the stall with Titus as Jerry went out to meet my brother, and I hurriedly tried to calm my own breathing.
Alasdair permitted Jerry and I to be alone together only because it had never crossed his mind that there was anything other than friendship between us.
He could suspect nothing if either of us wanted to be allowed to continue our afternoons in my spell room.
“Aye, Morna is in with Titus. What is it?”
Leaning around Titus’ large back end, I smiled and raised a hand in greeting to my brother as he called to me.
“Come here, lass. Anything that has to do with magic we must discuss where none can hear.”
Once I made my way out into the center of the stables to stand with them, my brother excitedly gave us his news.
“I’ve heard news of a clan—they lay so far north that I could find none that have ever actually met them—but stories of their druid have traveled throughout Scotland for decades.
I’ve learned that this man is known to train those with magic.
I believe we should go in search of him.
Surely, if he was to see what natural power ye possess, he would help ye. ”
I would gladly take any teaching I could get, but there was no way Father would allow me to leave here, and Alasdair would never leave Elspeth and Eoin for such a long journey. Only one of us could go—Jerry.
Without hesitation, Jerry began to ready a horse, questioning my brother as he did so.
“Aye, o’course we should find him. Do ye know precisely where they lay? I’ve traveled most of Scotland and have never heard of such a clan.”
Pulling a piece of weathered parchment from the waist of his kilt, Alasdair extended it toward Jerry. I watched as he stared at it intensely for a long moment.
“’Twill take me months to travel there and back. We best all hope that such a long journey is successful.”
Alasdair nodded, and panic rose inside me. Everything was happening too fast. Jerry couldn’t leave. Not now. Not for two months or more.
“Is there such urgency that ye must leave now? Should we not discuss it further?”
“Discuss what, lass? Ye know as well as I, ye’ve only a few of Grier’s journals left. If ye canna find the spell on yer own, we must get help.”
Alasdair interrupted, and I struggled to hold back tears.
“Doona worry about Father, Jerry. I’ll make an excuse for ye that he willna question. Be careful and return to us as quickly as ye can.”
Desperate to have him stay, I ran to the horse as he mounted, grabbing onto his leg.
“What will ye do for food? Ye should at least wait to have Mary prepare provisions for ye.”
He smiled and leaned down to rest his hand on my shoulder.
“I survived for months without Mary’s meals. I shall be fine.”
Bending so that Alasdair couldn’t hear him, he whispered, “Lass, if ye care at all for Seumas, marry him, for I canna promise ye that I will return. Should this druid have the means to send me home, I shall beg him to do it, and then I will send him to ye to train ye. If more than two months pass without my return, doona expect to see me again.”
I thought I saw tears fill his eyes, but he tore quickly away from me, nudging his horse as he called a farewell to Alasdair.
The moment both Jerry and Alasdair were gone from the stables, I dropped to the floor and wept.