Page 22 of Love Beyond Reach (Morna’s Legacy #11)

Note from M.C.

Perhaps there were signs I should’ve seen, but I’ve long since forgiven myself for not.

I was too young, too sheltered, too desperate to find my way to have made any better decisions than I did.

If there is one amongst us that isn’t at some point fooled by the charms of another, I’ve yet to meet them.

None of what happened in the months following Henry’s arrival was Alasdair’s fault. He couldn’t possibly have known. Regardless, I know my brother carried undue guilt for years.

His pain is the only thing in my past I would change—my brother deserved more happiness than anyone I’ve ever known. Yet his life saw him bear so much sorrow.

And so much of it was entirely my fault.

O ne Month Later

I watched Elspeth carefully as we readied for the most exciting event to happen in Conall territory since Elspeth and Alasdair’s wedding years earlier—the impending marriage of Kip and Mary.

Elspeth’s skin was glowing, but the vibrancy of her skin didn’t match her behavior at all. She was so exhausted she could barely summon the strength to dress.

I’d only seen her behave in such a way once before.

“Have ye told Alasdair, yet?”

Flippantly, she glanced over her shoulder at me.

“Told him what?”

Smiling, I walked over and placed my hands on her shoulders.

“That ye are with child again. Ye are, aye?”

Spinning to face me, she grabbed my hands in a plea and stood.

“Oh, ye canna tell him, Morna, not yet. I’ve lost babes before, and I doona wish to put Alasdair through it again. I will say nothing to him until I can no longer hide it.”

“O’course.” I understood Elspeth’s concern. While every miscarriage broke her heart, Alasdair took it even harder. It wasn’t only his own grief that he felt—he felt Elspeth’s pain just as acutely. He was always trying to carry everyone else’s heartache.

I watched as she allowed herself to smile, and I leaned forward to hug her.

“Ye feel different about this one though, aye? I can see in yer eyes that ye are not as worried.”

Her chin rested against my shoulder as she spoke.

“Aye, I doona know why, but I feel stronger than in the past.”

She paused as she broke away from me and looked out the window. Motioning with her head, she urged me to look.

“Does he look angry to ye, as well?”

Down below, Henry stood with one of his men, his expression different from any I’d ever seen on him before. His face was red. While we could hear nothing, he was most certainly screaming at the poor man standing across from him.

“Aye, verra angry. What do ye suppose the lad did to deserve it?”

Elspeth reached to grab my hand in the motherly way that came so naturally to her.

“The fact that ye believe any one that serves ye deserves to be yelled at rather than spoken to says much about the man who raised ye. Ye know as well as I do, Alasdair would never speak to anyone in such a way. My own father never raised his voice in all his life.”

Elspeth’s sudden passion on the subject surprised me. She’d read much more into the scene than I had.

“I think ye are assuming much from what we just saw, Elspeth. I’ve often been known to yell at people. So have ye from time to time.”

“’Tis different when we yell at those we love. ’Tis love that incites our passion towards anger or disagreement. When a man yells at those who serve him—when they are not a friend or loved one—there is no passion in that, only cowardice.”

Too curious to let her words lay, I pressed further as I reached the doorway.

“Are ye trying to tell me something, Elspeth?”

“Only that ye should pay close attention to everything Henry does. Take note of his habits, his words, his glances. Ye need to know someone well before ye agree to spend yer life with them.”

I enjoyed Henry’s company immensely. His friendship and the distraction his company provided were all that kept me from wallowing in my anger at Jerry every waking moment.

“I doona plan to marry him. I consider him a friend. I must ready myself. I’ll see ye downstairs shortly.”

As I stepped into the hallway, I thought I heard Elspeth say, “Ye are not his friend, ye are his target,” but I couldn’t be sure.

M ary and Kip’s wedding was beautiful. Kip cried—something I would’ve never imagined possible—and Mary looked radiant and happy standing next to her new husband.

It was a perfect day, but I couldn’t see Mary and Kip together without thinking of Jerry and his part in their love story. Six weeks had passed since his departure, and only a fortnight remained until I would have to resign myself to the truth that I would never see him again.

“Where are ye, lass? For ’tis not here amongst the celebration.”

There was no sign of the angry man I’d seen from Elspeth’s window as I stirred in my seat and looked up into Henry’s deep green eyes. His dimples showed as he smiled at me, and I happily took his arm as I stood.

“’Tis nothing. Did ye enjoy dancing with Mae? ’Twas kind of ye to indulge her cause.”

With each passing day, Mae grew more determined in her quest to make Hew her husband.

I expected that before long she would simply lose her patience and come right out and demand it of him.

While Hew had of course been at the wedding to see his sister married, he’d done a splendid job of avoiding glancing in Mae’s direction.

Once the celebrations had begun, Mae made certain Hew was watching and then asked Henry to dance with her.

And dance he had—with an abandon that managed to make even me jealous.

I was certain their time together made Hew feel the same.

Henry smiled as he slowly led me away from the crowd.

“Aye, she’s a lovely dancer. Each time I saw Hew look in our direction, I would pull the lass closer. He dinna care for it a bit.”

I laughed as we walked away from the festivities and back toward the castle. No one would notice our absence. Alasdair and Elspeth were too busy visiting with everyone that passed them, and Father wouldn’t return to the castle until he’d successfully danced with every lass in the village.

“Let us hope yer service will irritate him enough to inspire some courage. I doubt that it will though. He is the most painfully shy man I’ve ever met.”

There was nothing shy about Henry. He could charm anyone with his kind manners. I’d never known anyone quite as talented at conversation. He made everyone he spoke with feel like they were the only person in the room.

“Aye, I feel rather sorry for him. Morna, lass, might I ask ye something?”

When we were far enough outside the village that none could see us, I allowed my head to rest against his arm as I moved in closer and wrapped my arm more tightly around his.

“O’course ye can.”

“Do ye ever intend to allow me to kiss ye?”

His question took me aback. Henry was tediously proper and polite.

I’d never picked up on any sign that he wished to kiss me.

It was part of the reason I was so comfortable around him.

He truly made me feel as if we were friends rather than suitors.

More than once I’d wondered if perhaps Alasdair brought him here knowing he wouldn’t wish to marry me just to buy me some time before the next suitor was forced to come here.

“Do ye have any desire to kiss me? I dinna think ye cared for me in that way.”

He stopped and untwined my arm as he stepped back and held me at arm’s length.

“Whatever made ye think I doona care for ye, lass? I’ve spent every moment of the past four weeks trying to convince ye that I do.”

“’Tis only that we get on so well together. Ye’ve been so kind to me.”

His brows creased together forming a deep line in his forehead.

“Are ye under the impression that if a man wishes to kiss ye he will be unkind to ye?”

I thought of Seumas’ persistence and then of the anger that had inspired Jerry’s kiss. Until his departure, I never would’ve considered Jerry to be unkind. Now, I couldn’t think of him any other way.

“No, I dinna mean…” I faltered, not knowing what to say. “I thought ye wanted me only as yer friend. I thought perhaps ’tis what Alasdair instructed.”

He looked even more baffled the more I spoke.

“Lass, Alasdair has instructed nothing. ’Twould do him little good if he tried to do so.

I’ve treated ye as a friend because I feel ye are one, but that does not mean that I doona also wish to make ye my lover and my wife.

’Tis my own fault if I’ve allowed ye to believe differently. Allow me to rectify that now.”

Henry’s mouth was on mine in an instant, pulling me close as his mouth explored mine with a passion that caused me to moan involuntarily.

There was nothing familiar in Henry’s kiss, nothing that spoke to the friendship between us.

As his hands roamed down my front, I realized for the first time what it meant to feel desire so strongly you would sacrifice just about anything to have it satisfied.

Henry kissed me until I could no longer hold myself up without the support of his hand at my back. As his free hand palmed my breast and my chest filled with heat, I knew I would never be able to think of him as my friend again.

Perhaps I’d been wrong before. Perhaps this was what love really was. Perhaps at the end of the next two weeks, I would be able to look at the passing date and simply say, Jerry who?