Page 36 of Love Beyond Reach (Morna’s Legacy #11)

P erspective is everything . Seeing Jerry wrapped in Grier’s arms should’ve broken me, but the sudden death of my father had already split me in two. Yes, I was heartbroken. Yes, I was angry. Yes, I felt betrayed, nauseated, and confused. None of it mattered.

The moment Grier laughed, I turned and walked calmly away.

Sometimes life steals the things you love.

I wouldn’t fight something I couldn’t change.

I was no match for Grier. Of course Jerry loved her.

Every man I’d ever known had. Why would the man who’d spent more time with her than anyone else be any different?

He’d been simply biding his time with me until she returned.

I was a fool, and I deserved this betrayal. He’d treated me exactly as I’d treated Henry.

I couldn’t move past the pain here. So many horrible things over the course of my still young life held me in chains at Conall Castle. I loved my brother, Elspeth, and Eoin deeply, but the pain was too much. I couldn’t stay. Not now.

I shed no tears as I walked back inside the castle. My world was chaos all around me, but inside I felt nothing. I hoped I could hold onto that nothingness forever.

I met Elspeth on the staircase on the way to my bedchamber.

“What’s happened, lass? Ye are paler than I’ve ever seen ye.”

I smiled to relieve her worry but quickly stepped into the shadows so she couldn’t see my face.

“’Tis nothing. Do ye know where Henry is? I need to speak with him.”

“Aye, he’s in the dining room with Alasdair.”

That was even better. I could tell them both at once.

A s was his habit , Alasdair dragged me out of the dining hall to discuss in private what I’d just announced.

I’d never seen him so angry. He was trembling as he held my wrist. I was certain everyone could hear him screaming.

“Have ye lost yer mind, lass? Why would ye tell him ye intend to leave with him tomorrow when we both know ye mean to end yer engagement come morning?”

My insides were like ice. All my life, there was no one who could impact the way I felt more than Alasdair. I cared about his opinion more than anyone. But tonight, his words couldn’t break through the wall I’d erected inside.

“My mind is fine. I’ve decided to keep the engagement. I meant what I told both of ye. I will leave with Henry come morning so we may visit his home and begin preparations for our wedding.”

Shaking his head, Alasdair gripped the sides of his head with both hands as he paced wildly in front of me.

“I doona understand a word ye are saying, Morna. I know ye are devastated about Da. I know what it feels like to wish ye could leave here and never step back inside these walls again. The ghost of our memories of him will stay within these walls forever, but we canna run away from this, lass. With time, ’twill get easier. ”

Calmly, I reached out to touch his arm to stop him.

“This has nothing to do with Father.”

“What then? Has Jerry done something to ye? If he’s hurt ye lass, I’ll kill him.”

Even Jerry’s name caused me no pain. I was someone who felt everything so intensely. Now I felt nothing. I was beginning to wonder if I’d unintentionally spelled myself.

“Jerry would never hurt me. ’Tis only that he loves another. I dinna see it before, but I see it now. ’Tis time for me to move on from here and live my own life. I shall do so with Henry.”

Alasdair shook his head in astonishment. He didn’t believe a word I said. I didn’t care.

“Love another? Jerry loves none save ye. Everyone sees the way he looks at ye. What has gotten into ye, lass? Ye have me worried.”

“Grier is back, Alasdair, and Jerry loves her. I saw the two of them together.”

Alasdair jerked back as if I’d slapped him.

“Grier? Why dinna ye tell me that first? We both know she is up to no good. We’ve known that ever since Jerry arrived here. Ye canna trust her.”

“Aye, I know, and now I canna trust Jerry either. I wish to leave here. Will ye allow me to do so? Ye told me once that if ye were laird ye would let me be the woman I wished. Ye are laird now. Will ye keep yer word?”

It was a cruel way for me to persuade him to allow me to make my own decisions. Just like Father, Alasdair’s word meant everything to him.

“O’course, I’ll permit ye, but I doona care for it for so many reasons.

Jerry aside, lass, ’tis not proper for ye to travel with a man ye are not yet wed to without an escort, and I willna leave Elspeth while she is with child.

MacNeal Castle is verra far from here. If trouble came to ye, there is no guarantee I could reach ye in time. ”

I no longer had any concern for my own wellbeing. It was as frozen as every other emotion inside me. “No harm will befall me, and Mary and Kip can stay until we are wed. Would that suit ye?”

It was a ridiculous suggestion by societal expectations, but Alasdair had never much cared about what anyone else thought. As long as someone he trusted was there to watch over me, that was all he cared about.

Reluctantly, he nodded.

“Aye, I suppose ’twill do. Ye do know ye doona have to marry him, lass.

If ye doona love him, I wish ye would not.

Ye can still send him away and live here until another ye could love crosses yer path.

Ye are always welcome here. And ye needn’t worry about the pain Jerry may cause ye.

I shall banish the two of them from this territory come morning, and ye shall never see them again. ”

I knew I didn’t have to marry, that Alasdair would take care of me until his dying day if I wished it, but Alasdair had his own family to tend to, and it was time for me to go out on my own.

“Aye, banish them, but it will change nothing. I’ve agreed to marry Henry, and I willna go back on my word.”

Alasdair’s arms wrapped around and lifted me into the air as he hugged me. His words were choked and broken as he spoke. Although I couldn’t see his eyes, I knew he was crying.

“This is a mistake, lass. The moment ye realize it, please know ye can come home. There is nothing ye can ever do that will make that impossible. Whatever happens, know that I will protect ye here.”

He clung to me desperately as I hung limply in his arms. I didn’t fight his embrace, but I didn’t hug him back, either.

“Do ye wish me to kill him, lass? ’Twould be a horrible sin, but I will do it if ye wish it.”

What frightened me more than anything else I’d witnessed all day was how long it took me to answer him.

“No, but thank ye.”

The realization that I’d even considered it told me just how much of me was truly gone—locked beneath a fortress I had no desire to unearth.