Page 23 of Look My Way (Bloody Desires #1)

Liam

“There was an anonymous tip left, and I’ll have to go check it out. Could be all day and night if what they’re saying is true.”

“What is it?” I look at Daniel, lifting my mug to my lips.

“You know I can’t tell you that, baby.” Lips lifting on one side, he sets his plate in the sink behind me. “Probably told you too much as it is.” He seals his lips over mine, the kiss lasting seconds. “Let me know how today goes with that Zander fella.”

“Huh?”

“That guy . . .” He snaps his fingers, tapping his foot. “The guy building the planter boxes.”

“Oh, Zavier.”

“Yeah, close enough.”

My jaw clenches. “Shouldn’t cops be good at remembering information like names?” I cock my head, catching him off guard. Not sure what possessed me to be so crude.

“You’d think, but with how crazy work has been lately, I’m lucky if I remember my own name.” Holding his palm to my cheek, his smile leaves an uneasiness inside me. “I’ll see you when I get home.”

I bite my tongue to keep from yelling how he doesn’t live here, and I don’t know why it hurts to keep it in when two weeks ago it was never a thought I’d have. I can’t marry someone I’m starting to resent, can I?

Daniel taps me lightly on the ass on his way out of the kitchen.

The front door slams shut behind him minutes later and I go to the bathroom to take my meds.

Only twenty pills left. Sighing, I pinch between the bridge of my nose.

There has to be another way. I could check into other insurance options, but so many won’t even waste their time once they look over my medical history.

We’ve been together for a while. We know each other and have been through so much, but I don’t think I can trust him anymore. Yet one touch or look from a man I hardly know and I’m willing to throw caution to the wind.

I don’t know what this hold is that Zavier has over me, but it came so fast, I’ve been swept off the ground and don’t know how to find my way back.

Shaking the bottle, I turn around and lean against the counter.

Twenty days’ worth. I won’t make it very long without my meds.

Before I went back on them, everything was worse, and I was barely functioning.

Closing my eyes, I take a breath and toss the bottle on the floor before sinking down with it. Everything is so heavy. The air around me, my thoughts, my chest and even the floor beneath me somehow feels like it’s using me to stay afloat.

I didn’t get to look out my window last night.

Going to my office wasn’t an option. Daniel kept me in bed, holding me, and said we were overdue for a movie night.

He senses me slipping away, doesn’t he? Why would he care, though, when I’ve only ever gotten half of who he is.

It’s been enough to evoke fear in me lately, now that my rose-colored glasses are slipping off.

Rocking back and forth on the floor, I wrap my arms around myself.

I go back to thinking about those eyes I look for through the window at night, and keep them there in my mind long enough to be able to peel myself off the floor.

As I splash cold water over my face, the doorbell rings and my heart speeds up.

I pat my face dry with a towel and whip my head up, saying, “Coming.”

I hang the towel over the rack on the wall and rush toward the front of the house, realizing I’m still in my pajamas when I pull the door open.

Zavier gives me a once over, wearing a sexy smile that has me floating off the ground. “Hi.”

“Hey there, carino. How are you today?”

“Okay,” I say almost as low as a whisper.

His smile falls and he doesn’t look at all convinced. “You sure?” His hand brushes over my arm, and I peer around him as if waiting for Daniel to pop out of nowhere and say I’m too sick for Zavier to work on the boxes today once he gets a glimpse of us touching.

I step back inside, and he glances behind him, his eyes full of understanding when they meet mine again as he follows me. He shuts the door and locks it. “It’s okay. You can tell me the truth now.

I wrap the bottom of my shirt around one of my fingers, turning my knees inward. “Everything’s fine.”

His eyes downturn. “I don’t think you’re being truthful, but if you’re not ready to tell me, then I won’t push you.”

“Okay,” I breathe out.

“Okay.” Reaching forward, he strokes my cheek, and unlike with Daniel, my face automatically leans toward his skin, getting as close as it can. “We can stay like this a while if you need to.”

“Okay,” I say quieter than before.

“You’re doing so good listening to what you need. Such a good boy you are.”

My breath catches. “Yeah.”

“You’re my good boy,” he whispers, leaning close enough for his lips to brush the tip of my ear. He says it like he means it, expression sincere and warm.

I want to be his good boy too.

“Yeah.” Apparently, I’m short on words today. I breathe in and out, my breaths evening the longer we stand here. His lips brush over my forehead and my legs nearly buckle.

“I . . . I’ll walk you to the back yard.” I flick my eyes up at him and he smiles, nodding. His hand falls from my face and when my body slumps, he notices a disruption in me from pulling away, so he takes my hand.

“Take your time, carino.” He gives me an encouraging squeeze.

I lick my lips, turning them inward, and slowly move one foot in front of the other. He adds a little more pressure against my palm, and I pick up my pace, feeling more grounded.

“See, I knew you’d get there. There’s never any rushing when you’re with me. Not with anything.” Lifting my hand to his mouth, he presses a long wet kiss to the back of it, and my legs turn to Jell-O.

“I . . . we can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing what?” His head tilts.

“You know what I mean.”

“Is there something you’re ready to acknowledge. Because once you do, it’ll no longer only be real in the dark but everywhere else too.”

His eyes study mine. “I’m . . . not yet.”

“I’ll wait as long as it takes.” His hand separates from mine, leaving my chest hollow, and he presses it into the hilt of my back as he whispers, “I started your new book last night.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.” He rubs his lips together, shoving his hands in his back pockets. “It’s really good so far. I see why you called yourself Lex. He reminds me a lot of you.”

“He feels like me sometimes.” I bite my lip, waiting to wish I could take those words back, but it doesn’t come. I want him to know that Lex and I want the same things. That we need them.

“He likes plants and tea too.”

“Yeah.” I chuckle. “He also likes musicals, but I never could get into them.”

“Is that the only difference? Do you also think about someone else when you’re in bed with your fiancé?” His eyes hook onto mine, darkening.

“Yes . . . I mean no.” I dip my head, closing my eyes, and he lifts my chin as he sweeps the tip of a finger over the front of my neck.

“It’s okay. You’re telling me exactly what I need to know without using your words. You’ll get there, and it won’t be anything you try to take back or lie to yourself or anyone else about. Like I said, I’ll wait.”

His lips hover over mine and our noses press together. “Whenever you’re ready. That goes for everything. Even if you have to do it slowly.”

Closing my eyes, I inhale and exhale deep.

My tongue parts my lips, the tip flicking over his.

Mouth opening, his tongue doesn’t move, enticing mine forward.

I moan into his mouth as I slip in deeper, licking at the roof.

My tongue laps at his teeth and then his fingers gently wrap around my neck as he guides my back to the fence, his mouth slamming hard over mine.

The kiss is hungry but also soft and careful. I buck my hips, rubbing my erection over his. My sounds grow more desperate, and his hand slides up the front of my shirt, tugging at my nipple.

“I want you so damn bad,” he says against my lips. “I always want you.”

I gasp as he twists at my hard nub, lifting my shirt to take it into his mouth.

My body rocks forward, but I don’t notice until he holds me still, saying, “Keep doing that and it’s going to be really hard for me not to rip your clothes off right here.

Is that what you want, carino? To be pinned naked between me and the fence? ”

“I don’t know.” Except I know exactly what I want.

All of that and more. I’m not ready to say all the words out loud.

Then this becomes real and there’s a bigger chance of losing it—of losing more of myself to another person, who might take too much without giving back what’s been promised.

I also have to make sure this is real. It feels real, but so have many other things that Daniel said weren’t.

It’s because of him that I second guess myself.

He was once the only voice in my ear, but not anymore.

“You do, though. What does your body say right now? What is your heart saying?” He lifts my shirt, kissing my chest, and then he licks at one of my nipples. My mouth falls open, body going into overdrive.

“I don’t want you to stop. That’s all I know.”

“I won’t.” He takes my other hard nub between his teeth and sucks, lapping at the center.

I shudder, a warm sensation running up and down my spine.

My head falls back, eyes rolling, and cold air hits my cock as he removes it from my pants.

There’s a hard thud on the ground, and a warm wetness wraps around me.

Lips locking around me, he bobs his head and circles his tongue around the center of my slit.

My stomach tenses, my cock pulsating as he takes me to the back of his throat.

The tightness tugs at my cock, and I slowly move my hips, chasing him when he pulls back.

His nails sink into my hips, his mouth making filthy squelching sounds as saliva pools at the corners of his lips.

I can’t recall when I opened my eyes and looked down, but it was like deep down I knew this was a view I didn’t want to miss.

He continues pleasuring me and the backyard spins, sun appearing bright, and I grab onto the fence as I come hard.

My orgasm is so shattering I black out for a second, and everything goes fuzzy—my head, hearing, and reality.

He slurps down my release, licking up any missed drops, and kisses above my cock, burying his nose in my pubic hair while humming in satisfaction.

“Thank you for trusting me with more today.” He peers up at me, stroking my hips, and presses his lips to each of my inner thighs. “So beautiful and tasty.”

My breaths come out in pants, and I slam my head back on the fence, trying to pretend this was all in my head, but my brain won’t let me. This moment has been etched into it forever.

Sliding up my pants, he kisses my tip and tucks me back into my underwear. My pants are done up and then he slides my shirt down, smoothing out the wrinkles in the front with his hand. Smiling, he kisses my lips softly and briefly, before stepping back. “Need help getting to the chair?”

My stomach knots when his words sound similar to someone else’s. “You think someone like me needs help to sit and move around all the time?”

His eyes squint and he runs a hand through his hair. “What? Everyone gets a little off balance after an orgasm, and your legs are still shaking. I was going to say we can wobble to the patio furniture together.”

My eyes blink, and then I laugh after digesting what he said. “Oh . . . right. Sorry, and no, if I stand here for a bit, I’ll be okay in a few minutes. Unless you need me out of the way so you can work.”

“Nah.” He waves a hand at me. “You stay where you are and move once you finally find your legs again. I won’t need to work over here until the boxes are done. I plan to secure them to the fence.”

“Okay.” My body goes slack, the wooden boards feeling like they’re moving beneath my fingers.

“Need anything?”

“You gonna wobble there to get it for me if I do?” My voice cracks.

“Sì.” He grins and kisses my lips again. “It’s really hard to stop, but if I don’t, I’ll forget I can’t at other times.”

I look down at my feet, guilt like a heavy boulder in my stomach. “I’m sorry for all this.”

“I’m sorry for many things, carino, but none of them have to do with you and me.”

“Okay,” is all I manage.

“Okay,” he quips, and presses his lips to mine two more times.

Then he laughs, sucking in a sharp breath while rubbing at his face.

“Okay, I’m going to get to work. You can stay and keep me company, go inside and work, or write that epilogue out here.

It’s nice today.” He glances up at the sky, shielding his eyes.

“No matter what you want to do it’s fine with me, as long as it’s the best choice for you. ”

Staying pressed to the fence, I don’t say anything, and he walks over to his supplies.

He smiles back at me as he’s setting up his tools, and when he starts sawing wood with his sexy as sin safety glasses on, my cock twitches.

Moving one foot in front of the other, I feel like I’m gliding across the top of the grass as I enter the house.

I wash myself up in the bathroom and fix us both some lemonade.

After setting them both down on the table outside, I go back into the house to grab my laptop.

Then I park myself in one of the chairs, sliding my cup closer to me as I pull up my word doc.

I look at the blank page and write the word epilogue, then scroll up to chapter ten, where Lex and the other MC have a scandalous affair in his back yard, up against his fence, before Oscar gets started on the new pool he’s helping to install.

I really was Lex today, and for once didn’t have to envy him from afar. We both got to have the same experience, of flying so close to the sun we became the light around it. I hope I get to shine bright in the dark later too, while being watched by the man who found me there.