Page 58 of Little Pieces of Light

Emery

Absently, I checked my phone. There were missed calls and texts from Harper and Delilah, but nothing new from Xander.

I’d seen his face when I told him I couldn’t do it anymore.

The hurt and betrayal. His broken heart.

I’d done what I’d set out to do, and that was to drive him away.

Use his old wounds as new weapons. It had killed me to do it—another little piece of myself broken off and given to my father—but it was the only way to protect Xander, even if he hated me for it.

It was the only way to keep my dad from slamming his heavy mallet of money and influence down on them.

If I stayed quiet and did what he wanted…

But I had to hope Xander heard my warning to get his father somewhere safe.

At six o’clock, I showered and changed into a little black dress. My prom dress was still on my bed; I hadn’t put it away. I couldn’t stand the thought of shutting it up in the closet, never to be worn. Not yet.

I did my hair, applied my makeup, and came downstairs, where my father was signing for a flower delivery. He spotted me and his eyes lit up.

“Emery, you look beautiful.”

He kissed my cheek, smiling. Proud. I had the terrible thought that it was safer here when he was happy. Xander was safe. And his dad. Maybe I would be too, if I went back to how it had been these past few years. Things had been simpler then, before Xander. Before I loved him.

But I’ve always loved him…

My mother appeared at the top of the stairs wearing a silk robe, her hair mussed as if she’d just woken up.

“Cassandra, the Harringtons will be here in twenty minutes,” my father said. “Get dressed, for God’s sake.” He turned to me and took my hands in his. “Emery, tonight is very important.”

“Okay. Why?”

“The Senator and I are close to a deal that could mean hundreds of millions more to our bottom line. It’s imperative that he leave tonight with a favorable view. To that end, I want you to keep an open mind.”

“About?”

“Colton has asked for my blessing to court you.”

“To court me?”

“Yes. With an eye toward marriage. I thought that very old-fashioned and gentlemanly of him.”

“And you said yes,” I murmured, my hands going cold. “Colton can court me and someday we’ll get married.”

“Let’s not jump to conclusions, Emery,” my father said, exasperated. “It’s a wonderful gesture and a lovely way to get to know him.”

I stared, incredulous, as alarm bells sounded in my heart. “I’m already married,” I blurted.

My father’s expression darkened. “We’re not to talk about that to the Harringtons. Not one word, do you understand? That was a foolish, impulsive thing you did, and we’re going to undo it next week.”

My gaze drifted to our front door.

Why? Expecting Xander to bust through it on a white horse and rescue you?

No one was coming. I was trapped in this quagmire and would either drown or haul myself out. Fear gripped me. Paralyzed me. I couldn’t stay but leaving meant exile. Danger to Xander. I’d stood frozen for what felt like forever when my mother called me from the top of the stairs.

“Emery, can you help me with my dress?”

I nodded absently and followed her into her bedroom, which had once been a large guest room.

She’d taken it over after Grant died, and it had become another room Jack and I rarely ventured into.

It was dim, the curtains closed, the bed unmade.

Prescription medication bottles and wine glasses littered the nightstand, and the air was tinged with perfume and stale wine.

“Please, sit.”

I sat on the edge of the bed and watched her go to her closet. She came back with a small wooden box—blond oak with flowers carved into the top. She sat beside me, the box in her lap, grief etched on her face and fear in her eyes. I felt tension in her thin body like an electric current.

“I’m sorry, Emery. I’m sorry so for many things…hundreds of things, going back years. I failed all my children, Grant especially.” Her breath shook. “I failed him in the worst, most final way.”

I stared, hearing my brother’s name on her lips for the first time since he died.

“And I failed you.” She turned to me, her eyes red-rimmed and shining.

“When you were born, I felt like I could see the future—your father’s plans, even if I didn’t know the details.

I tried to protect you because you were this ball of sunshine and joy.

You loved to dance and hugged every stranger.

I’d been like that once too, before I married your father. ”

“Mom, why are you telling me this?”

“Because Emery, your happiness, your joy…it was almost too beautiful to witness. So when these arrived for you, I hid them away.”

My mother opened the box. A small sound escaped me. Inside was a stack of torn-open letters, bound with string. She placed them in my lap. Tears filled my eyes as I read my name in neat, boyish handwriting, and my fingers trembled as I pulled the first letter from its envelope.

Dear Emery,

Hello! This is Xander. We met at the park two days ago, and I wanted to write right away so that you know that I remembered your address and so you don’t think I’ve forgotten you…

A sob tore out of me. I rifled through the envelopes—there were at least thirty—my name and address on the front written in neater and more precise handwriting as Xander grew older.

I whipped my head up, tears streaming, to see my mother’s eyes spilling over too.

“You had them this whole time?” I choked.

She nodded. “I knew—from the very first letter—that this boy was special. Whoever he was, you had connected very deeply. Even after the terrible news about Grant, you had a different kind of happiness glowing in you, and it broke my heart to hear you ask your father if you had any mail.”

I shook my head, shielding the letters from my tears. “God, Mom. I wanted these so bad. Why did you keep them from me?”

“I became certain you and Xander had something precious your father would destroy. He would crush your happiness. I couldn’t stand the thought of him ruining whatever might happen with you and this boy.

Because he would. I thought if I ended it quickly and silently, it wouldn’t hurt you so much.

But when you began dating Tucker Hill, I knew I’d made a terrible mistake.

” She glanced at the letters in my hand.

“I almost threw them away, but I couldn’t absolve myself by pretending they never existed. And then Xander came back.”

I nodded, remembering seeing him on the Academy stairs in September. How my heart suddenly felt like it was beating again.

“He came back, and you came back to life,” Mom said.

“Your light was so bright, Emery…” She took a shaky breath.

“I failed to protect Grant—I’ll never forgive myself for that.

Then Jack left, and I watched it happen as if I were outside myself.

Now that man and his terrible son are coming, and I can’t let your father steal your light too. ”

“Why is he like this?” I whispered. “What happened to him?”

“There was no love in his childhood home. Your grandfather taught Grayson that winning at any cost was the only way to stay safe. To be strong. Then Grant died, and any humanity your father had left died too. Because losing a child cuts into your soul, and he couldn’t face the grief or the mistakes he’d made along the way.

” She took my hand. “I failed to protect my sons, but I won’t fail you, not anymore.

These letters are to remind you of who you are, how loved you are, and why you must preserve your generous heart, Emery.

It’s the best gift you can give the world. ”

“I’m scared.”

“I know. I wish I could help you but I—”

“But you’re trapped too.”

She nodded. “It’s no more than I deserve.”

“Mom, no—”

“What is going on here?”

My father stood at the door, his hard eyes going between me and my mother.

I looked down at the stack of letters and then held them to my heart.

I inhaled deeply, as if I could absorb Xander’s words and fortify myself with them.

I loved him with all my heart. Great, infinite waves that could never die.

I stood up and faced my father. “I’m leaving.”

He gave a start. “Nonsense. The Harringtons will be here any minute. Colton will want to—”

“ I’m leaving ,” I said, louder. “I’m sorry to wreck your plans, but I’m not staying in this house a minute more.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Dad stopped, finally understanding. “Leaving for what? That boy? Your husband? He’s not even here. He abandoned you. One little threat, that’s all it took for him to go running—”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m doing this for me.”

“Tonight? Alone and out in the cold? Because that’s exactly where you’ll be if you walk out this door. You’ll have nothing.”

“That’s not true,” I said. “I’ll have me.”

My dad stuttered, impotent with rage. He leveled a finger at my mother. “What did you tell her?”

“The truth,” my mother said. “I am living the life you want for her, and I will not condemn her to it.”

“ Condemn ,” my father spat. “Condemn her to decades of luxury, free of want and worry for the rest of her life?”

“I want more than that,” I said. “I am more than that.”

“And where will you go? You’ll take nothing from this house.”

“I don’t need or want anything from you ever again.”

My father trembled with fury, but I could see the fear in his eyes too. Fear for the hundreds of millions he stood to lose, and not one thought spared for his children.

“All three of us, Daddy,” I said. “You’ve lost all three of us, and you still don’t get it.” I turned to my mother. “Come on, Mom. You can leave too.”

She shook her head. “Grant isn’t coming back.”

“But, Mom—”

“Go, Emery. It’s your time.”

I clutched Xander’s letters to my chest. My father stood in the door, not quite blocking the way but enough. My heart pounded and my breath wouldn’t go past my throat, but I took a step. Then another, until I was nearly past him.