Page 27 of Little Pieces of Light

Emery

We sat on the aluminum bleachers that had been set up for the inaugural regatta next week after the Halloween Festival. The rowing crew was out of sight, around a bend in the Bend. Their coaches stood on the dock several yards ahead of us, stopwatches in hand, as they watched and waited.

“We’re here to support my boyfriend and our friend,” I said, shielding my eyes and looking out over the bay. “It’ll be Tucker’s first regatta as a senior and Xander’s first for CHA. It’s a big deal.”

“Hm,” Harper said noncommittally.

“You mean to tell me you aren’t having fun, wasting your afternoon freezing your booty off out here with me?”

She laughed and rolled her eyes. “More fun than I can handle. And don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”

“What secret?”

“That the glamorous Emery Wallace is actually kind of a dork.”

I giggled and gave her a playful nudge. I’d been hanging out with Harper a lot over the past six weeks, and it shamed me to admit that it had taken nearly all of those six weeks to not feel self-conscious about it.

As if it were a crime against humanity to be friendly with a Bend kid.

Not just friendly but friends. A mismatched sort of friendship: she was slow to share too many personal details, while I spilled my guts at the least provocation.

“Speaking of wasting afternoons,” Harper said, “shouldn’t you be studying for your calc midterm?”

“Ugh. Buzzkill, Bennett.”

She smirked. “You have three tutoring sessions per week with Xander. He has to know what he’s doing; he probably learned this stuff in kindergarten.”

In another bold step toward being a better human, I stopped hiding that Xander was tutoring me. I wanted to walk away from all the usual peer-pressure bullshit and be my own person. Baby steps, for sure, but it was better than standing still.

“Is he a bad teacher?” Harper was saying. She gave me a sly look. “Or are you using your tutoring time for something else…?”

“What? No,” I said quickly. “We do the math. Or we try. I just like talking to him more.”

“What happens if you fail?” she asked, huddling deeper in her coat against the late October chill.

“I don’t want to think about it,” I said, and gave a shiver that had nothing to do with the cold air.

“I don’t like it, Em,” Harper said. “There has to be something you can do to go to the school you want, where you want, instead of whatever terrible plans your dad has for you. From everything you’ve told me, he sounds…”

“Like a tyrant?” I smiled wryly. “You’re not wrong. And there is a way out. Maybe.”

“Let’s hear it.”

I glanced at her sideways. Harper was trustworthy. She could’ve spilled the tea about Jack’s bonfire incident and never did.

“Xander said he’d marry me.”

Harper’s eyelids fluttered. “I beg your pardon.”

I told Harper about how I’d applied to UCLA on the sly weeks ago and the text and conversation with Xander that followed.

“It wouldn’t be a real marriage. Just to detach from my parents’ money. Detach from them altogether maybe.” The thought was a perfect blend of euphoria, sadness, and fear. I bit my lip. “No, no, it’s crazy…right?”

Harper cocked her head. “Is it, though? Desperate times call for desperate measures.” Her brown eyes twinkled. “So what did you say when Xander asked you to marry him?”

I glared at her and ignored the flock of butterflies that took off in my stomach at her particular choice of words. “He didn’t propose. He just offered it as an option.”

“That’s generous of him.”

“It’s more than generous. It’s so sweet that he’d be willing to do that for me.”

“But…?”

“I can’t get married , Harper. For one thing, I don’t turn eighteen until March. That’s a long way away.”

“But not too late for financial aid applications.”

“And for another thing ,” I said pointedly, “I don’t think I could go through with it. I don’t want to get married unless I mean it. Not until I’m older and can actually do it right. It’s important to me.”

Because I believe that love is infinite…

Inexplicably, tears sprang to my eyes. I blinked them away quickly, mentally blaming the wind. “And anyway, if I go through with all this, my dad will disown me for sure. I wouldn’t have a family.”

“Are they really worth keeping?” Harper asked gently. “I know that sounds terrible, and I don’t pretend to know what it’s like to have the kind of pressure they’re putting on you. But if our own family is no good for us, it’s okay to build a new one from scratch.”

“Easier said than done.”

Harper blew out a breath. “Can I be honest?”

“Because you’ve been so timid and reserved up until now?” I teased.

She didn’t smile. “I think if you really believed your prom idea would work, you wouldn’t have applied to UCLA.”

“Maybe,” I said. “But can you blame me for trying? I’d rather have my parents see me for who I am and appreciate my dreams and talents than to have to sneak around or do something dramatic like get married.”

“I get that.” Harper put her hand on mine. “And I imagine defying your father is terrifying. But I believe in you. Xander believes in you, or he wouldn’t have made that offer. And I think, deep down, you believe in you.”

My throat tightened, and I smiled gratefully at my friend. “I’m trying.” I huffed a breath. “In any case, I don’t have to worry about it right now.”

“Emery—”

“So!” I said brightly. “Who’s your date to the Halloween Festival?”

Harper looked as if she’d protest, then let it go. “As of right now, no one.”

“Any prospects?”

“I’m waiting for a particular someone to ask me,” she said, and her face softened. A pink blush came to her pale cheeks.

“Oooh, who? Tell me! Someone I know?”

“No, forget it,” she said. “It’s not going to happen. Not in my lifetime.”

“Okay, how about Dean?”

“We’re just friends.”

Just friends. Like me and Xander. And friends wanted what was best for each other, right? To make each other happy.

“What about Xander?” I blurted.

She gave me a strange look. “You think I should go with Xander. Your fiancé.”

“Oh my God, stop. And why not? You’re in the math club together. You’re both super smart. I think you’d make a cute couple.”

Harper stared at me like I’d grown a second head. “You do?”

“Of course!” I said, my smile fixed. “You’re both my friends, and I want my friends to be happy.”

Harper studied me for a long moment, eyes narrowed. Finally, she nodded. “Sure. I’d go with Xander if he asked me.”

My stomach twanged, like the way it feels when you bump your funny bone—tingling and kind of awful at the same time.

“Great,” I said faintly. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”

“If you insist.”

“I do.”

She gave me a final, strange look just as Aria, Sierra, Delilah, and Elowen approached. She noticed them and then instantly gathered her stuff and slid off the bleachers. “See you, Em.”

“Oh, okay. Bye.” I gave her a little wave.

“ Rude ,” Aria said. “You’d think we had the bubonic plague, the way she acts. Honestly, Em, I don’t know why you bother with the Benders. First Xander and now her.”

“She’s smart and funny and nice.”

And real.

Elowen rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

The girls settled around me to watch for the crew. Aria was there for her boyfriend, Rhett. Elowen was there in her never-ending quest to get Orion’s attention. I was there for Tucker.

Theoretically, I thought, and—like every science word in the English language—it made me think of Xander. Though nowadays, nothing was needed to make me think of Xander, because I was already always thinking about him.

Harper had been right; over the past six weeks, we had our tutoring sessions, but when Xander wasn’t cramming calculus theorems into my brain, we talked about everything.

It was so cute that he could rattle off the most complicated facts about quantum mechanics yet had never seen a single episode of Friends.

He was adorable in so many ways but also just plain hot.

And he had no idea how it drove me nuts when he pushed his glasses up higher on his nose or rolled up a sleeve to reveal one of his perfect forearms.

But it would only be a matter of time before he got bored with me—if he wasn’t already. Harper was smart and talented. They made more sense. Hence, my grand plan to pair them up. But it was shockingly painful that she agreed, proving I was a dummy after all.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever, Em,” Delilah piped up from my right. “You’ve been so absent lately. Spending all your time being tutored .”

I sighed. I’d been avoiding this conversation that I knew had been brewing. “That’s because I need the help.”

“Poor Tucker,” Elowen said from my left. “He’s going to get lonely without you.”

“Careful, Em,” Aria said from behind. “If Orion doesn’t come around, Elowen might just snatch your man out of sheer neglect.”

Elowen snorted delicately. “Please. I would never do that to Em, and she would never do that to Tucker.”

“Exactly right,” I said.

But that was a lie. There was nothing between Tucker and me and never had been. Only my desire to please my dad.

I should just break up with him. Now. Today. Another baby step toward living my own life.

The thought gave me an actual shiver of fear at what my dad would do if I caused that kind of “turbulence” right before the election that was now just around the corner.

“Here they come,” Sierra said, sitting up eagerly.

The boys’ boat was coming around the Bend.

My gaze latched on to the first seat, the bow seat, to find Xander.

But though the guys were dressed identically in their long-sleeved practice unisuits with matching goggles—the small, iridescent kind that swimmers wore—I could tell immediately it wasn’t him.

He was at the stern of the boat, facing Dean.

The rest of the crew were lined up behind him.

“Ugh, Rhett was right,” Aria groused. “The coach switched him and Xander. Now Rhett’s the bow and Xander has the stroke seat, which is only the most important seat on the crew.”