Page 56 of Little Pieces of Light

Emery

May

Thursday morning before class, I laid my prom dress out on my bed.

Again. I couldn’t stop looking at it, though it created such a bittersweet ache in my heart.

It was white with a heart-shaped bodice, full-skirted but shorter in the front and longer in the back so as not to swamp my short frame.

It wasn’t designer label or fashionable like the other girls’ dresses would be.

But I’d taken some clothes to consignment and made a trade for it, so it felt like mine.

I kept imagining how I’d look in it, wanting to be beautiful for Xander, and standing next to him in his black tux. He’d be so handsome for our photos.

The closest thing we’ll have to wedding photos.

I wasn’t supposed to be thinking like that. It was a paper marriage only, designed to help me escape after graduation. But my heart wouldn’t stop replaying our wedding, terribly short and sad and real—when it wasn’t supposed to be real.

I brushed the thoughts away and got ready for school.

The end of the year—and prom—had raced up to me so fast. Since the funeral, Delilah and I had thrown ourselves into the work, turning the Castle Hill Country Club ballroom into an elegant, black-and-white wonderland filled with sparkle and light.

I should’ve been excited, but instead all I could think about was how it might be my last night with Xander for a very long time.

At the Academy, I met Delilah and Harper at our usual spot at midmorning break under the willow tree outside.

“We’re in really good shape for Saturday night,” Delilah said, consulting her iPad. “We just need to put on the finishing touches. Oh my gosh, it’s going to be so beautiful.”

Delilah was working in overdrive to keep our spirits up.

I was a ball of anxious nerves thinking I might have to tell my parents I was leaving, while some light had gone out of Harper’s eyes since Dean died, and I didn’t know if it was ever coming back.

The mood of the entire school was muted now, even on the sunniest of days.

Dean’s absence was palpable and made the Academy, even with all its pomp and glamour, feel empty.

A missing piece it couldn’t afford to lose.

“Are you going to prom, Harper?” Delilah asked.

I looked at her, curious about that myself. She hadn’t confided in me about whatever was happening with her and Orion, but it didn’t seem good.

“Doubtful,” she said. “But I’ll peek in to see what you guys have done. Are your parents going to see the result of all your hard work and artistry, Em?”

“I don’t know. I can’t get as straight answer from them, so maybe that’s my answer.”

I didn’t add that there was still a part of me that wanted desperately for my father to see it and be proud. To spare me from having to walk out the door and be disowned, like Jack. But the stage was set. All that was left was for me to pull the trigger.

And leave Xander. My husband…

Harper and I parted ways with Delilah and headed to English.

“How are things with Xander?” Harper asked, as if reading my mind.

“We’re in a superposition,” I said wanly. “Really wonderful and really terrible. He’s so good, Harper. He’s struggling to take care of his father, and he’s devastated about Dean. And now—barring a miracle—I’m leaving too. I’m just afraid that…”

“What?”

“He’s lost so much, been hurt so many times… I’m afraid that when all is said and done, I’m not going to see him again.”

“Why?” Harper frowned. “I can’t believe that. He loves you.”

I nodded. “And I love him, but…”

There are limits. That’s what he’d told me. He had his math and his science, where he found security in the exactness, but now he was drowning.

“Maybe I should just forget California.”

Harper gave me a look. “Are you saying that because it feels right or because it’s easier?”

We’d arrived to our class, and I was spared from having to answer. At the very end of the period, Ms. Alvarez handed back our papers on Romeo and Juliet. She’d printed them out to grade them, preferring to use an actual red pen for corrections and edits.

“All in all, I’m very impressed with your analyses,” she said, strolling the aisles. “A testament to Shakespeare’s talent that his work still resonates in our day-to-day lives as strongly as it does.”

She stopped beside my desk and set my paper face down with a concerned look. I curled the top of the paper over.

A+ , but then underneath she had written Please see me after class.

“I’ll meet you at lunch,” I told Harper as the bell rang.

Ms. A shut the door after the last student left. “I’m happy to report that your UCLA financial aid package is wonderfully substantial, with more grants than loans and a small stipend for housing.”

A strange mixture of dread and relief flooded me. “Wow. It’s really happening, isn’t it?”

“Looks like you should have the money at the end of the summer.” She lowered her voice. “You accomplished what you needed to, Emery. You’re free to pursue your dreams with almost full autonomy.”

I swallowed hard. “Great. Thank you.”

“It’s hard, isn’t it? Such a big leap.”

I nodded. “I know it’s what I have to do to, but the finality of it and how my dad will react… It makes me nervous.”

“You don’t look nervous, Emery, you look terrified.

And the fact that you had to go to such extremes is a worrying sign.

” She crossed her arms and leaned against her desk.

“In your paper, you wrote about the pressure Juliet was under to please her father. How furious he’d been and the names he called her when he learned of her secret marriage.

Baggage. Disobedient. How he’d been prepared to disown her completely and how powerless she was, caught between her love and her loyalty to her family. ”

“Not very subtle, right?” I managed to smile.

Ms. A did not smile back. “I want to tell you something personal, if you don’t mind.

Before I came to CHA, I was living in Phoenix.

I fled to Rhode Island, clear across the country, to escape an abusive marriage.

He didn’t hit me, but he took great care to ensure I felt worthless, scared, and doubtful of my ability to take care of myself.

I was a grown woman, and it took me years to find the courage to leave.

You’re only eighteen, and it breaks my heart that you face this kind of abuse from a person who is supposed to love you unconditionally. ”

I felt tears stinging my eyes. “Thank you for sharing that with me. It helps to know that I’m not crazy for being scared or for feeling stupid that I still want to keep some connection to my family.”

“That’s a natural instinct, even if it’s ultimately harmful.” She cocked her head. “Can your mother help at all? And what about Xander? Is this a favor he did for you, or is it something more?”

“It started out as a favor, but now it’s so much more. It was supposed to be my ticket out of Rhode Island but I…I love him. I love him so much, so another part of me says I should forget UCLA and go with him to Boston. But…”

“But?”

“It doesn’t feel right. I can’t explain why.

I want to be with Xander more than anything, but whenever I think of Boston, I get a tight feeling in my stomach.

My dad has offices there. My mom goes to Boston just to have lunch .

But when I think of UCLA, I feel like I can breathe.

” I shook my head miserably. “Xander understands that; he knew it before I did. But at the same time, I know it hurts him. It hurts him a lot. He thinks if we try a long-distance relationship, it won’t last.”

Ms. Alvarez nodded. “Life is messy and complicated, and sometimes it seems so murky, you can’t see your way through. That’s what your internal compass is there for. To guide you to what’s right, even if what’s right is the hardest thing.”

“It’s so hard,” I said. “Leaving my family. And Xander. I’m terrified. But I’m also terrified about what happens to me if I stay.”

She smiled sadly. “I think that’s your answer.”

“Thank you so much for everything—”

A knock came at the door, and the president of the Academy’s secretary popped her head in. “Dr. Sterling would like to see both of you in his office.”

Ms. A and I exchanged glances.

“Both of us?”

“Both of you.”

The knot of dread in my stomach tightened as we walked the halls to the uppermost level of the school, where the president’s office was located, overlooking the marina.

Reed Sterling sat behind his desk, an imposing man with gray hair and a sharp suit.

At the window, his back to us, stood my father.

Oh no…

Dr. Sterling rose as we came in. “Ms. Alvarez, Miss Wallace, please have a seat.”

There were three chairs in front of Dr. Sterling’s desk. Ms. A took one, I took the middle, and my father, without a word, sat beside me. I glanced sideways, but his face was impassive as always. Unreadable.

Dr. Sterling sat and folded his hands on his desk. Behind him, framed degrees and a dozen awards and letters of recognition filled the wall. “Mr. Wallace has brought to my attention that you, Alicia, have facilitated an application for Emery to a university in California.”

Ms. Alvarez’s face was pale, but she set up straight.

“No!” I exclaimed before she could speak. “She didn’t do anything. It was my idea—”

“It’s all right, Emery,” she said with a reassuring smile. “Yes. I arranged for her to apply and was so very proud when I learned she’d been accepted.”

“I do not appreciate this betrayal,” my father said. “I expend a great deal of money so that this school maintains its high standards. I do not expect to be stabbed in the back by its faculty.”

I shook my head. “That’s not what—”

“ Be silent, Emery.”

“This is a very serious matter,” Dr. Sterling said. “We cannot have teachers superseding the wishes of our parents. Ms. Alvarez, as you are a new teacher without tenure, we feel it is appropriate that you finish out the remaining days of this school year. You will not be invited back for the next.”

“No!” I cried. “Please don’t do this. It was all my fault—”

“It’s all right,” she said. “I knew the risks and would happily do it again.”

“That will do, Alicia,” Dr. Sterling said. “You may go.”

I could hardly meet her eyes, shame and regret burning my face in icy hot tingles.

She smiled delicately and touched my hand. “Be brave, Emery. Be brave.”

I wasn’t allowed to finish out the day; instead, my father walked me to his car. Colin held open the door, tall and imposing, saying nothing.

“You’ve been quite busy,” my father said after a long silence.

“My prom design is complicated,” I said dully.

“I meant this little stunt about applying to UCLA. Not to mention, I ran into Joe Berger from the county clerk’s office in Providence today. He said something very interesting to me. He said congratulations. I asked him what for, and do you know what he said?”

My heart thumped so hard I could barely breathe, and my hands went cold in my lap.

“He replied, ‘On your daughter’s marriage, of course.’”

Oh God…

“Apparently, an Emery Wallace married an Alexander Ford several weeks ago. I could not quite believe what he was telling me. I told him it must’ve been a mistake, because that’s what it is. A terrible, terrible mistake.”

“It’s not a mistake,” I managed through numb lips. “I love Xander, and I’m going to California.”

“You’re doing no such thing,” Dad said, unbothered.

“Emery, you’re a young and foolish little girl who doesn’t know what the world is like.

But I do. It is a game that must be played to win, because the moment you take your eyes off the board, it swoops in with an iron mallet and crushes you.

I am providing protection. Something young Mr. Ford could never do. ”

“That’s not true. He’s a genius with a bright future, and he’s kind and good…and he loves me.”

“And he’s willing to up and leave for California too?”

“Well…no. He can’t. At least not yet, or maybe—”

“Of course not. You’ve been duped. He is the poor son of a weak-minded person. The son of an enemy, no less, who cost me twenty million dollars in regulatory fees and now has the audacity to marry my daughter in secret, like a thief in the night, taking what does not belong to him.”

“That’s not…that’s not what happened,” I said, my tongue tying like it always did when I tried to stand up to my father. Anger and frustration turning to tears that he read as hysteria. An overemotional girl who didn’t know what she wanted. “You don’t understand. Xander is—”

“I’m going to say this one time, and one time only, Emery. You are never to see that boy again. Next week we’ll go back to the courthouse and get that ridiculous marriage annulled and restore some sanity and common sense to our household.”

“No,” I said faintly, feeling as if I were clinging to the edge of a cliff. “No, we’re going to prom together—”

“You’re not going to prom. Senator Harrington and his family are coming over for a little cocktail party Saturday night.”

“What? You’re not coming to see…?”

I stared, the words trailing off. The flame of hope that had kept me going through so many cold years was finally sputtering out. For a long moment, I sat in numb shock, until my father, his eyes on the scenery flying by outside the window, spoke in a matter-of-fact tone.

“I understand that Xander has made some serious accusations against RJ Calloway’s boy, Rhett, concerning that young man’s death.”

I swiveled my head. “What…?”

“RJ is a good friend of mine, and Rhett has a promising future that Xander is threatening with his baseless accusations. A defamation suit for attempting to ruin Rhett’s reputation wouldn’t be unreasonable.”

My heartbeat thrashed in my ears. “No, you can’t. It wouldn’t work. Xander didn’t do anything wrong.”

“That would be up to the courts to decide. And it would be up to Xander to defend himself. Court fees, lawyer fees…it can all be so time-consuming and expensive. Ruinous, even. Especially for someone struggling to find decent residential care for an ailing parent.”

“ Why ?” I cried. “Why would you do that?”

“I was lax with Jack,” he said. “I won’t make the same mistake with you. I’m not going to let you throw your life away like he has. If I have to tighten the lead, so be it.”

My father turned his head to me, his blue eyes seeming to pierce straight into my heart.

“One phone call, Emery,” he said, the threat heavy in his mild voice. “One phone call is all it will take. Do you understand?”

The cliff crumbled away. “I do.”