Page 14 of Little Pieces of Light

“Okay, so everything we thought we knew about physics, from Newton’s First Law to Einstein’s relativity, breaks down at the singularity—the place inside a black hole where the mass is concentrated, and where space-time curvature becomes theoretically infinite.”

“How do you know all that if you guys saw a black hole for the first time only a few years ago?”

“Math,” Xander said. “Theories are explored via mathematical equations to see if they pan out.”

“Ohhh. Is that what you mean when you say your dad is working on a unified theory? He’s actually just doing math? I imagined you had some sort of lab at your house.”

“No, just pencil and paper.”

“I feel stupid.”

“Please don’t,” Xander said. “The equations needed to understand things like black hole singularities are beyond most people.”

“But you understand it,” I said. “And your dad understands it.”

“He understands it for now .”

“What do you mean?”

Xander looked at me cautiously, as if unsure how much to share. Or if he could trust me.

I smiled. “What happens in the study lounge stays in the study lounge.”

He smiled back but it faded fast. “I told you my dad had a breakdown and needed some time off. But they think it might be something worse. Something progressive. He might be losing…everything. And it fucking kills me because he’s a brilliant scientist, yet he’s only going to be remembered for how it all slipped away.

It’s up to me to sustain his legacy. I’ll go to MIT like he did and carry on the Ford name so that all he accomplished wasn’t in vain. ”

I nodded and let his words settle because it seemed like he’d needed to get them out. After a moment, I said, “It’s very honorable, Xander, to take care of him like you do. I hope you know that.”

He looked at me with something like surprise and gratitude because I suspected he didn’t know that.

I told a genius something he didn’t know.

The moment held, thick and warm, and then Xander gave his head a shake.

“But they might all be wrong about my dad. He’s still working on a unified theory, and he says he’s close. It seems impossible, but if he solved it, it would change physics forever.”

“Why?”

“It would fill in the massive gaps in our knowledge. Like what is actually happening in a black hole’s singularity. Or—at the quantum level—how the photons that make up light aren’t waves or particles but can exist in a superposition of both states until observed.”

“I can’t help you with any of that, but that last part sounds like Schrodinger and his dead cat in a box. You know, where you don’t know if it’s alive or dead until you take a look?”

Xander made a sour face.

“Am I wrong?”

“You’re absolutely correct, but Erwin Schrodinger was a Nobel Prize–winning physicist who devised one of the most beautiful and perfect equations in all of science, and all anyone associates him with is a dead cat in a box.”

I suppressed a giggle. He’s so cute when he gets his science feelings hurt. “Awfully touchy about it,” I teased.

“I suppose so,” Xander admitted with a small smile. “But likely that’s because I’m named after him.”

“ Erwin ?”

“Erwin Rudolf Josef Alexander Schrodinger. My father wanted to name me Erwin, but my mother vetoed it. They compromised on Alexander.”

“You dodged a bullet, my friend,” I said. “And sorry to break it to you, but your namesake is super famous for his ‘dead cat in a box.’”

Xander nodded thoughtfully. “Speaking of, I was going to ask if…” He coughed and cleared his throat. “Never mind.”

“What? Tell me.”

“No, it’s stupid. Anyway, I don’t want to bore you with this stuff.”

“It’s not boring, it’s fascinating. And I love hearing you talk about what you’re passionate about. I like talking to you, period. It feels easy and…real. Like how it did when we were kids.” I glanced away. “I mean…would it be so terrible if we were friends?”

“I don’t know,” Xander said heavily. “Given everything, maybe we should keep it to getting you through calculus.”

“What is everything ?”

“I’ve been told your boyfriend is the jealous type, for one. I don’t want to cause trouble for you, Emery. Or for me. I’m committed to helping you, but after everything that’s happened, I feel like staying neutral is better. Safer, maybe.”

“Neutral,” I said flatly. The word made no sense when it came to him and me, and it hurt more than I wanted to say. “Okay. Sure. Neutral it is.”

Xander nodded, but he didn’t look any happier than I felt.

“Actually, no,” I blurted. We’ve been apart for so long. I don’t want any more distance. “That doesn’t work for me. I don’t want to be neutral, Xander. I’ve been neutral my whole life, letting life happen around me, and I’m tired of it.”

“But Emery—”

“Don’t you see? We’re like Schrodinger’s cat, too. We know too much about each other from way-back-when to be strangers, and we don’t actually know each other at all, so we’re not quite friends. We’re sort of both and yet neither at the same time. And I don’t like it.”

“You don’t?”

“Do you?” I countered. “Look, it sucks that your letters went missing, and we both thought we’d been ghosted but…we have this year. Before you go to MIT and I escape to California—”

Xander looked up sharply. “You’re not staying on the East Coast?”

“I don’t know. A teacher suggested UCLA today and that felt like something perfect falling into place.” My smile collapsed. “It’s stupid to hope. There’s no way my dad would let me go, and I can’t pay for it myself. But it’s nice to have something to dream about, right?”

Xander watched me for a long moment, his eyes full of thoughts I couldn’t read.

“Okay,” he said finally.

“Okay…?”

“I’d like it if we were friends.”

“You sure about that?” I grinned. “I’d hate to violate Xander’s First Law of Neutrality.”

“I’ll make an exception. But maybe we should stay in a superposition. We’re friends until Tucker observes us, then we become strangers.”

“Don’t worry about him. He’s all talk. And there’s nothing wrong with us being friends, right? It’s not like we’re… I mean, we’re just friends.”

“Right,” Xander said. “Just friends.”

“Good,” I said with a smile. “Glad we got that settled.”

Happy now? You and your “friend” with the super sexy arms can get back to work.

“Shit,” Xander said, checking his watch—an old Casio. “I’m afraid I used up our time talking about quantum mechanics, and you have that test coming up. You don’t have to pay me for this hour.”

“Of course, I will,” I said. “We still have next time. I’ll probably remember it better if it’s fresh, anyway.” I gave my old/new friend a little pinky wave. “Bye, Xander.”

His eyes widened and the blush returned to his cheeks. “Bye, Emery.”