Page 48 of Little Pieces of Light

Emery

The following morning, I drove to Xander’s house and parked around the side.

He greeted me at the door, and I flew into his arms, chased by Jack’s ominous words from the night before.

“Getting far away” meant living thousands of miles away from Xander.

I couldn’t stand the thought, so I kissed him instead.

I kissed him as if we’d been apart for weeks instead of two days.

“I needed that,” he said when we broke our kiss and stepped inside.

“How’s your dad?”

“Fine, I guess. The scientist in him wants the data about his condition, but the rest of him is scared shitless. So am I.” Xander sighed. “They’re going to keep him until Sunday night. Guess we’ll know more then. How was your birthday with the family?”

“It was just Jack, me, and Belinda. My parents had a last-minute emergency gala event to attend in Washington, DC. As one does.”

Xander’s expression grew stormy.

“It was really nice, actually,” I said. “Jack apologized for acting like he’s hated me for seven years.”

“And you forgave him?”

“Of course,” I said with a small smile. “I’ve only got one brother left.”

“He’s lucky to have you, and so am I.” Xander banished his cloudy thoughts and worry for his father. “You’re in the clear for the entire day? Because we’ve got some driving to do.”

“My parents are out of town. I have all day…and all night.”

Xander pulled me close, his voice rough. “Even better—but not yet.”

“You’re going to buy me dinner first?” I said with a grin as he grabbed his keys and jacket. I glanced down at my jeans, boots, and white sweater. “Am I dressed for this mystery date?”

“You’re perfect.”

“Where are we going, anyway?”

Xander gave a tilted smile. “Somewhere we don’t have to hide.”

***

Xander drove to our “mystery date,” but I knew what he had in mind as soon as the signs for Point Judith came into view.

“Oh my God, I haven’t been to Block Island since I was a kid! That’s the plan, right?”

“Do you like it?” Xander asked. “I wasn’t sure if it would be…enough.”

“I love it,” I said, and kissed his cheek.

And I love you, Xander.

The words were bursting out of me, but maybe saying that would be too much, so I bit them back.

At Point Judith, the southernmost tip of Rhode Island, Xander parked the car, and we took the ferry to Block Island, a tourist spot that was bustling in summer and more subdued in the winter months. The little town of New Shoreham was busy but not crowded on this brisk, early spring day.

Xander and I strolled hand in hand past shops and restaurants that lined the beach, which was still too chilly for sunbathing but perfect for long walks along the Atlantic, the water stretching out into forever.

We kissed whenever we felt like it, not caring who saw us.

Any time we stopped to peruse an art gallery or stroll through a boutique, his arm was around me.

He’d brush his lips against my forehead just because, while I’d tuck myself into his jacket whenever we paused to take in the view.

It felt so good to love Xander out in the open, I had to tell him. It was going to come bursting out of me sooner or later.

Like now, maybe.

We waited in line at a stand that sold specialty chocolates and hot cocoa. Beside me, Xander pulled out his phone to confirm the dinner reservation he’d made at a swanky seafood restaurant for later that night. As he spoke to the hostess, he absently twisted a lock of my hair around his finger.

I didn’t know why, but that little gesture made my heart flutter and my blood heat at the same time—so natural and intimate—even a little possessive in that unassuming way of his.

“Okay, we’re all set,” he said, ending the call.

I turned to him, the words on my lips, ready to fall, when another call came in on his phone. He frowned at the screen.

“Sorry, Em, it’s the specialist calling about my dad.”

“Go ahead,” I said. “I’ll get the drinks.”

Xander moved to a nearby bench while I bought us two gourmet hot chocolates and brought them over. I sat down just as he was hanging up.

“They say he’s doing well,” Xander said. “Cooperating and in high spirits. I couldn’t ask for a better report, all things considered.”

“I’m so glad,” I said, handing him the cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream.

“There’s sort of a beautiful, terrible irony in a man struggling with dementia while explaining to his doctors about his quest for a unified theory.”

“I know.” I gave Xander’s hand a squeeze. “But honestly, he should’ve just asked me. I figured that out ages ago.”

Xander started to smile. “Oh yeah?”

“Sure. It’s pretty simple, really. No long math problems required.”

“Do tell.”

I sipped my hot chocolate. “Magic.”

“That’s it?”

“Yep.”

Xander chuckled. “Well, Einstein did call it ‘spooky,’ though not in a complimentary way.”

“See? If Einstein agrees with me, then it must be true. So there you go. Theory of Everything, solved. Your dad is free to quote my work in his paper. I don’t mind.”

Now Xander was laughing, which was exactly my goal in the first place.

“To be honest, there are theories that sound pretty fantastical when it comes to solving this stuff,” he said. “Like the many-worlds theory.”

“Oh, I like the sound of that. Explain.”

“Remember Schrodinger’s cat?”

“I remember you get adorably grouchy about it,” I teased. “And yes. It’s both alive and dead until you look at it.”

“Right. A superposition of both states until observed. According to the MWI, or many-worlds interpretation, the particle—or cat—isn’t only in a superposition, but also represents the coexistence of multiple outcomes across different universes.”

“It does what now?”

“For example, flip a coin. While it’s in the air, it’s in a superposition of both heads and tails.

According to the MWI, when it lands, the universe splits into two branches: one where it landed on heads and another where it landed on tails.

We experience only one outcome because we exist in a single branch of what is actually a vast multiverse. ”

I gave him a doubtful look. “That’s an actual quantum theory?”

“Sure is,” Xander said. “You can then extrapolate the coin flip for literally anything that results in an outcome. Meaning, the universe splits any time we make any decision at all.”

“So there might be different versions of us in different lifetimes, living out the repercussions of every choice we did or didn’t make? Like parallel universes?”

“Theoretically.”

“ Theoretically ,” I said, “there is a universe in which I received the letters you wrote to me when we were ten. And I wrote you back, and we kept in touch the entire seven years. We shared all of our deepest thoughts and secrets, and maybe we…maybe we even fell in love. So that when you moved to Castle Hill, we didn’t waste a second.

You were waiting for me on our rock, and I flew at you, and we kissed even though we hadn’t seen each other in ages, but it didn’t matter because we knew each other and maybe we always have.

” I inhaled a breath in the cool air. “Is that possible? And don’t say theoretically. ”

“ Hypothetically , yes,” Xander said, smiling.

“If you take the MWI theory out of the quantum world and apply it to ours, there are infinite possibilities with infinite iterations of us. But that means millions of versions of us who never found each other—universes where we never met. Or where I didn’t write letters.

Or I wrote them, and you decided not to reply.

Or I never moved to Castle Hill because my dad stayed healthy. Or my mom never left us.”

“And Grant never died,” I murmured, and shook my head. “It’s too much. You could get lost in a maze of what ifs that all lead to regret. Wanting what can never be.”

Xander nodded. “You could.”

I tucked myself around his arm. “Maybe the point of this life—our branch of the universe—is to make the best of what did happen and not regret what didn’t. We have to hope the other versions of us found happiness too, even the ones where we never reunited.”

He brushed a lock of hair from my cheek. “I hope that they did.”

I inhaled again, my heart crashing against my chest. “But I refuse to believe that in all the infinite infinities there is even one universe in which we never came together.”

“No?”

“No. It was the great physicist, Alexander Ford, who once said, what happens to you, happens to me. Because we’re entangled by that mysterious force that cannot be seen, measured, or understood completely, but is very real nonetheless. It’s love. And, Xander, I—”

Before I could say another word, Xander kissed me softly, then took my face in his hands that were warm and gentle. “I love you, Emery.”

I stared, conscious that a little gasp escaped me. “You do…?”

“Yeah, I do. I almost said it a hundred times, but I was scared. I am scared—that the end of the year is going to race toward us and we’re going to get smashed.

But I had to say it first. I owed it to you to say it first. To be brave like you and not leave you waiting or wondering for one more goddamn second. ”

Tears stung my eyes.

“I love you, Xander,” I said. “I love you so much. I almost said it a hundred times too, but I didn’t want it to be too much or too soon. But how can it be too soon when it feels like we waited forever to get here?”

“I don’t know. But…I feel that too. Something unexplainable that defies any logic or reason.” His thumbs brushed my cheek. “But I know I love you, Emery. You make me believe in magic.”

***

Xander took me to a beautiful restaurant overlooking the ocean, all the while a hot, heavy haze of expectation thickening every breath, every word, every bite of food until I felt drunk.