Page 41 of Little Pieces of Light

Xander

December

“Earth to Xander. Come in, Xander.”

“Hm?”

I blinked back into the fluorescent starkness of the classroom where I’d been counting down the seconds until later that afternoon when I’d be alone with Emery in the dim quiet of my loft. Six pairs of eyes—the Math the three of us stepped into an empty hallway.

Outside, under a gray sky, snowdrifts piled along the Academy walkways.

Harper put a knit beanie on over her brown curls, and Dean and I bundled into our coats.

My friends were quiet, letting me recover from my heavy moment.

“So, how are things with Emery?” Harper asked, eventually. “She gave me a stellar report about you. You’re really nailing the whole boyfriend thing.”

“Good to know,” I said, unable to hide my smile.

Both friends shot me expectant looks as we headed for the student parking lot.

“And?” Dean said, wagging his eyebrows. “How goes it on your end? I haven’t had a chance to have some manly man-talk with my best bro in a while.”

Harper rolled her eyes.

I laughed. “Things are fine. Perfect, actually, except—”

“Except you can’t tell anyone or go anywhere where people will see you,” Harper finished.

“Yes, that.”

“Her dad is a piece of work,” Dean said. “But hey, in a few short months, she’ll be eighteen and can tell him to fuck off forever.”

I shot Harper a quick glance, and she gave me a short nod of understanding.

I hadn’t told Dean about my vow to marry Emery as an emergency measure to escape her family.

The promise felt oddly delicate. Handled the wrong way, I feared it would break something between us, so I left it alone, even in my mind.

“What about Christmas gifts?” Dean asked. “Last year, we did a white elephant for the club. That was a hit, even if I ended up with a wall hanging of a singing fish.”

I chuckled as we arrived at my Buick. “Sounds good. And speaking of gifts, I need to pick out something for Emery. I have an hour to kill before she comes over.”

In order to keep her father off her back, I was still secretly trying to help Emery pass her math class, though now instead of her wanting to abandon the equations for chitchat, we struggled to keep our hands off each other.

We hadn’t slept together—that was waiting for us in the future, until after she turned eighteen, at least, and if/when she desired.

I was content with just being with her, absorbing her light.

“Want some help picking out a gift?” Harper asked. “I have an hour to kill before I become Emery’s alibi for coming over to your house.”

Dean laughed. “Such a tangled web of deceit. I’d be happy to help but alas, I have plans.” He chucked me on the shoulder. “We’ll have to save our man-talk over brewskies for another time.”

“Can’t wait,” I deadpanned. We laughed and I hugged my friend goodbye, then turned to Harper. “Shall we?”

I drove us to the little village of Castle Hill, which always looked more like a set out of a movie than an actual place.

It had a quaint main street with shops, restaurants, boutiques, and a general store that was more like a Whole Foods in disguise.

Now, with the recent snowfall and Christmas decor, it resembled a picture postcard for small-town holiday cheer.

“Dean’s acting weird,” Harper said suddenly as I pulled into a parking space behind a Christmas tree lot.

“How so?”

“He’s been jumpy lately. Manic, even. You haven’t noticed?”

I frowned and shut off the engine. “No. But like he said, I haven’t seen much of him lately.”

“There’s that too,” she said. “He always has ‘other plans’ and spends a lot of time on his phone. He used to hardly touch it, now it’s in his hand constantly.”

Guilt sank like a heavy stone in my gut. “I’ve been so wrapped up with Emery, I haven’t been paying attention. Maybe he’s stressed about finals?”

“Maybe,” Harper said, her gaze forward. “I have a bad feeling.”

“Now I do too. He’s so private,” I said. “He’s one of my best friends, and yet I’ve never been to his house. He’s never mentioned his parents or anything about his home life at all.”

“Me neither. But I have the feeling he’s under a lot of pressure.”

“Really? But he’s…”

“A Bender?” Harper arched a brow. “So are you. So am I. You don’t feel the pressure this school—this entire fucking town—puts on you to be something worthy of walking its hallowed halls?”

“I see your point,” I said, though my pressure was different. To salvage my dad’s legacy by following him to MIT and ensure he wouldn’t be forgotten, even as his disease chewed up every last vestige of what made him great.

But Harper’s words were making me scared for Dean. “You and he aren’t…?”

“No,” she said. “Just friends. And he’s the same mix of open and completely closed off with me as he is with you.” She turned to me with sudden urgency. “I know you have enough on your plate with your dad, but can you talk to him? Have that ‘manly chat,’ but for real?”

“Of course,” I said. “I’d turn the car around and do it now if I could. I’ll make it happen, I promise.”

“Thank you. On a more festive note: We need a Christmas gift for the love of your life. Let’s do this.”

She was teasing, but I didn’t bother to correct her. Warmth flooded me, driving out some of the cold fear. That was Emery’s specialty—to make everything beautiful. To make even the worst situations feel hopeful.

And what happens in six months…?

I cut that thought off at the pass and followed Harper into a store.

“What’s your budget?” she asked in the boutique as we wandered through aisles of Murano glass pieces, ornaments, cards, and jewelry. “Her family has billions, so nothing fancy is going to impress her.”

“I can’t afford fancy,” I said. “I’m aiming for ‘thoughtfully touching.’”

“Alexander, my friend, you are one of the good ones.” Harper picked up a snow globe and gave it a shake. “How about this?”

But my gaze had already snagged on a jewelry counter. Antique rings, pendants, and earrings were arrayed on black velvet stands and trays.

Harper bent to peer beside me. “Ring shopping for your fiancée?”

“Um, no .” I coughed, the back of my neck growing hot. “I like that one.”

I pointed to a tarnished heart-shaped locket tucked in the corner like a castaway, etched with swirls that resembled flower petals.

“Very pretty,” Harper said. “Unique.”

I called the salesclerk over. She unlocked the case and set the necklace in my hand. I opened the locket, which was about an inch long and flat, and inspiration struck me like lightning.

“I’ll take it.”

***

It was getting dark by the time I dropped Harper back at her car at school, and snow had begun to fall in gentle drifts. I came home to find my dad happily at work at his desk, bent over his mess of papers.

“How’s it going, Dad?”

“Never better, son. I believe I’m only a few factors away from cracking it.”

“Only a few factors?” I asked, my pulse quickening. “Seriously?”

He chuckled. “Give or take a hundred. You know how it is.” He turned to face me. His narrow face was gaunt, and his eyes were shadowed, but his smile was as wide as ever. “One step forward, two steps backward…into infinity.”

I smiled faintly. Stepping backward into infinity was exactly what dementia was forcing him to do.

“But even this great work isn’t everything,” Dad said. “We must remember our Goethe: All theory is gray, but forever green is the tree of life.”

“Yeah, speaking of, the Math & Physics Club throws a Christmas party every year. I was thinking we could have it here.”

“Here?”

We glanced around the small, dimly lit living area with its shabby furniture and stacks of books on every available surface. It was December fifteenth and no sign of Christmas anywhere. No green tree to speak of.

He rubbed his chin. “Not very merry, is it?”

Shame burned my cheeks. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I’ve been so wrapped up with Emery and training for spring row season—”

“Not your fault, my boy. I’ve been no help, buried in theorems for weeks.” His smile fell. “Christmas was always your mother’s favorite. She made it so festive.”

“ I’ll make it festive,” I declared. “I’ll ask Emery to help. This is exactly her skill set. She’ll make it beautiful, and we’ll have a suitable party.”

“Wonderful!” Dad said. “Won’t that be nice to have your friends over, with food and lights and a tree? You and I will play piano for them, and we’ll have music and lots of joy.”

“That’s exactly right,” I said gruffly. “Everyone from the club is eager to meet you.”

“Me?” He looked overcome for a moment. “Why that’s…unexpected. How lovely. Thank you, Xander.”

“Yep.” I cleared my throat. “Emery will be here soon. We’ll get right on it.”

“Wonderful.” He smiled and laid a shaking hand on my shoulder. “My eyes are tired. I think I’ll take a nap. Give you two some privacy.”

I let loose a shaky breath. “Thanks, but getting her through her calculus final is my number one priority.”

“Sure, it is,” he said. “Use protection!”

“ Dad. ”

“What?” he said innocently. “I’m merely reminding you to safeguard your axioms to protect against inconsistencies.” He tsk-tsked me with a wink and a grin. “Get your mind out of the gutter, son.”

I chuckled and watched him retreat to his room, wondering how I could feel so happy and so sad at the same time.