Page 9 of Leave Me Not: Nick & Elissa #2 (Badger Creek Duet #8)

9

NICK

I walk out of the bar fucking livid, my brain going a mile a minute as it replays the last hour or so I’ve spent talking with my coach about my future. So much for thinking this guy has my back, what a fucking joke.

I know I need to go and see Lis and tell her what’s happened, but I also really need a fucking minute to cool off. To try and come up with a plan that doesn’t involve me drowning in debt or doing something I regret.

Shrugging on my jacket, I make my way down toward the lake, where I know I’ll be alone considering it’s freezing outside. I find one of the picnic tables, swiping my arm across the bench to clear the snow, before I take a seat.

And as I stare out at the lake, I can’t help but think back to my earlier conversation and how much it’s going to fuck everything up, regardless of what I chose to do.

“Nick, hey,” the coach says as I take a seat across from him and the team doctor.

“Hi,” I say to both of them, as I take a sip of water. We’re at The Matterhorn of all places, tucked in a booth at the back.

“You want to grab something to eat,” the coach says, gesturing to the menu in front of me.

I nod, not bothering to have a look because I already know what I’m having. After we’ve all placed our orders, I take another sip of water as I get ready to say goodbye to my dreams of going to the Olympics.

“So,” I start, blowing out a breath. “I know you guys want me to come back to Park City with you, but I’m afraid that’s not going to be possible.” I pause, expecting the coach to jump in with some comment, but he doesn’t say anything, just sits there, waiting for me to continue. “The thing is,” I say, shoving a hand through my hair. “I’m not sure my knee is ready yet and well…Elissa, my girlfriend, is pregnant, so yeah, I don’t want to leave her right now.”

As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I feel an overwhelming sense of relief wash over me. Not just that I’ve finally admitted that I’m quitting, but that I now understand I’m not sure I’m ready to be back on skis. Even though I’ve spent so long waiting for the chance to get back out on the slopes, it’s only now that I’m being pushed to do it, that I’m suddenly realizing the truth.

That maybe my body really isn’t ready just yet and I’d be a fucking idiot to risk getting out there sooner.

I look across the table at my coach, who still hasn’t said a word. Even though I’ve spent the past couple of years with him, he and I aren’t super close. He isn’t really close with anyone on the team, preferring I think to keep a professional distance from all of us.

Which isn’t to say I don’t like him, I do. He’s always been supportive and pushed me to be the best I can, without compromising. He’s got a solid work ethic too and he’s always there for us when things go wrong.

Which is why the first words out of his mouth following my admission shock the shit out of me.

“So what you’re saying is, you’re gonna give up your shot at a gold medal because you got some girl knocked up?”

It literally takes every ounce of self-control I have not to get up and punch this guy in the face. Because while he and I might not be close, he knows about Elissa, knows we were together when I first joined the team. Shit, the guy’s seen the photo of her on my phone and fucking asked me about her. And although I’ve never actually told him we broke up shortly after I made the team, I also never insinuated that she was just ‘some girl’.

“Okay, so first of all, Elissa is not ‘some girl’,” I start, leaning my elbows on the table. “And secondly, I haven’t just knocked her up, we’re having a baby. Together. And I don’t want to miss out on that.”

The coach rolls his eyes as he glances at the doctor, who hasn’t said a word. “Right, but you’re happy to miss out on a shot at the Olympics?”

“I mean obviously I’m not,” I say, flipping one of the coasters over. “But like I also said, I’m not sure my knee is ready either.”

“Doc here thinks it is,” my coach replies, jerking a thumb at him.

“I do,” the doctor says, smiling as he nods at me. “We’ll do some more scans and continue your rehab at Park City, but all in all, I think you’re ready to get back out on skis.”

“Mandy doesn’t seem to think so,” I say, turning to the doctor.

The coach scoffs. “Mandy is hardly elite level now, is she?”

Now it’s me scoffing as I turn back to my coach. “She was good enough to do my rehab,” I point out, knowing that it was the coach and team doctor who organized all of that when I made the decision to come back to Badger Creek after my injury. They’d been okay with it back then because I was pretty useless to them at Park City, and they were all heading out for a meet anyway. I’m sure they just figured they’d send me back here while they were away and then I’d come back as soon as they snapped their fingers.

“Well, you were the one who wanted to come back here,” the doctor says, shooting a quick look at the coach.

“Wow,” I mutter, blowing out a breath.

The coach leans forward, flattening his palms on the table in front of him. “Look, Nick,” he starts, his gaze meeting mine. “The reality is, you signed to the team. That came with responsibilities. Responsibilities that don’t just disappear because you want to go ahead and start a family just as your career is taking off.”

“Pretty sure my injury is a responsibility too,” I point out, reminding him of the clause that states if an injury is caused during training or an event, it can’t be held against the client, me, or their contractual obligations.

The coach smiles now, but it’s smarmy. “Yes, but the doctor here has cleared your knee, so that point is no longer valid.” I sit back in the seat as I try and figure out what the hell is going on here. I’m sure the coach knows I’m not happy with what he’s saying, because he leans forward, a warm smile now on his face. “Nick, think about it. Would we really risk doing further damage to your knee? You’re one of our best jumpers, a shoo-in for a medal even, why would we take that risk?”

I let his words sink in, trying to believe they are genuine. But even if they are, it still doesn’t change the fact that Lis is pregnant, and I don’t want to leave her. “Okay, but what if I just don’t want to do this anymore?”

The coach laughs, falling back as he says, “Seriously, Nick? You can’t honestly tell me that’s true?”

I shrug, a part of me not wanting to admit that yeah, it actually kind of is. Everything feels different now and not just because of Lis, although that is a huge part of it. But it’s also the uncertainty of my knee and the risk of doing more damage. It’s being back here in Badger Creek with all of my friends, with Lis and her mom. I’ve missed this and I love being back here, something I never thought I would say or feel.

“What if it is?” I ask again.

The coach glances at the doctor again, his smile long gone now as he spreads his hands on the table and says, “Well then I’d say we have a bit of a problem.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, confused.

“Your signing bonus,” he says, with a hint of a smirk. “Sponsorship obligations. It’s a lot to pay back, Nick.”

“Pay back?” I spit out.

He nods. “The doc has cleared you to ski,” he says again, as if to reinforce his point. “If you don’t come back to Park City, well, you’d be breaking your contract, which means…” He trails off, lifting his hands off the table as he gives me a small shrug. “Under the terms of your contract, that money needs to be paid back.”

“How much?” I ask, knowing that I have money in the bank because I’ve barely touched the signing bonus I received.

“You’re looking at five hundred thousand, but that’s just for the signing,” he says, smiling like this is some fucking joke. “With the sponsorship and other stuff, well, who knows…”

My phone pings with a text message alert, bringing me back to the present. I have no idea how long I’ve been sitting here, but not only is it now dark, but my ass is soaked and completely numb from sitting on this fucking wooden bench.

Glancing down at the screen, I see a message from Lis.

Lis: Leaving work in 10. Let’s talk about the meeting with your coach when I get home.

I head back to the lodge and grab an Uber home, walking in to find Lis in the living room. “Hey, babe,” I say, leaning over the back of the couch and kissing her.

“Hey,” she says, letting out a breath.

I drop another kiss on her forehead before walking around and joining her, pulling her into my lap. I know I need to tell her what my coach said, but fuck my life, I do not want to have this conversation at all, because whatever decision I make, it isn’t a good outcome.

“So,” I start, taking in a deep breath before letting it out slowly. “I met with my coach.”

“Uh huh.”

“And well, things didn’t go exactly as I thought they would.”

“What happened?” she asks, fidgeting in my lap.

I tighten my arm around her shoulders, pulling her close as I rest my other hand on her stomach. She covers my hand with hers as she looks up at me, the expression on her face telling me to keep talking. And so I do, telling her everything that happened at the meeting. All the things the coach said and all the shit he…I don’t know, threatened me with, I guess. I leave nothing out.

“So yeah, that’s about it,” I say, blowing out a breath.

Lis’ gaze drops to her hand, which is still covering mine, as I imagine she processes everything I’ve just told her. None of it is good really. One option leaving us significantly poorer and the other forcing us apart, and that’s without even considering the possible damage to my knee.

I pull her closer, pressing my lips to her temple. “Talk to me, Lis. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

She blows out a breath, looking up at me. “Your coach said you were happy about going back.”

“Wait, what?” I ask, confused.

She lifts her hand, cupping my cheek as she says, “He came to see me. I guess after your meeting. Told me a slightly different version of?—”

“He what?” I ask, cutting her off. “He came to see you? Told you about our meeting and what my options were?”

“Yeah.”

“And he said I was happy about going back?” I ask.

“Uh huh,” she says with a nod.

“The fucking asshole,” I groan, shoving a hand through my hair, unable to believe he would say that, would have the gall to come and speak to Lis about everything. “Okay, so just to clarify, I am not happy about it at all. I told him I wanted to quit. That I was done, staying here and I had no problem with my decision. Whatever he’s told?—”

“Nick, I believe you,” she now says, her thumb brushing against the stubble of my jaw. “I kind of got the feeling he was, well, saying stuff to try and get me to convince you to go back.”

“I don’t want to go back,” I say quickly, needing her to believe me. “I’m staying here. With you.”

Lis smiles sadly, her hand dropping to mine again as she threads our fingers together. “Nick, you can’t do that,” she says, her words barely audible.

“Yeah, I can.”

She shakes her head. “It will cost a fortune if you stay, you know that.”

“I don’t care about the money, Lis.”

She gives me a small smile. “I know you don’t, but we…well it’s not just the two of us anymore, is it.”

I move my hand back to her stomach, hating all of this. “No,” I whisper. “Which is all the more reason why I want to stay.”

“Nick,” she murmurs. “We can make this work. We’ll find a way to make it work.”

“I don’t want to be without you, Lis,” I say, pulling her in as I drop my face into the crook of her neck. “I can’t. I can’t fucking lose you again.”

She turns until her lips find mine, brushing a soft kiss against them that I deepen. “You won’t lose me,” she whispers, her forehead resting against mine. “We’re in this together okay, it’s different this time, I promise.”

“Elissa,” I groan. “I can’t, I can’t fucking go. I don’t even know if my knee is really okay.”

She lets out a breath, her hand on my cheek again. “I know, that’s the part that worries me the most. Did he say when you need to leave?”

I nod, my eyes closing. “He wants me back after New Year’s.”

She pushes on my jaw, angling my face up so our gazes meet. With a soft smile, she brushes a thumb across my cheek. “I love you, Nick.”

“I love you,” I whisper. “So fucking much.”

Her thumb moves to my mouth, pressing against my lips. “You aren’t going to lose me, okay. I promise. But we might not have a choice about you going back.”

“I can’t,” I whisper. “I’m not going.”

I can’t make this same mistake a second time.