Page 7 of Leave Me Not: Nick & Elissa #2 (Badger Creek Duet #8)

7

NICK

I drop my arm around Lis’ shoulder as we walk toward the lodge, fucking loving that we don’t have to hide the fact that we’re together anymore. It had been great being out with all of our friends last night too and thankfully none of them had seemed too pissed off that we’d hid things from them. Pretty sure they all assumed something was happening anyway.

I’d got a solid amount of shit for most of the night from both Alex and Max about the fact I was having a kid though. Especially after my previous comments at Thanksgiving about loving the fact that I could sleep in and spend all my time skiing, but I didn’t care. I don’t care at all.

Because the more I think about it, the more real it all becomes. And the more real it becomes, the more I love the idea of having a baby with Lis. I mean I’ve always wanted to have kids with her one day, and even though it’s sooner than we had planned, now that it’s actually happening for real, I’m really fucking excited.

“You know you didn’t have to come to work with me,” Lis says, elbowing my side before she slides her arm around my waist.

“Please,” I say, glancing down at her with a grin. “Like I’m gonna let my pregnant girlfriend get up at the crack of dawn and go to work while I lay around in bed all day. Kinda shitty of me, don’t you think?”

Lis laughs. “Yeah, but unless you’re skiing, I know you hate mornings, so I would get it.”

I pull her closer, dropping a kiss to the top of her head. “Well, I’m gonna have to get used to less sleep pretty soon, so may as well start now.” She smirks at me, and I laugh as I ask, “What?”

“I don’t know, you’re just…” Pausing, she waves a hand at me before continuing. “Taking all of this amazingly well.”

I wait as she unlocks the door to the lodge, before holding it open for her. As she walks in, she flicks on the lights and I walk over and switch on the computers, already so familiar with how this whole place works now. Now that I’ve basically made the decision to stay, maybe I should just see if Ethan will give me a job here with Lis. It might help her stop worrying.

“Nick,” she prompts, walking behind the counter to join me.

Turning, I pull her close. “Babe, all of this, everything that’s happening, is everything I’ve ever wanted with you. Just because it’s not playing out like we expected it to, doesn’t make it any less exciting or change the fact that I want it.”

“I know,” she says, slipping her arms around my neck. “But?—”

“No. No buts,” I say, shaking my head. “I love you and I’m really fucking happy about everything that’s happening.”

I watch as her concern slowly morphs into a smile, her eyes shining with happiness. “I’m really happy too,” she whispers. “For so long, I never thought I’d ever get you back or that we’d…” She stalls out, not finishing her thought.

Leaning in, I drop a soft kiss to her lips. “You absolutely have me back and that’s never changing. And…” I say, pulling back as I grin. “Seeing as everyone here now officially knows, what do you say we tell my parents they’re gonna be grandparents again?”

“Oh god,” Lis says with a laugh. “What do you think they’re going to say?”

“Are you kidding, they’ll be ecstatic!” I tell her, knowing how much they love having Emmie around and how more grandkids are only going to make them happier.

“Okay,” she says with a nod. “Maybe after work?” I nod, pulling her in for another kiss, just as she says, “But what about your coach?”

“What about my coach?” I ask.

Lis takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly before she says, “You need to at least let him know what your plans are. I mean, he wants you back in Park City and maybe you should go back and see how it?—”

“No, I’m not leaving you, Lis,” I say, resting a hand against her stomach. “Not now.”

“Nick, we’ve got months until the baby comes and maybe you could just?—”

“Elissa,” I say firmly, needing her to believe me. “I don’t want to leave you. I did it once before when I shouldn’t have and look what happened. I’m not doing it again, babe, I can’t. I’ll talk to my coach, tell him there’s been a change of plans. It’s gonna be fine, people crash out all the time.”

That’s not entirely true. I mean sure people get cut when their form drops or newer, better talent is discovered, but no one actually volunteers to walk away from this opportunity. And I know people are going to think I’m nuts for doing exactly that, especially given everything I’ve done to get here. Everything I’ve achieved and everything I still have to look forward to.

But Elissa getting pregnant also changes everything. And while I know I could still go back, because I legit believe she wants me to do that, and she would still support me if that’s what I said I wanted to do, I just don’t know if I can now. I mean I never, ever saw a future where I willingly chose not to ski competitively, but shit I never saw a future without Lis either. And right now, with everything else, I don’t know how to make both of those futures work.

Something has to give and now, after everything that’s happened, after the last four years apart and these past three months back together, I know that what has to give this time is skiing. I won’t ruin us for a second time by leaving when I shouldn’t.

“Everything’s going to be okay, Lis,” I whisper, dropping my forehead to hers. “With you, me and this little bean,” I add with a wink, my hand still resting on her stomach.

Lis moves her hand so it’s covering mine, a sad smile on her face that tells me she doesn’t quite believe me. “Are you sure,” she whispers, and I can hear the worry in her voice. “I don’t want you to regret this.”

“Lis,” I murmur. “Why would I ever regret this?”

She shrugs. “Because you’re giving up your dream,” she whispers. “Everything you’ve ever worked for. And I don’t want to?—”

“Well, I guess all the rumors were true after all!” comes a voice, cutting off the rest of what Lis was about to say.

We both pull back to find Ana and Russ standing in the doorway to the lodge, huge grins on their faces. I’ve only really gotten to know Ana since I’ve been back, but Russ has been around for a while, going to the same high school as us, even though he was a year or two younger.

I smile, wrapping my arms around Lis and pulling her into me. “Fucking Badger Creek gossip mill never could stop, could it,” I say, my grin huge now, because I actually don’t give a shit if anyone knows about me and Lis and everything that’s happening with us. The more people that know she’s mine again, the better.

“Well, what else are we gonna do around here?” Ana asks with a smirk.

“I don’t know, your jobs,” Lis teases.

Ana rolls her eyes as she walks toward us, her arms open as she moves to give Elissa a hug. “Well for the record, now it’s official, congratulations.”

“Yeah, congrats, dude,” Russ says, shaking my hand. “I mean we all knew obviously, that you two were back together, but yeah, congrats.”

“Thanks,” I say with a laugh.

“So what’s it all mean, you quitting skiing?” he asks, glancing at Lis. “Giving up the Olympic dream or whatever?”

“Well—”

“We’re still sorting out the details,” Lis says, cutting me off as she shoots me a quick glance, our conversation from earlier still needing to be finished. “In the meantime, how about we get started with the day?” she adds, tipping her head to the door where the first of the early morning skiers are ready to pick up their gear and passes.

Ana and Russ flag them over as Lis walks over to her office. I follow her in, closing the door behind me. “Babe, seriously, you’re allowed to tell people I’m staying.”

Elissa turns, leaning back against her desk. “It’s not really anyone’s business,” she starts. “But maybe we should hold off until you’ve spoken to your coach? What if you change your mind?”

I walk over and rest my hands on her shoulders, letting out a sigh. “Elissa,” I say, my gaze locking with hers. “I’m not going to regret this, babe,” I say, picking up from our previous conversation. “I want this with you, and I really want you to believe that.”

Elissa reaches up, her hands gripping my biceps. “I want to, Nick, but this was your dream, we both know that.”

“Babe, it was your dream once too and you gave it up. Do you regret it?”

Elissa stares up at me, a mix of emotions flashing across her face. I know why she gave up her dreams and I understand it too, but I think deep down, we both know that while there might not be regret, there will probably always be a lingering what if that will never fully disappear.

“I never want to be the reason though,” she whispers. “It’s why I told you to go back then and why I’m telling you, you should go now.”

I close the distance, pulling her into my arms as I drop a kiss to her forehead. “Lis, you are my reason for everything, you always have been. But you’re not making this decision, I am.” I kiss her softly. “I want to stay here with you, and I am never going to regret that, okay. I love you.”

Lis rests her forehead on my chest as she lets out a big sigh. “I love you too.”

Chuckling, I ease her back so she’s looking at me. “Wanna say that like you mean it?” I tease.

She rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling as she says, “I love you too. I just don’t?—”

“Nope,” I whisper, silencing her words with a hard kiss so she can’t question this anymore.

Elissa’s body presses against mine, her grip on me tightening as she kisses me back. I know she’s scared about this and deep down, so am I, but it’s not the regret I’m scared about. I’m scared about what I do next, about who I become and how I give her everything she needs.

I can live without the Olympic dream, maybe because for weeks after I fucked my knee, I thought it was already over and I have somehow now come to terms with that. But I can’t live with disappointing Lis.

“You should really talk to your coach,” she eventually says, pulling back. “Before this all gets back to him from someone else.”

I smile. “Well, I mean, I don’t think he’s part of the gossip mill around here, but I’ll see if I can meet up with him today or tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” she says with a nod, nervousness flashing across her face.

“Okay,” I repeat, kissing the end of her nose. “Now, what can I do to make your morning easier?”

Elissa shrugs, her hand moving to her stomach as though to check how it feels as she says, “I mean, I wouldn’t mind a coffee?”

“Done,” I say, giving her a quick kiss. “Although, we are gonna have to watch that. I was doing some Googling last night about pregnancy and apparently caffeine is?—”

“Oh my god, Nick, you’re not going to be one of these people, are you?” Lis says, finally letting out a laugh.

I grin, my hands sliding up to cup her jaw. “If you mean one of these people who is going to make sure everything is okay with you and our little bean, then yeah, babe, you better believe I am.”

“Oh boy,” she teases. “Go and get me some coffee.” I give her another quick kiss before letting go. As I turn to walk away, Lis adds, “And maybe some of those peanut butter and jelly sandwich things.”

I pause. “Seriously?” I ask, glancing back at her.

Lis shrugs, a smile on her face as her hand rests on her stomach. “Yeah, I think baby likes them.”

I grin back at her. “Well in that case, that’s what baby’s getting,” I say with a wink. “Oh, and call your doctor, babe. You need to make an appointment, remember.”

“Oh my god. Go!”

I spend the rest of the morning helping Lis and the others out as skiers come in to collect their gear and lift passes. It’s busy and Lis and I don’t get a chance to talk more about everything that’s happening between us. I do catch her looking at me a couple of times though, a look on her face as though she’s trying to figure out what I’m thinking or she’s trying to picture me here or something.

I hate that she still has doubts about me staying here, although to be fair, I left her once, so I guess it’s only fair that she expects me to do it again. But this time I’m making a different decision, even if it is a decision that is basically going to kill my dream of skiing at the Olympics.

I can’t remember a time when that wasn’t my dream, but maybe after everything that happened with my knee, with coming back here and reconnecting with Lis, it’s a sign that the dream is over. Maybe it was never meant to happen for me.

I walk into Lis’ office to find her sitting behind her desk, her hand over her mouth.

“You okay?”

She nods. “Yeah, just thought I was gonna puke again.”

I walk around and sit on the edge of her desk. “Poor girl, this sucks for you.”

Lis chuckles, her hand moving down to her stomach. “Yeah, kinda makes me think it’s a boy, given it’s giving me this much trouble already,” she says, smiling.

“Oh really,” I reply. “Because if I remember, you weren’t exactly the picture of innocence back when we were kids either, so for all you know, it could be a girl.”

Elissa smirks at me. “Hmmm, maybe. You call your coach yet?” she asks.

I roll my eyes playfully as I pull my phone from my pocket. “Was just about to. You make a doctor’s appointment yet?”

“Yes,” she replies just as my phone chimes out with a text.

Elissa’s eyes widen and I chuckle as I look down at my phone to see that it’s a message from my coach.

Coach: Hey Nick, we’re keen to get things moving. Hoping to meet up today for a chat. You free for lunch? We’re at Badger Creek. Can meet now.

I turn the phone to Lis so she can see the message. “See, already happening. You wanna come with me?” I ask, knowing it might make her feel better if she hears it firsthand from me when I tell the coach I’m going to quit.

Elissa shakes her head, just as a knock comes at the open door. Turning, I see Harper, Delaney and Zoey all standing there, smiling at us. “Having lunch with the girls,” Lis says, standing from her chair. “If I can eat anything.”

I hook my arm around her waist and pull her into me. “You need to eat something, babe,” I say, kissing her.

“I know,” she says, brushing the hair back from my face. “Fill me in after about what your coach says?”

“Always,” I say, giving her a kiss. “Have fun at lunch, ladies,” I say as I walk out.