Page 15 of Leave Me Not: Nick & Elissa #2 (Badger Creek Duet #8)

15

NICK

“S o, are we ready?” the tech asks, smiling at both of us.

I glance at Lis, lying on the bed beside me, her hand in both of mine, my fingers gently twisting her engagement and wedding rings. “I’m ready,” I say, smiling at her.

“Me too,” she says, smiling back at me.

I lean over and press a soft kiss to her lips before sitting back, turning my gaze to the tech. “We’re ready.”

She smiles at us before she gently places the probe on Lis’ stomach. “Alright, let’s take a look,” she says, almost to herself as she clicks away at the keyboard, her eyes on the monitor as she slowly moves the probe around.

I rest my elbows on the bed, my lips against Lis’ knuckles, both of our eyes fixed on the screen as we wait, a mix of nervous and excited. My heart is pounding in my chest, my foot bouncing under the bed. For a few moments though, nothing happens and then the tech turns to us both and smiles.

“Okay Mom and Dad,” she says, hitting a button. “Here’s your baby.” The screen changes to reveal an image, that although slightly blurry, is still unmistakably a tiny human.

“Holy shit,” I breathe out.

The tech smiles as she moves the probe around. “So,” she says with a nod, her eyes still on the screen. “I’m seeing ten tiny fingers, and...” The probe moves again. “Ten little toes. Everything looks good.”

“Baby is healthy?” I ask, knowing this is the only thing that matters.

The tech smiles, as she adjusts a dial before the room is suddenly filled with the now familiar sound of our baby’s heartbeat. “Good strong heartbeat,” she says. “And the fetus looks good, so yes, bub is looking healthy.”

I turn to Lis, a huge smile on my face. “Oh my god.”

Lis laughs, her eyes wet with unshed tears as she whispers, “That’s our baby.”

My grin widens as I kiss her knuckles. “Our baby,” I repeat, my voice low.

I love the sound of those two words; our baby . Saying them out loud, I can’t even imagine us not having this baby now. I don’t care that it’s earlier than we would have planned, that it’s unexpected or that it’s going to completely change our lives.

I’m already so fucking in love with the idea of me and Lis having a baby together.

Lis shakes her head with a laugh, as beside us the tech continues working, moving the probe around again as she clicks a couple of buttons. “Okay, looking at the size of bub, I’d say…” She trails off again as she changes the angle of the wand. “Yep, I’d say you’re about eleven, maybe twelve weeks along. Probably conceived first week of October-ish.”

I do a quick calculation in my head, even though I already know the answer.

Twelve weeks.

Three months.

I’ve been back in Badger Creek for three months.

Came back that first week in October. Lis and I slept together that very first day and we pretty much haven’t stopped since then.

I turn to Lis, her eyes still shining with tears, but her cheeks now wet with them as she stares at the screen. Leaning in to kiss her knuckles again, I whisper, “It really was that first night.”

She turns to me, a huge smile on her face. “I love that.”

With a grin, I lean in and kiss her. “Me too,” I whisper.

Lis cups my cheek, holding me close for another kiss as she smiles up at me. “Can we find out the sex?” she asks the tech, not looking away from me.

My smile widens. “Oh, so now you want to know, huh?”

Lis laughs. “I don’t know, maybe, yeah.”

“Well,” the tech says, as she moves the probe some more. “We can try to find out, but…” She trails off as she moves the wand again. “Nope, looks like bub don’t want us to know. Sorry, it’s always tricky this early on. The twenty-week scan will be much clearer, we can definitely let you know then.”

“Twenty weeks,” I repeat, wondering if I’ll be back by then.

Lis turns to me, squeezing my hand with hers. “Okay, I’ve changed my mind, let’s not find out.”

“No?”

“No,” she repeats, shaking her head. “The surprise will be fun. We don’t need to know.”

I lift her hand to my lips. “I’m gonna be back by twenty weeks, Lis,” I whisper, knowing that’s what she’s really worried about. She nods, giving me a sad smile and I can’t stop myself from leaning in and kissing her again. “I promise you, babe, I’m going to be back.” I pull back and give her a smile, fully intending to keep my promise, no matter what it takes.

Lis smiles back at me, just as the tech says, “Okay, how about some pictures?”

After the ultrasound, Lis and I head home, neither of us wanting to do anything but spend the rest of the time we have left together. I’ve already packed, having done that while Lis was at work this morning, even if I’m only taking a fraction of my stuff with me this time.

My intention is to go back to fill my end of the contract, but the second the Holdens’ lawyer finds me a way out, I’m on the first plane back to Tahoe. I don’t want to be apart from Lis anymore and I no longer care about the Olympic dream I once thought was so important.

I’ve already done so much anyway, making the US team, winning medals at National meets and other international comps, it’s more than enough. I don’t need to go to the Olympics anymore and besides, everything has changed for me now. And even though I have no idea what I’m going to do back here at Badger Creek, I’ll find something. I have to.

“Are you all packed?” Lis asks as she walks into the bedroom and sits on the bed.

I blow out a breath, shoving a hand through my hair as I sit beside her. “Yeah,” I murmur, reaching for the images on my nightstand. “Can I take one of these?” I ask.

Lis smiles at the ultrasound pictures I’m holding, leaning her head on my shoulder as she says, “Of course.”

I drop my arm around her shoulder, pulling her close as we slowly look at the pictures the tech gave us. There are four in total, including a 3D one that’s cool because it actually looks the most like a baby. “Which ones do you want?” I ask, dropping a kiss on the top of her head.

“Is it just me or is this one kinda slightly weird?” she asks, pointing to the 3D one.

Chuckling, I hold it up in front of us. “I mean yeah, sort of,” I admit. “But at least it looks like a baby instead of...I don’t know, an alien like in these ones.”

Lis laughs, grabbing my phone from the bed. “Why don’t you take pictures of all of them,” she says. “And take whichever one you want to take.”

I blow out a breath as I take my phone from her hand and do exactly that. Then I choose the 3D one and put the rest back on the nightstand. “You’re keeping your key, right?” I ask, knowing that I gave Lis keys to my parents’ house pretty much right after she started spending every night here.

“Yeah, I will,” she says. “I mean I’ll move back home, obviously, but I can always check in on things here.”

I nod, dropping my cheek to rest on top of her head. “I fucking hate this,” I whisper.

“I know,” she replies, her face turning into my neck. “Me too.”

I fall back onto my bed, taking her with me so we’re lying side by side. Rolling onto my side, I prop my head in my hand, the other one moving to rest against her stomach. “Lis,” I start, swallowing hard. “I need you to know that I’m only going back because I have to. I really, really don’t want to.”

Lis smiles up at me, her hands moving to rest against mine on her stomach. “I know you don’t, Nick,” she whispers. “But it’s also seriously okay if you do want to go back. I understand, I get it.”

I’m shaking my head before she’s even finished. “No,” I say, my eyes meeting hers. “I thought it was what I wanted. Once upon a time. Making the US team, going to the Olympics, it was my dream. Our dream even,” I add, giving her a small smile. “But that’s changed now, for so many reasons, and I really need you to believe that this is what I want.”

Lis stares up at me as she takes in my words. I can see the emotions warring it out on her face, the way she absorbs everything I’ve said, the small amount of doubt that still lingers. And I get it, because this is a dream we both had for so long and now I’m just giving it up. It’s not like me and she knows that. But things have changed.

“When I first left, I missed you so bad,” I continue. “I was so sad, so fucking lonely, even with Max and then Alex around. You were my everything for so long, Lis and when I suddenly had to go days without you, I hated it.”

“Me too,” she whispers, her eyes filling with tears.

With a smile, I lean down and press a soft kiss to her lips. “When we broke up, I honestly thought I was going to die. Yeah, I know that sounds dramatic,” I add with an eye roll when she hits me with a smirk. “But it’s true. You are my other half, Lis, and I can’t function without you.” I slide our joined hands under her sweater, so they’re resting against her skin. “I know that I could go back, and I know that you would support me and that this time we would find a way to make things work, I know that, okay. But the thing is, I don’t want to,” I say.

“You don’t?”

“No,” I reply, shaking my head. “I know what’s important now and I know what I can’t live without.” I pause, leaning down to kiss her and then her stomach. “I love you so much, Elissa,” I continue. “That’s the one thing that hasn’t ever changed for me, but it’s the most important thing. I don’t want to miss out on that ever again.”

Lis lifts one of her hands, curling it around the back of my neck as she pulls me closer. “Nick,” she whispers, her lips against mine. “I love you too and all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy.”

“I know, babe,” I whisper. “And I love you even more for that. But I want to make you happy too. I want us to be happy.”

Lis opens her mouth to speak, but I silence anymore words with a soft kiss that quickly turns deeper. I feel her fingers gripping my neck tighter as my body falls against hers, my hand on her stomach sliding higher as I lift up her sweater.

“Nick,” she moans, pulling me so I’m practically on top of her, her hands now lifting off my top.

I pull back as her fingers trace the lines of the tattoo on my chest. “You’re always with me, Lis,” I whisper, lifting her arm to my mouth as I kiss the inside of her left wrist, right over her tattoo. “Always.”

She smiles, pulling me back to her again as she kisses me hard and deep, her hands moving to my jeans now, fingers fumbling with the button and zip. My hands do the same, the two of us undressing each other as a sense of urgency overtakes us.

The second our clothes are on the floor, I fall onto my back, taking Lis with me so she’s straddling my hips. Sitting up, I press a kiss to her lips, her neck, and her collarbone, as my hands grip her hips, lifting her before lowering her onto me.

“Oh god,” she breathes out, her head falling back.

I wrap my arms around her, holding her close as my lips kiss a path up her neck to her mouth. Lis starts to rock against me, her movements slow, taking me deep inside her with every roll of her hips. We don’t stop kissing, our eyes opening to watch each other as we share this moment.

“Elissa,” I groan, never wanting this to end as she moves against me, my arms wrapped tight around her as I grind against her, wanting this to last forever, but also needing to make her come.

Sex between us has always been amazing, even back when we were two kids who barely knew what we were doing. There have just never been any barriers or inhibitions with either of us, the two of us always so close that we trusted each other with everything and that just made everything so good.

Nothing about that has changed.

“Nick,” she murmurs, her breathing growing ragged as she continues to move, never upping the tempo. I unwrap one arm, my fingers moving between us as my thumb finds her clit. “Oh god, yes,” she whimpers, her mouth finding mine.

“Lis,” I groan, as a jolt of electricity shoots down my spine. “Elissa, fuck.”

She lets out a long groan, her head falling back as her body tightens around mine and I feel her come, pulling me right along with her.

I check my bags in at the oversize luggage area before Lis and I make our way toward security. I don’t want to go through, don’t want to leave at all, pulling her to the side as I wrap my arms around her in a tight hug, my face buried against her neck as I inhale her scent, desperately trying to memorize it.

“I don’t want to go,” I moan.

“I know,” she whispers, wrapping her arms around me. “I’ll see you soon though, remember?”

We’ve already made plans for her to come visit, although I think deep down both of us hope we can cancel that trip because I’ll already be back, and we won’t need it.

“I don’t know how I’m going to sleep without you,” I whisper into her skin. “I miss you already.”

Lis gently eases me back, our bodies still wrapped together as she looks up at me. “We’re going to get through this,” she says, her fingers brushing against my cheek.

“Yes,” I say with a nod, knowing that anything less isn’t an option, as my mouth finds hers in an intense kiss.

Lis kisses me back, the two of us oblivious to everyone around us as we both try desperately to hang onto this moment for as long as possible. I already miss her, and I haven’t even left yet.

“I love you, Nick,” she whispers when we finally pull back.

I lift her left hand to my mouth, kissing first her rings and then the inside of her wrist. “Love you too. I’ll see you soon, okay. I promise.”

Lis nods once, her eyes shining with tears as she pushes up to give me one last kiss before we finally let go of each other and I turn and walk away from her.

Again.