Page 17 of Leave Me Not: Nick & Elissa #2 (Badger Creek Duet #8)

17

NICK

I t’s late by the time I finally get back to Park City, the entire complex quiet and shut down for the night. I’d gotten an Uber from the airport, not bothering to ask anyone to pick me up. I couldn’t bring myself to care enough to tell anyone that I was even coming back, although I’m sure the coach has told the team.

It’s been four hours since I left Lis and I miss her more than I ever thought possible. It feels different this time, the separation from her. Even though I know we are in a much better place as a couple, it’s almost like that makes all of this hurt even more. Plus, I hate being away from her when she’s pregnant, when we literally just got married, nothing about it feels right.

And as much as we talked about things before I left, there was still stuff I didn’t say to her. Stuff I didn’t want to say because I didn’t want to make this situation any shittier than it already was. But I’m worried about her.

Worried about how this new separation is going to affect her.

Worried about her and the baby and the fact I’m not there to help.

Worried that she’s already thinking I’ve changed my mind about coming back.

I don’t want her thinking that because I’m not ever going to change my mind about this. I know she’s worried I’m going to regret my decision, but I’m not. I feel it deep in my bones, the certainty, that quitting the team and going back home to her is what I want to do.

I unlock the door to my room, dropping my bags on the floor before I sink onto the bed, my thumb reflexively twisting the wedding band on my left ring finger, something I’ve done ever since Lis put it on me. When I pull my phone from my pocket, the screen lights up with the photo of Lis and me, and also a text notification from her.

Lis: My new sleeping partner…

Attached to the text is a selfie of Lis and Harper in her bedroom at her mom’s place. Harper is asleep beside her and even though I really wish it was me lying there, I’m also glad Lis isn’t alone tonight.

Me: Hope you aren’t thinking of replacing me?!

Lis: Nah, might keep you around, I kinda like what you have to offer me.

Me: Kinda??

Lis: 3 More than kinda. How is it being back there?

Me: Quiet, lonely, too far away from you. I miss you so much.

The chat goes quiet for a few minutes, and I hope Lis isn’t trying to censor what she’s really thinking or what she wants to say to me. Just as I’m about to tell her exactly that, a message comes through.

Lis: I miss you too. I hate being apart from you.

Me: Me too. I’ll be home soon, babe, I promise. I love you and our little bean. Please look after each other.

Lis: Love you too and I will xx

“Alright O’Connor, let’s see what you can do.”

I’m at the top of an easy run, the mountain below me something I normally wouldn’t think twice about skiing down. Hell, I could do it in my sleep if I wanted to.

But today, everything feels different.

I’ve been back in Park City for a few days now. Days that have basically been spent getting scans and seeing the doctor and the PT out here. I haven’t spoken to my original surgeon, but I did have another brief conversation with Mandy, who once again disagreed with everything the team doctor said.

I’ve also been talking to Lis every day, keeping her in the loop with everything that’s going on. I don’t want there to be any secrets or miscommunication between us ever again, which is why I’ve made sure to FaceTime her every morning and every night since I’ve been back.

But holy fuck, do I miss her.

“You good?” Brad, one of my teammates asks. He’s a skier, not a jumper like me, but he’s a cool guy and probably one of the few people on the team who knows about my reluctance to be out here so soon.

“Yeah,” I say with a shrug, even if that is a total lie.

It’s just a straight run down the mountain, no turns, no jumps, nothing complicated. So why does it scare me so much? Sucking in a deep breath, I glance down at where I know the coach is waiting for me. And then I push off.

Despite my initial fear, I can’t deny it feels awesome to be gliding down the slopes again, but then again, this is easy shit and probably minimal stress on my knee.

When I reach the bottom, the coach is there, a huge grin on his face as he walks over. “Fantastic, that looked like a walk in the park, right?”

“It was fine,” I say, knowing it was nothing like what I normally do as part of the team. I fucking jump, I don’t ski.

“Alright, we’ll go again,” he says. “But this time, let’s have you run one of the slalom tracks.”

“What, you mean?—”

“Just easy stuff, Nick,” he says, cutting me off. “A couple of turns, no big deal.”

No big deal? Fucking hell, that’s easy for him to say when he isn’t the one out here, skiing with a fucked up knee. I’m still wearing the compression bandage, which Mandy basically told me to keep on twenty-four-seven, in addition to icing and elevating my leg each night.

I head back up the mountain to the run, doing as the coach asked. I take it easy the first time down, going a fraction of the speed I’d normally go. He calls me out on it too, making me do it again and again until I’m finally flying down the mountain as fast as I can go.

It’s fucking terrifying, because every time I hit one of the poles and am forced to turn, my whole body tenses up as I anticipate the pain in my knee. Which comes every time, a sharp, jabbing pain that radiates out from my knee. By the time the coach lets me stop, my whole knee is aching.

“How’s the knee holding up?” he asks after he gives me a quick debrief on my form.

“Sore,” I admit.

He smiles, nodding once as he says, “To be expected, but it’s all good. Tomorrow we’ll have you back out there, but for now rest up.”

“You want me to check in with the doc?” I ask, wondering if maybe he’ll think differently when I tell him how much my knee is aching.

“Nah,” the coach says, shaking his head. “I don’t think you need to do that. Just rest up and tomorrow we can try some jumps.”

I want to ask if he’s kidding right now, but I don’t. Biting my tongue as I turn and head back to the accommodation. By the time I reach my room, I’m practically limping, my knee sore as all hell and I’m wondering if I’ll even be able to walk tomorrow, let alone ski.

“Hey, babe,” I say, collapsing on my bed as Lis answers my FaceTime call.

“Hi, are you okay?” she asks, a worried look on her face.

I scrub a hand over my face, before shoving it back through my hair, pulling it free of the band. “Got back on skis today,” I tell her, settling back against the headboard.

“Oh, how’d it go?” she asks and I can hear the worry in her voice.

I blow out a breath. “I don’t know, it was tough. My knee is sore and it felt like the coach didn’t give a shit.”

“Nick,” she whispers, and I know she’s even more worried now.

“It’s okay, Lis,” I say, not wanting her to worry about me. That’s the last thing she needs. “Anyway, how are you going? Still puking?”

She frowns and I know she doesn’t like me deflecting. “A bit,” she finally says. “But I’m okay. Maybe you should speak with the doctor again?”

“Yeah,” I admit. “I’m gonna ice it tonight like Mandy said and hope that also helps.”

She nods, watching me through the screen, the worry still there. “I hate this. I hate that they are forcing you to be out there, it feels dangerous and too early.”

“I know, babe, me too,” I admit. “I’m still waiting to hear back from the lawyer though, but hopefully not too much longer.”

It’s been a week since I handed over copies of my contracts to the Holden family lawyer and while I get he’s busy and doing me a huge favor, I wish things could move faster. The problem is, it isn’t just my signing contract that needs to be looked at, but all my sponsorship ones too.

Even though Holden is my biggest sponsor and Jeff has already told me I have nothing to worry about with them, there are still other companies that have banked their money on me. And then there’s the team too, and all the conditions tied to that contract.

There’s a lot of money at stake and I get that me quitting is going to affect a lot of people. But there’s only one person I care about.

“You’re still planning to come out next weekend, right?” I ask, trying to focus on the positives.

Before I left, Lis and I made plans for how often we would catch up with each other, promising not to go longer than a month at a time. Right now, with me not traveling with the team, that’s easy to organize, but I know if I’m still here when the coach decides he wants me competing again, it’s only going to get harder and harder to spend time with each other.

And that scares me more than the pain in my knee.

“Yes,” Lis says, finally smiling. “I’ve already put in my leave. I’ll fly out Friday morning and spend the weekend with you.”

“I’ll book your tickets,” I say, knowing this is the best news I’ve had since coming back here.

“Nick, no, I can get them,” Lis says, even as I’m opening my laptop.

“Nope,” I say, flashing her a grin. “May as well spend some of this money they’re holding me too. I’m booking them now, babe, I’ll send you the details.”

“Ugh,” Lis groans. “Why are you such a pain in my ass?”

Chuckling, I glance at my phone to see her roll her eyes at me. “Why are you so adorable when you’re trying to be mad at me?” I tease. “Okay, what name am I booking you under?”

Lis smiles now as she says, “Well, seeing as I am now Elissa O’Connor, you better use that.”

My smile grows as I stop and turn back to her. “Elissa O’Connor. I fucking love that.”

“Me too,” she whispers.

“Okay, let me book these tickets and send you the details. I’ll call you later tonight?”

“Okay,” she replies, nodding. “Thank you.”

“Easy, babe. Love you.”

After we hang up, I finish booking her flight, flicking all the details through to her. Then I head to the bathroom attached to my room, knowing I need a shower before I head out to grab some dinner.

When I strip off though, I notice my knee is really swollen, the compression bandage now stretched over it. I don’t know why I do it, but something makes me decide to quickly snap a picture of it before I jump in the shower.

The next morning, I’m back out on the slopes, running the slalom tracks all morning, even though my knee is killing me. I’d iced it last night, which had helped with the swelling, but considering the coach is pushing me even harder today, I can only imagine how bad it’s going to be tonight.

After lunch, he asks me how it is and when I admit it’s sore, he just nods, smiling as he says, “It’s just going to take some time, Nick. You’ve been off skis for a while, so your body is just getting used to it again.”

I want to tell him that actually, it’s probably going to take rest and more physical therapy, not more skiing, but I don’t. I can’t afford to piss him off if I’m trying to get out of my contract.

“Okay, I think after lunch, we’ll have you try an in-run single?—”

“You want me to jump?” I ask, shocked. It’s literally my second day back on skis.

The coach holds up a hand as though to pacify me but all it does is make me want to punch him in the face. I know he says he’s got my best interests at heart and as one of the best jumpers on the team, he’s never going to risk anything, but right now it feels like he gives zero fucks about me or my knee.

“Just a single kicker, Nick. No turns or twists, I just want to see you down the in-run and then landing.”

I stare at him, trying to figure out if he’s being serious right now. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” I finally admit. “My knee is pretty sore.”

“Your knee is just re-learning everything,” he says, offering me a smile that doesn’t feel the least bit sincere. “It’s going to take time to adjust, you knew that, but everything’s fine for you to be doing this. The team doctor has cleared you.”

Something about the way he says all of this, sounds wrong. Like he’s trying too hard to be positive or convincing or whatever. Still, I know I can’t argue with him. The team doctor has cleared me, so I have to do this, even if every fiber of my being is screaming at me not to risk it.

Fuck, I really need the Holden’s lawyer to find something.

Quickly.