Page 16 of Leave Me Not: Nick & Elissa #2 (Badger Creek Duet #8)

16

ELISSA

I stand there watching Nick make his way over to the security line, stepping back a little so I’m lost in the crowd of fast-moving people around me, but not ready to leave. I can still see him, and I stay, my eyes blurry with tears and I think about how there was a time when people could go all the way to the gate with the traveler, see them off, and right now I long for those days.

If I were able to spend another two hours with Nick, even if it were in an airport, I would do it. Two hours is still two hours together.

But here I am, watching him move through the security line, with each step, he gets farther away from me, my heart breaking with the distance. This feels worse than the first time this happened to us, like I’m reliving it all over again.

It’s different this time though. We have plans to see each other and Nick says this isn’t what he wants. He wants to be back at Badger Creek with me and the baby and all our friends and family. That’s where his life is now, not out ski jumping and training for the Olympics.

My eyes stay trained on him, following him till he goes through security, disappearing into the crowded terminal. And even though I know he’s gone, I don’t leave. Standing there while people blow past me, hustling and in a hurry, but I have nowhere I need to be, no one waiting for me at home like Nick has been for the last several months.

It feels weird.

It feels lonely.

I forgot what it feels like to be alone.

Leaving, I walk back to my car in a haze, my brain a foggy mess of thinking about what just happened and how it has this horrible déjà vu feeling. Last time we separated, angry and broken up, thinking there was no future for us, and now we’re having a baby and begging to be together.

As soon as I close the door to my car, the tears spill from my eyes, flooding out as if they’ve been held back for years.

It’s not like we’re over like last time so I have no idea why I’m crying like this. I have fears that I’ve kept quiet on because I don’t want Nick to think I’m trying to tell him what to do. What if he gets hurt again and we end up in a situation way worse than just knee surgery? What if he can’t get out of his contract and he’s in another country when I go into labor? What if he really does miss jumping and decides to stay?

I don’t speak them out loud, scared if they leave my thoughts, it could make them true. I have to believe in our plan and in the lawyer and Nick’s desire to come home again. But it doesn’t make any of this any easier.

I take in a ragged breath, a sob echoing in the confines of the car just as my phone chimes out in my purse. Reaching for it, I take it out and see Nick’s name on the screen. It’s just a simple text message, but it’s enough.

Nick: Don’t worry, Lis. I’ll be back. I love you.

It’s almost like he knows I’m sitting here in my car crying, needing the reassurance. I smile at how well he knows me, and I find comfort in the simplicity of his message.

Gathering myself, I wipe at my eyes, letting out a long, slow breath before I start the car, and head home.

It’s going to be weird going home to the house I share with my mom since I’ve spent most of the time at Nick’s parents’ house, getting so used to being there that it almost felt like home. While he told me I can stay there and I know his parents wouldn’t care either, I should be back at my own house. I need to regain some normalcy and remind myself that I can live on my own. I did it the whole time Nick was gone and figured it would be that way until I met someone new. But I never wanted to meet someone new, holding out for Nick to return even though back then it felt like a dream, like it would never happen.

I pull into the driveway of the house I share with my mom, letting out a hard sigh when I remember she’s not going to be home. She had planned a trip with her boyfriend months ago, and told me she would cancel it when she found out Nick was leaving, but I said no. I’m an adult and I will be just fine, even if right now I’m not.

I blame it on the hormones and the baby as the crying picks back up when I exit the car and head into the dark house. I should have told my mom I wanted her to stay home, but that sounds ridiculous. I’m an adult and I need to do this on my own.

I push the key into the lock, entering the blackness, I switch on the lights, letting the kitchen glow, and realizing I haven’t eaten. I’m teetering on the edge of puking if I don’t get something in my stomach soon.

Opening the fridge, I push a few things around, trying to find something, but nothing jumps out at me. Just as I’m about to give up and order something, the doorbell rings.

Checking the camera, I see Harper standing on the porch. She’s looking around, her arms full of bags, and I smile when I see her.

She’s really the only person who knows that I haven’t been dealing with Nick leaving very well, and here she is, standing on the porch, here to help me get through this.

I scramble over to the door, so excited to see her, and as soon as I open the door, I throw my arms around her.

“What are you doing here?” I mumble, my head resting on her shoulder as she shifts the bags around to give me a one-armed hug.

“I thought we could do a moms sleepover,” she says, never letting go of me as I still continue to hug her. “I figured you might need some company.”

When I finally let go of her, I can feel the tears begin to well up in my eyes again, and I’m already sick of crying. I can’t do this the entire time Nick is gone. I’ll look like a crazy person.

“Where’s Sammie?” I ask now, taking a few of the bags from her and heading toward the kitchen. Harper follows me, closing the door behind her.

“She’s at home with Max. I told her I was spending the night with you and of course she asked if she could come.”

We both laugh, as Harper shakes her head. Sammie loves to spend time with us, and I will admit, I love spending time with her too. She’s one of the coolest four-year-olds I know. Plus, she’s a great hype woman, always talking about how pretty Zoey and I are and dishing out compliments left and right.

“I might also need a night away from her,” Harper says. “Don’t take that the wrong way, but she’s a lot sometimes.”

“Never. I’ll be there soon enough too,” I reply, resting a hand on my stomach. “How have you been feeling?” I point at Harper’s growing belly. We’re only due about a month apart and I can’t think of anyone I would rather share this time with than her.

“Totally fine now that the exhaustion has moved on,” she tells me as she unpacks the bags. “I thought we could make some pizza and then have some ice cream.”

“Sounds perfect. I need to eat soon because as soon as my stomach gets empty, the nausea returns,” I say, again opening the fridge and looking for something quick to eat.

“Good news,” Harper now says, pulling out a bowl of fresh fruit and some cheese and crackers. “Want to start a movie while the pizzas cook?”

“As long as it’s not something romantic,” I tell her, and she laughs. “Okay, maybe a rom com is okay, but nothing about soulmates or second chances or shit like that.”

“Hits a little too close to home, huh?” she asks, putting some pizza sauce on the crusts. “You want pepperoni or any veggies?” Harper is holding up a small bag of pepperoni and has a few small bowls of already diced onion, peppers, and mushrooms.

“Whatever you want,” I reply.

“Well, I can’t do pepperoni because it will only make my heartburn worse. It’s already awful and the red sauce will push it over the edge,” Harper tells me as she continues to heap sauce onto the crust.

“We don’t have to have pizza,” I say, slightly shocked by her suggestion to have it if it’s giving her heartburn.

“Oh no, we’re having pizza. Heartburn is the price I pay for eating…eating anything. Check in with me in a month and let me know how your heartburn is playing out.”

“For real?”

“Yep, it’s miserable while pregnant and it doesn’t matter what you eat or what you do, it’s just there,” Harper says, wrinkling up her nose, her lips curling up in a disgusted way. “If I eat a massive bowl of vanilla ice cream before bed, I can get about six hours of sleep before it returns.”

“Okay, so there is something that helps,” I say, shrugging while I grab a few crackers. “Wish it wasn’t something that is going to make my butt bigger than it already is, but I’m cool with it.”

“Literally and figuratively,” Harper says, making us both laugh. She pauses, adding cheese to the pizzas and topping one with a handful of veggies. “How are you doing?” she now asks, stopping to lean back against the counter, watching me.

I shrug, not really wanting to talk about it. I feel like I’m being dramatic. Six months ago, Nick was off living his life and I was living mine. He’d creep into my thoughts, but I never believed we’d get back together. Now here I am, sad and missing him and he’s only been gone for an hour. A damn hour. It’s ridiculous.

“It’s fine…” I start, but I shake my head. “It’s so shitty. I know we’ve only been back together for a short time, and we didn’t break up, but I don’t know.” It all comes out in a jumbled mess and Harper smiles at me.

“You haven’t been together for a short time. Just because you broke up before, it’s not like either of you actually moved on,” Harper says. “You and Nick have something that most people never find. You’re connected, like…”

“Don’t say it!” I shout, holding up a hand. “Remember, I said no movies about soulmates and I’m pretty sure you were about to say that.”

“I didn’t think I couldn’t refer to you and Nick as soulmates too. I agreed to the movie thing, but this is your life. You never said anything about your life,” she hits back, smiling, and I can’t help but smile back at her.

“Whatever,” I reply, rolling my eyes. “Let’s watch Fast Five. Little romance and I can dream of stealing a safe and having the money to buy Nick out of his contract,” I say, changing the subject.

“Did Nick ever think about asking Max for the money?” Harper now says, and I’m taken aback by this comment.

There’s no way Nick would ever take money from his friends. Loaning friends money never turns out well, and even though Max and Nick are super close, it could ruin their friendship.

“Max wants to offer to help,” Harper adds, and even if it is Max who offers, there’s no way Nick and I would say yes.

“That’s incredibly generous, but there’s no way we could accept it. And anyway, Max’s parents are already helping us by letting us use their lawyer. That’s plenty.”

“I told Max that I didn’t think it was a good idea. I know how money can cause problems between people and I would never want to see Nick and Max’s friendship end over it,” Harper says. “I think Max has really enjoyed having Nick here. He’s upset that he’s gone, and I think he wants to buy out his contract to keep him here.”

“Same. I’d love to be able to buy him out of the contract, but how the hell do I even go about that? I make enough to support myself, but certainly not enough to just hand over half a million dollars.”

“Holy shit! That’s how much it is?” Harper asks, sounding shocked by the amount.

“Actually, it’s probably more. That’s just the contract with the US team. There’s also sponsorships and advertising and shit too.”

“Okay, Max didn’t tell me it was that much. Can you tell that I’ve been poor most of my life because I stupidly thought it was like a few thousand dollars,” Harper tells me, and I nod.

“Yeah, I couldn’t even fathom how much money it is either.”

But now this conversation has me thinking of all the ways I could possibly get the money. I could sell my car. I could go back to renting and sell the house. Not sure my mom would go for that one, but that’s where most of the money I have is tied up in.

I guess I just have to trust the lawyer and hope it all works out.