Page 10 of Leave Me Not: Nick & Elissa #2 (Badger Creek Duet #8)
10
ELISSA
I lie awake staring at the ceiling, listening to the whir of the heating vent above me, trying to clear my thoughts, but they’re a swirling mess of worry.
Nick’s coach has no concern for Nick’s safety and is only in this for the money. He knows what he has in Nick and how much money he stands to lose should Nick choose not to return to the team. But more than that, I’m not sure we have any other option at this point. Nick needs to go back, and not just because of his coach and the bully tactics he used to convince me of this. It’s about the money for all of us.
Nick and I can’t afford to buy him out of his contract. There will never come a time in my life when I have that kind of money. I don’t even know if I could make that kind of money during a lifetime of working. It could be at least a million, maybe more that he, or should I say we, since we’re in this together now, will need to pay back.
I’m sure when Nick signed his contract with the US team and then his contract to train for the Olympics, he didn’t expect to get injured. No one goes into a contract expecting the worst, and unfortunately the worst has happened here.
I close my eyes, resting my hand on my stomach, trying to focus on the positives here. We’re having a baby, a baby we’re both excited about and that our families are excited about too. And my best friend is pregnant too, something people dream about happening. Our kids are going to grow up together just like Nick, Max, and I did.
But even with this happy thought, I can’t focus on anything but Nick’s future. I’ve been trying to convince myself it’s okay for him to go back to the team. It could set us up for the rest of our lives if he makes the Olympic team, all the sponsorships, the money that comes in from winning a medal. It’s what we need, but risking Nick’s life feels so damn wrong.
His doctor said he’s not ready. Actually, his doctor said he’d never be ready, that his knee isn’t capable of taking the landings that he needs for jumping. His physical therapist is also in this same camp, saying it’s just not a good idea. Why would the team doctor and the coach be pushing for it?
I’ve answered this question a million times in my head. I know why. It’s money. As much as they like to say they’re looking out for Nick, they aren’t. They’re in this for themselves and the money. I want to tell Nick this, but it’s hard and I don’t want to be the one to make the decision for him.
“Go to sleep, Elissa,” I whisper to myself, knowing I have to be up in a few hours for work. I look at my watch, the time glowing in the darkness of the room.
If I fall asleep right now, I will get four hours of sleep before I have to wake up. Like I’m really going to fall asleep in the next few seconds. I’ve literally been lying here for the past five hours stressing about Nick’s situation. The worst part is, me stressing isn’t going to change anything.
I’m exhausted when my alarm goes off, and it feels like I just fell asleep, and I probably did. Being pregnant and dealing with all of this is really sucking the life out of me.
I roll over and find Nick’s side of the bed empty, knowing he’s up already and probably making us coffee. It’s funny because he used to sleep in all the time, even still complaining when I wake him up to come to work with me.
“Hey,” I grumble, walking into the kitchen to find him sitting at the table, a mug of coffee in front of him.
“Hey, babe. How’d you sleep?” he asks, and it’s almost like he knows I was up half the night thinking about everything.
“Okay,” I reply, not wanting to burden him with it all. He has enough on his plate, and he doesn’t need to know that I’m not sleeping because of it. “Full caffeine?” I ask, grabbing the pot of coffee and pouring myself a cup.
“No, sorry, babe. Half and half like we talked about. Remember when I Googled it all and it said to take it easy on the caffeine? So I mixed the decaf with the regular stuff.” He shrugs, giving me a sympathetic grin. “I did get you a Boston Cream donut though if that helps ease the sting of fake coffee.”
“It does,” I reply, taking the donut out of the white bag that sits on the counter. “You were up early, huh?” I now ask, realizing that in order to get to the bakery and back before I got up, he had to have woken up around five.
“Yeah,” he answers, his voice quiet.
“What’s going on?” I now ask, the feeling of worry washing over me. He’s stressed out about what to do too. He said yesterday that it’s not a decision he’s going to have trouble making. He’s staying with me and the baby. But it’s not that simple anymore.
“The same shit as yesterday,” he says. “Couldn’t sleep. I probably kept you up with all my tossing and turning. Yesterday was a fucking mess, and I can’t believe my coach came to talk to you. What a dick.”
“He thinks I’m holding you back, Nick, and maybe I am,” I say, but as soon as the words leave my mouth, I see the anger build on Nick’s face.
“No, never,” he barks out, his teeth clenched. “If anything, you’ve supported every decision I’ve made when it comes to my skiing career. Now it’s time that I support you. It’s not just the two of us anymore, Lis, and I will not let our baby grow up with me gone.”
“I hear you, and I believe you,” I say, but there’s that lingering reality, the one that requires us to shell out a ridiculous amount of money. “But Nick?—”
“I know, the money, but I have ideas. I could take out a loan. I could borrow some from my parents. I didn’t spend everything I got from my signing bonus and my endorsements and sponsorships. I can return some of it.”
He stops, looking at me, the tears welling up in my eyes at the idea of starting our life together with a massive amount of debt. It’s not like Nick’s parents are rich, they aren’t the Holdens or anything, but they’ve always lived comfortably, able to take vacations and buy new cars and pay for unexpected repairs. Not my mom and me. We’ve struggled. This is the first time in my life when I’ve finally felt comfortable and now Nick and I are looking at the kind of debt you never get out from under.
“Come here,” he says, and I walk over to him, sitting down in his lap, resting my head on his shoulder.
“What happens if you don’t go back, and you can’t pay back what is owed?” I ask, it’s the question that has been floating around in my head since the coach came to see me.
“I don’t know,” Nick admits. “I have no idea what happens. I don’t know if they can make me return it or if it plays out in court. No clue.”
“Maybe you need to get a lawyer?” I suggest, and there goes more money we don’t have. “You could see if someone could look over your contract. Maybe there’s something in there that says you don’t have to pay it back if you’re injured or something.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Nick says, dropping a kiss to my shoulder. “I’ll see what I can figure out today, but I really don’t think it’s a good idea for me to go back. I’m sticking with our plan and staying here.”
“Yeah, but if you do have to go back, maybe just being back there will convince them that you’re not ready for jumping,” I suggest, again, worrying about reinjury when he tries to do anything that could put strain on his knee.
“Don’t worry, Lis, it will all work out,” Nick says, and I wish it were that easy. “What time do you want me to pick you up for your appointment today?” he now asks, changing the subject.
“How about around one? My appointment is at one-thirty so that should be good,” I tell him and he nods.
“We’re going to be okay, Lis,” he whispers, and I swipe my fingers under my eyes. Hearing him say it is hard because we have no idea if it’s true.
My morning goes by quickly, super busy with tourists and all the bookings. I love when the day is like that because it gives me something else to focus on, and after my appointment, I’ll be back at the ski lodge till six and then it’s dinner with Harper, Zoey and Delaney.
“Hey,” Nick says when I sit down in the car. “How’d the morning go?”
“Busy, which is good. The place has been packed since the renovations and people are loving it. I don’t think the Badger Creek mountains have ever seen this much action.”
“That’s awesome. Maybe you could get me a job there too,” Nick says, but I can’t tell if he’s joking or not. He is going to need a job, and why not have us both working there? But I also know, that isn’t for him. He needs to be skiing to be happy. Maybe a job at the ski school would work.
I don’t bring it up, instead changing the subject. “You ready to see what’s going on with our baby?” I ask, smiling at him and he turns to look at me, a smile on his face. This is the first time since all this shit went down with his coach that I see a true smile.
“Fuck yes,” he says with an excitement that I can feel.
“I have no idea what happens at an appointment like this. I should have asked Harper,” I say as we pull into the parking lot for the doctor’s office.
“I could have asked Max too. I’m sure he went with Harper for her first appointment,” Nick replies. “I should start asking him for some tips since he’s well-versed in the whole dad thing.”
We chat mindlessly as we walk into the doctor’s office, and when the nurse calls my name, I’m still filling out the paperwork I was given when I checked in.
The nurse hands me a cup and tells me to use the bathroom and explains that I will have to give a urine sample every time I come. She also tells me they’ll do a blood draw, and the doctor will go over the information with me.
It’s a lot of information and for some reason, I’m nervous. It’s funny that for most of my life I spent it trying not to get pregnant, but here Nick and I are, excited about having a baby.
Nick and I are sitting in silence, Nick taking in all the diagrams and pictures in the room, and I can tell by the look on his face, he’s nervous too.
There’s a knock on the door and both Nick and I jump, laughing at our reaction as the doctor comes in.
“Hi Elissa,” Dr. Emerson says. He’s been my doctor since I went on the pill at sixteen. “This must be the famous Nick O’Connor.”
“I’m not sure famous is the right word,” Nick replies, shaking the doctor’s hand. “Right now, I’m just here as dad-to-be.”
“Sounds good,” Dr. Emerson says, and begins to fill us in on how things are going to work. “So I’ll see you every four weeks and at the twenty week mark, we’ll do an ultrasound to see how baby is doing. As of right now, your blood work looks good, your hormone levels are high and in the range where we want them.”
“I do have a question,” I say, kind of embarrassed that I have no idea when I got pregnant, not really remembering when I last got my period. “I have no idea how far along I am. I think I missed two periods.”
“No problem,” Dr. Emerson says. “Here’s what we’ll do, I’ll send you for an ultrasound next week and that way we can get an accurate reading on the baby. But for today, let’s see if we can get a heartbeat.”
The doctor takes out this small machine, placing it on the table next to me, he lifts my shirt and asks me to unbutton my jeans. Tucking a towel into the waistband, he squeezes some gel onto my stomach.
“This little machine allows us to hear the baby’s heartbeat, and since you think you missed two periods, we should be able to hear it.” The doctor turns the machine on and places a small wand against my stomach, moving around slowly.
“It just sounds like wind,” Nick jokes, and he’s right, it’s just this whooshing sound. The doctor looks up at me, winking.
“Don’t worry, something cool is coming,” he tells us, slowly sliding the wand along my stomach, and that’s when it happens.
“Oh my god, is that the heartbeat?” Nick shouts, jumping up from the chair. He’s now standing next to me, the tiny little thumping echoing in the room, and it’s a sound I will remember for the rest of my life.
“That’s exactly what that is,” Dr. Emerson says. “Would you like to record it on your phone?”
“Do people do that?” I ask, not because I’m making fun of someone who would, but because I totally want to. I want to remember this moment for the rest of my life.
In the chaos of everything that is happening, we have this. We have this one perfect moment.