Page 27 of Knot Our Reality (Heated #5)

It’s mind-boggling.

“It must be overwhelming for you,” he says softly, reaching up to push my hair behind my ear. “You came here expecting us all to look at you like a burden, and that’s not at all what you’ve found. I’m glad the other suitors haven’t been dicks.”

“That they haven’t been, but you’re right. It’s not what I was expecting. None of this has gone as I thought it would,” I admit. “Can I be honest with you?”

Paxton nods. “Of course you can.”

I’m not sure why I feel the need to spill everything now. I just met this man.

Maybe it’s because I’ve mostly been bottling it up and haven’t actually dealt with it yet.

All I know is if I don’t get the words out now, I’m going to burst.

“I came onto the show expecting to find a pack of men who I could be friends with. Who could co-parent with me. Who would love my boys but understand that I’d already given my heart away.

I expected to handle it like a business transaction, but as soon as I started meeting suitors?

I knew that wasn’t possible any longer. I’ve been feeling things I haven’t felt in years.

I’m craving things I haven’t since I lost them.

” I suck in a deep breath. “I’ve missed being connected to other people—to adults.

There have been people who have tried to help me over the years, but I never let anyone except my parents and my brother.

“I don’t have friends. I haven’t in a long time.

My pack were my friends. I didn’t need anyone besides them.

Then they were just gone. The idea of getting close to someone else was petrifying to me.

I was lost for so long, and the only thing that kept me going was my sons.

I wanted to follow my pack into the grave—something I don’t think I’ve ever admitted to anyone other than my therapist before now.

” I swipe at the tears now streaming down my face.

“It is overwhelming because I don’t know how to do this.

I don’t know how to be what everyone needs me to be.

I don’t think I even know how to be an omega anymore.

It’s so hard to trust people—especially after Simon.

He knew my pack. He worked with them for years .

He helped build the company from the beginning.

I’ve known him for so long. If he was able to betray my trust like that, how do I know no one else will? ”

My breaths are coming more rapidly now, and I know I’m on the verge of a panic attack. Unlike Remington, they’re not something I’ve ever had to deal with. It’s only because of him I even recognize the signs.

I squeeze my eyes shut, startling when I feel others pushing in around me.

“It is okay, Emilia. You are safe. We will always keep you safe.” It’s Alexei who speaks, but I know it’s Nikolai pressed against my back, his chest rumbling with a purr.

“Breathe with me.” Gavin’s words have me blinking my eyes open.

I’m staring at a chest and tilt my head back to see it’s Paxton as his purr joins Alexei’s.

My head is turned until my eyes meet Gavin’s. He lifts an eyebrow. “Can you breathe with me?”

“I-I-I…can try,” I finally manage, freaking out more now that I realize just how bad this has gotten.

Gavin takes a deep breath in, holding it before releasing it. He repeats this repeatedly as I melt between the two alphas until my breathing finally settles.

My legs just about give out on me, but Nikolai wraps his arm around me to keep me on my feet.

“Are you okay now?” Gavin asks, and I nod.

“I’m sorry. I just…” I trail off, not even sure what to say .

Nikolai’s chest rumbles with his words as his purr dies down. “You needed to speak. Speaking made you upset. Forget to breathe. It okay. We understand.”

“Emilia?” Bree’s voice breaks my stare down with Gavin, and I smile as she tries to duck around the beta.

“I’m okay. I promise. I just had a moment.” A moment that led me to cry and hyperventilate for everyone to see.

Tessa clears her throat. “Will you all step back from Emilia, please?”

There’s a moment of hesitation in all four men before they slowly step away. Nikolai is the last to move, making sure I’m steady on my feet before releasing his hold on me.

“Emilia, do you want to return to your suite, or would you like to continue with the evening as planned?” Tessa asks, and I know which option she wants me to choose, but I appreciate the fact that she’s giving me a choice.

“I’m fine and more than a little hungry, so I’d like to have dinner with my suitors so I can get to know them better.”

Bree nods. “Then that’s what we shall do. After earlier, Millie made sure to make comfort foods, so it should be a good time for all.”

“What happened earlier?” Nikolai growls, and I shake my head.

Damn Russian twins.

“We discovered I now have an aversion to the smell of ham. I had a bout of morning sickness and changed my date to one in the theater instead of going out.”

Tessa’s eyes narrow, but she keeps her mouth shut. If she wants to tell them what happened with Daniel, she can do so, but I’m damn well not.

My stomach growls, and I put a hand on my belly. “Okay, the baby says it’s time to eat now.”

The next thing I know, I’m being swooped up into Nikolai’s arms.

“What are you doing?”

He grunts. “I carry. I faster.”

And who am I to argue with him? Especially since he has his stubborn face on .

He’s not wrong either. I’m this close to starting to waddle instead of walk. He’ll definitely get me to food faster than I can get myself.

And part of me likes being treated like a princess.

What can I say? I’m still an omega.