Page 1 of Knot Our Reality (Heated #5)

Emilia

“ A re you sure you’ll be okay?” I ask, running my hands through Hawk’s black locks.

My seven-year-old son makes a face. “We’ll be fine. We’ll be with Uncle Remy, and we’ll be able to reach you with no problems. Stop worrying, Mom.”

I barely manage to keep myself from wincing—not because he’s telling me not to worry, but because of how grown up he sounds. I can’t help feeling like I’m part of the reason he had to grow up so quickly.

“Why don’t you go play with your brother and the other kids, Hawk? I need to talk to your mom for a few minutes,” my brother says, offering him a smile.

“Is that okay, Mom?” Hawk’s green eyes stare up at me, and I force a smile as I nod.

“Of course it is.” I sigh as he hurries across the grass to join the other children.

Remington pulls me into his side, kissing the top of my head. “Stop worrying so much, Em. Hawk’s right. He and Jasper are going to be just fine with my pack. It’s not like it’s the first time they’ve stayed with us.”

“Yes, but what if something happens?”

Remington rolls his eyes. “You’re literally across the compound from us.

Even if we moved at a snail’s pace, it wouldn’t take us more than fifteen minutes to get to the main house.

Plus, there’s this fancy new invention called a cellphone.

In fact, your company sells them. Surely, you’re not so out of touch that you don’t know about the products you offer. ”

I shove him away from me. “You’re being an asshole.”

“You’re right, I am. I’m sorry. But let’s be real, shall we? You’re not freaking out about leaving your kids with me. You’re freaking out because you don’t want to be on Heated .“

I roll my eyes. “Of course I don’t want to be on the show. We all know that, but I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”

“Technically, yes, but it wouldn’t have the outcome you want, so…I guess not.” Remington pulls me in for a hug, and I cling to him as I fight against the tears threatening to fall. It’s a little awkward with how big my baby bump is, but we do the best we can.

When I lost my pack a few years ago, I didn’t think I was going to survive it.

But I didn’t have a choice back then. If I died alongside my mates, then who would care for our children?

At the time, Jasper was a year old and Hawk was four, almost five.

He lost his dads just two weeks before his birthday.

My parents helped me out because that’s what family does, but in the end, they were my responsibility.

Taking care of my babies and running the company my mates built from the ground up are the only things that kept me going for the first year. Talking about them is still hard, but I don’t burst into tears every time I do, so I’m calling that a win.

I never anticipated having to find another pack for myself. Not all omegas could get away with remaining single after becoming a widow, but my name held enough power to keep me safe.

Until it didn’t.

My heart still belongs to Maxwell, Davis, Ryan, and Gerald. The idea of finding a new pack feels like betraying them, but there’s not much I can do about it. If I want to keep my unborn child, I have to find a pack.

It’s archaic, and my situation has brought attention to the omega laws that need changing. Unfortunately, that doesn’t change overnight, and by the time they get around to getting the laws fixed, it’ll be too late for me and my baby .

“Fuck. I really don’t want to do this, Remy.” I take a deep breath as I pull away from my baby brother. “But I’ll do what I have to do to protect them.”

“I know you will, and while you’re working on that, my pack will take care of Hawk and Jasper. It’s good practice for us.” Remington smiles as his eyes find Victoria, his pregnant alpha. She’s not quite as pregnant as I am, but it’s a close thing. She’s due about a month after I am.

I have about two months left until my due date, during which I’m going to find my pack on a reality dating show. Sounds like everyone’s dream, doesn’t it? Who wouldn’t want to go on national television and find love?

Yes, that was sarcasm.

One thing I know for sure is that I have no intentions of finding love on Heated . All I need is a pack to make sure I’m not declared an unfit mother. Love doesn’t have anything to do with that.

Let’s just hope the suitors can accept that because I don’t have anything else to offer them.

“I know they’ll be fine with your pack. I trust all of you.” I shake my head, eyes locking on the mansion I’ll be calling home for the next two months.

I hate what it represents, even as I enjoy its beauty. Tessa and Bree didn’t spare an expense when they were building the Heated compound.

A glance at my watch tells me I’m going to have to start getting ready soon. Even if I don’t plan on any of this being real, I have to at least act like it is. I have to put in the effort.

It’s not the first time I’ve had to put on my big girl pants and do something I don’t want to. In fact, I’ve had to do that a lot over the last few years. That doesn’t mean I have to like it.

“Hey, Emilia.” Bree’s smile is brilliant as she walks up with Elliot on her hip. “We’ve got about ten minutes before we need to head up to the mansion so you can get ready.”

“Of course. I just need to say bye to the boys.” I glance back at the kids, a genuine smile forming as I watch Hawk play with the younger kids. There are a few around his age, but he refuses to leave his brother.

He really is the best kid, and I constantly feel like I’m failing him. If I weren’t such a disaster, would he have felt the need to grow up so fast? He might be playing with the other kids, but I don’t know that he’s actually enjoying himself.

How can he be when his eyes constantly slide toward me, checking to make sure I’m okay?

No matter how many times I tell him it isn’t his job to make sure I’m fine, he doesn’t listen. I both love and hate it. I love that he cares about me and his brother so much that he wants to take care of us. On the other hand, I hate that he feels like he has to.

Hawk looks up, finding my eyes on them before calling to Jasper. He takes his brother’s hand, leading him over to me.

“Is it time for you to go, Mom?” Jasper asks, tears filling his eyes as his bottom lip wavers.

I drop to my knees without a thought, pulling him into my side and hugging him tightly.

“Don’t cry, Jasper. I’m not going to be far.

Bree and Tessa have promised that we can talk every night.

Then, every Sunday, I get to come down to hang out with you, your brother, and your Uncle Remy’s pack.

You love staying with your uncle. You probably won’t even notice I’m gone. ”

“I will, Mommy,” Jasper insists, burying his face in my neck as he cries. “And I’ll miss my brother.”

When Jasper pulls back, his hands find my baby bump and rub it lightly.

I fight against my tears, knowing I need to be strong for my boys—something that’s getting harder and harder as my pregnancy progresses. Overall, it’s been an easy pregnancy—except for how emotional I’ve become.

“Your baby brother and I will miss you too, Jasper. But you’ll have Hawk with you—who you can play with. Even after your brother is born, it’ll be a while until he can play with you. ”

Jasper shrugs, glancing over his shoulder at Hawk. He straightens his shoulders, sniffling as he swipes at his face and turns back to me. “It’s okay, Mommy. I’m a big boy. I’ll be fine.”

“I love you so much, Jasper.” I tug him into my side again, gesturing with my free arm for Hawk to join us. As soon as he’s close enough, I pull him to my other side and hold him close. “I love both of you so much. I know you don’t understand everything that’s going on, but you’re both so brave.”

Both boys return my hug, but Hawk is the first to pull back. He smiles, wiping away the tears I didn’t realize were falling. “We’re going to be okay, Mom. You deserve to be happy, and a pack will make you happy. Find a good one, okay?”

My heart breaks just a little bit more. I know Jasper doesn’t understand a lot of what’s going on, but Hawk? He understands more than I want him to, and I hate it.

“I will, baby. I’ll find us a good pack who will love you both.”

“And you, Mommy,” Jasper insists, leaning in to kiss my cheek. “They have to love you, too.”

Yeah…I’d actually prefer it if they didn’t. Because it’s a love I’ll never be able to return.

I hum, saying nothing because I don’t want to lie to my babies. “Be good for your Uncle Remy. He’ll tell me if you’re not.”

“Okay, Mommy.” Jasper dances from foot to foot. “Can I go play some more?”

I snort. Wasn’t he just saying how much he was going to miss me?

Kids.

“That’s up to Uncle Remy.”

Remington nods, ruffling Jasper’s blond hair that’s so much like mine and his father’s. “Of course you can. And while you’re playing, maybe I can convince Auntie Mila to make you a snack.”

“Oh, yes. Please.” Jasper’s eyes are wide. “She makes bestest food.”

“The best food,” Hawk corrects him softly, and Jasper nods his agreement before running off .

Remington shakes his head affectionately before turning to my eldest son. “You can go play too, Hawk.”

Hawk nods. “I will, but I want to talk to Mom.”

Raising an eyebrow, I let Remington help me off the ground—something that’s hard to do on my own—before wrapping an arm around Hawk’s shoulders and allowing him to lead me away.

“What did you want to talk about, baby?” I ask.

“My dads would want you to be happy, Mom,” Hawk tells me as pain lances through me. “You’re the bestest mom, but you should be happy. I want you to be happy.”

So much for not crying.

“I am happy, baby. You don’t know how happy you and Jasper make me.”

Hawk nods. “I know, but it’s not the same. Please, Mom?”

I’m not fully sure what he’s asking me, but I know I’m not going to tell him no. “Okay, Hawk. I promise.”

What am I promising him? Who knows?

But I know I’d say anything to wipe away the worry in his eyes.