Page 11 of Knot Our Reality (Heated #5)

Sasha

B eing back on Heated is strange.

I had almost forgotten what it was like being a suitor. The setup might be slightly different, but it feels just the same. I like the way they only introduce four suitors at once, giving us a chance to get to know the omega in smaller groups before throwing us into a big group.

Lee, Malik, and Bradley all seem like good men, and I am glad they arrived with me.

Then there is Emilia.

She is everything I could want in an omega, but I am not sure she is ready for what she signed up for. Not that she has much of a choice in the matter.

My blood boils over what has been done to her and what she is being forced to do.

It is clear to anyone with eyes that she is not over losing her pack.

I am sure many would say two years is more than enough time to grieve, but everyone handles loss differently.

Emilia was gutted by losing her pack, and she has not gotten over that.

It is so easy for me to see that I wonder how the others in her life did not see it.

I have no problems accepting that she still loves them. It does not mean she cannot love me or anyone she chooses for her pack, but I am not sure she believes that to be true.

I will make it my goal to be sure she continues to speak about the men she loves—because she needs to. She has been silent for too long as she clings to her grief and loss. She is not ready to move on because she has not let go of them.

Should I feel like I am competing against their memory to win her? Maybe, but I do not.

Even if she does not choose me for her pack, I hope I am able to help her move on with her life. She will have to learn on her own that finding a new pack does not mean she is replacing her first pack.

No worthy man or woman would wish for their love to be alone for the rest of their life, grieving what they lost. This is especially true of an omega. They are not meant to spend their lives alone.

If they choose to, they can, but they will never be completely happy. Their biological imperatives will always drive them to find a pack, or at the very least, an alpha to help them with their heats.

Emilia has chosen to be on suppressors, but eventually, they will no longer be enough. She will go into heat, and she will need to have a pack at her side.

I hope I will be a member of said pack, but if I am not, I will be happy knowing she has them.

Ugh.

How am I already so obsessed with this woman—this omega? I have known her for less than twenty-four hours, and already, I feel like I would lay my life down for hers.

I did not feel like this with Bree, but I know that is because we were not meant to be. I cared for her—I still do—but I do not love her. If I had loved her, I never would have left Heated when I did.

It was the best choice for both of us. If I remained, I do not believe Bree would have chosen me, but if she had, it would have been a mistake.

Because Emilia is the woman I want to be with for the rest of my life.

Now, I just need to convince her she cannot live without me.

Super simple, clearly.

A knock on my door has me jerking up on the bed. A glance at the clock tells me I am running behind.

I lost track of time while thinking about the omega I desire .

“I am sorry,” I tell Lee when I swing the door open. “I was lost in thought.”

Lee smiles, waving off my words. “It’s okay. We have a few minutes before Bree will be ready for us. They’d just finished setting up when I came to look for you.”

That makes me feel a little better as I follow Lee to the living room on our floor.

Because of the number of suitors, we all get to have our own rooms, which is nice.

From what Bree and Tessa said, everyone will get their own room except the packs.

I am assuming that means there will be more than one.

I wonder if any of the other suitors from season one will return for Emilia’s season. Besides Bree’s pack, I have kept in contact with a handful of suitors. Not that I would expect any of them to tell me if they were called back to Heated . After all, it is not like I told any of them.

I also have not been great at keeping in contact over the last few months since my last performance.

I am sure many people take it easy once they retire from being a professional dancer, but not me.

I have less than a year before the dance company will be turned over to me, and I plan to learn everything I can from the current owner, so I will not run it into the ground.

That is not how I would like to be remembered.

“Welcome, Sasha!” Bree greets me with a smile and a hug, and I am surprised to find her baby free.

“Where is Elliot?” I ask as I pull back. “I was beginning to think he was always attached to you.”

Bree rolls her eyes. “He would love that to be true, but Emmett and Onyx are with all three kids. Every day is like a giant playdate with the number of children now on set. It keeps them busy, which is good for Jasper and Hawk. Hawk has asked me about his mom every time he sees me. He’s so worried about her. ”

“How old is he again?”

“Seven going on thirty-seven.” Bree shakes her head. “I know Emilia was worried about Jasper, but he’s been just fine. Hawk isn’t doing as well away from her. Luckily, he has his brother to keep an eye on. It helps him not worry quite so much.”

I hum, curious about Emilia’s children. She mentioned them here and there, but it was very clear she did not want to talk to us about them. I think it must be that she is trying to keep them separate from us until she has some idea of who she will bring into her pack.

It is understandable that she would not want them to get attached to us if we are not going to be around long-term.

“Shit. I probably shouldn’t have told you that.” Bree snorts. “Just pretend none of you heard that. I blame the sleep deprivation of having a newborn.”

I snicker as she gestures for us to have a seat on the couch set up in front of the camera.

“You’ve all been on the show already, so you know how this goes.

Well, everyone but Sasha, since we started this on the second season.

For the next four days, I’ll meet with the suitors to talk about initial meetings and dates.

I’ll probably ask a few questions, but it usually just ends up being a conversation between the suitors.

Day one is the easiest because the four of you have already spent the last twenty-four hours together.

Tomorrow is when it’ll get interesting.”

I snort. “It cannot be any worse than you having to meet all twenty suitors in one day.”

Bree’s eyes widen as she nods her head. “You are so right. I’m so glad no other omegas will have to go through that. It was utter chaos. Do you know how hard it is to remember the names of twenty people you’ve just met?”

“I could never,” Malik admits. “I struggle with names as it is. Meeting a few at a time is easy because I just repeat their names in my head and use them as often as I can. Twenty at once would certainly be overwhelming.”

She waves us off. “Enough about my season. What I want to hear is what you think of Emilia and how your first date went.”

I hesitate, glancing at my fellow suitors before sitting up a little straighter.

“Everything with Emilia is different. It is about so much more than just getting to know the pretty omega. She is still grieving the pack she lost. I do not believe she has allowed herself the time she needs to heal. She could not believe that we wanted to hear about them, which leads me to believe that others have told her not to speak of them.”

“She has been through so much,” Lee agrees.

“She is an amazing woman—of that, I have no doubt—but this is not what she would’ve chosen for herself.

She’s doing the best she can because she needs to find a pack, but she doesn’t want this.

I think she would rather remain devoted to the pack she lost for the rest of her life than to find a new one. I can’t even blame her for it.”

“The problem,” Bradley says slowly, “is that she has no other option. This man who hurt her continues to destroy her life repeatedly, and it’s not fair.

She’s been through enough. He hurt her—took away her safety, and then just kept taking.

She may have eventually wanted to find a new pack, but we’ll never know because she has no choice.

If she doesn’t find a pack, she could lose her kids.

It’s not an ideal situation for any of us, but least of all for her. ”

Malik hums his agreement. “My biggest hope is that every single suitor will react as we have. This is not a situation many people would know how to navigate. I might barely know the woman, but I will do what I have to make sure no one else hurts her any more than she’s already been hurt.

Even if she is not meant to be mine, I feel so protective of her.

I don’t know if it’s just my alpha being protective over an omega or if it’s more than that. ”

“There is something to be said about seeing a powerful woman being vulnerable. Holding her in my arms as she sobbed opened up something in me. I have always been protective, but I would rip apart the world for Emilia to have her happily ever after.”

Bree glances between the four of us. “Do all of you feel this way?” A chorus of yeses follows her question, and she nods.

“With her being a pregnant omega, I wonder if it isn’t causing a more primal reaction from all of you. I have never been around a pregnant unbonded omega before, so I could be wrong, but it’s the major difference between Emilia and the past omegas. ”

I consider Bree’s words as they resonate inside me. She could be right. I do think it has something to do with Emilia being pregnant, but I do not think that is all of it. I think it is because of everything she has been through. The life she has had to lead.

No one can ever question just how strong she is, but I like the idea of her leaning on me—on us—when she needs to.

Yes, I am one hundred percent enamored with her after spending less than twelve hours with her.

I’m in big trouble if she does not choose me.

Not that I would hold her decision against her if she sends me packing. I just want to be a part of her life so badly. I want to be one of the men who makes her happy.

Not to replace the pack she once had, but to love her alongside them. Because I have no doubt wherever we go after we die that they are sitting there and watching her, Jasper, and Hawk.

“We will make sure she is happy when she leaves here,” I state, leaving no room for arguments. “No matter who she chooses for her pack, we will help her be happy.”

And I mean that with everything inside me.