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Chapter Thirty-Nine

“Lori, w-why do you care if I’m seeing Sebastian?” I asked with a forced composure which did not reflect the churning vortex of nerves swirling in my stomach.

“Why the fuck do you think, Mar-leee?” She elongated my name, her voice now oozing with condescension.

What was the correct answer to a question like that?

I have no fucking idea you psychopathic bitch . Which is why I asked!

At this point, asking her anything was like flipping a coin, I never knew which side it would land. Whether she would be rational or someone I felt I’d never met – so I kept my mouth shut and focused on where she was driving. I'd never seen her like this. Her hair was greasy and thrown back into a loose low bun, the jumper and pants she wore were filthy and the car littered with rubbish. The Lori I remembered was always so put together, priding herself on her appearance down to freshly manicured fingernails and my unease only increased when she glanced over and I noted the red tinge to her eyes.

I wondered how long it had been since she last slept. When she’d become fixated on me .

The flick, flick, flick of her unkempt nails the only sound in the otherwise silent car.

“I know you want to be with him, . You just forget how happy you were. And he is so much better when he’s with you. You know that, right?” The sharpness in her voice had melted into something gentler as if she was speaking to a child.

“You know why I left, Lori. I know you saw the bruises. I thought you would understand. I thought we were friends and you cared about me.” My voice was weaker than I hoped and I flinched when a jagged, unrestrained laugh echoed from within her.

“Friends?” She spat. “Bitch, you destroyed my family! Just left without so much as a goodbye!” She spoke at a dizzying speed, her voice barely able to keep pace with her thoughts.

I destroyed her family? She wasn’t making any sense. She knew how hard it was with her brother. I may have ignored the looks of sympathy she gave me when he didn’t notice, but I saw them all the same. She was very aware, but never said or did anything to stop it. Out of fear or loyalty, I couldn’t be sure.

“Your brother stopped me from seeing you. I didn’t have a say.”

“You liar,” she delivered scornfully. “You can’t fool me. I know what you did. You know, my mum made me promise to keep an eye on him. Even though her and my dad couldn’t be near him because he was unsafe, ” her hands left the steering wheel while she threw air quotes around her words. “But apparently it was safe enough for me. He needs you . Not me. I can’t. I just can’t. It’s him. It’s you. It’s not me,” her words skated on the edge of coherence, tumbling out in a relentless stream as if she was plucking thoughts at random.

“Now,” her eyes darted to me, her voice suddenly crackling with intensity, “be a good sister and open that glove box for me. We need the rope.” I stared at her, eyes wide and unmoving.

“Hurry the fuck up!” She reached into the pocket of the car door and nausea rose up my throat as a glint of metal caught my eye. A long-edged knife unexpectedly pointed in my direction. This Lori was crazier than her brother, with her sleep deprived eyes and her anxious flicking. And I was at her mercy when she was in this state. At the mercy of someone who clearly wasn’t well and had already planned how today was going to play out.

I lent forward, not wanting to provoke any more erratic behaviour, opened the glove box and grabbed the thick blue rope.

My hands were visibly shaking as I placed it on my lap, not daring to ask what she wanted me to do with it.

“Tie your hands together,” she waved the knife in the direction of my wrists, the car swerving and my eyes filled with tears.

“Please, Lori,” I pleaded, my terror visibly streaming down my face.

“Lucas is about to go pay your boyfriend a little visit,” she sneered, “and if you don’t listen to what I say, it will go much worse for you. So tie your fucking wrists together. And make it tight!” My sharp intake of breath was audible, the thought of Lucas harming Seb the only encouragement I needed to do as she said.

Using my teeth, I shakily tightened the knot as best as I could and found my composure.

I needed clarity. Rationality. Remembering the manner in which Seb did everything, I drew in another deep breath.

I had survived this family before and I would do it again but I would need to maintain focus and that wouldn’t happen if I allowed the panic to swallow me whole.

The carport was weary.

Broken timber slats with green paint that had long ago chipped lined two of the walls. The other was a brick divider separating this from the neighbouring space.

Lori had already warned me that if I so much as whispered a protest while moving from the car to her apartment, she would call Lucas and my ‘little boyfriend would suffer’ . Which meant I would stay quiet.

I wanted to kick her in the fucking face when she mentioned Sebastian again, but I was mostly terrified of losing someone else I loved. Realistically, I knew there was a fairly small chance Lucas would be able to come close to hurting Seb, in fact, if I wasn’t currently restrained at the mercy of a knife wielding lunatic, I’d find it laughable. But I wasn’t risking that he might catch him off guard or have found some of his junkie friends to help.

She came around to my side of the car, opened the door and looked down at me in disgust. The rusty knife gestured that it was time for me to move. Grabbing my purse, I swung around until my feet were planted on the floor, predicting she would take any perceived disobedience on my part as an opportunity to hurt me. My wrists burned, the rope viciously rubbing against them as she reefed me out of the passenger seat.

Shoving me forward, the echo of the car door boomed around the otherwise empty carport and I baulked at how eerie these flats were despite being only a short drive from Sebastian’s place. She threw my pale blue jacket over my wrists, not seeming to notice the purse I was holding, and from the outside we probably looked like a couple of friends who’d spent the day gossiping over breakfast.

Instead, I was doing my best to maintain my calm while trying to decide whether Lori or Lucas was more of a threat. Given the state of the woman shoving me from behind, I figured it was likely her. Wrists untied I could probably give it a red hot go, however, the psychotic tinge to her hallowed face was concerning enough that even if I knew how to fight, I would be reluctant to act.

The stale smell of her body odour washed over me again as I felt another strong blow to my back, propelling me through the front door before it too was slammed shut.

“Welcome to my new home, sister. I’ve been waiting for you to visit me. Even bought your favourite snacks for when you arrived. But you never did. Even when I kept bumping into you, you never once called to see how I was. What kind of sister does that?” I heard the lock behind me click into place with finality. I really was trapped now.

“Thanks for having me?” My sarcasm was intentional but the slight lilt at the end indicated my obvious uncertainty.

“Shut the fuck up and go sit on the lounge.” I did what she said, taking note of my surroundings for anything which could be of use. The lounge smelt new and looking at the unit and television, most of the other furniture also appeared fresh. A book shelf housed a number of picture frames and my eyes widened when I saw a picture of Lucas, Lori and I from the New Years Eve after Lucas and I started dating. I vividly remembered the barbecue out the back, the mosquitos had been aggressively thirsty and Lucas was so attentive, rubbing insect repellant into my ankles to ensure I didn’t get bitten.

Lori had stayed the night and we’d celebrated as we entered the new year, the photo we took just after midnight with our glow-in-the-dark glasses now marred with disdain.

“Oh, great idea. Let’s take a trip down memory lane,” she taunted, noticing me looking. “We can start here,” snapping me out of my daze, she grabbed the photo off the shelf, smiling affectionately at the picture of us.

I took her in, from her rumpled clothing to her tousled hair. The way she twitched uncontrollably.

She was clearly unwell.

“Doesn’t Lucas look so handsome? He was a good man before you destroyed him.” She was staring at the picture, her face softer than I’d seen it all afternoon.

Did she really believe I was the one who hurt him?

“He told me all the things you did to him. Did you know that?” She began vibrating with her words. The light filtering through the blinds highlighting the beads of spit flying out of her mouth.

“I used to think he was hard on you. Maybe he hurt you. But then he told me how you hurt him . Told me how ungrateful you were. And then you went and destroyed our lives, just like he said you would. I thought when I saw you at that nightclub you would see him and realise. You would realise how much better you were with him. You were meant to go home with him that night, you silly bitch. And then he came home without you, , and he was mad. Mad at me . As if it were my fault you left him. I couldn’t leave the house for two weeks after that. Two fucking weeks,” she was escalating. Each falsity laced with more hatred than the last. Her revelations both heartbreaking and terrifying.

I needed to try and calm her down, treat her the way I did with Lucas when he became erratic. Agree and validate.

“He was handsome,” I agreed. “It was one of the reasons I fell in love with him, Lori,” I softened my features as she assessed me quizzically. “Do you remember that night? How we danced to Whitney Houston and made resolutions to get natural tans that year?” I forced a chuckle and her lips twitched slightly, as if she too could remember the happy moments we shared. But I saw the instant the curtain closed and she threw the frame to the floor, pressing her heel onto it hard. The burst of shattered glass splintering as cracks separated the three of us.

“Enough!” She snapped. “Now I have you, we can put everything back the way it should be. You can take care of Lucas and I can go back to being the sister he loves. I only ever tried to help. Tried to keep everyone happy. And now with you back, I can,” she smiled, her voice dipping into a smooth tone, “I’m making us tea, would you like sugar?” I simply stared. Unable to do anything other than watch what could only be described as a psychotic episode.

She continued as if she hadn’t asked, adding two spoonfuls of sugar to both cups.

“We have much to discuss and I want to hear all about your new boyfriend and what makes him so special . Maybe now you are with Lucas again, he might be interested in dating someone else,” her words held a haughty arrogance and I swallowed my anger. I hated her. But I also pitied her. I wanted to tell her he broke me too. That this wasn’t the answer, but she was too manic, too crazed, too dangerous.

Too. Too. Too.

She stalked towards me with the tea, handing me mine as if my wrists weren’t fucking secured. Discreetly leaving my purse under the jacket on my lap, I tried to take the mug from her, hissing as the boiling water spilt over the rim, landing on my already raw skin.

“Oops,” she said with a performative smile as she sat down on the lounge beside me.

“We’re going to go for a little drive later as there’s something I want to show you, but first drink your tea and I will tell you a story about a little girl who only ever wanted to please everyone. She grew up with an older brother and sometimes he was a little mean, but then she got a sister and her life changed. Changed for the better.” Her words flustered me, a one woman circus on a journey of her own.

I didn’t want to drink her fucking tea, I wanted answers but there was no use arguing. She had all the power here. For now, I needed to bide my time and play along. I took a sip, trying not to scold my tongue.

“Lori, we can fix this,” I tried, desperately.

“Yes, we can,” she grinned wickedly, the Lori I used to know long gone now. The woman before me was maniacal and was mentally unwell, sleep deprived, or both. “Because you are home now and he will have you again. I actually thought once your parents had their little accident that all my Christmases had come at once. That he would finally have you all to himself, just as he always wanted. But, we don’t always get what we want. No matter how hard we try. And part of being in a family is about making sacrifices, isn’t that right ?” She asked, her eyes glazed.

What the fuck? Her grasp on reality was blurred, even talking to herself.

A low pulse in my chest told me my chance of escaping this unharmed was slipping through my fingers. Her eyes danced with delirium, her words mixed and the intonation swooped and soared like a slide whistle at the mouth of an overzealous child.

Looking anywhere but at her, I took a sip of my drink and sat back, my head hung low as she recounted a version of a story I’d also lived for far too long, but from an entirely new perspective. From the perspective of a sister who was so broken she would do anything to escape. Even if that came at my own detriment.

My mug had long ago gone cold, the last few mouthfuls I was unable to stomach, despite the knife she held against my throat when I protested. I felt nauseous and not just because of the grotesque manner in which she lauded my heartbreak like her own personal trophy. How she recounted hearing about the life I lived but knowing ignoring it was easier. Better for everyone.

My eyes stung from the tears I shed while listening to what was her respite but my own personal hell.

I tried to disassociate. Tell myself she was playing games and this wasn’t really her. She was another victim of abuse. But deep down I knew it was more than that. Knew she wasn’t just a victim, but was also deranged herself. No wonder their parents chose not to see them.

“So, . We’re going to go for a drive. Lucas is going to be so happy with me. And so happy to see you.”

Was Lucas even aware his sister was doing this? Would he care?

“Can I use the bathroom first? Freshen up for him?” I asked, pushing back the bile threatening to surface.

“Yes, good idea. You look disgusting right now. Go clean yourself up.” Her voice, razor sharp, felt like tiny cuts on my skin, her misplaced laughter like citrus dripping into old wounds.

“Leave the door open,” she threw over her shoulder with total confidence. As if I wouldn’t dare to disobey her. And she was right. She’d taken my phone and turned it off so no one would know where I was. There was nothing left to do but hope Lucas wasn’t as deranged as his sister and Gab had been able to speak to Sebastian.

I stood with a grunt. Getting off the lounge without the use of my hands proved more difficult than I would have thought. My jacket was still firmly in place over my wrists, my hands gripping my purse. Not that there was much left – she’d made sure of that earlier, but it somehow felt important.

My feet scuffed heavily along the floor as I passed a bedroom before reaching the bathroom. I didn’t bother trying to run or scream. I was tired. And my body ached. I didn’t have any energy left to even try.

I put my purse and jacket on the basin before using the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror opposite. My eyes were blurry, my head beginning to pound.

I washed my hands and turned to grab my stuff when a thought seized me. A moment of pragmatic clarity amid a sea of fatigue.

A short burst of adrenaline, a welcome kickstart to my heart as I quietly opened my bag, my eyes darting to the door, listening for Lori.

Hurriedly, I left something I knew only Seb would understand, trudging out of the bathroom with a reluctant gait. If I believed anything at this point, it was that he would come for me. He would move heaven and earth to save me and I told myself this as I shuffled along, my feet getting heavier by the second.

I’d not made it far when Lori appeared, another piece of rope in her hands and a wicked grin on her face.

“This next part is going to be fun,” she sneered.

I leant against the wall, any small amount of energy I had left dissipating. I couldn’t even muster the will to panic as she stalked towards me. I tried to focus on her face, read her emotion but my focus was dissipating and the words she spoke next mumbled.

I sensed myself sliding along the wall, my purse and jacket falling from my grip and the sharp tug of her hands in my hair was the last thing I felt before the world went black.