Page 25

Chapter Twenty-Four

“Oh, sorry,” I apologised, almost bumping into the petite blonde who was coming out of Sebastian’s office. Her eyes narrowed as she took me in before she smiled haughtily and wiped the side of her mouth. She was clearly an employee, given the uniform, although not one I recognised from the few times I’d been here.

“Oh, don’t be. We were all done,” she said as she continued down the stairs.

A sense of foreboding moved through me and for a second, I wondered if he brought women up here often. If this was her first time exiting his office with the confidence of a queen descending her stairs. I paused mid-step. I could leave before he saw me, save myself the bullshit. Only I was growing weary of fear dictating my movements. Even if he broke me, I wasn’t going to run. I wasn’t that person anymore.

When I pushed the door to his office open he was sitting at his desk with his head lowered into his hands.

He looked tired. Sad even, and my heart ached. He wore the same crisp white shirt he did each time I saw him working, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, yet his shoulders were hunched, a clear contrast to the confident man I was used to seeing when it was only the two of us.

“Hey,” I greeted quietly, noting his look of surprise before his face broke into a relieved smile. He was in front of me as if moving on instinct, his lips pressed to mine. He hadn’t uttered a single word before kissing me and I melted into him, realising just how much I'd missed him in the few days since we’d last seen each other.

Arna simply smirked when I said I was coming here after our mammoth day of shopping. I was exhausted and certain I looked a hot mess in my jeans, flats and linen top with hair thrown into a bun, but I'd wanted to see him so that wasn’t going to stop me.

Breaking the kiss he kept his forehead on mine in what was the single most romantic gesture I had ever experienced.

“Hi,” he breathed. “I missed you,” his hands framed my face, his eyes not leaving mine. “I didn’t realise you were coming in tonight.”

“I missed you too. I wanted to see you but I won’t stay long if you’re busy. We only just finished shopping, I had Arna drop me here, hence why I look like I’ve been dragged through a trash chute. I would have called but my phone died.”

He kissed me again tenderly, and for a minute I forgot we were in his office, I forgot about the woman who had just left, I forgot about how a small part of me worried he wouldn’t be happy when I arrived unannounced. His kiss lit a blaze in the depths of my soul and made me dizzy, eradicating all other thoughts. His tongue fought with my own as a soft groan moved through him, eliciting a moan of my own in response.

“You came here to see me?” It was adorable how his words held an edge of fallibility. I’d never seen Sebastian unfortified, yet to my surprise, he seemed uncertain. I thought that it was him who was giving me the strength to be more courageous, brazen and bold. Yet, it appeared this was new for him too and we were two blind ships in the same sea.

“I really did miss you and I was hoping I could come over tonight. Maybe stay the night? You do make my mornings exceptionally better,” I flirted and again his mouth took mine, this time much more aggressively as he tugged on my hair and pressed his arousal into me.

“You know you don’t need to ask. I’ve actually been waiting each night, hoping for another knock on the door,” he raised one eyebrow mischievously, “In fact, I think I’m done here.” He pulled away, planting three kisses in quick succession on my lips.

“So eager,” I answered coyly.

“It’s been three days, babe, we have a lot of catching up to do. So let’s leave. Now.”

There was nothing I wanted more than that, however, thoughts of the woman leaving his office snuck back into my mind as he kissed me again. Suddenly I was distracted, wondering if maybe I was only seeing what I wanted to see, making excuses to cover what was right in front of me. I needed to ask him, but I was worried he would find me too much or I would scare him off. Seeing Lucas the other day had rattled me, causing my old feelings of self-doubt to show their nasty face. Sensing my hesitation he broke the kiss.

“What’s wrong?”

Now I was going to have to ask and risk him losing his temper or even worse, finding out he didn’t think this was as serious as I thought it was. She was probably at the bar laughing to herself at my surprise at seeing her, a pathetic second best.

My breathing increased at the anticipation of a conversation I didn’t want to have but absolutely needed and I could feel the beginnings of a spiral. I hadn’t had one in months, I was getting better at working through the cause before they took over, but seeing Lucas and now feeling doubt about him, and us, was too much.

The sounds of the club became muted as faint vibrations coursed under my skin like static electricity fighting for escape.

Not now. Not now. Not now.

Closing my eyes, I gasped lungfuls of air and counted backwards from ten but it wasn’t enough. The air around me thickened, surrounded by an invisible force I couldn’t evade as I fought for control.

“Breathe, .” A comforting command.

“I’m here with you.” A protective reassurance.

“Open your eyes, babe, please.” A heartfelt plea.

His voice echoed through me, close and consistent.

“Focus on my breathing, , just like that,” he repeated and I dug through the wave of entrapment, honing in on the steady, unyielding hum of his reassurance.

“I’m here,” I reached for his voice, desperately trying to find the surface.

“Open your eyes, I’ve got you,” slowly I weaved forward, focusing on the warmth of his hands pressed firmly on the small of my back. His subtle breathing in my ear was like the turning of pages, the baritone notes of his voice soothing.

His patience was a sedative and when I opened my eyes, he was everywhere. He still held one hand on my lower back, the other on the back of my head and his face inches from mine. His gorgeous hazels, boring into me as he whispered my name over and over.

“I’ve got you,” he assured softly, a contrast to his firm grip, proving his stability and kindness. His care for me was a complete contrast to what I was used to from the only other man I had given my heart to and in that moment I knew that I had the strength to let go of my past because a future was possible. A future which hopefully included this man beside me.

If things were going to work, I needed to be honest without fear and that meant communicating openly.

“I’m sorry,” I said, my head still rested against his chest as my breathing returned to normal, “It’s been a big few days.”

“Talk to me,” he said reassuringly. If I couldn’t be direct now, this wasn’t going to work. Hesitantly, I stepped back, needing space for the words I was about to say. I couldn’t look at him, still shaky from the panic attack and what I was about to ask, but it was now or never. Fidgeting with my bracelet I took a deep breath and looked him in the eye.

“Who was that woman who just left your office? I mean I know she works here but it felt like maybe I just missed something or –” I paused, unsure how to articulate exactly what it was that I thought.

He paused, his eyes darting up as he seemed confused by my question. Did people look to the right or left when lying? I wondered.

Was I being ridiculous? Was my past destined to destroy every good thing I had? Taking my hair out of its up-do, I ran my hands through the knots to keep my hands busy.

“Do you mean Clara?” He asked dumbfoundedly as if he wasn’t quite sure. How many women did he bring up here if he was asking me to clarify.

“Was there more than one woman in here before I arrived?” I shot back defensively. “I’m not interested in being one of many, Sebastian. I deserve better than that,” I finished definitively.

And for the first time, I truly believed the words I spoke. I did deserve better and I wasn’t going to settle for anything less ever again. Even if it shattered me in the process.

He entered my space, placing a tentative finger under my chin to ensure I was looking at him before he spoke.

“Firstly, I realise I’ve never had a girlfriend so I might not entirely understand the protocols but I do know exclusivity is non-negotiable. Secondly, the woman you saw was Clara. She is an employee. We were friends in high school and she has recently moved to the city and needed a job. She shouldn’t have been up here and I was planning on telling her after her shift finishes but I was actually shocked she even came up – especially because, as I’ve told you, I don’t have people in this space. And thirdly, I’m nothing like your scumbag ex. I would never betray you like that because you’re right, you do deserve better.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” He repeated with a raised brow as if my one word response couldn’t be all.

“I believe you,” I admitted, hoping with everything I had that he wasn’t lying. “I’m a mess, Seb and I can’t even promise that this won’t happen again,” I sighed, the day finally catching up with me, “but I do know I do not like her,” I added with a snarl as he pulled me into him.

“You’re adorable when you’re jealous,” he muttered against the top of my hair and I huffed sulkily.

“I wasn’t jealous,” I lied and he chuckled.

“Marls, you can always ask me anything. Come and see me unexpectedly at any time of any day but you don’t ever have to question my loyalty. Because that you will always have. Now let’s get your covetous butt home so we can talk properly.”

The way he said home made me smile. So far we had only been on two proper dates, yet somehow it didn’t feel so strange. Maybe because I didn’t really have my own place, it was easy to latch on or maybe because we spent so much time on the phone together I was already finding him to be the comfort I sought out. Whatever the reason, I nodded, taking his outstretched hand and following him out of his office.