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Chapter Thirty-Seven

I planned on telling Sebastian when I got home tonight. I stupidly thought shielding him from the baggage I brought with me was the right thing to do but it only put a chasm between us and left me feeling lonely. He deserved to know, and more than that, I wanted him to. I wanted to share my entire world with him because he always made me feel nothing less than supported and leaning on him was only going to make us stronger.

I could hear Gabriel and some of the other girls outside complaining about having to clean up and I shook my head smiling. They definitely kept me distracted most of the time I was here, which helped with the constant worry about everything else going on in my life. Drying my hands, I took out my phone and re-read the message, even though by now, I knew it verbatim. The threat against Sebastian was as sickening now as it was when I first received it last night.

Unknown

End things with him or I will take care of him .

My fingers trembled as I went to exit the thread, freezing as the screen shifted and three grey dots appeared. My sudden intake of breath piercing the otherwise silent bathroom.

They were typing.

I grabbed hold of the vanity with one hand to steady myself. My eyes locked on the screen as the seconds ticked by waiting for something I wished would never arrive.

I was never going to be free.

I’d been crazy to think running away from my problems was going to end the control, confinement and chaos. And now I’d brought someone else into my mess. Someone I truly loved. Even if I hadn’t admitted that to anyone other than myself.

I’d changed so much since the first time I met Seb. In the best possible way.

I was stronger, braver and found myself seeing a future I never dreamed possible. He was my baseline. He grounded me and brought me the stability I so desperately needed at a time when I was an untethered buoy floating out to sea. There was no way I could let anything happen to him because of me.

The screen lit up and as my eyes scanned the words, a heavy stone sank in the pit of my stomach and I knew the choice was no longer mine.

It was too late.

The only option now was to face this one alone.

My time to tell Seb had passed – shattered – gone.

My mind raced with fear. Confusion. Betrayal.

How did I miss this? I should have trusted my gut every time I felt that spine tingling unease, the uncertainty and the eventual fear whenever we spent even a minute or two alone. I should have read between the lines of the offerings and noticed the strange coincidences which I excused.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, I splashed my face with water before straightening my shirt and moving for the door. Pausing, I thought about how I was going to need to remain calm if I was to manage this alone. How spontaneity and impulsivity was not going to be what I needed right now. I needed to be methodical, thoughtful and pragmatic - as Sebastian always was. I’d seen it enough in him to emulate it now.

I was tired of this fear. I was tired of looking over my shoulder. I was tired of someone else dictating my life. I was going to sort this out today regardless of what happened, and I was going to do it myself because there was nothing left to lose.

A reality which, for the first time, didn’t feel so terrifying.

I couldn’t call on Sebastian because he had Eva, his mother, Cooper and his business to think about. As much as my heart was screaming for me to call him, to call Arna and Andy, to call the police or to simply walk out and let Brad and Sof know what I was about to do – I wouldn’t.

Because today was the day I found my strength. Today was the day I took the reins and it wasn’t something I could do with someone holding my hand because I got myself into this and I would get myself out. No one I loved would get hurt because of me.

Gabriel pushed off the wall as I left the bathroom and her face scrunched with concern.

“You don’t look very good, Mar.” I felt tears behind my eyes, threatening to push forward at the thought that I may not see this beautiful, kind, compassionate girl again. Taking her tiny hands in my own I bent down and looked her in the eye.

“I don’t feel very good. I'm actually going to go home. Do you think you can clean up the things from breakfast without complaining?”

“Fine. But only because you're sick,” she huffed and I smiled.

“I also need you to promise me something.”

Promise me you won’t ever allow someone to take your strength. Promise me you will keep fighting even on the darkest of days, I thought.

“Whatever you want, , I promise.” She was grinning and I bathed in the innocent lightheartedness of her face. She was brave and mature but was still able to hold onto her youth and I had no doubt that she would go on to be a fierce advocate for herself and others.

Leaning in I whispered to her and then tucked a loose strand of hair back behind her ear. Her brows dipped in confusion, but she nodded.

“I adore you, Gabs. Thank you.” She ran off to help with breakfast and I grabbed my bag before heading into the kitchen to apologise to Brad about having to leave early. I avoided Sofi who was still setting up in the recreation room as she would see straight through my facade – a risk I couldn’t afford.

My phone buzzed.

1 minute.

“I’m just not feeling well. I’m so sorry,” I averted my gaze, knowing I would burst into tears if I looked him in the eye. Thankfully he was busy with the kids and didn’t study me too long.

“No worries, Marls, you need a ride home? Sof can take ya.”

“No thanks, Sebastian is already here. But thank you anyway. I-I’ll see you later, yeah?”

I rushed out of the room, my hand visibly shaking as I reached for the door handle and stepped into the sunlight.

Parked right outside was the same red car I’d sat in hundreds of times. The same car I’d cried in while I dreamed of another life while doing my best to please the man who owned it.

For the entirety of our relationship I did what I could to keep him happy but it was never enough.

It never would be.

I opened the car door and slowly sank into the front seat, overwhelmed by the smell of stale cigarettes and the discarded takeaway packaging which littered the floor. Turning to reach for my seat belt I saw Gabriel peering through the window of the storage room, indistinguishable to anyone other than someone who knew her favourite hiding spot. I twiddled my little finger to show her I was okay.

Everything would be okay.

Turning back to face the front windscreen, the fear I spent so long fighting flooded through me.

The familiar voice broke the silence and when I looked over, the desperation was clear in the now tired eyes.

“I’m so glad you listened. I’ve missed you, Marls,” her voice was soft, kind even. “Lucas will be so happy to see you. Wait until you see how he has changed. He loves you so much and now you can be together.”

I clutched the seatbelt over my chest, my heart pounding so hard that it threatened to leap from within. While she sounded as she always had, it was clear this was not the Lori I knew. Her irrationality for a start was a clue, but more than that, she seemed to believe what she was saying. She truly believed her brother had changed and we could be together again. Which in no universe was ever going to be a possibility.

As she rattled on about how her family would be perfect again, I prayed Gab would be able to keep her promise before it was too late.