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“I need this,” I purr, running my cheek along Cortez’s smooth skin, inhaling his woodsy scent. Pure contentment warms my blood as we reacquaint our bodies while lying in bed. It’s not sexual, but it is. It’s about love and lust and want and pain.

“We shouldn’t.” Cort protests, but not very hard. His fingers grip my wrists, to hold me closer not push me away. “It seems wrong.”

A few tears escape the corner of Cort’s eyes, so I lean forward to sip them away with my lips. “Shhh… none of that,” is murmured softly as I try to console Cortez.

Cort is one of the most emotional people I know, and the most expressive as well. I sense what he’s feeling better than I know my own emotions most times. Cort may yell or turn snide, but his face always betrays him. Transparent. Emotive. Cort is like a cornered animal lashing out.

It’s that underlying expression of love that has always kept me sane. Cortez has always made me feel important in his life, feeding into my primal instincts.

It’s what Katya never allowed from me, the trust to break her inner defenses and truly enter her heart. The inability to be there emotionally for my wife was emasculating, but also demoralizing when it came to my career. Not that I blame Katya for denying me what I never deserved. But it’s why I’m in Cortez’s arms tonight while she suffers alone, which kills me on a cellular level.

“After everything, do you still trust me?” I breathe against the buttery soft shell of Cort’s ear.

Wrapping his arms tightly around my back, Cort swallows loudly, clearing his throat of tears. “I am but a fool,” he begins. “But sadly, yes.”

“Why sadly?” I whisper in the intimacy of our bedroom. “You are not a fool to love me.”

“Not a fool to love you. But aren’t I one to trust you? I said sadly, because I will always trust you, no matter what. If that makes me a fool, so be it.”

“I’m going to make a promise right now. A promise on our children, Marcus, Katya, and you and me. I promise I will never intentionally betray you again. I promise I will try my damnedest never to lie to you. I promise after we take some time to heal, this open intimacy is how it will always be between us.”

Aligning myself with Cortez’s body, our heights and builds are exact from our toes to the tip of our hair. Resting my forehead against his, my angular nose causes the tip of mine to rest near his upper lip. “I promise,” is a vow taken. “I promise.”

“Foolish or not, I believe you.”

“Ah!” I cry out as Cort bridges the gap between our lips.

Melting into Cortez, I know this is where I belong, where I will always find my way back to, no matter what. Katya was a learning experience, but I will not disrespect what love we shared by starting my finale with Cortez. At least not yet.

“My God, I love the way you taste.” Groaning into Cort’s mouth, his saliva explodes on my taste buds. “Even when we were apart, it was a taste I never forgot– one that haunted and aroused me, but never left me.” Emotions of a lifetime pour from my throat to form words.

Being whole makes this experience different. Never before had I realized everything was muted, blurred, lessened and tainted by insanity. My nerves are enlivened. Sensitive.

I wonder if this is how Zane feels at every given moment– exposed, raw, nerves not on the surface of the skin but above. The first thing experienced is the frightening intensity. Or perhaps I’ve just been living a life of numbness.

“I don’t think you realize just how addictive you are.” I ramble to a very self-conscious Cortez. He’s always had low self-esteem, and I cannot fathom why. “It’s why Marcus is in love with you.”

“Bullshit!” Cort growls against my cheek, simultaneously offended, hurt, and pissed the fuck off.

Wounded animal.

Palms leveraged against my chest, Cort shoves me back, but I will always be stronger than him– a fact that makes my cock grow harder, filling to capacity with blood until I throb with ache. I love when Cortez demonstrates he’s a strong male but proves I’m stronger. Cort’s strength isn’t in the physical. His strength is in the way he takes care of others, especially our children– he just doesn’t realize this.

“This is the most beautiful color in the world,” is murmured in a dreamy voice as I lift our clasped hands for Cortez to see. “My skin looks cold compared to the warmth of yours. Your face is rounder– friendlier. Stunning. I glow with the angry intensity of a strobe light, but you glow with the warmth of the sun.”

“Well, aren’t you being romantic this morning?” Cortez murmurs, using humor to hide how my words make him feel. Transparent, his face betrays his delight, as does the pulsing cock quivering against my hip.

“Very,” I breathe. “You bring it out of me.”

“Marc’s skin is better. Warmer,” Cort mumbles, and I have to hide my smile against his throat.

“You of all people would think that.” Chuckling, I run my lips down the column of his neck. Unable to deny myself, I sink my teeth into the smooth flesh. “Your neck always makes me want to fuck the living shit out of you.” All thoughts of romance flee in the wake of pure, unadulterated lust. “I love feeling your whiskers against my cheek while I devour your throat.”

The tip of my tongue swirls around the softest, most decadent flesh I’ve ever known as my lips suck hard. It’s the pressure exerted– the tactile sensation of sinking deep, flesh giving beneath the pressure. Cort arches off the mattress, calling out my name, fingernails biting into my shoulders harder than my teeth into his throat.

“Marcus does want you, you know?” I admit, testing Cort as I suck and nibble my way to his nipples– my second favorite place to torture with my teeth. “Marcus told me he was in love with you. He was drunk, so his inhibitions were lowered.”

“Bullshit,” Cortez mumbles, but it doesn’t hold the conviction that the last time did. As punishment for lying to himself, I set my teeth around the tiny bud, causing Cort to grunt for me.

“Marcus threatened me– gave me three months to get my life in order, or he’s going to say the hell with it and steal you away from me. His words, not mine.”

“I believe you…” Cort’s words get lost and turn to tortured moans. Applying strong suction, I bite and lick his chest, leaving love bites behind to claim my territory. “But I bet he was just manipulating you. Marcus doesn’t mean it. It doesn’t matter anyway, because I don’t want him.”

“Hmm,” I purr, knowing Cortez is in denial. I’m not worried about Marcus and Cortez, but he’s in denial if he thinks Marcus doesn’t mean it.

Something brewing between Regina, Grant, and Marcus is weakening all three of them. I’m not in a place of trust where I can counsel them, give advice, or even be a listening ear. Marcus relies on Grant for his comforting advice, but the problem involves both of them. Logically, Cort would be who they both would turn to, but Cort has been avoiding Marcus for good reason. I’m not going to pry. I’m trying to learn from my mistakes.

“Even I would have a hard time resisting Marcus if he came after me. The power in knowing you made a man such as Marcus go against his convictions, I imagine it’s made you feel invincible.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Cort grumbles, trying to ignore me. My lips curl into a smirk, because he avoids my gaze.

“What’s this?” is asked in a singsong voice, as I bow down to lick the pool of drool the exquisiteness is leaking out on his belly. Lapping at the precum, a guttural groan spills free as the taste explodes in my mouth. “Even better than your saliva.”

“That’s all because of you,” Cort poorly denies. “You’re ravaging my chest and neck– you know how much I get off on that.”

“Hmm… that I do.” I get sidetracked for a few moments, ravaging said chest, because I won’t break our budding trust by touching his dick with my mouth. “If Marcus comes to you, I don’t care if it’s tomorrow, next week, or twenty years from now, you will not be able to say no to him. I would cave to the forbidden. I’m just telling you how I won’t see it as a betrayal, but I know you will feel like you betrayed us.”

“I won’t do it.” Cortez insists, the first stirrings of anger filling his voice.

The door between us is wedged open, and I can’t stop the torrent from pouring out my mouth. I crave telling Cortez all the things I always feared speaking aloud. The fear he’d reject me, leave me, or stop loving me. With Katya gone, pushed away because she couldn’t trust me, the secrets created what I feared most. Katya wasn’t the only one who closed herself off.

The absolute truth will bond us closer together, because it was the lies that drove us apart.

“One of the most life-altering moments of my existence was the night that changed our worlds. I regret it for so many reasons, but there was a sliver of time that transcended all others, one that has never been topped. While I did my mother’s bidding, I was atop Marcus. I popped the second I lowered myself down onto him. I’ll never forget the way his eyelids flew open, widening in silent horror. Being the man he is, he didn’t yell at me or hurt me. Marcus simply held my gaze while I came all over his chest.”

I have to stop talking because my body is reliving the experience. Eyes closed, barely breathing, heart thudding like mad, I pour in a hot wash all over Cort’s thigh. At least his reaction isn’t jealousy– not doing much better than I am, he’s practically hyperventilating.

“Marcus was a virgin– never touched anyone before, only kissed his wife to formalize the ceremony. The first violation never leaves a person– it irrevocably twists you, warps you, changes who you should have become.” Panting out the words, I try to come down from the remembered high.

“I know,” Cort wheezes.

“Not like I do, you don’t,” I arrogantly mutter. “Random strangers are not Marcus.”

“Fuck!” he hisses, fingers biting into my shoulders, body shuddering.

“And you went the opposite as me after what Raymond put you through. Force utterly terrifies you. Even the concept of pretend force.”

“What you and Whitt did with Regina in the maze, then what Marcus and Regina did in the maze, that still gives me nightmares. I was hurt that you cheated on me with Regina, but seeing it with my own two eyes between Regina and Marcus–”

“It was absolutely nothing like that for Whitt and me. There was a playful, mischievous, conquering vibe. Regina got off on battling us. But it was also a turning point between Whitt and Regina. Kat is right– not once did I think of you or her during that scenario, simply because I saw it as therapy. I may have gotten off on the high of it, but it wasn’t about sex for me. It was cerebral. What Marcus and Regina did, that was pure toxicity.”

“I can’t do that for you–”

“I know. I don’t want it, nor do I need it. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” Petting Cort’s back, I try to take the horrified quiver from his voice.

“My earlier point, if Marcus comes to you, take it. Don’t deny yourself. It will alter your perception of reality. At my mother’s behest, I violated the man who adopted me. It changed who I was to become. But his unconditional love and understanding changed me more. Marcus didn’t wound me– he didn’t even reject me. He let me find my humiliating pleasure, holding me upright while looking so damned understanding and heartbroken, and I knew no matter what, he would always hold me together.”

“What did he do?” Cortez whispers in the quiet predawn light of our bedroom at Misery Castle.

With my eyes closed, I whisper the truth I’ve told no other, and neither has Marcus. This is the part Dr. Faust doesn’t even know. It was a secret shared only by the participants. Anyone other than Cortez, I wouldn’t answer, because it would be a betrayal of my loyalty to Marcus. But it is Cortez, and Marcus would never deny us a truth that bonds.

“As soon as I was finished writhing and sucking in air like a dying man, Marcus tightened his grip on my hips, then started flexing beneath me– moving inside me. It was the most intense thirty seconds of my entire existence, because I became his passenger. Marcus emptied himself into me, willingly giving me his innocence that I tried to steal.”

“You started it, and he finished it.” Thankfully there’s no note of jealousy in Cort’s voice. I wish I could get a time machine and allow him to play voyeur, because he’s having a hard time of it.

Huffing in a bitter laugh, “Yeah. Afterward, both of us froze, freaking the fuck out. Marcus didn’t throw me and beat me like I expected. He gingerly moved me off his body, gasping and shuddering because he didn’t expect that to feel so fucking divine. With no modesty or anger, he wiped his dick off with the sheet, but he never wiped my cum from his chest. It was still marking him an hour later like warpaint as he fled Shadow Haven. After he… just after.”

“Ezra, I’m so fucking sorry!” Cortez nearly cries, cupping my cheek in the only way he can think to offer me comfort. I don’t need to explain what after meant, because Cort was there. Cort was there when Dr. Faust sedated me until I could handle what happened.

Before always refers to before Raymond came into our lives and destroyed all innocence we possessed.

After always refers to after Marcus left Shadow Haven, when he was still innocent and our peer, abandoning us for an entire year, only to come back a full-grown man who expected to mentor us.

“I didn’t tell you that because I wanted you to pity me.” I barely hold back my anger, all of it directed inward. “I’m proving my word– my worthless word. I want no secrets between us. I also need you to recognize why I understand you and Marcus better than you realize. I could be eighty years old, and if Marcus asked, I’d say yes.”

“But Marcus won’t ask,” Cortez says with conviction.

“Maybe he will, maybe he won’t. That’s not my point. If Marcus asks, neither one of us has the ability to turn him down.” I stress with even more conviction than Cortez used. “I won’t see it as a betrayal if it happens, and I expect the same consideration in return.”

“I won’t let Marcus make love to me ever again. Never .” Cortez viciously bites out, terrified he just might. “Making love is for you and me only. If some guy fucks me, it’s because we are playing with him together.”

Holy shit! I didn’t even realize that was an option. Cortez never ceases to amaze me– to endlessly surprise me. Life with Cort has never been boring.

“I didn’t say you’d make love to Marcus. I didn’t even say he’d be the one fucking you. If I sent him a text right this second, he wouldn’t walk down the hallway, he’d fucking sprint. He wouldn’t even care that I was in the room. He would bend over the edge of this mattress, then beg you to fuck him. No one on the planet is strong enough to deny themselves the honor of fucking Marcus Zeitler.”

Cortez writhes beneath me, clawing at the sheets, pitifully moaning in humiliation as his cock spurts all over his belly and my chest. Thick, hot ropes of semen flow in a continual stream that seems endless– years of built-up passion explodes in an impressive showing.

Amazed laughter bubbles up my throat. “Well, obviously you could say no. ” Sarcasm lingering on my lips, I take advantage by leaning down to suck Cort’s thick, ruddy head between my lips, practically coming again myself by the simple pleasure. Only a handful of times has Cort allowed me the honor of his cock passing my lips. Not pushing the boundaries, I only take a taste.

Tonight is different.

Cortez is different.

I am different.

We’ve finally evolved.

“Marcus wouldn’t let me do that,” Cort breathlessly pants, no denial in his tone. His cheeks are bright pink beneath the glowing color of his tan skin, in a combination of his embarrassment and arousal. “He said he’d never let anyone fuck him after what happened in Vegas.”

“Marcus can lie too, ya know? He’d let you. It’s a very short list, but you’re on it. I couldn’t imagine how it would feel. Powerful. High. Special. Proud.” I chant. “And you won’t say no, and you will feel like you betrayed me even though I won’t feel betrayed.”

“How do you know that?” Cort finally looks me in the eyes, every barrier between us vanishing in an instant.

“Because it’s how I feel. It’s how I’ve always felt touching anyone who wasn’t you. I gave myself permission with Katya, but a tinge of guilt always snuck in. The boys yesterday afternoon– I feel guilty because you weren’t there. It’s not an excuse, but I never planned on going through with it. I need you to know that.”

“You didn’t betray me– we negotiated,” Cort murmurs, being the better man than me.

“Sometimes things sound better in theory than practice– negotiated or not, emotions don’t care. I’m glad you’re not upset, but I still feel like I betrayed myself. Us . You. That’s why I know you will say yes to Marcus, then you will feel ashamed afterward. A shared experience would eradicate that guilt.”

“I can’t with– I just can’t with them. Okay?” Cort mutters, looking physically pained. “Too many familial ties, I truly see Whitt as a baby brother. No matter how fucking gorgeous he is.”

There’s a liar in this bed, and he’s not me. “There are other hot gay men in the world, ya know? There’s also another experience that transcends most others– being sandwiched in the middle, with a guy riding you and one inside you. Nothing can describe the sensation.”

Not hearing the details until now, Cortez sucks in a pained-filled gasp. Thankfully it’s not a gasp of emotional pain. Physical pain. His cock hardening in an instant, it begins jerking in erratic movements against my belly. “Who? What? Where?” Cort breathes in awe. “Please?” he shamelessly begs for details, causing me to laugh again.

For someone who said he wasn’t interested in Whitt and Dalton, I’d call this man a liar.

“They took incredible effort and care with the lonely insane man. They felt pity and ravished me back to good sexual health.” Laughing in stuttering stops and starts, I decide to put Cort out of his misery, because he’s wigging out beside me on the mattress.

“On my back, I laid on the bed, with Dalton kneeling between my legs. His horse cock, it’s like a fucking forearm, I shit you not,” I utter in amazement. “Whitt sat astride my dick. The boys made themselves an Ezra sandwich.”

“Whoa… are you sore?” Cort sounds no less amazed than I do, uttering the phrase he always used when asking if it was okay to fuck me senseless in random locations at Shadow Haven.

“ Very ,” is a rolling purr. “If we hadn’t been fucking each other’s brains out for the past few months, I doubt I’d be walking right now. But I’m happy to report, those men are so in tuned with their nature, they will live a very happy and productive life.”

“Whitt’s going to walk around bow-legged for all eternity.” Cort finding humor instead of envy sparks hope in me for our own happy future.

“I’m gonna start calling him Cowboy instead of Pretty Boy.”

Belly constricting, I chuckle for a long while at Cortez’s horrified expression. No doubt horrified he will never suck that huge dick down his throat until he chokes. Poor bastard shouldn’t have lied to himself earlier about not wanting Whitt– if Whitt’s a no-go, so is Dalton.

This is what it feels like to be whole, to totally trust that whatever you say or do will not be judged by your lover. This is what it feels like to have a true partner by your side.

The unlimited and unconditional trust flows both ways.

Sensing our change, needing to know what it feels like to be completely in tuned with Cortez, I push my luck. I touch him in ways he’s never allowed. Cortez has always held a large part of himself away from me physically, because he has always emotionally and spiritually given himself to me wholeheartedly.

“My teeth ache to press into your flesh.” Releasing pitiful little moans, I bite my way down Cort’s belly, tasting his release on the tip of my tongue. Allowing it to coat my mouth and linger on the back of my tongue, the taste is intoxicating. After lapping up the mess I made on Cortez’s hip, I bite my third favorite location, causing Cort to scream out my name. My teeth set into the flesh of his hip, inches away from his throbbing cock. He screams and thrashes, fingers knotting in my hair, nails clawing at my scalp.

Pushing the boundaries, I suck Cort’s exquisite cock past my lips and down my contracting throat. I’m nowhere near as experienced as Cortez is when it comes to cocksucking, especially since he never allowed the contact and he’s the only one I’ve ever sucked. But Cortez doesn’t seem to mind my inexperience, judging by the way his hips surge and retreat, fucking my face like a madman. I have a feeling that cocksucking will be a staple on my menu from now on.

Trying to go a bit farther with the boundary pushing, I venture to a location that has only been touched by my cock these past few months. Sucking Cort’s heavy sack, I test his reaction.

“Ezra,” is a raspy moan, fingertips gripping and relaxing against my scalp. “Your mouth is so hot. So soft. I’ve– I’ve never had a guy do that before.”

Cort’s admission thrills me, spurs me on to try something else he’s never had anyone do before– man or woman. Frightened Cortez will reject me, I dip my tongue between his cheeks to lick in a long, wet line. Fearing a punch, I steel my muscles, but Cortez doesn’t reject me. He opens his legs as wide as possible, drawing his thighs up toward his chest, forearms hooked beneath his knees.

Cort offers himself to me without shame.

“Holy fuck, Cort!” I groan a split-second before my face dives between his ass cheeks to begin my feast. I’ve never done this, and Cort has never had this done. It’s a new experience– innocent and unsure, we react on instinct and pure lust.

Closing my eyes, I relish the sensation of his tight body squeezing and gripping the tip of my tongue, slowing softening beneath my attentions. Groaning like a fool, I dampen the sheet with my dripping cock. Unable to wait a second longer, I slide to my knees, then slowly push into the tightest place on earth.

My body is wracked with a violent shudder at the trust, the vulnerability Cortez possesses as he allows me to enter him. After violating so many people, I never realized what a gift it was when one freely gave himself to me. Cort is without a doubt the most important person in my world, and his compliance is truly a gift.

“Don’t come,” is an order, not a request.

That part of me who was Master Ez is still ever-present. Dominant. I recognize the difference now. I’m no longer the boy Ezra was, because Master Ez turned Ezra into a man.

On a primal level, I need to be the most important person to my partner. I hunger for Cortez to come to me for everything: comfort, safety, security, food and shelter, conversation, laughter and pain, and lust and love. Katya couldn’t give herself to me, because I already belonged to another.

“I have no idea how you stop yourself,” is whispered in awe as I take another experimental thrust, too far on the edge to go balls deep. I turn to self-depreciation to cover my insecurities. “I’ve always been that one-pump-chump. Even now, I’m fighting it two thrusts in.”

“I’m not going to last as long as you this time.” Cort’s groan sounds pained, as he reaches down to bracelet the base of his cock and testicles. He squeezes so brutally, my eyes bulge for him. “Self-made cock ring. Cum can’t come out, but it hurts like a sonofabitch. So whatever you have in mind, let’s not dawdle.”

“Dawdle?” My taunting snicker turns into a moan as Cort lifts his hips, fucking himself on my cock like a wanton slut. “Fuck!” Mentally doing a countdown of impending release, my demanding side erupts, because I have never seen a more erotic sight as I do now, watching that pink flesh stretch around my slick cock. “Don’t let go– you’re not coming with me, my cock ring dawdler.”

Pressure builds at the base of my spine, but it doesn’t radiate toward the center of my body and down my limbs in a flow like warm bathwater. No, this time it explodes. Back arching, head tossed back, I howl my release at the ceiling. With bruising intensity, my fingertips bite into Cort’s ankles, holding his legs open to accommodate my thrusts. Pump after pump, I fill Cortez to mark my territory. A primal urge that will never be denied.

Quivering with aftershocks, I pull from Cortez’s body, getting a hit of sick satisfaction by watching my cum drip out of his asshole. Leaning back, I glance down with a satisfied smirk– the exquisiteness is swollen purple, filled to bursting as Cort mercilessly dams up his release. A large pool of precum fills his bellybutton. Curled forward, I lick a droplet clinging to the mushroom-shaped cockhead, causing Cort to thrash and develop a perverted version of Tourette’s syndrome.

“Sore or not, I need you in me, because my ass belongs to this cock. If we ever share, you will always fill me to remove whoever came before you,” is a vow I make. “It’s all I’ve thought about since … and since a lot has happened in the past twenty-four hours, you know how serious I am.”

With two fingertips, I scoop up Cort’s precum from his belly, then slick his dick with it. Since I’m wicked sore, there’s no way in hell that purple beast is going in dry after earlier with Dalton’s forearm-sized dick.

Another first.

When we were teenagers, Cortez always took me from behind. The few times Cort caved when we were older, if it was angry and passion-filled, it was from behind. If it was slow and loving, it was face-to-face. But Cortez has never allowed me to ride his dick.

Straddling Cort’s slim hips, I lower myself onto his swollen cock. “You don’t have to.” Cort whimpers, hoping I won’t listen to him. “I know how sore you must be.”

“I need to,” I say with a wince as I slide down his thicker than usual length. “The pain will pass– it’s not about the sex, Cort. I– I just need you inside me.” Baring myself raw, I hold his steady gaze.

Suffering sympathy pains, Cort nods that he understands.

Only taking half of his length inside me, I lean forward until we’re pressed from chest to groin. Curling around Cortez, the first stirrings of emotion draw tears to my eyes, not caused from the searing burn radiating from my battered asshole. Slowly rocking beneath me, barely moving within me, Cortez’s mouth whispers across mine. It’s gentle, sweet, innocent, and loving. It’s a homecoming and a promise, and it tears my heart out as much as it heals me.

“I love you.” Cort makes his own vow.

“I know,” I say with complete and utter confidence. My lips widen into a sardonic smile against his. “Remember that in the next few weeks when you want to murder me.”

“I’ll try– I get it.” Turning pensive, Cort tries to withdraw back into his own head. “I don’t want the conversation that’s to come.”

“Shh…” I quiet him with my lips. “Make me yours– gimme your cum.”