Page 74 of Insolence (Eisha’s Hidden Codices #1)

Itissa

W hen we were together, we had a rule we adhered to as if it was sacred text: we never discussed the details of my marital bed.

“When we’re together, Itissa, you belong to me and me alone.”

E lodie wheezed. “You what ?”

“You heard me perfectly well. He’s dead, priestess.”

My hand fell, landing on the tabletop with a dull thud . She slumped back in her chair.

A vague thrill ran up my spine as her gaze laid me bare. “For fuck’s sake, Tiss.”

“What?” I shrugged. “I promise I didn’t do it on purpose.”

A dark chuckle fell out of her. “You don’t seem all that sorry about it.”

“That’s because I’m not . If I could go back and do it over again, I wouldn’t change a damn thing. And please. Don’t be so above it all and pretend that you’re not angry I beat you to it. I know you’re seething .”

“I’m not angry. Certainly not ‘seething.’”

“Annoyed, then. But if you knew what it was like having to spread my legs for that bastard week after week, year after year, you wouldn’t be so shocked.

If you knew how it felt smothering beneath him, his hot breath in my ear…

” I gagged as memories surfaced, my hand going to my mouth.

“The vulgarities he whispered like they were honeyed words. Gods, I hated that man.” With bile burning the back of my throat, I met her eyes and said, “It was an accident, but he deserved what he got.”

Intent on using me as an incubator for his unborn heirs, Illiam cared nothing for my pleasure, taking only what he wanted—by force if necessary. Heirs I failed to conceive after long years of trying. And rather than risk exposing myself, I simply had to let him have his way.

Elodie’s face contorted with rage. “All right,” she growled. “ Now I’m fucking angry.”

I reached across the table to squeeze her hands.

“Over the past few years, I grew convinced that my failure to conceive was rooted in my preoccupation with staying submissive. Always giving over to his control.” I scoffed.

“I was so careful never to overpower him or show any type of emotion. I kept myself under such tight control that I was never able to just… let go. So I finally said, ‘Fuck it, I’ve got nothing to lose,’ and got on top. ”

“But you still had your wards up.”

“Of course.” I released her hands to lean back in my chair. “For all the good it did. I even fed beforehand, believe it or not, just to be safe.”

“Oh?” A cunning look flashed in her eyes, one corner of her mouth twitching in a way that might be imperceptible to anybody else. “So your, ah… little arrangement is still working out then?”

“You don’t need to be so smug about it.” I couldn’t blame her, though. After all, it was Elodie who suggested hiring a pair of girls from Spurnwater Academy after Illiam and I were wed.

As a demun myself—and Spurnwater girls are all Vampires—we were able to feed off each other with no ill effects. Not carelessly or excessively. The risk of getting caught by other staff was too great. But if I needed something to tide me over until I could see Elodie again…

“After all of that, I still don’t believe I’m pregnant.” I plucked at the front of my rumpled blouse. “Not that it matters one iota now.”

“How can you know that?” Elodie’s eyes flicked to my midsection. “I’m assuming this happened… recently.”

“Oh, I’m fairly certain.” I hesitated, gazing at her fingers laced together on the tabletop, her perfect oval nails trimmed tidily to the quick and buffed to a sheen. “I mean, never say never, but he didn’t… you know… finish . And I did. For the first time with him. Ever.”

Those graceful fingers clenching tighter, she let out a startled puff of air. “I see. That’s— Wow.” She glanced away, pity overtaking her features.

“It sort of snuck up on me.” I scrunched up my nose, wanting badly to be done with this. “Believe me, it was the last thing I expected. Call me callous if you want, but I’m actually more upset about that than the end result.”

“I’m so sorry, Tiss. Truly. And no, I don’t think that at all.” Even after so long, that crease between her brows melted me a little bit. “When did it happen?”

When did I kill him , she meant.

“Well, I took the first train here from Aronya Dar. Barely left my cabin other than to eat and wash, I might add. So two days ago? Two and a half? I’m sure they’ve discovered him well before now. The authorities have no doubt been contacted.”

“When did you disembark?”

“Yesterday night. In Karsyn.”

She stared. “You made the trek up the mountain in one go?”

More tears sprang to my eyes, although I didn’t know how I had any left in my body.

My heart clenching, I whispered, “I walked all night, Elodie. All I wanted was to be near you, to feel our bond one more time. I needed to take you away from this miserable place. I couldn’t stand being apart any longer.

” My voice caught, the last words thick.

She made a noise, looking like she was considering dragging me across the table and kissing me again.

Clearing my throat, I blotted my unshed tears. I was sure I looked a mess with my eyes puffy from crying, underscored with dark circles from lack of sleep. Gods only knew what my hair was doing.

The trek up the mountain had been too taxing, too steep, too long; if not for my inhuman endurance, I wouldn’t have made it at all. Not that it had been easy or fun by any stretch.

“At any rate,” I sniffed, “we’re either stuck here together or we’re leaving together. But there’s no longer a home for me to go back to.”

“Tiss,” she started, the gravity in her tone dropping my heart. “As wonderful as it’s been seeing you, you know you can't stay. I don’t need to explain why.”

I pretended to take that into consideration while unease shot through me, hot and merciless as a barbed arrow. “If you remember everything, that must mean you remember the ritual. The process of it.”

Pain marred her face—an agony so profound I hated myself for asking.

“I do. Unfortunately.” She squinted; still too sharp for my liking.

“And you had better get whatever foolish notion you’re fixated on clean out of your head.

By your aura, you’re anxious. Not to mention the reeking fear coming down our tie all of a sudden. ”

What in the hell does she mean my aura ? Fussing with her handkerchief, I said, “My notions are my own business, thank you very much.”

She rose to her feet, a ruinous look fixed on me. Brisk knocking came at the door, both of our heads snapping up.

“Fuck,” she mumbled.

Gods, this is it. “I can’t leave you again,” I blurted on a sob, my pulse pounding. “I won't , Elodie. Not this time.”

She was around the table and hauling me out of my chair in a flash.

“You can”—hands bruising my upper arms, she dragged me so close our noses were inches apart—“and you fucking will . Or so help me, I will kick you across the threshold, through the arch, and down this damned mountain if I must, Itissa.”

“Keep me safe, my love, I beg of you. I trust you with my life,” I whispered, even though the door was three inches of solid wood. These Divination rooms were built and warded to keep whatever happened within them private, after all—even from heightened hearing like mine.

“I have no power here.” She yanked me toward the door. “The answer is no. I won’t let you. Now let it go .”

But I decided when I climbed up here that I was either walking down with Elodie at my side or not at all.

My chest overflowing with the greatest love and most bitter regret I’ve ever known, I swung around to plant one hand on her sternum. “Outsmart her. Figure out how to keep me out of her hands. I know that you can.”

“There is no limit I wouldn’t cross, no boundary I wouldn’t shatter to keep you out of harm’s way. But staying is a death sentence for you.”

Knowing how true her words were, I pushed past the terror, reached for the burning, vital love that tethered her soul to mine, that left us holding pieces of each other so long ago.

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take. I’d rather die at the prioress’s hands than go another day, another hour without you, Elodie.

El Asher, I’d rather be near you and not know you than live the rest of my pointless life aware of what I’ve lost. I’ve done that, and all I know is that if all else fails, I’ll joyously take torture and death before I abandon you willingly ever again. ”

Horror-stricken, she stared like she’d never seen me before. “What about what I’m willing to risk?”

The doorknob rattled, the prioress’s voice coming blunt and distorted from the other side. Elodie’s head whipped around.

Pure dread seized me. “Please, sweetheart.” A key scratched at the lock. “Keep me safe.”

“Oh, fuck you, Tiss. You selfish, stubborn —”

More banging and rattling came; another key scraped the lock, but the door didn’t budge. Not yet, but whatever remaining seconds we had were burning away.

“Promise me, Elodie. Say it.”

Fear and fury gushing down our bond, her agate eyes glinted dangerously, shifting between me and the door.

“Yeah, I promise. But I won’t forgive this fucking insanity . That’s a promise, too,” she growled, pushing me backward so hard the floor swooped out from under me. Lurching blindly back, my hand caught the table. Breathless, I somehow managed to keep from dropping to my ass.

The correct key hit home, clicking crisply in the lock as I righted myself. The door flew open with a stomach-dropping finality.

Dread clambered up my throat as Deirdre sauntered into the room, looking between us with far too much interest. My gaze darted to Elodie. Seated again, her face was the picture of serenity, not a trace of the protectiveness bristling from every pore. The vehemence humming down our tie.

“I’m terribly sorry, Lady Madoc, but I’m afraid I must ask you to wrap up your visit now. High Priestess Elodie must go about her duties, after all.” That soulless grin cut across Deirdre’s face, her honey-sweet tone putting my teeth on edge.

I pasted my humblest smile over the mask I was barely keeping in place. “I’ve decided to join the temple, Mother Prioress.”

Elodie made an uneven sound, her calm facade belying her fingers clutching either chair arm so hard her knuckles strained.

Deirdre blinked, looking between us. “Did I hear you correctly just now, Lady Madoc?”

“Your reverence,” said Elodie, “might we have a few more moments alone?”

“Can you believe you’ve been here an hour already?” Deirdre’s tone turned brisk. “I’m afraid if you haven’t divined to the lady’s satisfaction by this point, you won’t, your holiness.”

Spine straight, shoulders pushed back, I channeled all the grace of a highborn wife—burning, bleary eyes, muddy clothes, and all. “I’m invoking Sanctuary, Mother Prioress. My husband has recently died, and I’ve nobody to vouch for me anymore.”

Deirdre’s focus cut to me. From her seat, Elodie swore softly—hopefully too softly for the prioress’s human hearing to discern.

Walking around the table, I clamored to maintain command of the room.

“Although I foretold of his untimely death years ago, it’s no great secret that I am ill-favored.

Clan Madoc will doubtless find reason to blame me.

Gods only know what slanders they’ve already invented.

I’m not sure I can trust the clan of my birth to protect me, either.

I require Eisha’s protection.” While my words were mostly self-assured, my heart was lunging against my ribs.

I’d lost count of the times I rehearsed this story on my way up the mountain in the event things went sideways.

“I’m sorry, Lady Madoc,” said Deirdre. “Did you say Illiam is—”

“—dead? Yes, Mother Prioress.” I met the full intensity of her regard. “I also invoked a changeling’s Right to Sanctuary.”

“You’ll submit to the ritual? I assume you are aware of the, ah, the outcome.”

“Of course I am. Isn’t every woman in the realm?”

Terror and rage shuttled at me from Elodie, smothering in their intensity. Scanning me from head to toe, the prioress snorted in disbelief. But if she was as clever and conniving as everyone said, she was already calculating my value. Weighing what advantage I might bring her.

“Mother Deirdre, I’d much rather throw myself on Eisha’s mercy than trust the capricious hand of the law.

Confirm with Clan Madoc, if you wish. I hardly think Orum will dispute my request to remain here.

Or simply grant me this small plea for mercy between mages.

Either way, I’m quite certain I want to pledge myself to the goddess this day. ”

“You’re dismissed, Elodie. It seems Lady Madoc and I have matters to discuss.” Deirdre didn’t bother glancing at the high priestess.

She gripped her chair for two beats longer. Fury flashing in her eyes, I caught her glare in my peripheral vision. I could feel her thoughts lambasting me.

So be it . Whether I knew her or not, a lifetime without Elodie would be meaningless. An existence hardly worth bearing.

“Lady Madoc, it’s a high honor.” Her gaze steely, the Second High Priestess rose from her chair. “I know you’ll be very happy here.”

Radiant with love and loathing, she ceded me to Deirdre.